Making interesting Conversation as an Introvert

[Barack]

My weakness is regarding conversations, infact, with both sexes. I come from an introverted past and while I am far more outgoing in comparison now thanks to working on myself over time I have a very hard time being creative "on the spot" during conversations. I have done some interesting things other guys probably will never have the chance to do so it is not that I am boring as a character. However, I tend to be "slow" in conversations and generally am the listener. I can rudder the conversation but if a certain woman is not much of a talker there are a lot of akward silences. To get to my question, what are some suggestions as in my case going with the flow and not using prepared scripts may not be enough. I would even appreciate some ideas on excersises on being a more impromtu.

Thanks in advance as I know there are some fellow introverts out there that have overcome this problem so please throw some things out that helped for you!

 

[Shankar]

Same problem here

I have serious trouble holding conversations for long. The best technique I know is to ask many questions. It gets tough to show a lot of interest. But that is where I find it easy to get girls that share the same interests as me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Ask too many questions without offering any information will seem too much like a job interview. Not very interesting.

 

[Fender]

Hey man, I know exactly what you're talking about. I consider myself an introvert as well, but my conversation skills are starting to improve. The best resource I found on conversations was Juggler's stuff:

http://www.charismaarts.com/

Read the weblogs and listen to the podcasts. Amazing stuff. Download his ebook (legally or otherwise) as well, its totally amazing.

I think the root cause for conversation problems are either

a) Low self-esteem. Worried about what others think about you.

b) Bad conversation "skills" as in not asking questions or not relating to interesting topics, etc.

Juggler can help you clear up the bad conversation skills (when coupled with lots of practice ). But if you have low self-esteem or you're extremely self-conscious, then you'll need to fix that first.

Either way, start talking to everyone! One day, it'll just "click" and everything will be natural and your convo's will just flow without you putting much effort into it.

Luck!

 

[Stackthestyles]

Not very interesting.

Read over his self deatistic post and you can garner that he would agree with you.

If questioning is simple, yet uninteresting...

Is Answering complex, yet dangerous?

I used to be a questionaire myself, coming across like an excited telemarketer if I hit an emotionally charged field of reference. I could think clearly, and girls and women would become just as excited as I was. I think this is the goal of being a questionaire... it fits in so well with the AFC state and female advice of "connecting with the girl"

Being C+F is a form of answering. It is at times preemtpive, linguistic, emotional... but it is still answering. If a girl asked you for a drink, you have several choices, the most "active" are asking and answering.
----------------------------------

barack, my advice after having the above thought is to...

STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!! If all you can think of is a question, think of what her answer to the question is, and tease her about it. You can tease guys as well...

Over time you will become accustomed to the "freak out factor" that goes off in womens heads, you'll know when you are coming on too strong, and you'll know when to be scary for a reason. You won't make women so uncomfortable, and you'll develop a larger "comfort zone" which is always a good thing.

 

[ca1976]

Barack, I have the EXACT same issues as you, I am looking forward to advice on this topic, because I feel stuck here too. It's not that I am a total introvert, but I do tend to not be "quick on my feet" in conversations. I'm reading The Game right now and I sense that most of these PUAs in the book are people who already have a natual gift of gab. If you already have this, then half the battle is won, you just have to learn how to shape it in such a way that will build attraction. If you don't have the gift, then you have to figure out how to build that skill in the first place. I'm sure there's no magic bullet.

 

[Hitman10000]

I'm an introvert myself, I do ask questions and I just try to stay focused specifically around several questions instead of asking a dozen of them in less than an hour.

Try to go for solitary basics: What kind of movies do you like watching. What kind of music do you like listening. What kind of books do you like reading.

From there you can move on to other things, think of things you do everyday and you can ask her for her spin on things. Even if it's something stupid like "Man I washed my wool sweater along with my regular clothes and it shrunk! I didn't know you were supposed to seperate them!" Yeah dorky, but it's better than ................................................... get it? Trying to be light and somewhat funny helps too. If you get short answers with little detail or she doesn't reciprocate questions back, you might have a DOA girl. Conversation is very important in determining her communication style as well as interest.

 

[ca1976]

I've definately found that when I am successful in building rapport with a woman, the conversation is definately NOT one where a bunch of questions are asked. Asking a bunch of "get to know you" questions tends to make things start to feel awkward and gives off the vibe that you're stuck and aren't sure what to say next. I hate that feeling, it happened to me badly a month ago. I was at a birthday party and was getting IOIs from this cute girl who I then tried to talk to. At first it was cool, but then I quickly ran out of steam and the conversation turned into a bunch of interview-type questions followed by very awkward pauses. It was probably the single worse conversation I'd ever had with a girl.

But when I have had success, I didn't ask much of anything. I just acted flirty, threw in some C+F, joked with her and it was instant chemistry.

 

[Distant Light]

Read the following (I'm being generous today usually I let people find the posts on there own)

http://www.bristollair.com/outergame/skills/socialvibing/

and

http://sexrevolutionblog.com/?p=67

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The answer is easy. HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT THINGS! Discuss these things, this means offering some information as a reply to what she says. Questions without offering something is the problem you guys are having.

 

[Barack]

I appreciate the replies as I knew posting this that a few paragraph answer wasn't going to be my enlightenment but it helps to get everyones opinions. Thanks for the link to Juggler, I acquired his ebook this morning and look forward to reading it later. The links Distant Light provided seem to be the best I have seen on conversation on the net thus far. While it may be a longer journey to aquire the social skills and "feel" to create better oportunity chances in our lives we introverts have the advantage of being able to understand people at a more intimate and deeper level when we socially successful. G-Luck on your journey fellow intro's

 

[realsmoothie]

That post on "social vibing" was really interesting. I like how he points out how an AFC type would attempt to challenge everything another says because it might make himself feel better, while a more confident person doesn't need to challenge it.

I see this in myself, and have been comparing it to a couple of other people I know. I tend to knock down what other people say. I think I am pretty smart, and this comes out badly.

But this guy I work with, who is a dumbass, really, is always freindly and never puts anyone elses' statements down. Well, sometimes he does, when you're talking about his favourite stuff, but otherwise he just goes with the flow. He doesn't care if he sounds he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Now obviously you don't want to go that far, but the point is made. Social communication has its little rules about politeness, rules that I always thought were a joke as a kid and am only now learning how important they are... especially with women.