Ltr

[Lion]

Hi,

I have been in a relationship with my gf for over 18 months but I am considering ending it because I feel confident about being single. My gf is a great partner, she is caring and on my wavelength. Since being my gf she has made a change to her appearance and is now hotter than ever.

We went to a party and my gf got jealous for no reason.
A HB8 who has met me before from high school was there. My gf got jealous becuase this girl said she knew who I was and my gf assumed that we used to go out. Now the HB8 and I barely exchanged more than a hello, but my gf was a little drunk and was acting up. I would consider making HB8 mine if I was single but I was a true DJ that night with my gf.

We have planned a holiday, going in a couple of months, the most amazing holiday, though I would enjoy any holiday with her company anyway, the places we are going and things we are doing are "once in a lifetime". Her parents insist on paying my fare, they chose the holiday. I have offered several times as it is a huge amount. I am looking forward to this, though in some ways I feel weird, knowing I am going to be with her in a few more months on this holiday.

I have times when I feel like I want to be in a relationship and moments when I feel, I don't. Sometimes my gf says silly things or does annoying things, like anyone you are close to. I see other girls, younger, older women and imagine what it would like to be with them. Sometimes my gf looks hot, other times I feel like I want someone hotter.

I feel like she really cares for me and wants to be with me long-term and I really care for her. I feel like I want to try and do better for myself... its a curiosity thing. When hotter girls interact with me, I know they would turn me on sexually but they may not have the brilliant personality of my gf. She is one-of-a-kind and I cannot decide whether to end it.:crazy:

 

[GitFiddler]

How old are you?

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I wouldn't suggest just dumping her out of the blue.

Why? Because, sometimes you take things for granted and don't know what you had until its gone. This may sound some what AFC. But, when you are with someone for a good amount of time it is hard at first to move on.

When, I was with my ex a little over a year. I was finally realizing somethings about her and knew I had to cut her off. But, at the same time from being with her for awhile It was still a little hard breaking up and sh!t.

Now, If you know in your heart it is time to go then, do just that. Depending on how in feel in the relationship and your confidence. It may be a little harder than you think. Yes, I may be sounding a little afc right now. But, this is true.

On the other side of this mountain though. It's only 1 b!tch and you will move on. So, what I would suggest is this. Start seeing her a little less and meet more women. When, you find the newer and better girl. Let your girlfriend down gently by saying you lost the love and you think its best to move on. That is just my 2 cents.

 

[Effington]

I'll preface my response by saying that I haven't been in a long-term relationship before where I was in love, so take my word with a grain of salt. However, I don't think relationships are supposed to be easy. At 18 months you don't have the mad passion you did at first, that's perfectly natural. No one really expects that.

After reading your post, I don't quite understand why you are considering breaking it off. She sounds like a pretty decent girl, but you think you can do better? That's not only not fair, but probably not true. Her family is paying for your vacation, that's so money you don't even know.

Is it because you're scared of committment and want to test the waters? Before you do/say anything, you should think through what you think the consequences would be of that. Personally, I see a lot of downside.

 

[shinko]

Are you scared about commiting to this girl when she is only your first serious gf? I have a feeling you might be suffering from that whole grass is greener thing.
I think underneath it all i suspect the relationship has got abit too predictable and routine for you and your getting bored. Your gf sounds pretty normal to me, everyone has their less attractive sides to them, but the boredom has led you to look for a way out of things. Your girl im guessing is noticing she doesnt drive you wild quite how she used to (hense busting on you over that girl) Your doubts for the holiday probabley stem from the same source aswell, in that you remember when things were fun and exciting between you, now your doing all this "relationship" stuff but wondering where on earth all the fun has gone. If i was in your shoes i'd feel quite bored and maybe even a little trapped.
If you do honestly care for her, you gotta explain how your feeling atm and that you guys need to switch up the relationship and make it interesting again. Start doing things you did when you first hooked up, go places you havent been to before, put a slow down on all that heavy relationship stuff and get back to having fun. if you guys always watch films together, then ban watch films for a month and force yourselfs to do other stuff. im betting you dropped some of your hobbies that you did before you met her, i'd say take up a few of them again, and find some new ones you and her can do together. go salsa classes, go bike riding together, go climbing, take art classes, visit points of interest. go clubbing just you and her if you dont already and bars you've never been before. or if you always club alone with her, bring along mates. basically switch everything up, make it unpredictable and encourage her to take some responcibilty and make things fun again too. then after a few months see how you feel then. if your still thinking of moving on, then its worth considering because at least you tried.
Good luck

 

[Lion]

Hi GitFiddler, I am 22 and this is my first LTR. I've grown so much as a person over the last 24 months, partly thanks to here.

I.A.F.Y.B. you are right in saying there are many aspects I may take for granted on the surface with the relationship. For instance, we live nearby, my parents like her and her parents like me. Her parents have been generous to me in many ways. I feel at ease with my girl.

Effington I say I want to do better in terms of superficial looks and sexual experience, nothing more. I feel like if I had to take time out being single, it wouldn't harm my programme immensely as I have things I want to get done that I don't have time for. We see each other about 2 - 3 times a week.
Other girls appear to turn me on visually, I fantasize over older women and girls of similar age who appear to be more sexually appealing to me.

Her personality and affection has kept me attracted over anything else. She is a great girl but she often says how she can't believe she is with me and how lucky she is. She has confidence issues, but since being with me she has improved and likewise I have improved myself because of her. I have no trouble feeling DJ around her, she makes it easy for me. I feel like I want a challenge now, but there are so many benefits which I may miss.

Still confused

 

[Lion]

Yes shinko, that sounds like a good idea. I actually have some hobbies which I have focused on more now than I did before. I have started to mix things up, going on bike rides and playing new sports with her. I feel like anything I do with her will be fun. She is intelligent and notices things that most people do not, though I now realise there are many girls out there who are like this.

I have few friends, many of which are mutual friends of my gf. I cut off a lot of my friends because they were not the best company and not into self-improvement. Maybe I am worried about her birthday in a few months, then xmas. I feel like there is always something in the future which we have planned, this is great but in some ways can make me feel trapped.

 

[Sne]

I know the feeling you describe so very well. I think it's just the way we are, always wanting to have both the great girl we already have our teeth in and some extras on the side for sexual thrill. Me and a friend i live with both have amazing girlfriends, both looks wise and personality wise, but we often talk about how there's always that hunger for other girls. I don't think you'll ever find a girl who can remove that, only old age and less testosterone will solve that problem... Until then perhaps it's a choice between single, ltr, or ltr and cheating. But I don't really know, this is difficult for me too.