lost my girlfriend because i don't have a lot of money

[bombtrack2007]

Hey guys, how are you all doing? I'm a 25 year old guy, full time college student, part time employee. I have an issue and I was just looking for another perspective. I still have a couple years left in school and I also still live at home with mom and dad. My job doesn't pay me THAT much, but it's a respectable job with lots of room for advancement. I also have some money in the bank, although I don't like to go too crazy with it just incase I need it for something. I get good grades in school.

Now, to make a long story short, my girlfriend of one year, who is 22, and I broke up. It was basically because she's done school, has a full time job and wants to move on with her life. She wants nice, expensive things. She wants a nice apartment in the city. She wants to go on expensive vacations. She likes to go out a lot...go to AC, the clubs, the bar, wants to go out to nice dinners. She wants to do that kind of stuff all the time...she wants a Sex in the City kind of life, it seems.

That's fine that she likes to do those things. I like to do stuff like that too, sometimes. But that's the thing. I can't afford to do those things all the time. And that frustrates her. She feels like I'm holding her back. She doesn't like that I'm ok with not being able to do those things, or drive the most expensive car, etc. I mean, if i didn't have a car payment every month it might not be too much of a problem. but anways...she once told me that if we were married, she would be upset with me if my job didn't allow me the financial capability to buy our kids brand new cars as opposed to used ones.

"Whats wrong with a used car? they don't need a new car." i say

She responds with, "It's not about needing it, it's about wanting it. i want to give our kids new cars and i want to be with someone who wants the same."

i couldn't believe she said that.

so anyway, our relationship is over now because we want different things and have different perspectives on things. which is fine. but she really would make me feel bad, like there was something wrong with me.

Whats the difference between me and her? How come i can deal with driving a Hyundai or not having the biggest house but she can't?

It's not that i don't want nice things, I'm just ok with having less...it doesn't bother me if i have to sit in on a weekend to save money. that drives her crazy. i understand things in life cost money, but from my perspective, its no reason to carelessly spend it. (her response to that would be "Well you need to find another job, then.")

this isn't even so much a question about our relationship as it is about being successful in life...should i be out there working day and night to get ahead? to make as much money as possible? should i have the attitude where i go from job to job, looking for the biggest paycheck? i mean, jobs are scarce enough and being a full time student, i need time for my school work.

but if i cared about our relationship, should i be doing those things? am i lazy? am i just settling for less by being ok with not having the nicest things? i'm the type of person that feels your material possessions don't make you who you are...ever see Fight Club? i kinda feel like that.

i would do nice things for her, and we did do things she wanted to do...but it wasnt as much as she would have liked...sometimes there would be a week or two where we wouldnt do anything because i needed to pay my bills or something. she once told me if it was up to her, she'd be going out every night.

I just wish my love was enough for her.

I apologize sincerely for the length and the paragraphs, and also if i'm breaking any written/unwritten forum rules. I'd just really like for someone to tell me i'm normal and not crazy. She makes me feel like less of a man for not being able to provide her with those things. or like i'm going to be poor or something. dude, she even insulted my chosen career path of being a teacher because they don't make a lot of money. when i told her it wasnt about the money, it was about making a difference and inspiring young people, she told me i was naive. anyone have a similar experience?

 

[Jitterbug]

Good riddance.

You're fundamentally very different people. And you're not the crazy one, far from it. You're financially responsible and rational. That's a virtue she doesn't have.

You're much better off without her.

 

[dead]

Good riddance.

No there isn't anything wrong with you, there is something wrong with society!

And ignore what she says, you are a man. Like in Fight Club; you are not your crappy IKEA furniture. Many women don't get that, but you have to. You are not a slave of the demands of society. Owning expensive stuff makes you happy in the short run, but a strong will and tenacity will make you happy forever.

 

[jophil28]

That girl is one of the many who have bitten the fruit of entitlement and feels she and her children deserve a slave. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it other than watch her live a life of slow decay and ruin.

This ^^

"..she and her children DESERVE a slave.." Yep and she truly believes that she is entitled to a self indulgent magic carpet ride .
You were never going to be her husband, you were being groomed to be her personal slave.
Never speak to that $$ ***** again.
Lesson learned ?

 

[hansol]

That chick is out to lunch. With that attitude, she will fail miserably at hitting the top tax bracket. Despite what the media pushes, it tends to be hard workers and frugal savers that get to that luxury point.

She seems like sort that will blow all the money in the savings account, max out the credit cards, and then lose the house to the bank. You dodged a huge bullet, sir.

She is most certainly the naive one here too.

 

[bombtrack2007]

Thanks guys. I appreciate your time and input. I do feel better. I hope I didn't come off as a whiny little b-tch, that certainly was not my intent. It just got me down how someone i had some of the most wonderful of times with, someone who seemed to like me for me (she bought me friday the 13th movies for christmas last year...and for my birthday, because she knows i like horror movies, added severed hands and feet to the center pieces on the tables at my birthday party...she bought me slayer and megadeth tickets) could in the end allow something like money to get in the way of whats truly important. and like i said, it wasn't just about me and her, but me and my place in society, as dead had made that point about something being wrong with society.

but thanks again for the kind words. i knew i'd be able to find solace here. i'll try to keep reminding myself of what was said here. thank you.

 

[vatoloco]

Oh my fucking God!! You my friend, are one hell of a lucky bastard! You just dodged a fucking huge bullet! Fucking A man! I'd go buy a lottery ticket if I were you...

...she once told me that if we were married, she would be upset with me if my job didn't allow me the financial capability to buy our kids brand new cars as opposed to used ones.

Right here she was telling you that she is a Class-A, extremely dangerous Gold Digger/High Maintenance woman. Hey, at least the girl was being honest. I'll give her that. If you had stayed with her, married her and popped out 2-3 kids with her, she would have taken you to the cleaners when she dumped you for the newer/richer model. These types of women are always looking for the BBD (bigger, better deal).

Always.

Dude, forget this girl (yes, it will be hard). But look at where you're at! You're only 25, are getting good grades in school and seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Any guy who at your age has your attitude towards money is an intelligent guy in my book.

You deserve a good girl.

 

[bombtrack2007]

@vatoloco thanks, man

 

[Slickster]

This is a case of "things happen for a reason"

You two are fundamentally different and it never would've worked. The money issue is irrelevant. If it wasn't money it would be something else.

Be happy that you experienced this. You now know that you weren't right for each other and you can move forward towards a better future.

Down the road you'll think back about her and thank your lucky stars.

 

[Slickster]

Does she make enough money to support her lavish lifestyle?

Are you supporting her in ANY way?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear BombTrack,
You have avoided a terrible fate,to be some Would be if she couldbes milking Cow.....What amazing expectations.....My Kids drive Cars,secondhand,but they paid for them themselves,owe no one nothing....I do the essential maintenance and they get their hands dirty learning with me.

 

[Falcon25]

Maybe this thread will show our audience in SS that sometimes it's not how you look, or how much game you got, the chick just wants cash. Almost all the hot ones do. Especially, at that age.

 

[bombtrack2007]

@Slickster, yeah she makes money, which was really confusing. she also went to school for PR so she has the potential to make good money some day. i did the best i could with the b/f duties. i tried to make up for what i couldn't do financially in other ways. but she would use her own bills and issues as reasons why she didnt have money despite the fact that she would pride herself over her responsibility with money b/c she "used to work at a bank" as she would tell me. i don't want to make her sound like a total b*itch bc she is a good person. she was loving and thoughtful, but she also could push my buttons and she was naggy and overbearing at times.

i feel i was a good boyfriend. i wasn't a push over, but i tried to be the best man i could be. i wasn't broke. i had money. but it wasnt enough to cover everything, especially for plans that were spur of the moment. she wanted to be able to do things at will. and if some big event were planned for a later date that maybe needed some saving for on my part, she still wanted to be able to go out and do things before that. she was good for a while. unfortunately, her patience ran out and her desires and wants began to outweigh what we had.

her parents also spoiled the **** out of her, i'm sure that has a lot to do with it too. (you wanna hear something funny? she told me she wants to give her kids the things she didn't have growing up. she lived in a nice, big house. her dad made 150,000 a year, and her parents gave her and her sister everything they wanted...wtf did she not have?)

i can't help but feel a lot of it has to do with show...you know, just to be able to put "OUT IN AC CLUBBIN IT UP WITH MY BESTSSSSSS!!!" as her facebook status to let everyone know she's doing something, if you know what im saying. i don't know. i'll be fine. at least now that i'm single, i can start saving more.

i'm rambling now.

again to everyone who responded, thank you. i do feel a lot better.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Sense of Entitlement

Man, my life is so like yours! lol.

Actually you didn´t lose a GF, you lost a "wolf in sheep´s clothing". These kind of people are never grateful. You lost nothing.
http://drsanity.blogspot.com/2004/12/sense-of-entitlement.html

There is a thread with the same theme in the Mature forum.

 

[Wilko]

Your my kind of individual bombtrack. I got to a point where I was making around 75K per year for less than 40 hours a week and realised I didn't need any more than that. I stopped competing for additional promotions because the extra hours and stress just weren't worth the dollars. I just concentrate on perfecting the craft of what I do now and I'm extremely productive.

I haven't got a bad word to say against the people here striving to get to the top of their field or the business entrepreneurs, in fact, I love the entrepreneurs, they make it all possible to begin with. I'm saying it's A-ok to be content at some point. Fvck her for suggesting you shouldn't be content with your own goals.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Use this experience as a catalyst for change.

Learn how to invest, exercise extreme fiscal discipline and build a badass portfolio. Watching money multiply is a good habit to have.

Down the road, you can offer to pick her up in your Lear jet but just buzz the tower and keep on going.

 

[hansol]

I'm gonna reply again, cause this **** drives me nuts:

The lifestyle that your now-ex wants to lead is stupid expensive. I'm in accounting, so I see the financial statements of clients who either are attempting to live that lifestyle, or who have kids that have tried to live that lifestyle while the parents subsidize it.

The clients who are attempting to live it have toys, but they are all financed. You should see the interest expense they pay every year. This is "appearance expense". 3 car payments, a boat payment, a mortgage paymebnt, a cottage payment... It all adds up. And it works for a while too, until something comes up. Like a tax reassessment. Or the neighbours buy a new BMW, and the client just "has to keep up with the Jones'". So they borrow money from their corporation, forgetting that they have to pay it back at some point. And then the corp. gets hit with an audit... Then it all comes crashing down, and the bank starts repo-ing stuff.

OR they provide their kids with this "faux" lifestyle. Then the kids grow up with false pretenses of how much work it takes to get to that point, screw it up, and live on mummy and daddy's handouts. Until the parents die. And when the estate pays out, the kids get nothing, because they already "spent" their inheritence while the folks were still alive. It's entertaining to see the "welcome to the real world" look in their eyes when the executor starts dropping monetary figures...

Anyway, enough of the sky-is-falling stuff. People these days have had it really quite well, up until about 2009. Now it's starting to correct a bit. But there still is a huge disconnect between what it costs to legitimately afford a lifestyle like that, and just "pretending".

That girl you were running with has no clue about the costs of living, I can guarantee that 100%. Unless she has a huge inhertance, or her dad is in big oil and has political connections, she will have quite the reality check coming. Too bad you can't be there to watch it when the bank takes away her no-money-down leather couch and Mercedes C-class. You dodged a bullet my man. Be grateful you weren't stuck with this money-grubbing wanker, and you can now chase a decent, more lucid girl.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

She's what they call in the country, "Champagne taste on a beer budget."

 

[drak_ool]

Hey guys, how are you all doing? I'm a 25 year old guy, full time college student, part time employee.

Let me stop you right there! If your gf left you because you are a bum, sitting on your parents' couch playing video games all day with no prospects in live, then I would understand her and I would tell you to do something with your life.

But in your case: good riddance. Why would you want this golddigger in your life? There's nothing wrong with you, just keep pursuing your dreams and if your girl's not on board, then fvck her she doesn't deserve your company.

 

[Warrior74]

For you younger guys, this is where Selling Her A Dream comes into play in seduction. Even if you are comfortable with your life, you sell a woman a dream of what your ambitions in life are. Women love a man with ambition (even non golddiggers/future slave holders), A man who is always moving towards his ambition keeps his woman interested. Even if your ambitions are not monetary, if your ambtion is to climb kilimanjaro or to swim the english channel, or to save 100 dying children from malaria....its the raw ambition that creates the gina tingles.

For some reason your woman is a. golddigger type material and b. sees you as unambitious. a. is unforgivable, but b. merits some thought.