Lost respect for a friend

[Slickster]

Okay I know this is the wrong section to be posting this but I was hoping to get some "mature" responses to this problem. If it has to be moved I understand. Maybe if I make reference to some HB8's that we talked to that night it will be okay.

A few days ago I had a pretty big falling out with a good friend. I've had my suspicions that this guy has a cocaine problem but I guess I didn't know how bad it really was.

Anyway we were out drinking and being idiots and it was pretty obvious (to me anyway) that he was doing some coke.

We were at a bar drinking for a few hours and when it came time to throw money in for the bill this guy is a cheapo. He always does this kind of thing. Claims he only had a few beer when he actually had many. Shows up with a couple and drinks all yours, etc. He is always stiffing people on bills.

Turns out the other dudes we were with were also low on the cash so I ended up paying the majority of a big bill. The other guys are usually really good with paying their share and are quite generous. However the other guy is always a cheapskate and it pisses me off.

So it's late and we're drunk and we're trying to buy some more beer after the bar closes. Sure enough buddy won't throw any money in. I decide to call him on it and we proceed to get into quite an argument over it. During the argument I proceed to bring up a couple other instances in the past where he has seriously stiffed me on bills at restaurants, etc.

I can tell he's getting pissed off and he's right jacked from the blow. The guy loses it and gets in my face and starts trying to punch me and start a fight. I'm not the fighting type and especially not with good buddies. I'm actually smiling and laughing as my other buddies are trying to pull him off of me.

He yells and screams and finally says "You want some fvckin' money well here!!!" and throws $10 in my face. The $10 is ridiculous seeing how I've already dished out over $250 for him and the guys. All he threw in for the bill was $25 and said he was broke which is total bs. He gets hauled away by one of the guys and I haven't spoken to him since.

He sends me an apology yesterday through text of all things!

"Hey man I probably owe you an apology and it probably shouldn't be on text, but here it is. By the way can I get my $10 back?"

How fvckin' lame! This guy has been a good buddy for 20 years. He gets drunk has a coke-rage in my face trying to punch me out and all I get is a lame text apology?? WTF???

I'm not really sure how I should respond to this? I'm thinking of sending him a simple "Thanks" text back and then not calling him ever again until he calls or comes to me with a real fvcking apology. Like I say he is a good buddy and I'm not one to hold grudges. The drunken argument/fight really doesn't bother me. However I've lost quite a bit of respect for him due to this lame apology.

Opinions???

 

[DJDamage]

Your friend sounds like a total loser, if he ain't willing to change then I would just cut him loose.

 

[squirrels]

Get him help. Or cut him loose. Your call.

Stop hanging out with him, though.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If you're only issue with him is money, just be up front anytime your order drinks, e.g never run a tab etc. If he asks why, tell him. If you make a point of saying so before you start drinking, then you may not get into a fight.

But if that's not the only thing, (and that sounds like it may be the case)cut him loose. No need to make a big deal about it, just stop hanging out with him.

I used to have a good buddy like that, or at least I thought he was a good buddy. When I made it clear (through my actions) that he couldn't leech off me any more, he suddenly stopped being a good buddy.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Make better friends, get a better life. Your friends are one barometer of yourself, make no mistake...

Lose the Losers.

 

[Bible_Belt]

People who do coke never have any money...except to buy more coke. What do you think he wanted that ten bucks for?

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Well, I'll tell you that just because someone has an addiction to cocaine doesn't make them or the people they know bad people or "losers" as you guys call it. Certain drugs interact differently with the mind and body, and some simply suck you in.

I've had a few friends go down the path of cocaine. All of them became distant during these times, created trouble. I distanced myself from those behaviors and gatherings. But I did always try to keep myself there as a life line. Because there will be a point where their attitude towards life changes, and they'll need some mental support.

If you truly care about him as a friend, don't disconnect your heart from him. Understand he's on a slippery slope, and more than anything, maybe you can be a person to provide perspective and inspiration. He's probably got lots of other things in life already working against him.

much love man.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Well, I'll tell you that just because someone has an addiction to cocaine doesn't make them or the people they know bad people or "losers" as you guys call it. Certain drugs interact differently with the mind and body, and some simply suck you in.

I've had a few friends go down the path of cocaine. All of them became distant during these times, created trouble. I distanced myself from those behaviors and gatherings. But I did always try to keep myself there as a life line. Because there will be a point where their attitude towards life changes, and they'll need some mental support.

If you truly care about him as a friend, don't disconnect your heart from him. Understand he's on a slippery slope, and more than anything, maybe you can be a person to provide perspective and inspiration. He's probably got lots of other things in life already working against him.

much love man.

Disregard this steaming pile of horse****.

Drug addicts are animals who only care about getting more drugs, and they will often feign their "emotional turmoil" to get close to you so they can get money from you. ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS DOING FVCKING DRUGS, and this guy will beg, borrow, and steal your money to get more.

When we are kids, we can be friends with whoever we want, and there's no repercussions. But here in the Big Boy World, hanging around with drug addicts and various other scumbags will drag your reputation to their level. If that doesn't bother you, then just keep doing what you've been doing.

Let us achieve an objective definition of "drug addict"...

Guy who smokes pot and occasionally eats a mushroom: not a drug addict.

Guy who breaks into his grandmothers house and pawns her jewelry to get more coke or meth: addict.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Disregard this steaming pile of horse****.

How many people with serious drug problems have you interacted with? I've had experience with this realm of life, seeing a few friends cross the line. But some have come back. And it's certain friends who never gave up on them who did help.

Often this was coupled by their own perspective changes and hard work. But there were friends who never gave up on them. And this made a difference in their mind. That's just a fact.

I'm not saying a person can ever be responsible for another's change. But what I am saying, is that people do make a difference. Maybe if he respects you, he would take your opinions of him more seriously.

Don't tolerate anyone sh!tting on you. And distance and boundaries are fine. But if you love the guy, **** man, maybe you can help. Coke addiction, in my mind, can be a black hole. Good people get sucked in by hard drugs all of the time.

Addiction and a person's level of morality are very different.

 

[zekko]

How many people with serious drug problems have you interacted with? I've had experience with this realm of life, seeing a few friends cross the line. But some have come back. And it's certain friends who never gave up on them who did help.

True, but as with so many things there is an opposite side to the story. If you continue to be friends with the guy unconditionally, you're basically enabling him to continue his drug abusing ways. A lot of addicts won't change until they hit bottom and lose everything, including their friends.

I would give this guy my forgiveness, but I wouldn't hang out with him until he gets his head on straight. Buying him drinks, even drinking around him, probably isn't doing him any favors.

 

[sodbuster]

Eagles never hang with turkeys.

 

[Slickster]

Thanks for the responses guys.

I texted him a simple "thanks" last night and haven't heard anything else from him.

Speaking with one of the other guys there I've learned that buddy does have a bit of a coke problem. Apparently whenever it is around he turns into a bit of a fiend. I'm not really sure how I can help this guy.

He's been a good friend for a long time and has been there for me in times of need before. However in my large social circle he is definitely a "fringe" friend at this point and comes from a rougher crowd than I do. I don't spend enough time with him to keep an eye on him. I don't know how often he is doing drugs but when I think of some of his other buddies it could be quite a bit. Really just speculation though.

From my own experiences I'm not sure I really get the coke thing? I've tried it a handful of times usually when I'm really drunk or at some epic event. When I've been drunk it's tough to tell how much of an effect it has. Other than staying up later and partying more I don't feel any positive effects.

One time there was a little bit lying around after a party and I saved it for later. Out of pure curiosity I once tried it stone sober just to see the effects it would have on me. Once again I didn't really get anything positive from it. I guess it is the kind of drug that keeps the party going rather than starts it.

It seems like a really stupid thing to get into based on its addictiveness, price, and negative consequences. Seeing a good friend go agro and try to punch me out has definitely given me a wake up call. I won't be going down that road anymore.

What to do about buddy comes down to two options I guess. Based on your opinions I'm getting I should either write him off or distance him but still be there for support if needed.

Tough for me to write anyone off so I guess I'm leaning towards option 2.

However, the sayings

Eagles never hang with turkeys.

and

Your friends are one barometer of yourself

are weighing on my mind pretty strong right now.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Well is coke the only problem that you have with him? There are friends that I have who do coke from time to time but they're good people. I don't have problems with them. Then there are the completely sober friends who are just haters that I need to cut loose.

Is it really the coke?

 

[Slickster]

Well Thunder,

It's not like I've had many other problems with the guy. He's a bit of a grouchy f*cker sometimes but I'm used to that. This is the only time I've ever had a conflict with him personally.

I guess I've been a bit blind to the coke thing but as I said earlier another friend says he's getting a bit of reputation and may have a serious problem.

I think given some time I'll probably connect with this guy again but I really don't want to be around him if he's doing blow.

 

[jophil28]

"Hey man I probably owe you an apology and it probably shouldn't be on text, but here it is. By the way can I get my $10 back?"

He wants his $10 back ? Freakin' cheap basturd.
That would be enough for me to cut him out. Sheesh !

 

[Bible_Belt]

From my own experiences I'm not sure I really get the coke thing?

Me either. It's like paying $20 for a sore throat. Putting anything up your nose is retarded.

However, everyone's chemistry and makeup is different. Coke affects people differently in the same way as alcohol. Some people love it and can't quit; at the same time, they can't see themselves from other peoples' perspectives. Cocaine creates a delusional top-of-the-world arrogance. I have seen crackheads walk into gas stations with a losing lottery ticket and try to convince the clerk that it was really a winning ticket. Smoke enough crack, and I guess that seems like it will work.

 

[Jitterbug]

He wants his $10 back ? Freakin' cheap basturd.
That would be enough for me to cut him out. Sheesh !

That wasn't even a real apology either.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Me either. It's like paying $20 for a sore throat. Putting anything up your nose is retarded.

However, everyone's chemistry and makeup is different. Coke affects people differently in the same way as alcohol. Some people love it and can't quit; at the same time, they can't see themselves from other peoples' perspectives. Cocaine creates a delusional top-of-the-world arrogance. I have seen crackheads walk into gas stations with a losing lottery ticket and try to convince the clerk that it was really a winning ticket. Smoke enough crack, and I guess that seems like it will work.

Crack ain't coke dude but you're right about coke giving you a false sense of confidence. The few times I did it I felt like superman without his powers; I just didn't know it. It was fun, but I'd like to feel that way without it someday.

 

[Joe Stud]

Cut him loose, just keep your distance. These type of guys are disrespectful to the good guys. IF... you get stuck drinking in the same group with him, insist on buying your own drinks, to avoid arguements. You can say "I drink mixed drinks, you guys drink beer, so I dont want to make you guys chip in for my drinking tastes, so I will buy my own".

 

[Bible_Belt]

Crack ain't coke dude but you're right about coke giving you a false sense of confidence. The few times I did it I felt like superman without his powers; I just didn't know it. It was fun, but I'd like to feel that way without it someday.

Well, crack is made from coke, but if you mean the buzz is different, then maybe I could see that. The high from crack is stupidly lame, like a nicotine high, but then it is quickly replace by an intense craving for more of it...or so I have heard .