Lying is it EVER ok?

[MisterSisterFister]

So guys is there ever a time a Lie is ok? Or anytime this occurs NEXT?
But how do we judge which mistake deserves a next and which some sort of punishment?

So this story might sound like others it might not. But please bare with me I feel like I know the answer but I would really appreciate some of your opinions on the matter.

So if people have been keeping up with my posts they know I have been having some fun challenges with a girl. I finally started gaining the upper hand and taking control of the relationship instead of being the puppy dog.

To start this off back at the beginning of the relationship she had gone out to lunch with an ex whatever I did not say anything. Some how It got brought up though months later an I explained to her, That I did not think it was appropriate in a serious relationship having a 1 on 1 in person anything with an ex. That they are an ex for a reason. But it was her choice to do whatever she wanted.


So fast forward to yesterday. We are both downstairs on the computer and she gets a phone call and scrambles to ignore it I found it very odd but thought nothing of it yet. Then she just jumps up out of no where and goes upstairs....She comes back downstairs acting very weird I asked her what she was doing and gave me a complete bull**** story and I knew it my gut was screaming that she was lying I knew how she was acting something was up...

Later I asked more about the phone call she had which she spewed more lies I could feel it the bull**** was getting deeper and deeper but at the same time it was such a smooth lie I was half doubting my gut! So I asked her I was like was that really such and such because this doesnt feel right and she swore up and down...So hmmm ok I let it go...But at night I was having a hard time accepting it, none of it added up in my head.

So I get up get ready for work she goes to the bathroom I grabbed her phone and what? SHE LIED she had called her ex...

I tell her good bye not letting on to what happend trying to think of what to do next....But then I realize that its better to do it now before she can get rid of any evidence..

I call her on my way to work and ask her "Why did you lie to me I know you did not call such and such"

Her: uhhh yes I did
Me: no you did not now tell me the truth
Her: how do you know
Me: I have dated you for almost 6 months I know how you act and last night was not normal add that to the fact I am very perceptive.

Her: well I did call (ex) but I also talked to such and such
Me:no you did not...Why are you continuing to lie?
Her: well I didnt say I called her I texted her that is still talking
me: so your manipulating the truth
......Silence
Me: so you go nothing to say?
Her: well I am letting you yell at me
Me: I am not yelling at you? are you kidding me? I am frustrated but I am not yelling at you
Her: well I am sorry
Me:thats it?
Her: well you dont wanna hear my excuses

it went on a little bit about bull**** how she did not wanna make me angry and that I said I did not like her talking to him which I never said that I told her one on one in person was inappropriate. Besides so if you ever disagree with me you will just do it anyways behind my back?

I am wondering if this is unforgivable? What do you guys think?

I have alot of time invested and I really do Love this girl but I am not afraid to walk away, But at the same time I lover her and I am wondering if this is
worth/able to be fixed.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Thank you Danger. That's what I was thinking. But hoping it was not going to have to be...

Its too damn bad ha ha..

 

[Warrior74]

Like a Child man.

Who at the cookie?
I dunno ( crumbs on shirt)

Did you eat the cookie?
No.
Why are there crumbs on your shirt?
I dunno?

 

[origin138]

Your screen name rocks by the way.

If i were in your shoes, I'd next her immediately and stop all contact. She's shady and immature, you've got far too many women NOT like that to waste any more of your time with this one. Let her go.

Danger hit it on the head with "high interest girls drop the ex". Couldn't be more accurate.

 

[muscleman]

Probably banging the ex. Let her go. Best case scenario is you might get some make-up sex on a false pretense (then just re-dump her). That's about the best you can hope for out of this.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Probably banging the ex. Let her go. Best case scenario is you might get some make-up sex on a false pretense (then just re-dump her). That's about the best you can hope for out of this.

Ha ha I was contemplating this. But I feel its too risky both emotionally for me and I can break clean now this was her fault but later on what excuse can I use?

Good stuff guys I appreciate the support.

 

[The Bat]

Yep, I had a similar scenario where a girl I was seeing (maybe 2 months in) was being real shady and secretive about going to a wedding with an ex (the wedding thing was planned before I had met her). This girl normally divulges every little detail about events or outings or whatnot she did on weekends.

However, after the wedding, she didn't spill a single detail. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. About how the wedding was, and if she had fun, and etc etc etc.

Lo behold, 2 weeks later, she is "back" with the ex and of course she tries to "break up" with me but I just laughed and told her we were never exclusive. And wouldn't you know it? She got pissed and said that I was trying to hurt her by making it seem like the 2 months we spent was nothing but a fling.

Anyway, long story short, when it comes to issues like ex's, high-interest girls will keep nothing from you because they feel nothing for their ex. If they're keeping it hidden from you, then either they still like him or the ex did something horrible like physically abused her and she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Yep, I had a similar scenario where a girl I was seeing (maybe 2 months in) was being real shady and secretive about going to a wedding with an ex (the wedding thing was planned before I had met her). This girl normally divulges every little detail about events or outings or whatnot she did on weekends.

However, after the wedding, she didn't spill a single detail. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. About how the wedding was, and if she had fun, and etc etc etc.

Lo behold, 2 weeks later, she is "back" with the ex and of course she tries to "break up" with me but I just laughed and told her we were never exclusive. And wouldn't you know it? She got pissed and said that I was trying to hurt her by making it seem like the 2 months we spent was nothing but a fling.

Anyway, long story short, when it comes to issues like ex's, high-interest girls will keep nothing from you because they feel nothing for their ex. If they're keeping it hidden from you, then either they still like him or the ex did something horrible like physically abused her and she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with anyone.

Funny when her game did not work on you she gets upset and tries to spin the plate and make you look like the bad guy when you did absolutely nothing wrong....

 

[Boilermaker]

Instant next with No-Contact.

Be oblivious and indifferent.

The girl in question, is not important at all. Believe brother.

1) You will feel the invulnerability of being able to no-contact NEXT'ing ... It will mature you. And you will feel good.

2) It will set the tone in your next relationship, you will emanate the aura of a guy who has the guts to gut the relationship in any given time when you are
disrespected.

A girl who is STILL in contact with an EX while she's with you is carrying an undeniable RED FLAG saying GET RID OF ME IMMEDIATELY on it.

Good luck

 

[The Bat]

Funny when her game did not work on you she gets upset and tries to spin the plate and make you look like the bad guy when you did absolutely nothing wrong....

Yep. Rollo perfectly explained this phenomenon in his blog awhile back...can't find where that post is now but basically he said, and I agree, that its easier for women to move on if they can pin the reason for the breakup on the guy. The whole not wanting to feel guilty syndrome.

Thinking about it, I can't remember the last time a girl had confessed to me that because of her, a relationship didn't work out. And of course, how many guys do we know in real life and on here who will readily confess that a relationship didn't work because they weren't perfect?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Fister,
Your little story,illustrates the truth of Scarras 22nd Maxim,She who gives a highly involved answer to a simple question,should be viewed with suspicion....
But Fister when you and some of your respondants,chose to take the high moral ground,I can't help thinking that,as it sayeth in the good book...."Him who is without sin,let him cast the first stone!"......And then also "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"....I am a DJ,to live my life style I constantly have to play with the truth....I try to be avoidist,disingenuous if you like,sadly my attitude,however you slice it has to be seen as devious at best.....How do I justify it?,well I live in a Womans World,I cant do the things that come naturally without having almost the entire population of "Wimmin" down on my neck like the executioners axe,and whilst the Male attitude is less partisan,you will even get people who think of themselves as DJ's on this site with attitudes more in keeping with the Knights of the Round Table than a dating community...No this is Guerilla warfare,A war where it is a constant struggle to get what you need,a war where I will receive no quarter...I behave accordingly,but as I age am less hasty to entirely move on,from circumstances like yours,grudgingly conceding,that what's sauce for duck,is sauce for gander.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Instant next with No-Contact.

Be oblivious and indifferent.

The girl in question, is not important at all. Believe brother.

1) You will feel the invulnerability of being able to no-contact NEXT'ing ... It will mature you. And you will feel good.

2) It will set the tone in your next relationship, you will emanate the aura of a guy who has the guts to gut the relationship in any given time when you are
disrespected.

A girl who is STILL in contact with an EX while she's with you is carrying an undeniable RED FLAG saying GET RID OF ME IMMEDIATELY on it.

Good luck

Ok so this keeps coming up so I will ask another question then. You and many others say that a girl who is still in contact with an ex is a red flag. Can you explain why? I have not found many people at all who are not still friends with at least 1 ex maybe I am hangin with the wrong people ha ha:nervous: .. I mean I am not friends with any exe's and I understand an ex is an ex for a reason but I feel like sometimes it could work out?

Dear Fister,
Your little story,illustrates the truth of Scarras 22nd Maxim,She who gives a highly involved answer to a simple question,should be viewed with suspicion....
But Fister when you and some of your respondants,chose to take the high moral ground,I can't help thinking that,as it sayeth in the good book...."Him who is without sin,let him cast the first stone!"......And then also "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"....I am a DJ,to live my life style I constantly have to play with the truth....I try to be avoidist,disingenuous if you like,sadly my attitude,however you slice it has to be seen as devious at best.....How do I justify it?,well I live in a Womans World,I cant do the things that come naturally without having almost the entire population of "Wimmin" down on my neck like the executioners axe,and whilst the Male attitude is less partisan,you will even get people who think of themselves as DJ's on this site with attitudes more in keeping with the Knights of the Round Table than a dating community...No this is Guerilla warfare,A war where it is a constant struggle to get what you need,a war where I will receive no quarter...I behave accordingly,but as I age am less hasty to entirely move on,from circumstances like yours,grudgingly conceding,that what's sauce for duck,is sauce for gander.

So what I am getting from this is you are saying to forgive her and stick with her.

If that is correct.

Why do you think I should? Why should I not be worried about this behavior again? What would be your plan of action?

 

[Boilermaker]

Ok so this keeps coming up so I will ask another question then. You and many others say that a girl who is still in contact with an ex is a red flag. Can you explain why? I have not found many people at all who are not still friends with at least 1 ex maybe I am hangin with the wrong people ha ha:nervous: .. I mean I am not friends with any exe's and I understand an ex is an ex for a reason but I feel like sometimes it could work out?

1) It suggests that she still cares for the EX. Women are ruthless when it comes to writing off guys; so it's more than likely that she still harbors feelings of affection towards the EX.

2) If a woman is totally into you, she will cut out all the male attention and orbiters in her life. She will do this gladly. She will chop their nuts off without giving it a moment's thought, smiling at you calmly; because you are thE chosen ONE.

3) Your original post suggests that you had an issue with her contacting her EX. A corollary of point 2) is that within the presence of your discomfort with the situation, she would go to great lengths to make excuses and explain the reality and insignificance of the whole thing to you. She would immediately stop the behavior as well. Ideally that is. If she was really into you.

Once you will graduate from this relationship and spend a few years; if you stick around and observe other people that come here with symptoms like this, you will immediately realize how common your case is. It's a textbook low-interest case, I'd say within %5 margin of error, and you probably can't change that at this point.

In order for you to grow, you must learn to let go. You will thank yourself many years after this,

a sudden NEXT is a crucial thing for a beginner to do in the path to true DJ'ism. You must NEXT many girls before you can understand what you want.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

1) It suggests that she still cares for the EX. Women are ruthless when it comes to writing off guys; so it's more than likely that she still harbors feelings of affection towards the EX.

2) If a woman is totally into you, she will cut out all the male attention and orbiters in her life. She will do this gladly. She will chop their nuts off without giving it a moment's thought, smiling at you calmly; because you are thE chosen ONE.

3) Your original post suggests that you had an issue with her contacting her EX. A corollary of point 2) is that within the presence of your discomfort with the situation, she would go to great lengths to make excuses and explain the reality and insignificance of the whole thing to you. She would immediately stop the behavior as well. Ideally that is. If she was really into you.

Once you will graduate from this relationship and spend a few years; if you stick around and observe other people that come here with symptoms like this, you will immediately realize how common your case is. It's a textbook low-interest case, I'd say within %5 margin of error, and you probably can't change that at this point.

In order for you to grow, you must learn to let go. You will thank yourself many years after this,

a sudden NEXT is a crucial thing for a beginner to do in the path to true DJ'ism. You must NEXT many girls before you can understand what you want.

Boilermaker you really hit home with that one...Excellent post....

 

[Boilermaker]

So what I am getting from this is you are saying to forgive her and stick with her.

If that is correct.

Why do you think I should? Why should I not be worried about this behavior again? What would be your plan of action?

He doesn't tell you to forgive her. He tells you that as he gets older, he's less hasty to move on. Scara is getting rusty and compassionate as he ages like good whiskey. { Much Respect to you ol'Scara! }

It's sort of sad that your rational processes ignore a full-paragraph where Scara advises you NOT to be a white knight; (and how this is guerilla warfare) but focus on the last bit that gives you hope.

Can you walk away brother?

 

[Boilermaker]

Boilermaker you really hit home with that one...Excellent post....

Good luck brother. I hope you will graduate from this relationship with flying colors.

By all means, stick to this place like dear life.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Boilermaker you have some phenominal posts....Thank you!

I am walking away don't think that because I yearn to learn that I am ignoring all the great advice you all have given me. Yes my rational may be off but I was honestly just curiouse.

It does suck and does hurt but I know you all have excellent advice and are very successful yourselves so I would be stupid to ignore it.

Thank you again guys and feel free to continue to give me input

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Fister,
"So what I am getting from this is you are saying to forgive her and stick with her."....No that is not what I intended to say at all...No your Relationship on the previous basis is finished,lost and gone FOREVER....Things just have to change,be a Wolf in Sheeps clothing,play Beta,act Alpha....You have invested a lot in this Bird,why chuck the Baby out with the Bathwater...You maximise the value of her guilt to surepticiously alter her status from Leading Lady,to senior Plate.
Keep in mind,that as much as we admire him and his values,Clint Eastwood and his genre,are not the Patrons General of this site.....No,it is Lord Byrons Don Juan De Guadalquivera,a ruthless seducer of Women.

 

[MisterSisterFister]

Well its officially been done. I have nexted.

 

[Die Hard]

Respect to you, Fister! It ain't easy, I've been there...but you did the right thing!!


@Scarra: Great posts