Lost the desire to have children after reaching a certain age

[ThisNThat]

I have to admit, I wanted children when I was in my 20s and early 30s. Later on, as I reached my mid-30s that if I hadn't had kids by the age of 40, I'll decide never to have children...maybe even get snipped. But lately, I've been running across middle-aged women late 30s, 40s, even LATE 40s...that still seriously YEARN to have children.

When I get into a discussion about this with 40-something female friends, they are like "You REALLY don't want kids?" and I kind of look at them like they crazy.."I'm 45 years old, why would I want to have kids, and be the only 55 year old fart taking little Timmy to soccer practice? Sitting among tons of 20-something parents?

I know a woman that has 2 kids already, and wouldn't be opposed to a third. Maybe I should go under the knife regardless for the big "V"?

I am hearing that women, no matter how old they are...are turned off by some men who've had had vasectomies. There's just something off putting about not being open at all to kids..and having that surgery is a 100% representation of that attitude that turns women off, yes?

I mean, she's also cutting herself short, because think about it..how many men over 40 that are single parents want MORE children with a woman who has had no children?!

 

[Who Dares Win]

The way you think is totally legit after all at 45 even if you manage to get pregnat there will be a high chance of your kid to be dumb

 

[sazc]

you definitely would not be the only 55 yo taking his kid to soccer. tons of older dads these days. but dont have children if you dont want them. The require time and attention, lots of it.

 

[bigneil]

I'll be honest. I can't stand kids. Or people in general. The last thing I ever wanted was to be the guy who tells his friends he has to go to his sister in law's house today, and to have to make small talk with her Aunt Ruth for 3 hours.

Today at the pool I was discussing business with a guy who was babysitting his 9 year old niece. She could not go 10 seconds without attention, and would rudely interrupt every single time. When she interrupted for the 40th straight time, I honestly wanted to belt her. Of course, he coddled her, and I'd be arrested. So she will run free until early adulthood when the police will (eventually, thankfully) tase and handcuff her. Kids these days are remarkably obnoxious. I have to doubt kids in the past got away acting like that. She was a pretty thing, with a belly coming in, eating junk food.

 

[BeExcellent]

One of the men I spend time with is 55. He's never been married, never fathered any children. He's quite successful. Here's what is interesting...

He regrets not having children but doesn't want to start now. I suggested he could always find a woman in her 20s or 30s to have children with...he could insist she do the child rearing & never change a diaper (he's nice looking, well off, hilarious and good with women.)

He feels he is too old to start now with babies and he regrets not going that route earlier in life. Why? He sees his buddies surrounded by their children & grandchildren & at his core wishes he had those family ties. He doesn't want to have new babies when his pals all have new grandbabies.

Men hit the wall too. This man is a retired pro athlete who is facing two knee replacements in the near term.

If you as a guy want to get snipped...get snipped. Women should not enter that equation. Or cryo some semen in case you ever run into someone you'd deem a worthy mother. That way you reserve the possibility for offspring but take away pregnancy risk.

In vitro is very planned so no way to have kids on accident.

But I also find the situation of the man I mentioned to be rather unfortunate.

You see the young you cannot foresee the desires of the older you. If you do happen to want fatherhood and all that entails don't deny that desire. Don't regret it years from now when you see those you know enjoying their families.

But by all means get snipped if you KNOW you don't ever want kids.

They are expensive, demanding, and take precedent over your own interests for many years.

 

[Desdinova]

I am hearing that women, no matter how old they are...are turned off by some men who've had had vasectomies. There's just something off putting about not being open at all to kids..and having that surgery is a 100% representation of that attitude that turns women off, yes?

I've had the complete opposite. They love the freedom of having condom-free sex with no consequences. They still plan on having kids with me, but they see a vasectomy reversal in my future.

I'm not opposed to having more kids, but it can't be with the wrong woman. The way I see it, if there's a woman who is worth having more kids with, she's going to pay for the procedure to make it happen. I'm not interested in a vasectomy reversal either. I want to go with in vitro fertilization because I don't want more than one more child.

The mistake I made was not storing any of my sperm. That's what I would recommend to those who want to get a vasectomy. I'm also surprised that the doctor who performed the vasectomy didn't push me to go that route.

 

[ThisNThat]

I've had the complete opposite. They love the freedom of having condom-free sex with no consequences. They still plan on having kids with me, but they see a vasectomy reversal in my future.

I'm not opposed to having more kids, but it can't be with the wrong woman. The way I see it, if there's a woman who is worth having more kids with, she's going to pay for the procedure to make it happen. I'm not interested in a vasectomy reversal either. I want to go with in vitro fertilization because I don't want more than one more child.

The mistake I made was not storing any of my sperm. That's what I would recommend to those who want to get a vasectomy. I'm also surprised that the doctor who performed the vasectomy didn't push me to go that route.

Or they could have their tubes tied.

I think I may be better off dating women with children, because I know by that time, they don't want kids and probably have taken action on themselves (tubes tied or some extreme b control like the implant or...menopause) to keep themselves having more kids.

My last g/f didn't believe in any kind of hormonal b-control, which is understandable..that depending on the woman, can have some effects on them, even lessen sex drive....so I asked if she considered getting her tubes tied.

It was as if me even SUGGESTING it offended her.

That question, I think, pretty much triggered something in her..that that method is a method by which you can indeed say bye-bye to kids...ever.

I have noticed on POF that women over 40 usually "undecided/open" or "prefer not to say", more so than "Doesn't want children"...makes met think the "prefer not to sayers" are afraid to admit to admit publicly that they do not want kids.

It's like they'll think they'll be some kind of social pariah if they do. lol

I've also read that older women are going cougar-style with younger men since their same-aged men's sperm arent' virile anymore.

I recall meeting this one woman out with friends, age 38...she looked familiar...well turned out she has a dating profile and she actually wrote IN her profile that it's "imperative that you want children, otherwise...move on" So ran into a wall there. I recall in my late 30s just starting that tipping point of not wanting kids.

A friend of mine, who already had two kids like middle-school aged, he was in his mid-40s, he almost called off the wedding because his 30 year old wife wanted kids. She later agreed NOT to have kids..and they got married. (close call)

At 45, maybe I should stick to attractive/young looking 50-something menopausal women. lol

 

[skinnyguy]

I'd be a horrible father.

Not to mention it's very hard to find a chick who I want to be with for more than three months. I still would like to get married some day but man all the good ones get swept up by 25.

I can't imagine being a single dad via divorce. The woman would cut me off from the kid probably due to our court system.

Lots of problems with having children if you haven't found a woman who would be a good mother. The girls I hook up with are hot and freaky but not the marrying kind.