LTR's pop suspected of cheating

[Lion]

Hey,

My gf dad is suspected of cheating. With a history of being unfaithful he has appeared to have changed his ways for many years until now.

My gf, her mum and bro are stressed out, beside themselves and angry. I feel dissapointed in him. My gf and her bro find clues here and there, on his phone, his behaviour, the stories he makes up. They are under pressure as they're mum doesn't know half the things going on and they don't want their parents to break up. I would not tolerate cheating but this is their dad they are having to deal with.

WTF can I do? I care for my girl and we are all (family) supposed to go on holiday together v. soon but part of me feels like, I don't need this drama in my life, selfish, but many sad things have happened to this girl over the last year and I have wanted to be there for her. Now I feel I've had a lot to deal with and maybe like I've had enough, plus I find the attraction of her to me is not what it has been, though I do care for her.

 

[drtk]

Hey,

My gf dad is suspected of cheating. With a history of being unfaithful he has appeared to have changed his ways for many years until now.

My gf, her mum and bro are stressed out, beside themselves and angry. I feel dissapointed in him. My gf and her bro find clues here and there, on his phone, his behaviour, the stories he makes up. They are under pressure as they're mum doesn't know half the things going on and they don't want their parents to break up. I would not tolerate cheating but this is their dad they are having to deal with.

WTF can I do? I care for my girl and we are all (family) supposed to go on holiday together v. soon but part of me feels like, I don't need this drama in my life, selfish, but many sad things have happened to this girl over the last year and I have wanted to be there for her. Now I feel I've had a lot to deal with and maybe like I've had enough, plus I find the attraction of her to me is not what it has been, though I do care for her.

This pretty much answers your question. You need to GTFO of there now!. I understand that when you get together with a person part of their life becomes yours, but, this is no good for you and thus, you should't be dealing with it. It's not that you're selfish, is just that you're looking out for yourself. Move on, get out, and grab as much tail as you can. Life's too short not to live it.

 

[COD]

WELCOME TO 2008......cheating exists........has always existed and get this....WILL CONTINUE TO GROW.

THEY GOT TWO OPTIONS 1) come to an understanding (allow and be ok with the extra-marital affairs)

2) NIP IT IN THE BUTT AND SEEK THERAPY

you on the other hand have plenty of options........choose one!

 

[Warrior74]

How the hell is all this your problem to deal with besides listening to your girlfriend be upset about it. I think you are internalising her problems. I think you have some boundary issues.

Also abandoning your girlfriend (yah...your girlfriend, your not a DJ, she ain't a plate) when she's going through a rough time becuase it inconviences you is pretty lame. Before the haters jump in with the "women do it to men all the time" routine SO WHAT! Are we better than that or not? Just becuase some women do some focked up stuff doesn't mean that all men have to become focked up as well.

Do you care about this girl? Break up with her because the relationship is over...not over her own family problems. I think only a weak lame man would do that. If you care about her you would stand by her in her time of need.

You guys can call that AFC all you want. But that's how I roll.

 

[Igetit!]

You made a textbook error with your girlfriend.You seem to be a good person,because you said you tried to be there for her.However,in doing so,you unknowingly made a mistake.If there were a "TOP TEN" list of things never to do in a relationship,I'd say that you made the #2 mistake.You know what it was? You became her therapist.This KILLS attraction.This is why her interest level in you has dropped.You said that her dad has a history of cheating.That means you have a history of listening to her,and talking to her about how she feels about her dad cheating.Instead of you generating passion and chemistry in her whenever you spent time with her,you spent time letting her open up about the problems in her life.So whenever she was with you,instead of feeling like a "woman",she felt like a therapy patient.You want to repair this?You want to fix it? Easy.First of all,STOP listening to her pour her heart out about her problems.That means that YOU have to take charge.Make her feel feminine.Set up a date,and tell her to wear something nice for you.That's right,I said "for you".I'm going to go out on a limb and make a prediction,and if I'm right,I want you to come back on here and tell me.When you say that to her(the wearing something nice for you),look at her face,and I promise you that you will see a spark.A spark of passion.It might only be there for a second,but it'll be there.
But when you say it,say it with boldness,authority,manliness.If you want to salvage your relationship,don't be her shrink,be her man.

 

[slickaz]

and tell her to wear something nice for you.That's right,I said "for you".

Thats actually good advice dude..you should run with it OP..
and heres something extra.

The more specific you can be about it the better, like if you've seen her in a black dress that you like..which i hope you took notice of, after being with her for a year..lol..tell her to wear that dress..in my experience, girls light up in smiles when you're specific because thats two things, one you took notice of the work she put into looking good for you the day she wore it.
and 2 she thinks you're the best bf coz you're specific with what you like and she'll wear it with a smile..but make sure you set up a superb date tho..and avoid all talk about family on the date..
maybe take her to a movie first so you can talk about the movie over dinner..
or ten pin bowling, or even a cooking class date..good luck dude keep us posted

 

[Kev07]

Aside from all the other posts above, if you are going to concile her about her issues, theres really only one option for her: tell her pops to break it to her mom or else she will,

 

[Lion]

thanks for all your posts, solid and detailed advice here. That's why I enjoy SS so much!

Basically, I forgot I made this post, I guess I just needed to type things out.

I didn't mention it the next time we met, I let her say what she wanted to say and acknowledged it with physical comfort, then we swiftly moved on to just having some fun. Result: I've not become her shrink, she is always saying how lucky she is and how much of a "wimp" she gets sometimes.

She has cooked me many meals since, things are fun and going how I want.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Hey,

My gf dad is suspected of cheating. With a history of being unfaithful he has appeared to have changed his ways for many years until now.

My gf, her mum and bro are stressed out, beside themselves and angry. I feel dissapointed in him. My gf and her bro find clues here and there, on his phone, his behaviour, the stories he makes up. They are under pressure as they're mum doesn't know half the things going on and they don't want their parents to break up. I would not tolerate cheating but this is their dad they are having to deal with.

WTF can I do? I care for my girl and we are all (family) supposed to go on holiday together v. soon but part of me feels like, I don't need this drama in my life, selfish, but many sad things have happened to this girl over the last year and I have wanted to be there for her. Now I feel I've had a lot to deal with and maybe like I've had enough, plus I find the attraction of her to me is not what it has been, though I do care for her.

Well I hate to say this, but you may need to spend some money on http://www.traveleyes.com/ and stick one of those in the trunk of his car.

 

[KontrollerX]

Break it off.

You have to think of yourself first in today's world.

Trust me bro she will break it off eventually if you don't.

The idea on her part will be that she wants the high of a new relationship to refresh her after going through so much pain in recent times.

She won't want to work it out with you like a mature adult as today's options saturated culture just does not cultivate enduring relationships that can stand the test of time through hardships which bring people closer.

People want their happiness and their fix now and they'll do anything to get it.

We may not like it but we are playing by those rules because that is what we are forced to do to survive.

So survive and dump her first.

Don't give her the satisfaction of leaving you in the gutter after you've been there for her for so long.

My advice to you would be different if her attraction towards you wasn't waning but it is and her going through hard times is no excuse for that.

As when you really love someone and are going through hard times it tends to bring a guy or girl closer to the one they love as a kind of anchor but yeah you sense she's drifting so definitely pull the plug on this one.

Its done.

Remember captain save a ho always goes down with the ship.

So don't ever be the captain.

 

[Zerotwoonenine]

its not your problem, its up to her mum to decide. in the end of the day, you are not in the relationship with her dad. just tell her and her mum that you are on their side and will give them what eva support they need. and make sure you tell your gf that you are not like her dad.

 

[likelychump]

Abandoning her now would be the weakest thing you could do. But if you can't muster the strength at this point in your life for whatever reason, I suppose you'll have to. I had a gf once whose mom and dad were splitting up, and I had to listen to a lot of her sob stories about it, and I did so willingly. It was annoying, yeah, but I think it only strengthened the bond between us and increased her attraction for me. Let her know you're not like her dad. And keep in mind whatever happens is not your decision. You just have to show support. If you can't, you're probably both better off with someone else.

I like the idea of telling her to wear something nice for you and going out. If you think her attraction is waning, work on that. Don't let her only think about this drama. Support her emotionally, but make sure you do more than just that. Do things that will both distract her from it and keep up her attraction on a sexual level.

But if you wanted to leave the girl anyway, and are just using this as an excuse, go ahead.