LTR - How does it change things

[Rainman4707]

I've just entered into a LTR. Before I kept texting to a minimum mostly only to arrange meetups. Now I feel like I'm gonna open up more with her. If she wants to chat via text then I will. I'm gonna let her stay over at mine for a lot longer (sleep over & stay the next day)
I'm going to compromise more.

She is 31 in May so with me wanting to replicate I have to find out sooner rather than later if she is definatley the woman to have my children more time I spend with her, the more i'll learn about her

I'm not gonna get my wussy outfit from the draw though. I've learned to much to go back to that

Anybody got any input at all on how things change when in LTR or how my behaviour should change??

 

[Yorkex]

You have to set the standard the first couple of months. She is going to give you A LOT of **** test and if you fail she is going to proceed to turn you into the ultimate beta king.
She is lucky to be with you , if something goes against your thinking and you feel like doing it just to make her happy DONT !
Do everything from your heart ...that way if you become beta at least you loved from your heart like a normal human not a molded batty ch.

 

[Fireballs]

First of all be prepared to walk at any sign of disrespect. It took me awhile to fully internalise being able to walk away but now I know I can and will.

Early in my current relationship, I set the frame of me not being a big texter. She initiates 90% of our calls/texts and I rarely have a text conversation with her. I use to follow a rule where if my text wasn't logistics related, flirty or wasn't going to make her gina tingle, then I wouldn't send anything. I've kind of loosened up a little (a little) now as we've been together almost a year but my attention to her via texts is still a reward. Hope this helps.

 

[MOTU]

There is good stuff on relationship game at rational male and married man sex life. Do some reading there. My key takeaways:
1) Maintain frame. Don't pander. Keep doing the things that attracted her to you. If she fell in love with an avid hiker, don't stop hiking because it is too cold for her to go.
2) Build some relationship comfort for her to demonstrate you are a viable long term mate.
3) Exercise leadership. Read up on Athol Kay's concept of leadership moments. It's relationship gold.
4) Be attractive. Don't fall into thinking that you can just "be yourself" if "yourself" is a slovenly couch potatoe gamer. Keep improving yourself.
5) Show her how you feel about her as things progress, rather than telling her. My gf tells me "I love you" 4 or 5 times to my one. I use it as a reward for good behavior. And when she says things to me like "I am grateful to have you in my life" I sometimes say "then show me".
6) Address both good and bad behavior directly and immediately. It sets the tone. "Good job getting the kitchen clean while I finished grilling the steaks. We are a good team" or if she doesn't "it would have been helpful for you to get the kitchen clean while I finished grilling" or even better "why don't you get the kitchen clean while I finish grilling".

I do talk to my gf everyday, btw, either phone or txt or both. I think once you are a couple, you need to invest more than when you were just banging - but not more than her.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

more time I spend with her, the more i'll learn about her

Don't fall for this. Ever hear the term "familiarity breeds contempt?" If you go from seeing her once or twice a week to seeing her every day, she's going to start taking you for granted. For example: assuming you're only seeing her from time to time now, whenever she sees you she's trying to look her best. If you see her everyday, she's going to start slacking, wearing shoddy clothing or putting on extra pounds because in her head there's no need to put in effort for someone she sees all the time that she feels she's already got in the palm of her hand.

The reality is, even when you're in a relationship, it's a good idea to have time apart from that other person. And, however much you are currently seeing her worked to get her. The mistake a lot of guys make is they do a certain set of things to get her, and then as soon as they do they want to do different things. You don't do this. If anything, you ENHANCE the way you're doing things but you don't change them. For example: if you've been taking her out to dinners at low-price places once a week, now that you're in a relationship she's EARNED the privilege of having you take her to more expensive places (enhanced date), but the frequency of once a week does not change. Same with time spent together - you may have her over at your place for longer periods of time, but the 2 to 3 times a week she comes over shouldn't change to 5 or 6 times a week - it's going to eventually kill her interest in you by seeing you that much.

 

[stevo]

Congratulations bro. We need some more of this.

Yes you'd have to be more open to her. You've chosen her and she's chosen you.

However, let her continue the chase, she has to continuously be more invested than you are.

Sometimes we don't catch the AFC rearing its head till after the fact so always compare your intended action against your DJ impulse.

I've noticed with female relationship mentality they want you to spend non sexual time with her also so its not always a seks filled time together.

 

[ladiesman217]

Lots of great points here but I have two things to add:

1. Don't stop improving yourself: This goes along the lines of adding mystery to who you are. As you get to know each other better, more and more will be shared. Having something knew she can learn about you is great! Plus it stops you from letting yourself go because that would be counter productive to what you're trying to do.

2. Figure out what your needs are and make sure they are met: (not PUA related) This was one of the biggest surprises for me as I went into a LTR. I had no idea that I had needs which needed to be met. Marriage books highlighted what my needs were and showed how they could be met. A buddy of mine suggest I read the book called The Five Love Languages as well as Love and Respect. They're focused as marriage books but everything applies to LTR. Having my (and her) needs met has made the relationship ten times more enjoyable and very fulfilling.