Maintain excitement in LTR

[popsickle]

I recently finished my studies and am starting a job soon. I've had good fun with girls during college and feel comfortable picking up girls for the short term. However, I've been in an LTR for about 2 years now and I have trouble balancing the "being a challenge" aspect with the realities of an LTR. Eventually, your relationship with a girlfriend becomes different than just some girl you're trying to b4ng. You share experiences, good and bad times, you simply know each other more in depth and at that point the dynamics change a bit.
Could someone give me concrete examples of things to do and attitudes to have in order to keep things fresh and maintain a high IL? For instance everyone agrees you're not supposed to text much when you're just trying to have a ONS and that setting up dates on the phone is better. But this isn't really a game that you can keep going as sooner or later you're gonna annoy your LTR. Any relationship advice from older guys?

 

[Yewki]

You need to find excitement elsewhere. The girl is just along for the ride. The fact you expect an LTR itself to provide continual excitement is the very reason you're annoyed and disappointed

 

[dustmuffin]

I recently finished my studies and am starting a job soon. I've had good fun with girls during college and feel comfortable picking up girls for the short term. However, I've been in an LTR for about 2 years now and I have trouble balancing the "being a challenge" aspect with the realities of an LTR. Eventually, your relationship with a girlfriend becomes different than just some girl you're trying to b4ng. You share experiences, good and bad times, you simply know each other more in depth and at that point the dynamics change a bit.
Could someone give me concrete examples of things to do and attitudes to have in order to keep things fresh and maintain a high IL? For instance everyone agrees you're not supposed to text much when you're just trying to have a ONS and that setting up dates on the phone is better. But this isn't really a game that you can keep going as sooner or later you're gonna annoy your LTR. Any relationship advice from older guys?

Go over to the married red pill redit. They have usefull info on ltr.

 

[popsickle]

You need to find excitement elsewhere. The girl is just along for the ride. The fact you expect an LTR itself to provide continual excitement is the very reason you're annoyed and disappointed

Hi, thanks for the reply. Perhaps my post was unclear. I am not annoyed or disappointed at my relationship, more looking for the right attitude to have and good actions to take to avoid my girl's IL to nosedive in the long run. My impression is you can't be as much of a jerk to a girl you're actually involved with.

 

[Tictac]

Hi, thanks for the reply. Perhaps my post was unclear. I am not annoyed or disappointed at my relationship, more looking for the right attitude to have and good actions to take to avoid my girl's IL to nosedive in the long run. My impression is you can't be as much of a jerk to a girl you're actually involved with.

Find new and interesting things to do, with her and without her. If you stay interesting, she'll stay interested.

And not for nothing, take her out on real dates where you may not be telling her what you're doing or where you're going.

 

[Von]

Create mystery, create dates, do unexpected stuff, make a challenge game

 

[EyeBRollin]

Just be the dude she fell in love with. Stay focused on other things instead of her (most guys **** that part up). Don't let your feelings cause complacency. You need to be gaming your girlfriend constantly.

The formula really is the same - let your girlfriend do the chasing and initiating. If she goes cold, let her go for a bit (about a week). She should come around well before then (if she doesn't you know you ****ed up somewhere) All you have to do as the boyfriend is be the rock.

Also, try not to see her every day. 2-4 days per week is ideal. If she gets lukewarm, back off to once a week like you were in the beginning.

 

[Ratiocinative]

#1, women love drama. I would define drama as not knowing what's going to happen next and wondering where she stands with you. Relationships naturally have their ups and downs, and when that happens you just need to back off and create some drama by letting her wonder about you. During that time you need to be extra busy doing things that don't involve her, then eventually she will stop dropping hints that she misses you want wants to start heading back towards a high in the relationship where you wants sex every night.

Think of it like a romantic comedy. Even though you knew before you even started watching the movie that the two are going to end up together, women love the drama of not knowing what's going to happen next. They're together, then some drama happens and they break up, but them ultimately they get back together. Of course you don't need to go through the trouble of creating that much drama, but just be busy doing other things so she can wonder about, or pretend to forget an important date like a birthday or anniversary, or plan a special date a week in advance. Women love to get excited and talk about, guess, and imagine what fun and romantic thing is going to happen to them, so any kind of gossip worthy drama you can create will help keep things fun and exciting.

#2, life and relationships get stale when you're in the same place too long. What's your endgame with this woman? Are you wanting to have kids? Are you wanting to start a business together? Do you have some political, religious, or humanitarian cause you're both passionate about? You need something the two of you can accomplish together if you want to spend more than a couple years with the same woman. Being a strong and masculine lover is only one aspect of a fulfilling relationship.

If you don't have something you feel is worthwhile doing with your life, or if you're not working towards that goal, then you are probably already past the high point in the relationship. She's going to start asking "where is this going" if she hasn't already, and if you don't have an answer the relationship is going to go downhill fast. And of course it's ok if you don't have an answer. Better to have no answer than a wrong answer. That's why some people have a "mid life crisis". They've never stop and thought about what they want to accomplish with their life. Better to have to figure out what you're passionate about now than when you have a wife and kids and little to no free time to explore things you might be passionate about.