Ltr getting upset with me

[ljm]

Hi guys,

Recently my ltr has been bringing up how she has only met two of my friends. I have been with her since start of year and been seeing her since sep/oct last year. I have met all of her close friends and now this is getting to her. She feels like she knows nothing about my world outside of the ltr and that if it stays that way, then it will turn eventually to ****. She mentioned how we do stuff but sometimes it would be good to take her out to meet my friends. Is this a fair argument from her? that she wants to know more about my world thru my friends. Now I feel like I have to arrange a time or get together with some friends so she can meet them, any ideas for this?

 

[rocket87]

Yeah that's a pretty fair argument.

She want's to be a part of your life. It's a mutual LTR. At this stage, you could be in this for the long haul. Or maybe you will have disagreements/things won't work out and you'll part ways in the future. The relationship is in a fragile state. It's kind of her way too of telling you that she wants to continue escalating the relationship.

If she's worth anything to you, you should genuinely want to include her into your "rhythm" of friendship/activities/etc. As long as it's realistic.

Especially being younger, it's pretty normal to include each other. I've noticed that people in relationships "later on" (30-50) tend to have a "separate" relationship more often than the younger crowd but that doesn't apply here unless you're both extremely mature and work-oriented.

For your last question, no, you shouldn't have to arrange get togethers with your friends just for the intent of introducing. I suggest against that, it would feel forced and strange. It should just come naturally. Do you ever go out bowling or for drinks or for.. anything? Why not just include her and everyone else? There's probably some reason why it hasn't happened naturally yet, and you haven't told us that. (Are you intentionally keeping things separate?)

So tell us, then we can help you more. Why have you kept things separate thus far? Be honest..? Do you not invite her out with you when you go places? Why not?

You aren't necessarily doing anything wrong, btw, so don't take this post the wrong way; but your girl has a very legitimate argument. And make sure you don't give her sh!t for communicating this to you, that's pretty awesome that she's being open and communicative about her feelings with you (at least that's how you made it sound?)

 

[HolyG]

it's good to keep a little mystery in a relationship.

btw, just because a girl is whining doesn't mean she's always unhappy...

 

[jtlancer]

it's good to keep a little mystery in a relationship.

btw, just because a girl is whining doesn't mean she's always unhappy...

Yes. This is gold. Heed this well.

 

[ljm]

I guess more of my problem lies in this:

I am scared of the whole LTR thing, LTR makes me think of attached...bored....water running dry.

I fear LTR's because I feel i cannot master the mindset for it.
I have no prblem in getting girls and sleeping with them, even making them want an LTR.

But once it gets to LTR my mind changes to keeping the girl.

I think my major problem is how do I change my mindset from how can I keep her to "whatever my mindset needs to be". Affirmations? Inner-game? What needs to be done here so that I remain the guy she fell for and do slip off from this with all my BULL**** OVERTHINKING!!?

Do I need to worry about my won life/happiness more rather than putting the focus on her and her actions so much?

I notice when im busy doing my thing forgetting about her not seeing her for a while she chases me up and wants me around at any cost. Then once I show the interest (or things go back to regular routine) She kind of sounds less interested on the phone etc etc.

I guess its more or less have your own life live your own life and let her fill in the gaps? - I don't know

Routine stuff may be the following:

Most nights im at the gym and she goes to dancing classes. Because of our schedule we dont see eachother until late.
So most nights we catch up for a little while, she may sleep over - maybe I should stop seeing her so much at night all the time (Routine)

Everymorning one of us will call around the same time to say hi etc etc.
She did used to text everymorning a good morning message but last few days that hasn't happened - not a big worry but something to note of intrerest level perhaps.

Everynight after work one of us will call around the same time (Either when I finish work or she is on the way to dancing).

During the day we send a few text mesages or e-mails between eachother.


Any opinions/criticism is welcome, thanks.

 

[terran2k]

do you two actually go out and do fun things together?

 

[ljm]

Yes we do