LTR GF's father may have cancer. Dealing with supporting her.

[Ozel599]

Hi there.

We are living together. My girlfriend's father hasn't being to well with his health and was in hospital last week.

I have been on standby all week when I got a call from my gf asking me to come down as a consultant wants to discuss results of a CT scan.

The consultant had said that they believe her father has cancer, they have not yet located the primary. I will not lie, this was a very un-usual experience for me. My GF and her mother were absolutely devastated. I managed to keep composed and strong in front of them as I took her and her mother home (she wanted to stay with her mum).

When I got home I got a bit emotional (my gf does not know this). They are a very close family and her father is an absolute legend always wanting to help and putting his family before himself, spending his wages on taking us on great holidays. I'm ok now it got a bit personal for me as I see this person on a regular basis. My only experience with special circumstances was the passing of my grandparents.

At the moment I am finding it a hard time to support my GF. The current situation is we are all waiting for the biopsy results. She is having such a hard time crying about every 2 hours, not eating or sleeping much. I do whatever I can to make it easier, doing simple things like making sure the apartment was cleaned and spotless for when she came home after staying at her parents house.

When she gets upset I don't know what to say, as I don't want to keep pushing the subject or be patronising saying everything will be fine. I want to keep her busy, get her our of the apartment but she is depressed most mornings and it takes her a long time to get out of bed. Once she is up and about she is feeling much better!

Sometimes it stressed the hell out of me, she has slipped out a couple of times "He may never see me get married or have children." - yeah I know what that could mean.

Right now I just try and keep her mind on other things, but she is so scared of loosing him.

If worst comes to worst, it will completely destroy her.

It is a fvcking crual thing, so unfair, I do not wish it upon anyone.

I hear about these things all the time but I did not expect it to come by me.

All the best.

 

[Cremasta]

You're doing fine, no-one expects you to know exactly all the right things to do here. Just being there for her and helping her keep her life ticking over while she can't pay attention to it is just what she needs.

A good mate of mine lost his dad to cancer a few years back.
Afterwards, him and his wife both said it was great having people come around and say hello and spend time with them, it helped to distract them for at least a little while.

 

[mangotot]

Give it a month max and see where things are before taking action.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Let her deal with it. It seems a hassle for you to get involved. Too bad, so sad for her. Give her space and just go on about your business. It doesn't directly affect you. Your investment is protected here because you won't have any losses, so why worry?

 

[narcissist]

Let her deal with it. It seems a hassle for you to get involved. Too bad, so sad for her. Give her space and just go on about your business. It doesn't directly affect you. Your investment is protected here because you won't have any losses, so why worry?

Lol smh

 

[Jaylan]

You're doing fine, no-one expects you to know exactly all the right things to do here. Just being there for her and helping her keep her life ticking over while she can't pay attention to it is just what she needs.

A good mate of mine lost his dad to cancer a few years back.
Afterwards, him and his wife both said it was great having people come around and say hello and spend time with them, it helped to distract them for at least a little while.

This.

OP, just be supportive and caring. That's really the best you can do. Try and help her keep her mind off of this situation when she is with you. Cancer is really terrible, and its rough to be close to someone and feel like you dont know how to help them deal with your gf's situation. All you can do is be sympathetic and let them know they can always come talk to you if they need to.

So far id say youre doing just fine. Youre in a tough spot, but shes in an even worse spot, and her dad even more so. Dont worry so much. Just keep doing what youre doing.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Lol smh

The OP has nothing to lose here. If her dad dies and she becomes emo, he moves on to something better. If her dad lives and she gets better, he sticks with her. I'm just stating the obvious truth. The OP doesn't need to stress himself in jumping through hoops for her. In the end, he wins either way. Nothing to stress about. Just let everything be and then act accordingly to the situation.

 

[Ozel599]

She is now coping a bit better. But she has starting putting pressure on me to have children.

We have spoken previously, and said yeah EVENTUALLY but no now, she will not also stop going on about how much she want's her Dad to walk her down the isle.

All of a sudden she is in a rush, stopped taking the pill (she had told me) and making me feel very pressured - even her family are hinting.

I had to refuse sex from her the other night - I knew something was off as she rarely makes a move.

 

[christoff522]

Hi there.

We are living together. My girlfriend's father hasn't being to well with his health and was in hospital last week.

I have been on standby all week when I got a call from my gf asking me to come down as a consultant wants to discuss results of a CT scan.

The consultant had said that they believe her father has cancer, they have not yet located the primary. I will not lie, this was a very un-usual experience for me. My GF and her mother were absolutely devastated. I managed to keep composed and strong in front of them as I took her and her mother home (she wanted to stay with her mum).

When I got home I got a bit emotional (my gf does not know this). They are a very close family and her father is an absolute legend always wanting to help and putting his family before himself, spending his wages on taking us on great holidays. I'm ok now it got a bit personal for me as I see this person on a regular basis. My only experience with special circumstances was the passing of my grandparents.

At the moment I am finding it a hard time to support my GF. The current situation is we are all waiting for the biopsy results. She is having such a hard time crying about every 2 hours, not eating or sleeping much. I do whatever I can to make it easier, doing simple things like making sure the apartment was cleaned and spotless for when she came home after staying at her parents house.

When she gets upset I don't know what to say, as I don't want to keep pushing the subject or be patronising saying everything will be fine. I want to keep her busy, get her our of the apartment but she is depressed most mornings and it takes her a long time to get out of bed. Once she is up and about she is feeling much better!

Sometimes it stressed the hell out of me, she has slipped out a couple of times "He may never see me get married or have children." - yeah I know what that could mean.

Right now I just try and keep her mind on other things, but she is so scared of loosing him.

If worst comes to worst, it will completely destroy her.

It is a fvcking crual thing, so unfair, I do not wish it upon anyone.

I hear about these things all the time but I did not expect it to come by me.

All the best.

My feeling is you don't know how much you're doing for her right now. I have the utmost respect for you. These are the things that make a man.

 

[El Payaso]

She is now coping a bit better. But she has starting putting pressure on me to have children.

We have spoken previously, and said yeah EVENTUALLY but no now, she will not also stop going on about how much she want's her Dad to walk her down the isle.

All of a sudden she is in a rush, stopped taking the pill (she had told me) and making me feel very pressured - even her family are hinting.

I had to refuse sex from her the other night - I knew something was off as she rarely makes a move.

Be wary. Dangerous times loom ahead.

 

[Ozel599]

Dangerous times??

 

[Ozel599]

OK I have now had enough, want to end the relationship but don't know how. I feel extremely selfish as if it's the cowards way out.

Her moods have been really great recently, we've been having good laughs and generally being daft around each other a lot of times. But apart from that, some important aspects to me have all gone a bit sh1t.

When she was getting over the initial shock I was doing things a lot more for a couple of weeks than I usually would, such as keeping the place clean. Since she's been feeling better I've stopped doing as much. It's like she is wanting to take me for granted and wants me to continue doing it. I fully get times will be difficult for her, but it comes to a point that I am not going to drop everything for her over something trivial.

Recently she has had this attitude that would normally apply to beta chumps. She is constantly being all "Oh make me a drink, get me this, I don't feel too good run me bath" in such a false annoying way. My refusals and comments such as "I'm not your servant you know!" don't seem to be working.

More generally, all she seems to do is lay on the sofa watching these girlie reality TV programs and eating crap. She has gained a lot of weight (and I believe this is causing her to snore, REALLY LOUD that I have to wake her or sleep in a different room) and her hygiene is not what it used to be, taking less showers and having terrible morning breath from not brushing before sleep.

We haven't had sex since this whole issue started, I don't even want to even though I feel like a raging animal. I no longer feel attracted to her and even if she said she is back on the pill I cannot feel like I could believe her.

I feel more like a brother to her than a boyfriend.

Her Dad begins chemo in a few weeks, I can see things only getting worse.

She is going through an extremely tough time but breaking up with her for reasons that sounds like I can't cope with her, seem really heartless.

 

[djthiago1]

The OP has nothing to lose here. If her dad dies and she becomes emo, he moves on to something better. If her dad lives and she gets better, he sticks with her. I'm just stating the obvious truth. The OP doesn't need to stress himself in jumping through hoops for her. In the end, he wins either way. Nothing to stress about. Just let everything be and then act accordingly to the situation.

You got some serious issues bro, someone is probably gonna lose a father and that's what you have to say?

 

[Skyline]

You got some serious issues bro, someone is probably gonna lose a father and that's what you have to say?

This "someone" isn't just anybody, it's a LTR- where attraction plays a big factor. Ronaldo is completely right. The OP already jumped through hoops with this girl in hopes of making her "feel better" but what he didn't realize is that he lost his frame by doing so. She's gained weight, become more nasty towards him, and is even pushing for kids. I know it is sad that even when an event like this occurs, attraction and your frame still mean everything.

If the OP would of stayed how he was previously, this wouldn't have happened. He should have let everything fall into place and then dealt with the result.

 

[Jaylan]

^Age 18. What do you know about LTRs? Get some life experience first kid.

You got some serious issues bro, someone is probably gonna lose a father and that's what you have to say?

This.