Lost too many friends feel soo lonely and sad, how to meet more friends? = (

[Happy_Camper]

Hello, im new to this forum and before i start telling you about my situation, i want to say this looks like a nice place to get some tips on girls but most importantly, how to really change your life and get motivation.

Ok here's my situation. I am currently in University right now (first year, and i stayed one year back in highschool) and i think i lost another group of friends recently cause they were very pissed at me. What happened was that about 6-7 ppl (1 close friend in that group) started avoiding me and ignoring me because i pissed them off unconsiously. Basically it had to be me not paying tip for the bill when we eat and me bullying/picking on one person in the group (but as a joke). Well i try to keep this short, they confronted me in the group and saying that if you dont change we might lose you etc. basically they were right and i will change because i was wrong.

I felt sad because this year, i lost a chance with this girl i really liked, but she blocked me and then i got pissed at her and later she apologized and she wanted me to be her bf, i sorta rejected her nicely by saying lets be friends first because we havent talked in a while and later when i went back, she rejected me.

Another girl rejected me twice, and after all the stuff i did for her she never really went for me and we were never close and we started losing contact.

In my lifetime (im 19 about to be 20), i lost approximately 4-5 groups of friends, some close some not because of stupid things over me getting pissed at someone, and then sides were taken and unfortunately no one went on my side, ****iness in online video games (i dont play anymore for about 3 yrs now) and just a short temper in a way.

All this happened made me feel really lonely and depressed and sometimes feel like killing myself. I mean, at first in highschool i was going into business, then i thought that was boring and i went into science, and now in university in switching back to business. So this means that i really have no much motivation which adds to my depression.

What im saying is that, when i come home, i have no one to talk to (im only child, parents divorced, mom comes home late) even though a lot of ppl in my msn contact. Although i have a lot like over 80, not many msg me, or i dont start convos with most of them. I dont have much friends are girls anymore cause i pissed off one of them and basically word got around and yeah. Seriously its boring when you go to Uni and you know no one, come home and no one to talk to. I only talk to one very close friend which i known him for over 12 years and he also lives down the block.

My point and what i need help is, i dont want to continue like this, lifes soo boring not being social. I WANT TO HAVE LOTS OF FRIENDS THAT ARE CLOSE AND TALK TO AND GO OUT WITH = (. I want to know what i should change and maybe what im doing wrong. Partly i think is that when i get in a fight or something, i usually stop talking to them and find a new friend, and this process repeats itself.

I recently got a phone plan thats like 35 dollars a month and my mom says, "why you would get a phone plan, no one ever calls you at home or when you had your phone for a month now" and she is absolutely right, i feel soo sad and lonely cause of that.

I want to change, and know how should i act to get your friends to be closer and meet more people. I dont like being like this. The thing is, is that i USED to be soo popular in my old schools. For example, i used to be the fastest in the school, most athletic, did very good in school, got many gfs (up to 3 a yr) etc. and now, what happened? Its this TASTE of sweet happiness that you once had and you know how happy you can really be and cant find that happiness again or experience it right now.

So i was wondering if you guys have any tips on how should i treat my friends or make new ones, please you have no idea how your advice will help me and i thank you soo much for reading sitting here and reading this post.

 

[MisterNigma]

Too Much Negativity

All this happened made me feel really lonely and depressed and sometimes feel like killing myself. I mean, at first in highschool i was going into business, then i thought that was boring and i went into science, and now in university in switching back to business. So this means that i really have no much motivation which adds to my depression.

First off, the part I highlighted is the most serious part of your post. That's called suicidal ideation. To say the least, it's not good. I know this is now what you want to hear, but YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!

As far as friends go, there I can't help you, while I do have a few close friends, and lots of aquaintances, I really do have a very small social circle. For me making friends is tough. Keeping them, is not so tough.

It's all about give and take. Control yourself a little more, even around "friends". Be willing to back down once in a while, or be amicable to a suggestion to do something you don't like that much, again once in a while.

The first and foremost thing you can do, is not be as negative as you are now. You might now feel like it, but you do have to act like it. Even if you feel like sh*t smile! No matter what, do not be negative, - this is the main problem you have at the moment.

I am a pessimist, if things can go wrong, they did go wrong (atleast so far in my life) but that doesn't mean you need to mope around, which is what you are doing now.

As callous as this might seem - you need a shrink, and you might benefit from some anti depressants.

Start talking to people. Start asking people for help.(example; you meet a girl/guy somewhere, ASK, hey do you guys wanna hang out . . .?)

Bottom line is, if you do nothing, you will just get more and more depressed, and I know you feel sh*tty now, but trust me, it gets worse.

Good Luck,


-E.Nigma

P.S. - Posting here is a good first step, now just don't stop.

 

[Last Man Standing]

You are sad and depressed and you call yourself the "happy camper"?

You have an attitude problem - why should people like being around you?

 

[Macca]

He seems to get *pissed* a lot too...does he mean that he has a drink problem?

 

[KarmaSutra]

First off, the part I highlighted is the most serious part of your post. That's called suicidal ideation. To say the least, it's not good. I know this is now what you want to hear, but YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!

Agreed. Your mental acumen is nothing to fvck around with. Obviously you know you have a problem thus you need to seek a solution. Coming here is a good baby step.

The first and foremost thing you can do, is not be as negative as you are now. You might now feel like it, but you do have to act like it. Even if you feel like sh*t smile! No matter what, do not be negative, - this is the main problem you have at the moment.

Good advice my friend HC you'll only deepen your mire with negativity.

I am a pessimist, if things can go wrong, they did go wrong (atleast so far in my life) but that doesn't mean you need to mope around, which is what you are doing now.

As callous as this might seem - you need a shrink, and you might benefit from some anti depressants.

Start talking to people. Start asking people for help.(example; you meet a girl/guy somewhere, ASK, hey do you guys wanna hang out . . .?)

Bottom line is, if you do nothing, you will just get more and more depressed, and I know you feel sh*tty now, but trust me, it gets worse.

Each of these are good points and demand attention. I too, see things in an existential light and believe that faith can only get you so far. Seeing the world as it truly is and accepting your emotional and mental states as your responsibility are paramount in accepting the necessary change to help you get back on track. Although, if you're a fvcking a$$hole in and out that cannot be helped.

 

[KarmaSutra]

You are sad and depressed and you call yourself the "happy camper"?

You have an attitude problem - why should people like being around you?

Ya know, I've been watching your retorts become more and more childish and retarded.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Ya know, I've been watching your retorts become more and more childish and retarded.

"RETORT'I do not know what that big word means??? Please don't confuse me!

 

[Pulsar]

A few random tips:

When you play games and stuff with friends, you don't ALWAYS have to win you know.

I learned this from a friend who was extremely good at a video game and I knew he was damn good. But when playing against new players to the game he would often let them beat him.--He would try to learn or practice some new combo and then they would win.

He didn't care because he knew he was better anyway but he said that the other person enjoys themselves much more if they win every now and then as well.

The best way to have more friends, is to be a better 'friend' towards others. Try to be more 'giving' and help out more. Actually 'listen' to what they say and relate it back to them. Don't try to solve their problems for them. Instead ask them " so what are you doing to do about it?" or "so, how do you suppose you could solve your problem?" By asking that kind of question they come up with their own answers that they are more likely to follow anyway.

Another way to make friends especially at University, is to volunteer for stuff. Usually there is a student guild or clubs that you can join and help out with. Or you can play some sports or martial arts or something like that and meet people that way.

One thing you don't want to do is to 'come off desperate' for a friend. You want to be 'indifferent' as to whether or not a particular person wants to be your friend, because if you have good positive attitude towards everyone then you'll naturally attract people who want to hang out with you.

Having said that, I think you know the answers to these questions deep down. you just need to articulate those answers to yourself on paper and then act on them.

Good Luck and Metta to you.

 

[Happy_Camper]

First off, the part I highlighted is the most serious part of your post. That's called suicidal ideation. To say the least, it's not good. I know this is now what you want to hear, but YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP NOW!

As far as friends go, there I can't help you, while I do have a few close friends, and lots of aquaintances, I really do have a very small social circle. For me making friends is tough. Keeping them, is not so tough.

It's all about give and take. Control yourself a little more, even around "friends". Be willing to back down once in a while, or be amicable to a suggestion to do something you don't like that much, again once in a while.

The first and foremost thing you can do, is not be as negative as you are now. You might now feel like it, but you do have to act like it. Even if you feel like sh*t smile! No matter what, do not be negative, - this is the main problem you have at the moment.

I am a pessimist, if things can go wrong, they did go wrong (atleast so far in my life) but that doesn't mean you need to mope around, which is what you are doing now.

As callous as this might seem - you need a shrink, and you might benefit from some anti depressants.

Start talking to people. Start asking people for help.(example; you meet a girl/guy somewhere, ASK, hey do you guys wanna hang out . . .?)

Bottom line is, if you do nothing, you will just get more and more depressed, and I know you feel sh*tty now, but trust me, it gets worse.

Good Luck,


-E.Nigma

P.S. - Posting here is a good first step, now just don't stop.

hey thanks for giving me the great tips, i think they are good ways to start changing and maybe turn my life around, thank you soo much for your ideas and your time replying for that post = )

 

[Happy_Camper]

You are sad and depressed and you call yourself the "happy camper"?

You have an attitude problem - why should people like being around you?

hehe i like that Happy_camper name because i want to be happy and when i had a lot friends back then and having a great time, i was happy and i enjoyed it heh.

I understand i do have an atittude problem and i want to change and do something about it. I dont want to continue to be like this thats why i came to this board to seek help. I know there are a bunch of nice people in this forum that love to help others and are genuninely really kind hearted and like to give advice and i will love to take it.

However, i would be a jerk and an a&&hole if i dont realize the problem, or deny it and dont do anything about it, but im not. Part of becoming a DJ is to improve one's self and attitude towards life and others then good things will come and ultimately the girls.

Sorry if you got the wrong message in the original post then, my point is i do want to change because as others have said, there are soo many nice and great people out there in the world to meet, and i first have to realize and change myself to meet them and keep them.

thanks for your insight though = )

 

[Happy_Camper]

Agreed. Your mental acumen is nothing to fvck around with. Obviously you know you have a problem thus you need to seek a solution. Coming here is a good baby step.




Good advice my friend HC you'll only deepen your mire with negativity.



Each of these are good points and demand attention. I too, see things in an existential light and believe that faith can only get you so far. Seeing the world as it truly is and accepting your emotional and mental states as your responsibility are paramount in accepting the necessary change to help you get back on track. Although, if you're a fvcking a$$hole in and out that cannot be helped.

thanks karma for extending his ideas = ), thanks for your advice too hehe. I do have to stop acting negative because its just going to snowball and have a more downhill affect. i do agree that having a great positive happy attitude and smiling not only attracts girls but male friends too because people genuinely like to be around optimists than pessimists

Hehe its great to come in new to this forum and have people give me their honest and useful opinion, thanks guys keep it up hehe = )

 

[Happy_Camper]

A few random tips:

When you play games and stuff with friends, you don't ALWAYS have to win you know.

I learned this from a friend who was extremely good at a video game and I knew he was damn good. But when playing against new players to the game he would often let them beat him.--He would try to learn or practice some new combo and then they would win.

He didn't care because he knew he was better anyway but he said that the other person enjoys themselves much more if they win every now and then as well.

The best way to have more friends, is to be a better 'friend' towards others. Try to be more 'giving' and help out more. Actually 'listen' to what they say and relate it back to them. Don't try to solve their problems for them. Instead ask them " so what are you doing to do about it?" or "so, how do you suppose you could solve your problem?" By asking that kind of question they come up with their own answers that they are more likely to follow anyway.

Another way to make friends especially at University, is to volunteer for stuff. Usually there is a student guild or clubs that you can join and help out with. Or you can play some sports or martial arts or something like that and meet people that way.

One thing you don't want to do is to 'come off desperate' for a friend. You want to be 'indifferent' as to whether or not a particular person wants to be your friend, because if you have good positive attitude towards everyone then you'll naturally attract people who want to hang out with you.

Having said that, I think you know the answers to these questions deep down. you just need to articulate those answers to yourself on paper and then act on them.

Good Luck and Metta to you.

pulsar great ideas on meeting new friends at Uni, ill definately take in that advice and apply it in the next semester. I am rather a busy guy with a part time job on my weekend, extra curricular classes and my taking 3 sciences phy,chm, bio is a lot to handle but its worth meeting the extra people.

Damn, cant believe i didnt go to Frosh week (im first yr) because i had work, i shouldve took a day off and then perhaps meet new people and more fun at Uni as well they can help me with hw and ill help them at math cause im good at that hehe = )

thanks again for your ideas, they were wonderful = )

 

[SubSoniq]

Part of becoming a DJ is to improve one's self and attitude towards life and others then good things will come and ultimately the girls.

don't get it too mixed up. Girls are not the ultimate end. Being happy with yourself, and living your life as best as you can is the ultimate end. having no regrets in life. girls come in time, and they are in a way a "side-effect" to being happy with yourself, confident in yourself, and loving yourself. What i would recommend is, read the DJ bible. Lots of great information, and a good start. I used to be depressed, and felt like sh!t for a while after moving away from everything and everyone i knew all my life. After being here for a while, and reading a lot of the stuff on this site, i learned that one of the biggest things to help is to get confidence up. I took a lot of the things i've read on this site, applied them to my life, and things have been turning around like crazy. Read The DJ Bible, and the first section 'newbie material', and then read through the 'uplifting material'. Once you start appling some of the things you read, then you will notice a change in your life.

 

[danielzxc]

Have you ever considered "making up" with your old friends? Just because you had a falling out doesn't mean it's over FOREVER. Lol. Just apologize, saying how you realize you were in the wrong and so anyway, what are they up to and let's hang out. (Of course, if your old "friends" hated your guts for a long time and only got the courage to ditch you right at the end, then they are probably feeling too "relieved" that you're gone to ever want you back again.)

 

[PRMoon]

Out of curiosity, how many of you have siblings? I find, being an only child, that I prefer spending time alone. Don't get me wrong, I have an active social life and get along well with my co workers but I'm the most satisfied when I'm by myself. Growing up I spent alot of time by myself so I guess I'm kind of in my nitche when I get free time at work or at home.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Happy "sad" camper dude - do NOT take anti-depressants!!!!!! Own up to your own failings and change yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are THE cure and NOT a pill!!!!!!

Would you bully someone who will destroy you??? No!! Of course not!!! You are your own worst enemy and not others!!!

 

[danielzxc]

I'm an only child. Spending time alone is perfectly fine for me. But I don't like to go too long without social contact.

(Where in Vegas are you? I used to live south, silverado ranch and maryland.)

 

[PRMoon]

I'm an only child. Spending time alone is perfectly fine for me. But I don't like to go too long without social contact.

(Where in Vegas are you? I used to live south, silverado ranch and maryland.)

No crap! I use to live on silverado and spencer!
I live off of warmsprings and eastern right now but I'm going to be selling this condo sooner or later. I want to buy one of those three story houses in southern highlands. I really like the property out there and it's not so crowded. I'll have to wake up a bit earlier for work but I figure I'll have gotten a steady g/f by then so I won't be staying out as much either.

 

[mrRuckus]

Make friends by joining groups. That's extra easy in college. Then just make chit chat and invite someone or someones to come get a beer.

Yeah all my friendships usually start from them drinking with me. hmm that explains a lot.



if you live in a dorm LEAVE YOUR DOOR OPEN when you are there. when you pass people in the hallways say hi. people just naturally come together with people who are friendly and that they see on a consistent basis.

 

[CrunchyNut]

I know this sounds hard but you just have to go out and do it. When I went to uni I was part of a very tight knit group of friends from home, and none of them were going anywhere near me. I thought that meeting people would be hard, but you have to remember one thing. EVERYBODY is in the same boat, from the most popular, good looking people to the spotty guys who sit in the corner. It is a chance for everyone to mingle and meet people. I have made friends with the types of people I never even thought I would talk to in my life. You just have to go start talking.

Join sports teams, debating teams, computer club, join the society for whatever courses you are doing. This term I am doing 7 different sports. I dont even enjoy a couple of them, but its just such a great way to meet people. At uni there are people of all different levels, so even if you have never done sport in your life just take one up and give it a go! You always go for a drink or something after training, and there are usually frequent socials where you get to meet even more people.

You simply have to take all the chances that you are presented with. If you are offered the chance to go out clubbing then DO IT!!! Even if its with people you have never met before. I have met so many cool people just by doing things which, in the past, I would simply have been too reserved to do. That is what the first year of uni is about.

Go for it and you will do great!