Losing Friends

[anonymousguy]

Hello,

It is quite long, but please read it. I'll be very gratefull
This isn't quite seduction, but making friends is something similar like seduction: they HAVE to like you for some extent.

In the past 4 years I have lost 3 friends. One friend was being a jerk to me. He only needed me when he needed "friends".

The second one (we'll call her Marie) I lost to some weird reason. You know those chicks that are friendly towards others, but when you aren't near them they gossip about you. Those "hypocrites". How to handle such biatches?

The last one surprised me the most. (We'll call her Sophie). I met Sophie 4 years ago at University. I didn't know her that well, but she thought I was cute. So I didn't have to do a lot of "effort" to be friends with her. In the second year of University I was attracted to her, she was a funny girl to be with, and she still thought I was funny and cute. Unfortunately I was very AFC in those times and still a "nice guy" so I failed in seducing her. But she knew I was trying and she didn't care. In fact: we became closer friends. I believe if you fail in seducing someone, the other person likes him(ofcourse if you weren't harrassing or stalking that girl). In the AFC period I didn't mind such things. The possible explanation could be that she LOVED and ENJOYED my attention that I gave as an AFC/"nice guy".

BUT in the 3rd year everything changed. We began to see each other less. Because she went to another campus and I was staying in my campus.
I thought we were good friends, because she remembered my birthday first. I was very surprised to get an sms from her. So I did make sure I didn't forget her birthday. So I didn't, and I got an invitation for her birthday party.

I had a lot of fun on her party, but she didn't speak to me a lot. That was the first sign (or second sign) that our friendship relation was breaking up. Because she invited all her other friends on a 2 week notice, and I remembered her birthday the same day when the party was given. Was she friendly? Or perhaps she was inviting me because there wasen't enough men on her party. (There were like 20 ppl).
This was ofcourse another possible explanation for the attention wh0ring of her.

In the fourth year everything went wrong. We saw each other two days, but it wasn't like the old days. She tried to be funny with me, but it was very forced. She kino'd me on my shoulder for a few seconds, but it could be that it was just a sign of affection and "accidently". After that kino everything went wrong, what could get wrong.
Perhaps because I was speaking that I had a problem with one of her friends and she doesn't like that I kinda "don't like her friend". This is ofcourse very rational, but very farfetched.
At the pub all conversations with us were very boring. She was talking to her new friend she made. She was making clear to her conversation partner that she didn't want to toy with him. Because the poor guy was already buying her a "drink". This could be because they knew each other for a few weeks, but I think it was a very lame seduction move.

In the end she could be an attention wh0re that just needed me when she needed attention. I was a "friend who listened". A stupid moronic AFC. And nowadays I am more like a Don Juan and I she felt that she lost a sense of control over me. I am sure that I am now more assertive than 1 year ago.(perhaps even more Don Juan)
When I met the magical Don Juan bible it helped to improve my social life to an extent I could never dream of and she possible don't like that.
Nowadays she doesn't even think I am cute, or she doesn't even laugh with my jokes. AND IN THE OLD DAYS SHE DID.

There is one difference though: she is now recently free and ready for a new relationship. Perhaps she's doing this to annoy me and making me an alpha male or something. It is a possible solution, but I'm afraid it is not very plausible.

What's wrong with this girl "Sophie". Anyone has a clue. I know that summarizing 4 years is very difficult, but try to help me. I have lost friends and I don't know why. Is it because people change. I hope you "seduction" guys can help me.

Greetings,
Anonymousguy

The possible outcomes:

- I am more alpha male and thus less a "nice guy".
- I am more myself and don't care what other people say about me
- I have a social life and a lot of friends
- I don't like other people control my life anymore
- She isn't attracted to me anymore (or she was NEVER attracted to me)
- she is an attention wh0re
- she changed during those 4 years
- She just one of those people that always want to join in the group and my "social status" isn't high enough to be seen together with her.
- OR PERHAPS IT'S MY FAULT AND I AM NOW BECOMING AN *******. OR I WAS AN *******. But then an ******* with a good amount of friends

Either way: she can now go temporarily lick my ass and I am going to be more alpha/self confident with myself.

 

[chili kat]

Nah, don't get bent over it. I was friends with this girl for 14 years before it deteriorated much the same way, even after we managed to survive as friends for years after a brief sexual period.

I use to have a friend I would have taken a bullet for, but after not hanging for a year or two, the only thing I really remembered about him was that he was the guy who use to snatch my CDs without asking. I've also ran into guys I hadn't seen for 6 or 7 years and we'd hit the bars and BS like we never stopped hanging out.

When you don't have fresh inside jokes to share and all the things that come with daily interaction, it all goes stale and you have to start over. Some people can pick right up where they left off, some can never seem to get it to the same level as before. That's just how people are. Not a big deal.

 

[comic_relief]

relax and be happy

I've had this happen also. Just relax and don't worry. This is the natural progression of most of my friendships after I don't talk to them for a while. I dislike but sh!t happens. Enjoy it while it lasts.

 

[Doc73]

Friendships come and go. Sometimes its your fault, sometimes its their fault and sometimes its nobody's fault. I have had friendships that have lasted 14+ years that have ended, and I have done a few things to screw up friendships as well. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they dont.

Honestly I think you are overanalyzing the situation. Ask yourself this simple question, are the friends I am with now going in the same direction and is being with them making me a better person? If the answer is no, then its time to move on

 

[BigDawg]

I've been there too. I think it has to do with growing up. People's priorities changes and sometimes, friendships fall by the wayside, either through a falling out, or because one or the other person just lost interest.

I'm in my late 30s and I've known my best friend for just over 30 years. We've had falling outs in the past, but always seem to get back on an even keel. I'm even the godfather to his daughter. And I have several other lifelong friends with whom I'm in touch regularly. On the other hand, I've also seen some of my friendships dissolve either because of neglect, geographic relocation, or betrayal.

To paraphrase what the other respondents have said, go with the flow. The very best friends will always be friends, even if you lose touch (but make it a point to NOT lose touch). The fake ones will disappear after a while, and you'll eventually realize them for what they were.

I'm not a fan of the singer Joan Jett, but in the late 80's she had a song in which she sang, "You don't lose anything when you lose a fake friend." The big challenge is knowing the difference.

 

[BlackJackal]

Like everyone else said, friends come and go. I had a recent 8yr old friendship end not to long ago because of some major differences. A few others fell off, and the one's I have left I have a hard time keeping in touch with. But this is life and there's really no point in dwelling on it.

 

[Legend]

People grow apart with time. You can out grow certain friends. I lost a lot of friends along the way of life. You just move in different directions, you lose the things you two had in common.

Life is filled with lots of hellos and goodbyes. Just focus on making something of yourself.

 

[anonymousguy]

Hi!

I've been back from a weekend and hadn't been able to contact this forum.

I've read all your ideas and I believe you were right. I have lost touch with her, and had to start all over again. But she already knew me, and last weekend I was truly being a friend towards her and she responded again very affective.

If I think about friendship, I have a good quote from The Sims: "Friends are like plants. They need attention and they need to drink."

I think there's a lot of wisdom in that quote. If you don't give them water, you have to grow a "new plant".

Greetings, and MANY MANY thanks for your help,
deadmaster

 

[C00L]

stop befriending girls then. i mean have that as "friends" but not in the same way you;d have a bro as a friend.