LTR advice - kind request for your opinion

[suchasimpleman]

Hello,
I’m a newbie that just took the redpill and I feel totally overwhelmed. I can now see and to some point understand all of my wife’s moves until today and I really don’t know what to do. I’m in the worst time of my life, sad, stressed and out of it - more and more sick.

My wife tried to cheat on me last summer and I found her emails with the new guy before they meet to seal the deal. An older dude, higher social status, father of two, in a good shape, looking for some fun. On the other hand, me, getting more and more in love with her and insecure as the years go by. I used to believe in the “true love” and remembering her being so into me made my guard go down. Inside of me I feel there is a fight between staying on the old path and taking the new and unknown one.

At this moment, I really seek your advice. I don’t know if I should move out and get divorced or try to make it all ok. I freaking cry every time I even think about all my life plans being destroyed, which she saw couple of
times. I was with her since I was 21 (we are the same age). As for her, she said she is sorry about all that but she still feels that she is not sure what to do. This is not what a husband expects to hear after he finally learns she found someone “better”. I was happy with her and decided to give it one more try, especially knowing I was too comfortable with her in the last 2-3 years, but after 7 months she still didn’t emotionally engage back as she used to, only partially. She says she wants to fix it
but she’s “stuck”. It’s like she waits now if I will get back on my feet and become the man I was couple years ago.

What would you do? Could you please direct me to some marriage-related posts here, so I can educate more?

Thank you for waking me up,
S

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hello,
I’m a newbie that just took the redpill and I feel totally overwhelmed. I can now see and to some point understand all of my wife’s moves until today and I really don’t know what to do. I’m in the worst time of my life, sad, stressed and out of it - more and more sick.

My wife tried to cheat

"Tried to cheat?". They usually do cheat really quickly after flirting about sex.

on me last summer and I found her emails with the new guy before they meet to seal the deal. An older dude, higher social status,

What is it about him that makes you think he has higher "social status". And in about 90% of women, you finding the conversations before they can "seal the deal" changes nothing. She will still slip it in.

father of two, in a good shape, looking for some fun. On the other hand, me, getting more and more in love with her and insecure as the years go by. I used to believe in the “true love” and remembering her being so into me made my guard go down. Inside of me I feel there is a fight between staying on the old path and taking the new and unknown one.

More and more in love with her for what? And compounded with you becoming insecure. So the more you get drawn into her the less for yourself? How was she treating you? I'm sure she wasn't showering you with attention, fvcking and sucking you nightly, cooking for you, wearing lengeries, etc.

At this moment, I really seek your advice. I don’t know if I should move out and get divorced or try to make it all ok. I freaking cry every time I even think about all my life plans being destroyed, which she saw couple of
times. I was with her since I was 21 (we are the same age). As for her, she said she is sorry about all that but she still feels that she is not sure what to do.

This is a tough position that millions are in. Most will suggest that upon proof of infedelity that you just up and leave, the marriage needs to be disolved. Hanging in there and being cheated on and "loving" her in return enables a cheating dynamic. It says you are okay with it.

This is not what a husband expects to hear after he finally learns she found someone “better”.

She said he was "better"?

I was happy with her and decided to give it one more try, especially knowing I was too comfortable with her in the last 2-3 years, but after 7 months she still didn’t emotionally engage back as she used to, only partially. She says she wants to fix it
but she’s “stuck”. It’s like she waits now if I will get back on my feet and become the man I was couple years ago.

THe only way to "get them back" is they have to LOSE you and I'd say being on the man side of things is she loses you to another female. She would then have to CHOOSE you and win you back. In real life it doesn't work that well and once your cheated your toast.

What would you do? Could you please direct me to some marriage-related posts here, so I can educate more?

Thank you for waking me up,
S

You need to learn about females CHOOSING. They choose us every day when we are with them. Your not all the way awake yet. Being cheated upon is like being spiritually RAPED. There is a loss that occurs in the dynamic.

If before the cheated situation you still had your "pants" in the household and your c0ck and balls hang full around her because your getting it when you want and afterwards you get cheated, that energy gets snatched from you and given to the other man. Cuckholdry, being cheated etc is literally like some witchcraft.

She can even cheat you some of your masculine energy by entertaining sexual conversations with others.

We do all the wrong things in "love" when we don't understand the dynamics. Order this book off of Amazon tonite "The Manipulated Man" by Ester Vilar.

 

[bcude]

Hello,
I’m a newbie that just took the redpill and I feel totally overwhelmed. I can now see and to some point understand all of my wife’s moves until today and I really don’t know what to do. I’m in the worst time of my life, sad, stressed and out of it - more and more sick.

My wife tried to cheat on me last summer and I found her emails with the new guy before they meet to seal the deal. An older dude, higher social status, father of two, in a good shape, looking for some fun. On the other hand, me, getting more and more in love with her and insecure as the years go by. I used to believe in the “true love” and remembering her being so into me made my guard go down. Inside of me I feel there is a fight between staying on the old path and taking the new and unknown one.

At this moment, I really seek your advice. I don’t know if I should move out and get divorced or try to make it all ok. I freaking cry every time I even think about all my life plans being destroyed, which she saw couple of
times. I was with her since I was 21 (we are the same age). As for her, she said she is sorry about all that but she still feels that she is not sure what to do. This is not what a husband expects to hear after he finally learns she found someone “better”. I was happy with her and decided to give it one more try, especially knowing I was too comfortable with her in the last 2-3 years, but after 7 months she still didn’t emotionally engage back as she used to, only partially. She says she wants to fix it
but she’s “stuck”. It’s like she waits now if I will get back on my feet and become the man I was couple years ago.

What would you do? Could you please direct me to some marriage-related posts here, so I can educate more?

Thank you for waking me up,
S

Sorry to hear about this. Like the old saying goes rather be single and alone than being miserable in a relationship.
Without knowing too much i think it's fair to say that you fell into the usual trap of getting complacent and too comfortable in the relationship as it progressed, you got more and more attached to her while she drifted away until cheating was on the table, but she never actually cheated? How did you handle that situation? Do you have children together? You're not having any s3x at all? How are your goals for the future? In any case she's probably checked out emotionally already.

It's not the relationship you need to fix, you've to find and fix yourself. She doesn't feel the way she needs to feel about you right now and that will not change until you become her best option again. No marriage counseling or talking about it will change that.
As a man you will want to ask what the problem is, listen to what she says and fix it logically like solving a puzzle, but that is not going to work since you can't negotiate desire and women will never give you the correct answer since they don't know what they want anyway. You can't talk her into it, she needs to feel that she wants you again out of her own volition.
Disengage from her and shift your focus on yourself to 100% from now on. Get to the gym, stay in shape, be out more, dress better, hang out with friends, take up a new hobby, stay late at work etc. show her independence, show yourself that you're passionate about life. She wants to be along for that ride, not be your ride. Maybe she will want you again, maybe not. Atleast you're putting yourself in a position of feeling joy and happiness again, attracting other women will be easier from there.

As a man in a relationship you can never relax and as a married man you've a job to do. A job that never ends, that's what you agreed to when you put a ring on that finger. It's natural for her to lose attraction when you stop performing and make her too important in your life.
No woman wants to be your mother or counselor, they want you to protect them, to be strong, reliable and competent, to show them the way. Do that by leading your life by example.

It wouldn't hurt to read 'the rational male' and get a more realistic view of love and women in the process. Maybe even lose the fear, the fear that blurrs your vision of doing what needs to be done. You need to feel that it would be totally okay to walk away and that there are billions of women out there for you.
This is assuming you really want to fix this, being miserable is not a way to live but it's very much a choice. The choice is yours.

 

[suchasimpleman]

"Tried to cheat?". They usually do cheat really quickly after flirting about sex.

Seems like the dude backed off when he learned his wife is expecting again.

She is this type of girl that was considered 5/10 at school, that nobody cares about. Then, reaches her full potential near 20s, and soon meets me. 10 years later, when the other guy, a co-worker, shown his interest, remembering it she said with tears something like "someone finally noticed me", even if I tell her complinents regularly (without overdoing). She never believed any of them tho. It was always strange to me and seems like it might be a part of her reasons. I'm not looking for an excuse for giving her another shot - I just want to understand what the hell happened. From hearing that we are "the best couple I ever meet" from our friends to "what happened to you?".

What is it about him that makes you think he has higher "social status". And in about 90% of women, you finding the conversations before they can "seal the deal" changes nothing. She will still slip it in.

I've found in her browser history things like lingerie shop, favourite men positions, booking.com search for hotels in our city (one when I was away for a weekend). Asked for those, she said the lingerie and positions were for me, and the hotel was to 'get away from this house for a moment'. There also were queries for the martial arts schools that the other guy does (in his city) and... his mom on LinkedIn. Typing that I wonder how could I believe her that she was just curious.

More and more in love with her for what? And compounded with you becoming insecure. So the more you get drawn into her the less for yourself? How was she treating you? I'm sure she wasn't showering you with attention, fvcking and sucking you nightly, cooking for you, wearing lengeries, etc.

I don't really know. Seems like its just a matter of being used to someone and being yourself with that person. Sex was a rare thing. The same with cooking. Lingerie? Once, at the beginning.

She said he was "better"?

Kinda. That's what I felt. That night when I saw these emails, I asked why, in a matter of a year, she changed from 'I'm so happy I have you, I dont deserve you at all' to 'I'm sorry, I tried but I just couldn't stop it'. Her response wandered around that the guy is in better shape, has a similar attitude towards life (aka work your ass off), is 'more like her'. Even today, if we argue and I mention him, she always seem to 'defend' him and show he is a good person. Cheating fcking father of two, a good person.

You know, just typing this all in one post enabled me to see how bad this looks and made me feel like the dumbest guy that ever registered here. I didn't even realise how good example of a beta I am. Like a 180 deegrees change compared to my early 20s. I became the person she wanted me to be and now she is as cold as ice to me, and I didn't get much out of this relationship at all.

Your not all the way awake yet.

You're probably right. I feel like I've just been unplugged from the Matrix - I barely can move and my eyes hurt af as I never used them before. I still can't believe all of this happened.

Thank you very much for your answer, I really appreciate that.

S

 

[suchasimpleman]

Sorry to hear about this. Like the old saying goes rather be single and alone than being miserable in a relationship.
Without knowing too much i think it's fair to say that you fell into the usual trap of getting complacent and too comfortable in the relationship as it progressed, you got more and more attached to her while she drifted away until cheating was on the table, but she never actually cheated? How did you handle that situation? Do you have children together? You're not having any s3x at all? How are your goals for the future? In any case she's probably checked out emotionally already.

It's not the relationship you need to fix, you've to find and fix yourself. She doesn't feel the way she needs to feel about you right now and that will not change until you become her best option again. No marriage counseling or talking about it will change that.
As a man you will want to ask what the problem is, listen to what she says and fix it logically like solving a puzzle, but that is not going to work since you can't negotiate desire and women will never give you the correct answer since they don't know what they want anyway. You can't talk her into it, she needs to feel that she wants you again out of her own volition.
Disengage from her and shift your focus on yourself to 100% from now on. Get to the gym, stay in shape, be out more, dress better, hang out with friends, take up a new hobby, stay late at work etc. show her independence, show yourself that you're passionate about life. She wants to be along for that ride, not be your ride. Maybe she will want you again, maybe not. Atleast you're putting yourself in a position of feeling joy and happiness again, attracting other women will be easier from there.

As a man in a relationship you can never relax and as a married man you've a job to do. A job that never ends, that's what you agreed to when you put a ring on that finger. It's natural for her to lose attraction when you stop performing and make her too important in your life.
No woman wants to be your mother or counselor, they want you to protect them, to be strong, reliable and competent, to show them the way. Do that by leading your life by example.

It wouldn't hurt to read 'the rational male' and get a more realistic view of love and women in the process. Maybe even lose the fear, the fear that blurrs your vision of doing what needs to be done. You need to feel that it would be totally okay to walk away and that there are billions of women out there for you.
This is assuming you really want to fix this, being miserable is not a way to live but it's very much a choice. The choice is yours.

Thank you for those advices. I already ordered The Rational Male and started reading through Rollo's blog. I feel so angry knowing that this knowledge was just laying there, available for me for years. It's the exact opossite of how I was rised. Mind blown.

 

[Albatross953]

Mrgoodstuff gave you great advice. And yes there's a virtual certainty that they got physical if he has her looking at lingerie. He wants to dress up the trophy now. A couple more things.
I was in your shoes ten years ago. I know how you feel. Buckle up kid, it's going to be a war. Do you have kids? Because if not the best course may be to leave. She isn't worth fighting for. Sorry I know you haven't accepted that.
She needs to make several concessions. She will not do any of them. No more contact. Account for her time. Access to her phone. Counselling. She finds another job right now.
Finally you have the nuclear option and I highly recommend you use it. Afterwards you never apologize, she will be furious but hold your ground. You need to print everything emails etc. One copy gets handed to her parents, the other copy goes to his pregnant wife.
Seriously you need to burn his life to the ground -right now. I kid you not. You want to fix this? You want to feel better? Whether you stay together or not I guarantee you this is step one. Do it for your own self respect. Take your life back.

 

[suchasimpleman]

Mrgoodstuff gave you great advice. And yes there's a virtual certainty that they got physical if he has her looking at lingerie. He wants to dress up the trophy now. A couple more things.
I was in your shoes ten years ago. I know how you feel. Buckle up kid, it's going to be a war. Do you have kids? Because if not the best course may be to leave. She isn't worth fighting for. Sorry I know you haven't accepted that.
She needs to make several concessions. She will not do any of them. No more contact. Account for her time. Access to her phone. Counselling. She finds another job right now.
Finally you have the nuclear option and I highly recommend you use it. Afterwards you never apologize, she will be furious but hold your ground. You need to print everything emails etc. One copy gets handed to her parents, the other copy goes to his pregnant wife.
Seriously you need to burn his life to the ground -right now. I kid you not. You want to fix this? You want to feel better? Whether you stay together or not I guarantee you this is step one. Do it for your own self respect. Take your life back.

We do not have kids. We tried to, but falied for approx. 2 months. Then, right after, was a month of treating me like a piece of crap, arguing and pain in which I knew shes fighting with her feelings and probably cheating on me. Any 'ten signs she cheets on you' article was 9-10/10. One day I just took her phone and saw these emails in the trash. Then we talked, took it all out.

6 months passed and the situation is very strange. We have a sinusoidal relation right now. There are days that are better and worse. She always says she gave up on that guy and if we divorce, shes going to be alone. Later, when she was drunk I heard that he backed off, but if he didnt, she was ready to drop everything and move to him. With time, she stopped consider these emails as cheating - now it was just a mistake (I bet her sister convinced her that nothing happened and Im overreacring). There are days that she tries to spark it back but probably you guys are right and I've got too much into her, loosing myself on the way. Thats why I let it all happen.

I must admit I'd rather not use the nuke option. These emails do not have anything direct, will probably be ignored by the court in my country. Only the last ones were showing that there is a huge sexual tension between them. My plan is to follow the advice to focus on myself, as I'm stuck with her anyway due to the epidemy. After that Ill just move out, shrink the contact and see what happens. I dont want to feel like a 'safe option', a rational decision etc. I know I can do better, but what I need to fight is the feeling that she won't be able to handle her life without me. Like Im responsible for her all the time. I know its wrong and Im trying to get over it.

God Im so glad Ive found this forum.
Thank you!

S

 

[Albatross953]

It's nothing to do with court.

Tell his wife. He fvcked up your life. Shots fired. You gonna let that go?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Seems like the dude backed off when he learned his wife is expecting again.

She is this type of girl that was considered 5/10 at school, that nobody cares about. Then, reaches her full potential near 20s, and soon meets me. 10 years later, when the other guy, a co-worker, shown his interest, remembering it she said with tears something like "someone finally noticed me", even if I tell her complinents regularly (without overdoing). She never believed any of them tho. It was always strange to me and seems like it might be a part of her reasons. I'm not looking for an excuse for giving her another shot - I just want to understand what the hell happened. From hearing that we are "the best couple I ever meet" from our friends to "what happened to you?".



I've found in her browser history things like lingerie shop, favourite men positions, booking.com search for hotels in our city (one when I was away for a weekend). Asked for those, she said the lingerie and positions were for me, and the hotel was to 'get away from this house for a moment'. There also were queries for the martial arts schools that the other guy does (in his city) and... his mom on LinkedIn. Typing that I wonder how could I believe her that she was just curious.



I don't really know. Seems like its just a matter of being used to someone and being yourself with that person. Sex was a rare thing. The same with cooking. Lingerie? Once, at the beginning.




Kinda. That's what I felt. That night when I saw these emails, I asked why, in a matter of a year, she changed from 'I'm so happy I have you, I dont deserve you at all' to 'I'm sorry, I tried but I just couldn't stop it'. Her response wandered around that the guy is in better shape, has a similar attitude towards life (aka work your ass off), is 'more like her'. Even today, if we argue and I mention him, she always seem to 'defend' him and show he is a good person. Cheating fcking father of two, a good person.

You know, just typing this all in one post enabled me to see how bad this looks and made me feel like the dumbest guy that ever registered here. I didn't even realise how good example of a beta I am. Like a 180 deegrees change compared to my early 20s. I became the person she wanted me to be and now she is as cold as ice to me, and I didn't get much out of this relationship at all.



You're probably right. I feel like I've just been unplugged from the Matrix - I barely can move and my eyes hurt af as I never used them before. I still can't believe all of this happened.

Thank you very much for your answer, I really appreciate that.

S

I'll make something real simple. That rare sex ( likely once a month ) and that rare cooking is a huge sign.

I believe you were always a placeholder in this situation or she would've been dousing you in sex. Sex should happen at a minimum 2 times a week and in my honest opinion almost every day. If she is of the right mind sex will never be a power struggle.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'll make something real simple. That rare sex ( likely once a month ) and that rare cooking is a huge sign.

I believe you were always a placeholder in this situation or she would've been dousing you in sex. Sex should happen at a minimum 2 times a week and in my honest opinion almost every day. If she is of the right mind sex will never be a power struggle.

And we should never tolerate anything less...

 

[bcude]

I'll make something real simple. That rare sex ( likely once a month ) and that rare cooking is a huge sign.

I believe you were always a placeholder in this situation or she would've been dousing you in sex. Sex should happen at a minimum 2 times a week and in my honest opinion almost every day. If she is of the right mind sex will never be a power struggle.

Couldn't agree more.
Makes me wonder, what kind of value did you see in her when sex was pretty much off the table and she rarely cooked. A woman who's attracted and aroused by you will make everything for you, even if she's not the "type", she will do it just because she knows it would make you happy.
That's the problem for so many men in relationships, we don't have standards and/or demand the woman to live up to them. Our commitment is a gift and regular sex is a must. If she doesn't comply she can leave. Simple as that.
In reality their list of needs and wants get bigger and bigger as the entitlement grows while men do their best to work harder and harder to live up to her demands, and when she finally gets what she wants - she despises it. Fvck that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Couldn't agree more.
Makes me wonder, what kind of value did you see in her when sex was pretty much off the table and she rarely cooked. A woman who's attracted and aroused by you will make everything for you, even if she's not the "type", she will do it just because she knows it would make you happy.
That's the problem for so many men in relationships, we don't have standards and/or demand the woman to live up to them. Our commitment is a gift and regular sex is a must. If she doesn't comply she can leave. Simple as that.
In reality their list of needs and wants get bigger and bigger as the entitlement grows while men do their best to work harder and harder to live up to her demands, and when she finally gets what she wants - she despises it. Fvck that.

Even the feminists told me we shouldn't put up with it. They know sexless and not getting any feminine support is a major shyt sandwhich to eat. They know no one can force them to have sex.. But even they admitted its not a big deal much further than a hug or a kiss on the mouth as women where GIVING it away just to obtain validation or favor before marriage.

 

[suchasimpleman]

As it comes to sex it is exactly like The Rational Male says - we moved together and it became more and more rare thing. Before it was mindblowing. I thought its normal thing. I spoke with my buddies and they had it decrease similarly. I guess we've all just become betas with time. I hope I can reverse that. Already let them know about the red pill.

Thank you for your answers. I see that I have a lot to process and a lot to learn.

 

[bcude]

As it comes to sex it is exactly like The Rational Male says - we moved together and it became more and more rare thing. Before it was mindblowing. I thought its normal thing. I spoke with my buddies and they had it decrease similarly. I guess we've all just become betas with time. I hope I can reverse that. Already let them know about the red pill.

Thank you for your answers. I see that I have a lot to process and a lot to learn.

Yeah, unfortunately that's how it usually works. The more commitment you give to a woman, the more power you give up since your ability to walk away diminishes with every step and she knows it -> relationship, cohabitation, marriage, children.
When women find themselves in comfortable situations where she doesn't have to put her best foot in anymore, because she knows you're trapped (in a harsh sense). She will relax on the sex, the cooking and everything she enthusiastically used to do when you first started dating where she knew she had to work harder to get you in competition with all the other women out there. That's a lesson many have to learn the hard way and a reason why red pill aware men stay away from these commitments. It paints a bleak picture and i want to point out that it's still possible to do all this if that's the thing for you, there are upsides to it aswell. It's just good to know what you get yourself into and know about the risks that could have life long consequences.

You will do good, you're opening your eyes right now and willing to take it all in. Not blaming people on the outside or putting responsibility outside of your control. Don't be hard on yourself, you're better off than most men who have no clue about this and are now stuck living in miserable marriages with children and a wife that abuses them. The future is bright my friend.

 

[Spaz]

Sorry to say this and I know its painful for you to hear it but it is over.

Certain lines must never be crossed, once it does, you as a man must act decisively even if it hurts you to the core.

A woman can even respect you for taking action and even admire you for it but she will never respect a man who has no backbone.

For women, love equals admiration and respect.

It's best for you to set up plans on how to move forward without her and do it soon.

Also, read through the DJ Bible, this will help you strengthen ur frame.

 

[rart]

Dude, you are only 29 and have no children. You are way way way better off than this shyt happened to me at 40 with 2 kinds. Count yourself lucky and move the fck on. Work on yourself and enjoy your single life!

 

[suchasimpleman]

Thank you guys, I appreciate your advices. I already feel better just by speaking out about it all.

 

[suchasimpleman]

How long have you been married?

2 yars of mariage, 5 years of living together.

How old are you?

I'm 30, same as her.

Are there any mutual children?

No, we don't have children. I sometimes feel that she is one - if it counts.

Are you financially dependent on her income?

No, I'm independent. We only use one shared account with a fixed amount of money each month for necessities.

What do you mean by getting back on your feet, and becoming the man you were?

I thought it was wrong to be myself, for whatever reason. I used to be a much more extroverted person who loved to be around people. Over the years I become more a lets-stay-at-home guy. I'd like to feel that positive side of life again. It's like focusing on the time with her became my main goal, and when she noticed it, my image of a happy, optimistic party dude vanished. I thought something is wrong with my relationship and that it may blow up soon - I seriously did, but I didn't know what to do about it. Shortly speaking, I'd like to be 'me' again as I feel I'm still the same person inside, just suppressed. And when I've found sosuave.net, went through the readings you guys recommended I finally got this kick in the back to start doing it immediately. Like I finally have the proof that being this nice guy to any woman, as I was always said, is a lie.

I honestly had to stop reading RM and DJ Bible a couple of times to prevent my brain from overheating. I felt like something fights this knowledge back all the time, but curiosity won, thankfully.

Are you in good shape? Were you ever?

I was in great shape when we meet, but after I've got a back injury I lost it and never came back to the same shape again.

Whether a woman is an "angel and blessing" or "demon and curse" to a man usually depends entirely on whether he remains in control...of himself and the relationship (not in control of her, which is futile).

Does this mean the same as the frame? I actually don't get the idea. Does maintaining the frame mean simply doing what I want and what I need, like taking care of my job, my friends and hobbies and letting her be a part of it? I already read The Rational Male and a part of DJ Bible, but I still didn't find the answer.

I general -- assuming your wife isn't a congenitally disloyal, soulless ©unt -- when a woman falls out of love with a man she was previously head-over-heels["heels-over-head" always made better rhetorical sense, to me] into, there's usually a reason.

For her, the reason is simple - if I as a wife turned to another man and wanted to leave my husband, the love we used to have isn't there or is very unhealthy. Otherwise, it would prevent me from doing it. Going the level deeper, she said I wasn't the same person anymore. I became more and more like she wanted, losing my happiness on the way, becoming depressed and unsure why I'm so happy. Then she lost interest and went after the next emotional spark she found.

I'm pretty sure she doesn't speak to this guy anymore, but I see that she still can't decide if she wants to catch up on a late carousel or not.