Lunch with the EX- New Issue!!

[Nightmoves77]

Dinner with X-Girlfriend(LTR- 5+yrs, full description in previous thread)...
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=66675

I had Originally posted a question about 2weeks ago under that thread above... It was the EX wanting to go to Lunch after being apart for a couple months. Here is my new dilemma or ongoing situation, I have been reading the DJ Bible since then, but I am not up to speed.

I. -I did not go to Lunch with the EX. (Thanks to your help!!) I left her a voicemail saying work had come up and we would have to do lunch some other time. She called back and left a message. I did not respond(Meaning-I haven't actually talked phone/in person in 2 months, email occasionally, but that stopped after this thread 2wks ago.)

II. A week later I got a short card in my mailbox(Dropped off, not mailed-she does not live or work near me.), stating that she knew I had heard rumors about her and that they were not true and she was sorry I had to deal with the rumors... Again, I did nothing...

III. !!! I recieved an email this weekend!!! I am having trouble figuring out what to do... The gist of the email goes...

I know this isn't fair ... But I miss you. She had looked through her Shoebox(Stuff from US) and found old letters from me that she didn't even remember. Then it goes on to say she isn't doing very well with anything and misses having me there to be her best friend(<-ahem, not gonna happen.) to help her through this stuff. Then it says I'm sorry for this, and I'm sorry for a lot of things. I hope that we can someday be in each others lives again, I'll take anything even if its just emails.

!! Now what should I do!!! Remeber this was an LTR 5+yrs.

IDEA #1: My theory is to not respond, but by doing that she has been more persistant about trying to contact me. Even using feelings that she needs my help... I think its a game, not that she really needs me... She just wants me in her back pocket!!
(Yes, deep down I want her back, but at the same time I am trying to MOVE ON!! I have been back in the Bar Scene and talking to new girls! <-proud of that step!!!)

IDEA #2: should I respond in an email saying that I think we need to cut off all contact for at least a month. So I can have some time to myself.

Let me know what you think!?!?

 

[Desdinova]

IDEA #1: My theory is to not respond

Yeah, go with that one. She's pushing because you didn't keep her as at least a friend. You are no longer around to be her emotional tampon. She's bleeding her problems all over the place and is hoping that you'll at least soak them up.

Wait until she quits initiating contact with you before you even speak to her again. Let her soak in her own bloody emotions for a while.

 

[jprjrjr]

I was in a situation similar to yours. Although it may not seem like it, it's really best to cut off all contact. She's just going to use you like the guy in the previous post indicated, then spit you out when somebody better comes along.

She's only missing you because there's nobody else in her life right now. Once that changes, it's adios.

Of course every situation is different, but that's what it looks like to me.

 

[Nightmoves77]

I think I will probably go with the not responding...

However, she will keep coming... at least I imagine. Then what??

I imagine calls...

She knows where I live.. She could stop by...

Or does that email sound like a last ditch effort, basically trying to twist my arm into being her friend/confidant??

 

[pff]

Move on, don't ever think about responding. Make her understand that it's over for YOU and you don't care about her anymore.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

It´s impressive how some girls can´t stand "losing", even if it´s just "friendship", whatever she calls it. She wants to be the one to reject, not you, and she´s bothered because of your right attitude.

Desdinova is right, you´re "dead" to her now.

 

[catch]

yes, i also think you should stay away from the girl, unless she turns up at your doorstep with wipped cream and massage oils...

an you will most likley get back into the game, and find that you enjoy having fun with different women, finding out new techniques, and ways to attract beautyfull women,...

for me, i love being able to take the risk, and try new techniques every day, every single day is a new, exciting, learning experience... and in the process, i can enjoy different feelings of success, and failier, that drives me forward to accomlish different goals... and thats what i like about being free and single....
thats probably what you will find tooooo.. yeee haaa!!!!!

 

[NewMan]

Do not reply.

Your doing a great job - it would be a pitty to waste it now.

If she shows up at your door - you will talk to her etc. but don't be in contact with her.

 

[MacDiddy]

It's all part of the power struggle. The seductive woman in her is not working. She'll now need to prove a point and take you down before feeling better about herself.

If you happen to bump into her, I suggest you be pleasant and keep the conversation away from your relationship. Or better still tell her your in a rush but you and her should catch up some time....

As a note of curiosity - what were the circumstances surrounding your breakup?

 

[Nightmoves77]

(From previous post)

Her description was :"I need to find myself." I am pretty much the only guy she has seriously dated.. Hence 5+yrs and one living together...
I am not 100% sure that she was not interested in another guy at the end, but she is looking at other guys now.

We have kept in contact a little like 3 or 4 emails getting things separated. I have not called her since November... And since she asked me to lunch(Later that day, I heard about her chasing a guy I kind of know, barely...) I quit all contact, including email. She has then proceeded with a letter and an email, from a few posts up!

On a positive note, since November:
I haven't been sitting idly by either: I am a complete gym rat again... from 195 back to 173 in 2 mos... I am going to get below 10% body fat soon!!(Build up my confidence!! Study some DJ tips!! Eventually chasing new girls!!)

If I can get through this without doing all the wrong things...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Nightmoves77
...IDEA #1: My theory is to not respond, but by doing that she has been more persistant about trying to contact me. Even using feelings that she needs my help... I think its a game, not that she really needs me... She just wants me in her back pocket!!
(Yes, deep down I want her back, but at the same time I am trying to MOVE ON!! I have been back in the Bar Scene and talking to new girls! <-proud of that step!!!)

IDEA #2: should I respond in an email saying that I think we need to cut off all contact for at least a month. So I can have some time to myself.

Let me know what you think!?!?

Good fvcking job in holding your ground. I'm going through the same thing with two ex-LTRs (each was only two years) and I'm fighting the same internal battles but I'm hanging on.

Here's another idea for 'ya that I've decided to implement:

IDEA #3: Make her work for your attention. Women do it all the time so fair is fair, right? I mean, if your friendship is so important to her, wouldn't she do whatever was necessary to get it back? Maybe, maybe not; either way it would be fun to watch what she does....

 

[Trance]

If she doesnt want you as a LOVER, so do you DONT WANT HER AS A FRIEND!

Your are not a shoulder of emotional suport for a girl, while she is trying to FIND SOMEONE ELSE!!

DONT THINK ABOUT HER! This is BAD for you! While you are writing this you are thinking constantly about her, DONT!


IGNORE HER (and i mean ignore her completly). Only talk to her if you see her in a casual situation (in this case be nice, and keep the convo casual). That way you'll be on top of the situation at any stance, and she'll know how good you were and how much she misses you. If you dont, I ASSURE you that you'll get ****ed up, when she gets another guy and thinks that you still want her bad.

 

[DeathDealer]

She just wants your attention, plain and simple. I fell for this once and several more times in my life. They're your ex for a reason.

 

[MacDiddy]

Her "I need to find myself" is pretty lame...

I can tell you she left you because of someone else. Women have very little reason to leave a relationship unless there was violence and abuse involved. Of course the other reasons are geography or she is seeing someone else and wishes to be with that someone else on an exclusive basis.

Now it hasn't worked out and she feels that she made a mistake.