Lost custody by court order

[Baibars]

I lost custody of my 2 children ( 8 and 4 yo) even though I don’t do drugs/violence or anything like that.
I used the word custody because I couldn’t find a better English word for it. Here in Germany I’m still allowed to see my children every other weekend but they took all my parental rights away.
It all started 2 years ago. My ex didn’t allow me to see my kids so I went to a lawyer to set up a schedule to see my kids.
We went to court and it took a year but I finally got that schedule. I almost had no contact with my toxic ex during the whole process.
She didn’t like the fact that I stood up for my rights so she took a lawyer too.

She went to court to get my custody and made many claims about me which weren’t true and she couldn’t prove them anyway. She has a better lawyer than mine and they tried everything to defeat me in court .
The whole time I tried to be there for my children and I didn’t act stupid so they don’t have anything to use against me but somehow judge is still on my ex side.

in the court order he mentions that my ex claimed I’m violent and that custody is not only about parents but for the kids well being and that he thinks it’s better for the kid that one parent has all the decision making. He also claims that I didn’t try enough to be present in my childrens life which is also complete BS.

i will go to my lawyer and we will file for an objection but I’m really afraid and I feel like crap now. I tried my best but they still managed to defeat me.
My ex also plans to move 150 miles away to her new boyfriend now since she has all the rights to make that decision without needing to ask me.

im depressed and at this point im thinking about giving up my kids because I tried so hard for them but I still get punished all the time. I didn’t harm anyone , didn’t even talk to my ex the whole time only if necessary for the kids..

 

[DarwinTaurus]

My one piece of advice. Put this all down in writing, all of your thoughts and feelings, and your attempts to make things equitable and right for your children. Then give it to them on the 18th or 21st Birthday. Once they are adults, they will know that you tried your utmost best to be part of their lives.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I lost custody of my 2 children ( 8 and 4 yo) even though I don’t do drugs/violence or anything like that.
I used the word custody because I couldn’t find a better English word for it. Here in Germany I’m still allowed to see my children every other weekend but they took all my parental rights away.
It all started 2 years ago. My ex didn’t allow me to see my kids so I went to a lawyer to set up a schedule to see my kids.
We went to court and it took a year but I finally got that schedule. I almost had no contact with my toxic ex during the whole process.
She didn’t like the fact that I stood up for my rights so she took a lawyer too.

She went to court to get my custody and made many claims about me which weren’t true and she couldn’t prove them anyway. She has a better lawyer than mine and they tried everything to defeat me in court .
The whole time I tried to be there for my children and I didn’t act stupid so they don’t have anything to use against me but somehow judge is still on my ex side.

in the court order he mentions that my ex claimed I’m violent and that custody is not only about parents but for the kids well being and that he thinks it’s better for the kid that one parent has all the decision making. He also claims that I didn’t try enough to be present in my childrens life which is also complete BS.

i will go to my lawyer and we will file for an objection but I’m really afraid and I feel like crap now. I tried my best but they still managed to defeat me.
My ex also plans to move 150 miles away to her new boyfriend now since she has all the rights to make that decision without needing to ask me.

im depressed and at this point im thinking about giving up my kids because I tried so hard for them but I still get punished all the time. I didn’t harm anyone , didn’t even talk to my ex the whole time only if necessary for the kids..

As stated before, unfortunately, society continues to show us that men must go above and beyond to prove they are abused or they are in the right. That is not the case for women. It has continued to be proven that a woman can simply say the words and society will be on her side. False accusations are not given the severity they deserve. Sadly, it is the way society has shaped up too.

With that said and having that present, you must continue to fight back. A man will stand his ground until death. We are problem fixers, we build with sweat, tears, and blood. This is our nature. Stand up!

However, this time be strategic about how you approach this. Obviously, the lawyer you hired was not up to the task. They are expensive, yes, but going cheap in those matters will cost you more long-term than the lawyer itself. Gather as much evidence as possible, texts, emails, videos, and recordings (as seen in the Depp vs Heard case), and invest in a high-profile family lawyer.

If what you are saying is true, with all the right tools and resources, you should win in the end. Your kids deserve a strong man who at the very least puts up a fight until the end. Innocent people spend their entire lives in prison and are still fighting. If in the end, you lose, at least your children would remember you to be a fierce fighter and advocate for the truth.

Remember, the truth always comes out so see to it until the end.


Modern Man Advice

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I would ghost and reconnect with them later in life. Document every piece of ****ery. I am not funding her CC venture. Leave Germany. It's more cucked then the UK.

 

[Xenom0rph]

OP, this is terrible situation that you're in and my heart goes out to you. She's moving away and taking the kids. God only knows if her boyfriend is a good man or someone who would abuse those poor kids.

Hearing stories like this always sends a chill down my spine.

 

[Pandora]

I would ghost and reconnect with them later in life. Document every piece of ****ery. I am not funding her CC venture. Leave Germany. It's more cucked then the UK.

Damn who would have thought that Germany was as gynocentric as the United States. Wow

 

[Pandora]

I want to have kids but then I hear stories like this and i reconsider. Btw fighting vs falling back is a tough decision. I know men who have blown their life savings trying to fight for custody for their kids. Is this a good thing to fight....its depends. Sometimes its better to take the limited custody and let them know the truth when they are 18.

I know men that took the approach of " I love you and you know where to find me, but I cant go broke trying to fight your mother". They seem to be better off.

 

[Plinco]

Should have got a better lawyer. If she is accusing you of things you did not do, then do the same to her.

 

[Xenom0rph]

I want to have kids but then I hear stories like this and i reconsider. Btw fighting vs falling back is a tough decision. I know men who have blown their life savings trying to fight for custody for their kids. Is this a good thing to fight....its depends. Sometimes its better to take the limited custody and let them know the truth when they are 18.

I know men that took the approach of " I love you and you know where to find me, but I cant go broke trying to fight your mother". They seem to be better off.

Yes, the sad reality is that this is true. Most likely the man would lose the fight anyways, so it's best just to save that money for the kids when they come of age and need help with college tuition.

I know it sounds more honorable to say you're going to keep fighting, but the reality is that you have to pick and choose your battles even in something as painful as custody battles.

If she's moving away, demand that at least you should be allowed to see them once every few months to check on their well-being and see if the boyfriend is abusing them.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Damn who would have thought that Germany was as gynocentric as the United States. Wow

One of my mates I'd originally from there. It's cuck to the max. Young girls were getting attacked years ago and morons were covering it up.

You can do a search for the specifics. Most of the western world is cuck central.

 

[mintxx]

Let me understand this. Your children are eight and four years old, i.e. primary and preschool age. They have two parents and according to you whereas this all started two years ago, you have as you put it had almost no contact with your toxic ex throughout the whole process.

In other words these children have two parents who do not coparent, coordinate, communicate or align their households or parenting styles.

On what planet can you possibly imagine that it would be in the best interests of young children and their psychological development to be equally shared between two people who cannot coparent communicate or coordinate their parenting styles households or other aspects of these children's lives? How on earth does the court have even the realistic option from a developmental perspective of placing these children in equal care of each parent on a week about basis, 4334 or anything else?

The practical reality for eight and four-year-old children is that more often, than the reverse, their primary emotional attachment figure in their early lives is their mother. Further, there is solid and extensive evidence of children who are placed equally with both parents in a low functioning or non-existent coparenting situation, as having severely and permanently impaired psychological functioning and being at high risk for substance abuse, personality disorders and just straight up violence as a first rather than a last resort in interpersonal conflict resolution.

The simplest way of putting it is that an equal time arrangement in this situation would leave these children with effectively no home base or source of psychological security and the inevitable and increasing awareness that they were the subject of ongoing tension and dispute between their parents i.e. awareness that their parents were not friends. That is, all of the evidence from childhood and adolescent psychological studies, inevitably and seriously destructive to their mental health.

I can guarantee you this had nothing to do with the allegationsagainst you being true or not. The mere fact of the allegations being made amid a very low level of parental cooperation or trust was sufficient to determine the outcome. There are numerous cases where the primary caregiver out of these low parental functioning cases is the man as a result of a court order, but they are in my experience primarily because either the mother was not in fact the primary emotional attachment figure in the early years (unusual) or because the mother has prioritised a new relationship or a substance abuse problem over the parenting task in terms of providing a developmentally stable and emotionally secure environment for the children (common).

my experience is that I have for many years practised exclusively in family law as a barrister or what the Americans call a trial attorney

 

[mintxx]

I should also point out that it is almost certain that you can restrain her from relocating the children's overnight residence that distance away from you as significant priority or importance will still be accorded to their fortnightly contact with you and that would inevitably interfere with such contact; there is unlikely to be countervailing justification for the relocation that she could argueparticularly in a country with the geographic and economic features of Germany

 

[RickTheToad]

Hire a PI to follow them. If any issues, prob. time to document with calling the police and requesting welfare checks at your ex's residence.

 

[corrector]

What a hard story. Its hard to have children taken away like that. Its one of the most jarring things when I lost my step daughrer (which I felt more intellecally compatible with than my ex wife ironically). Are you getting counselling? Dont do what I did and visit a hooker. Its tempting to do these things when you are gut punched and cant trust women.

 

[Alvafe]

Hire a PI to follow them. If any issues, prob. time to document with calling the police and requesting welfare checks at your ex's residence.

acttually he don't really need any PI, he can just call child services and tell then any problem, also since he can still see then on he odd weekend he can keep it a look,

note though, removing parental rights, is pretty hard, does that mean you also dont pay anything for they mother? also start to photo everything she writes to you, and never talk with her, say anything she want to say use the whatapp or telegram, make her write it all,

its what I like to say, I love dumb dirty people, they are all "smart" to try to **** you, but they make so many things wrong you can make they live a hell in just tossing the dirty in the right place

 

[Baibars]

Let me understand this. Your children are eight and four years old, i.e. primary and preschool age. They have two parents and according to you whereas this all started two years ago, you have as you put it had almost no contact with your toxic ex throughout the whole process.

In other words these children have two parents who do not coparent, coordinate, communicate or align their households or parenting styles.

On what planet can you possibly imagine that it would be in the best interests of young children and their psychological development to be equally shared between two people who cannot coparent communicate or coordinate their parenting styles households or other aspects of these children's lives? How on earth does the court have even the realistic option from a developmental perspective of placing these children in equal care of each parent on a week about basis, 4334 or anything else?

The practical reality for eight and four-year-old children is that more often, than the reverse, their primary emotional attachment figure in their early lives is their mother. Further, there is solid and extensive evidence of children who are placed equally with both parents in a low functioning or non-existent coparenting situation, as having severely and permanently impaired psychological functioning and being at high risk for substance abuse, personality disorders and just straight up violence as a first rather than a last resort in interpersonal conflict resolution.

The simplest way of putting it is that an equal time arrangement in this situation would leave these children with effectively no home base or source of psychological security and the inevitable and increasing awareness that they were the subject of ongoing tension and dispute between their parents i.e. awareness that their parents were not friends. That is, all of the evidence from childhood and adolescent psychological studies, inevitably and seriously destructive to their mental health.

I can guarantee you this had nothing to do with the allegationsagainst you being true or not. The mere fact of the allegations being made amid a very low level of parental cooperation or trust was sufficient to determine the outcome. There are numerous cases where the primary caregiver out of these low parental functioning cases is the man as a result of a court order, but they are in my experience primarily because either the mother was not in fact the primary emotional attachment figure in the early years (unusual) or because the mother has prioritised a new relationship or a substance abuse problem over the parenting task in terms of providing a developmentally stable and emotionally secure environment for the children (common).

my experience is that I have for many years practised exclusively in family law as a barrister or what the Americans call a trial attorney

Yes i had almost no contact with my ex after an incident where she refused to hand me out my children the 999th time. She was mentally hurting me by using my kids and i was constantly dependent on her so i decided to stop talking to her and get a lawyer to get a visitation agreement for my children.
That's all i wanted and due to covid etc. this whole process took very long. You're totally right but i was not able to co-parent with someone that constantly abused her power. She still does it.

I understand your argument but it's still not fair that i basically lose all of my parental rights, that a father just loses if he can't co parent with the mother.
I tried to get along with my ex but as i said she abuses her power, she has 0 respect to the point where it made an extreme influence to my mental health. Since i stopped talking to her i felt so different.
Why is a father expected to put up with all of his exes bs just so he can keep his BASIC rights as a parent? Again i totally understand how the system works but it's far from fair.

 

[Baibars]

acttually he don't really need any PI, he can just call child services and tell then any problem, also since he can still see then on he odd weekend he can keep it a look,

note though, removing parental rights, is pretty hard, does that mean you also dont pay anything for they mother? also start to photo everything she writes to you, and never talk with her, say anything she want to say use the whatapp or telegram, make her write it all,

its what I like to say, I love dumb dirty people, they are all "smart" to try to **** you, but they make so many things wrong you can make they live a hell in just tossing the dirty in the right place

It means i still have to pay for them but i have basically no say in anything. I'm not even allowed to take my boy to the barber. Just nothing.
I'm only allowed to see my kids every other weekend that's it.

 

[RickTheToad]

acttually he don't really need any PI, he can just call child services and tell then any problem, also since he can still see then on he odd weekend he can keep it a look,

note though, removing parental rights, is pretty hard, does that mean you also dont pay anything for they mother? also start to photo everything she writes to you, and never talk with her, say anything she want to say use the whatapp or telegram, make her write it all,

its what I like to say, I love dumb dirty people, they are all "smart" to try to **** you, but they make so many things wrong you can make they live a hell in just tossing the dirty in the right place

Not sure of the laws in Deutschland. It's become a feminist haven.

 

[bat soup]

It means i still have to pay for them but i have basically no say in anything. I'm not even allowed to take my boy to the barber. Just nothing.
I'm only allowed to see my kids every other weekend that's it.

Personally I'd leave the country and pay nothing.

 

[mintxx]

Yes i had almost no contact with my ex after an incident where she refused to hand me out my children the 999th time. She was mentally hurting me by using my kids and i was constantly dependent on her so i decided to stop talking to her and get a lawyer to get a visitation agreement for my children.
That's all i wanted and due to covid etc. this whole process took very long. You're totally right but i was not able to co-parent with someone that constantly abused her power. She still does it.

I understand your argument but it's still not fair that i basically lose all of my parental rights, that a father just loses if he can't co parent with the mother.
I tried to get along with my ex but as i said she abuses her power, she has 0 respect to the point where it made an extreme influence to my mental health. Since i stopped talking to her i felt so different.
Why is a father expected to put up with all of his exes bs just so he can keep his BASIC rights as a parent? Again i totally understand how the system works but it's far from fair.

I sympathise. I think the fundamental problem is that in most jurisdictions the courts tend to prioritise the children’s welfare over the needs and wishes (and rights, if any are recognised — none are in for example Australia) of the parents. So there are often outcomes that seem perverse where the benefit of ‘equality’ is outweighed by other consideration of the facts. It’s far from ideal in terms of the choices the courts face.
Most societies don’t have the resources to enforce or guide adequate coparenting in a high conflict separation.