Lying woman......

[Inquisitor83]

Guys, hear me out.....

i caught my wife lying to me. She was to a certain place with an yet unknown person of unknown gender(suspected male though). There is a valid, documented aliby why she had to go there and that she was there. She also told me that she had to go to that place.
However, it shouldnt have taken her more then little over half of the time AND she was telling me half-truths, sparing the part out that she didnt go there alone and how she got there.
She definately lied to me and part of me looks at this behaviour as cheating, while i dont think yet she actually did CHEAT due to the timeframe (this time?). But, if she isnt cheating on me (yet?), the pure disrespect by lying me to the face is kinda shocking.

I am trying to play this cool for the next weeks, gathering more info, keeping a closer look at what she does.

Any suggestions from you guys?

I know i am kinda vague but i am on red-alert-mode right now. If you want more details/the whole facts PM me.


Thanks!

 

[bat soup]

Guys, hear me out.....

i caught my wife lying to me. She was to a certain place with an yet unknown person of unknown gender(suspected male though). There is a valid, documented aliby why she had to go there and that she was there. She also told me that she had to go to that place.
However, it shouldnt have taken her more then little over half of the time AND she was telling me half-truths, sparing the part out that she didnt go there alone and how she got there.
She definately lied to me and part of me looks at this behaviour as cheating, while i dont think yet she actually did CHEAT due to the timeframe (this time?). But, if she isnt cheating on me (yet?), the pure disrespect by lying me to the face is kinda shocking.

I am trying to play this cool for the next weeks, gathering more info, keeping a closer look at what she does.

Any suggestions from you guys?

I know i am kinda vague but i am on red-alert-mode right now. If you want more details/the whole facts PM me.


Thanks!

If you're really suspicious, you should definitely not put spyware on her phone because that would be wrong.

 

[Gedmun]

What does your gut instincts tell you? Don't let your brain trick you into looking for something that may not be there.

 

[SW15]

I am trying to play this cool for the next weeks, gathering more info, keeping a closer look at what she does.

That's what you'll have to do. The end outcome will likely be infidelity. You could exit now on the grounds of a serious lie and save time.

When you save time, you can start dating new women sooner.

 

[Inquisitor83]

Now......

..... unfortunately i didnt make it through a few weeks as things escalated a day later.

But first things first. That day she lied to me, i kept my cool and we had sex in the night. I have to say we allways had sex about 3 times a week over the last years. That didnt change recently.

The next day she was right about to go on a tirade about me when i stopped her dead in the tracks by confronting her with my knowledge.

Me: "Before you start to unload on me, you describe exactley what you did yesterday afternoon at what time."

She quickly came out with "the truth", accusing me to have contact with an ex-girlfriend which supposedly told me what she did.

"The(her) truth": She would have had problems with going to that place with her car (parking space), thats why a colleague from work offered her to drive her there. To save time, she parked her car 500 meters away from her workplace, got in his car and then they went to have lunch, before he drove her to the place and back to the parking lot she left her car at.

As i mentioned she was definately at that place doing the stuff, thats proven, adding that lunch (thats were she thought she got seen by my ex-gf) the timeframe is legit. So i am pretty sure there was no physical "cheating" involved.

Trying to turn the table, she went on the offensive, saying that "she didnt do anything wrong", that it was "totaly innocent", "just a colleague helping her out, because "she was sure i wouldnt have" . Following up with more accusations about my ex-gfs, other women from social media and me "talking to them online".

Me: "You did very much wrong! You pulled this off behind my back, you lied straight into my face you showed a huge amount of disrespect with that ****. You go at me just for having online-conversations over social media while you hop in another mans car and vanish for a couple of hours just like that."

She going on that she didnt deceive me, that the colleague was just offering to drive her there shortly before she left.

Me: "We talked as you left to your appointment, with no word you told me a guy from work will drive you there and take you to lunch before. When i called you during your appointment you still didnt tell me you got into another mans car and when i met you at home you still lied to my face with half-truths talking your way around the fact that you been away with this guy for hours."

She then going on she would have told me, not just right yet. Then accusing me that i wouldnt have switched cars for the day if she had asked me (which is BS off course) blabla.....

Me: "and thats the next insolence, selling me as complete ******* to other people that wouldnt even borrow you his car for a day"

The argument continued for an hour, her still claiming she did nothing wrong. She started crying, me still accusing her of getting secretly into another mans car and lying to my face about it.

She then told me she was sorry and that she should have told me but she was affraid of my reaction to her plans, blabla..... telling me it was just an egoistic decision from her.

I called BS again, told her i am not interested in her excuses.

Me: "Listen up, if you want to continue being a wife, then act like a wife! If i ever catch you again, deceiving me, lying to me and being disrespectful to me like that, i will stop acting like a husband and start spicing up my time with other women (legaly not an issue at my place). This is your last warning."

That was Thursday.

Fr. to Sunday was rather quiet, with her being a good wife, sucking my **** twice and ****ing me thrice.

Oh, we have a kid, thats why i didnt send her packing (legaly not an issue in our situation) this time.

Oppinions?

 

[andreihaha]

Now......

..... unfortunately i didnt make it through a few weeks as things escalated a day later.

But first things first. That day she lied to me, i kept my cool and we had sex in the night. I have to say we allways had sex about 3 times a week over the last years. That didnt change recently.

The next day she was right about to go on a tirade about me when i stopped her dead in the tracks by confronting her with my knowledge.

Me: "Before you start to unload on me, you describe exactley what you did yesterday afternoon at what time."

She quickly came out with "the truth", accusing me to have contact with an ex-girlfriend which supposedly told me what she did.

"The(her) truth": She would have had problems with going to that place with her car (parking space), thats why a colleague from work offered her to drive her there. To save time, she parked her car 500 meters away from her workplace, got in his car and then they went to have lunch, before he drove her to the place and back to the parking lot she left her car at.

As i mentioned she was definately at that place doing the stuff, thats proven, adding that lunch (thats were she thought she got seen by my ex-gf) the timeframe is legit. So i am pretty sure there was no physical "cheating" involved.

Trying to turn the table, she went on the offensive, saying that "she didnt do anything wrong", that it was "totaly innocent", "just a colleague helping her out, because "she was sure i wouldnt have" . Following up with more accusations about my ex-gfs, other women from social media and me "talking to them online".

Me: "You did very much wrong! You pulled this off behind my back, you lied straight into my face you showed a huge amount of disrespect with that ****. You go at me just for having online-conversations over social media while you hop in another mans car and vanish for a couple of hours just like that."

She going on that she didnt deceive me, that the colleague was just offering to drive her there shortly before she left.

Me: "We talked as you left to your appointment, with no word you told me a guy from work will drive you there and take you to lunch before. When i called you during your appointment you still didnt tell me you got into another mans car and when i met you at home you still lied to my face with half-truths talking your way around the fact that you been away with this guy for hours."

She then going on she would have told me, not just right yet. Then accusing me that i wouldnt have switched cars for the day if she had asked me (which is BS off course) blabla.....

Me: "and thats the next insolence, selling me as complete ******* to other people that wouldnt even borrow you his car for a day"

The argument continued for an hour, her still claiming she did nothing wrong. She started crying, me still accusing her of getting secretly into another mans car and lying to my face about it.

She then told me she was sorry and that she should have told me but she was affraid of my reaction to her plans, blabla..... telling me it was just an egoistic decision from her.

I called BS again, told her i am not interested in her excuses.

Me: "Listen up, if you want to continue being a wife, then act like a wife! If i ever catch you again, deceiving me, lying to me and being disrespectful to me like that, i will stop acting like a husband and start spicing up my time with other women (legaly not an issue at my place). This is your last warning."

That was Thursday.

Fr. to Sunday was rather quiet, with her being a good wife, sucking my **** twice and ****ing me thrice.

Oh, we have a kid, thats why i didnt send her packing (legaly not an issue in our situation) this time.

Oppinions?

You did as good as possible.
Also, most times, trust your instinct.
Respect.

 

[spikeanut]

"The(her) truth": She would have had problems with going to that place with her car (parking space), thats why a colleague from work offered her to drive her there. To save time, she parked her car 500 meters away from her workplace, got in his car and then they went to have lunch, before he drove her to the place and back to the parking lot she left her car at.

As i mentioned she was definately at that place doing the stuff, thats proven, adding that lunch (thats were she thought she got seen by my ex-gf) the timeframe is legit. So i am pretty sure there was no physical "cheating" involved.

Oppinions?

OP, first off, you handled it as best you could with the information provided. And just like a woman, her first reaction was to try and flip the script on you. Good job on holding your ground and keeping her accountable. However, always remember, even when women are caught, they will lie. A woman will deny everything til the bitter end.

You were right to be suspicious but even her "truth" doesn't pass the sniff test. She supposedly parked her car 500 meters away from work just to get into his car because it "saved" time; yet she was more than willing to waste time by going to lunch first? The more likely reason why she did this was to not be caught by other co-workers which means this is probably not a first occurrence with this "friend" of hers. They've already set up a familiar routine of how to coordinate their work-time rendezvous. Additionally, if it was merely to help get her to an appointment, there's no need for a 1-on-1 lunch date. Again, signs this is not a first time occurrence. Plus missing for a few hours...lots can happen in 30 minutes, let alone a few hours.

At this point, there is nothing more to do about this except keep your head on on a swivel. Trust, but verify. Since you've already discussed it, you can't bring this up any more. It would be a beta move if you did. So again, take her explanation as it is, but ensure you keep your best interest at heart. All you can do now is watch for the red flags; she will inevitably screw up again. Best of luck to you OP.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Guys, hear me out.....

i caught my wife lying to me. She was to a certain place with an yet unknown person of unknown gender(suspected male though). There is a valid, documented aliby why she had to go there and that she was there. She also told me that she had to go to that place.
However, it shouldnt have taken her more then little over half of the time AND she was telling me half-truths, sparing the part out that she didnt go there alone and how she got there.
She definately lied to me and part of me looks at this behaviour as cheating, while i dont think yet she actually did CHEAT due to the timeframe (this time?). But, if she isnt cheating on me (yet?), the pure disrespect by lying me to the face is kinda shocking.

I am trying to play this cool for the next weeks, gathering more info, keeping a closer look at what she does.

Any suggestions from you guys?

I know i am kinda vague but i am on red-alert-mode right now. If you want more details/the whole facts PM me.


Thanks!

While I am not pro-spying as it screams insecurity and lack of respect, this is your wife. And for legal reasons, should things go sour, you will need as much concrete evidence she was the one at fault. Again, men carry the short end of the stick when it comes to the justice system and especially true for marital proceedings.

This behavior is definitely a warning sign that something is off. It is as simple as saying, no one with a clean conscience should ever lie or tell half-truths. If her statement is inconsistent, then she is conscious of something. What that is, well you def played it right by gathering more info and taking your time before confronting. Because there is something there you need to unveil.

The last thing you want to do is act out of emotion and fear. Be steady. Be logical. It's what makes us men.

But yes, in this case, document everything and be proactive so you don't have to be reactive. Stay ahead of the curve but give her the benefit of the doubt, she is "innocent" until proven guilty. So again, be steady, be cool, be logical about your approach.

Hope this helps.


Modern Man Advce

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Good job OP. You handled it well. Everyone else made solid points and I can't add anything to them.

I can pose a question though, and that is to consider if there is anything lacking from your end in the relationship. Do not mistake this to mean I think she was justified in what she did (any of it). I am just saying that most often when a woman starts looking around at other men, it's because she feels she is missing something. It could be emotional connection, it could be masculinity, it could sex (not just having it but how you have it), it could be attention.... many things. But even having said that, just because a woman feels that she is missing something doesn't necessarily mean you are doing anything wrong or not giving enough - some women simply have needs that no person can meet. But again, I am just saying to consider it and make up your own mind.

 

[Blacksheep]

Guys, hear me out.....

i caught my wife lying to me. She was to a certain place with an yet unknown person of unknown gender(suspected male though). There is a valid, documented aliby why she had to go there and that she was there. She also told me that she had to go to that place.
However, it shouldnt have taken her more then little over half of the time AND she was telling me half-truths, sparing the part out that she didnt go there alone and how she got there.
She definately lied to me and part of me looks at this behaviour as cheating, while i dont think yet she actually did CHEAT due to the timeframe (this time?). But, if she isnt cheating on me (yet?), the pure disrespect by lying me to the face is kinda shocking.

I am trying to play this cool for the next weeks, gathering more info, keeping a closer look at what she does.

Any suggestions from you guys?

I know i am kinda vague but i am on red-alert-mode right now. If you want more details/the whole facts PM me.


Thanks!

If your gut is telling she is lying, she is lying.

And you could be surprised how many stuffs someone can do in a small amount of time. You can have sex in 15 min and leave the place like nothing happened.

If she lied, she is not trustworthy. Why lie about something that is simple or not a threat?

What I've learned is that women are a way more superior than us when the matters are about lying. They are pretty good at it, and they can be very cold when lying.

So be careful, and do whatever you can (that could not cause you any potential problem) to find anything suspicious.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

This will happen no matter what he does. Though best to be a good partner, her desire will wain no matter what he does and she will start starving for those chemicals.

That may be true, but if you want to be in an LTR (I know you don't but OP does), your best possible chance of success and having her remain faithful are to ensure you are providing all the core components of masculinity. Beyond that, it's out of your hands.

 

[Inquisitor83]

Thanks for the input guys!

I can pose a question though, and that is to consider if there is anything lacking from your end in the relationship. Do not mistake this to mean I think she was justified in what she did (any of it). I am just saying that most often when a woman starts looking around at other men, it's because she feels she is missing something. It could be emotional connection, it could be masculinity, it could sex (not just having it but how you have it), it could be attention.... many things. But even having said that, just because a woman feels that she is missing something doesn't necessarily mean you are doing anything wrong or not giving enough - some women simply have needs that no person can meet. But again, I am just saying to consider it and make up your own mind.

I guess the sex is fine, as this was a huge part in winning her over in the first place, as she keeps telling me. Also, she is the one lusting for more sex.

When it comes to masculinity, the things i do and how i am in shape should give me a 8+ out of 10. Pretty confident about that.
Also, i know that she needs me more thant i need her and if she had to find a new man/boyfriend, she would have to downgrade drastically as middle aged single-mom.

Due to the history with this woman, emotional connection is something i am barely giving her.

I went into the marriage bluepilled (she was divorced before) and she made my life ****ty like i never experienced before. As far as i know, she never cheated on me.
2 years into the marriage however, i got redpilled on youtube and from that point on things dramatically improved with her. I litterally had to train her like a dog until things became acceptable and some life quality returned. I will allways remember what she put me through though and that is taking its toll.

What little trust remained, i am afraid, is gone now.

I dont know how things will move on from now. I will definately have both eyes on her.

The one thing i DO know is, if she ever pulls s hit like this again, she has to walk.

For now, i will work even harder on becoming the best version of myself.