Long-term social ease

[Cyfer]

Hi,

I'm aged 16 and I started daygame mid summer of this year, probably approached 21-24 girls/groups by now. I started off as a shy kid with no confidence, charisma or ability to talk to girls and I've seen amazing results, and even three successes (at getting a number - one developed to texting but she lives too far away, the others lived too far to make anything happen).

However that's not what I'm concerned about. I'm delighted by the fact that I am incredibly confident and charismatic in situations where I'm outside of my comfort zone, making people look up to me as a leader and creating new friends with ease. However I find it very difficult to maintain this confidence and charisma in long-term situations, such as at school.

There aren't any girls I like at my school, I'm just aiming to be higher up in the social hierarchy but this is incredibly difficult to do since I'm usually going in tired - not enough sleep or having just hit the gym - and many people already isolate me since I'm naturally very smart (people freak when I answer questions they can't, or when they learn that I'm in accelerated maths classes etc).

I do have bouts of confidence/charisma at school but it's nothing like the constant flow I want. In a sense, I don't give a ****, because many people won't hang out with me simply because I am that smart (and I show it), but on the other hand I just want to improve myself and constant confidence is on my list.

What can I do? All I can think of so far is stop masturbating so often since I'm generally much, much more confident if I haven't masturbated the whole week. I'm also going to try and raise testosterone levels by eating more raw broccoli/cauliflower.

Tbh, I never thought I would come to a PUA forum, because I find the way you guys are technical as creepy - I would rather just be myself than use tricks like negging, since I want a relationship rather than just sex, and I feel like I need the girl to know exactly who I am to create that relationship.

As of today, I haven't done PUA for 3 weeks and I've found it has decreased my confidence and charisma. I know at the very least I need to do it once a week just to maintain my social state, but I'm reluctant to do it considering I now have no wingman/it's ****ing cold.

Thoughts/tips on how to create that constant stream of charisma and confidence?

 

[P stranger]

Best tip for you, look at how you judge other people. Like you seem to have done with us. The same thing can happen to you.

 

[Cyfer]

Best tip for you, look at how you judge other people. Like you seem to have done with us. The same thing can happen to you.

I agree, I just find this incredibly difficult to do this.

Before starting PUA I was repeatedly told that I was incredibly narcissistic and arrogant, but I never figured out how. After the process of PUA, I've got on far better with people and been told that I am 'relatable' now, although I see no real difference in myself apart from talking to everyone and being far, far more confident.

I undoubtedly judge people. All my life I judged that a guy was a meathead then I ended up walking with him for half an hour and just talking to him, and I found out that he had perhaps more ambition than anyone else my age I knew, and I came to respect him above others.
But with the last case I didn't come to realise how idiotic my judgement was until I had spoken with him at great length, I'm not sure how I extend this to others. I am sure that some at least do not deserve this kind of respect.

That event happened two days ago, and I'll be sure to open myself up more. Is there anything else I can do?

Something else that shocked me last week was a guy I barely see asked me 'how are you doing?'. When I replied that I wasn't great, he persisted in asking me until I told him my reasons and he listened to me.

I'm not sure what I can do, other than bear these two people in mind whenever I talk to people from now on.

 

[jericg]

We, my friend, are in very similar situations. I am 16, ap classes, and i judge people constantly in a negative way. Today i talked to an old random fisherman about our lives. I got to know the summary of his old life. My confidence did not falter when we spoke, but it mostly does at school from all the homework. I also want to know how to keep the confidence everyday. Im tired of losing confidence whenever i judge someone who seems superior.

 

[ameya905]

Well, before judging someone I remember,

How I am inside, I see the world outside. The outside is a reflection of my inside.

Now, I am compelled to think good things about them. So that in turn makes me good

 

[AlexLefty]

Hi,

I'm aged 16 and I started daygame mid summer of this year, probably approached 21-24 girls/groups by now. I started off as a shy kid with no confidence, charisma or ability to talk to girls and I've seen amazing results, and even three successes (at getting a number - one developed to texting but she lives too far away, the others lived too far to make anything happen).

However that's not what I'm concerned about. I'm delighted by the fact that I am incredibly confident and charismatic in situations where I'm outside of my comfort zone, making people look up to me as a leader and creating new friends with ease. However I find it very difficult to maintain this confidence and charisma in long-term situations, such as at school.

There aren't any girls I like at my school, I'm just aiming to be higher up in the social hierarchy but this is incredibly difficult to do since I'm usually going in tired - not enough sleep or having just hit the gym - and many people already isolate me since I'm naturally very smart (people freak when I answer questions they can't, or when they learn that I'm in accelerated maths classes etc).

I do have bouts of confidence/charisma at school but it's nothing like the constant flow I want. In a sense, I don't give a ****, because many people won't hang out with me simply because I am that smart (and I show it), but on the other hand I just want to improve myself and constant confidence is on my list.

What can I do? All I can think of so far is stop masturbating so often since I'm generally much, much more confident if I haven't masturbated the whole week. I'm also going to try and raise testosterone levels by eating more raw broccoli/cauliflower.

Tbh, I never thought I would come to a PUA forum, because I find the way you guys are technical as creepy - I would rather just be myself than use tricks like negging, since I want a relationship rather than just sex, and I feel like I need the girl to know exactly who I am to create that relationship.

As of today, I haven't done PUA for 3 weeks and I've found it has decreased my confidence and charisma. I know at the very least I need to do it once a week just to maintain my social state, but I'm reluctant to do it considering I now have no wingman/it's ****ing cold.

Thoughts/tips on how to create that constant stream of charisma and confidence?

Be yourself and don't be creepy and use tricks like us.

 

[Gripped]

Charisma is the ability to express oneself whilst experiencing empathy for the recipient. It stems from genuine interest and feeling for the person/people you are talking to- that's not because she's hot but because what she's saying/doing is hot. I can sit down and say I'm going to be charismatic but 99/100 it don't work; I only engage people when they see they engage me. Those who can feel as other people are the most charismatic- empathy is a trainable, and perhaps the most powerful, personal skill. If you accept me, appreciate me and love me I will faun for you and vice versa. We always like people who like us; it's a fundamental sociological fact and those who find it easy to admire other people are those who find it easy to make friends.

 

[Cyfer]

Charisma is the ability to express oneself whilst experiencing empathy for the recipient. It stems from genuine interest and feeling for the person/people you are talking to- that's not because she's hot but because what she's saying/doing is hot. I can sit down and say I'm going to be charismatic but 99/100 it don't work; I only engage people when they see they engage me. Those who can feel as other people are the most charismatic- empathy is a trainable, and perhaps the most powerful, personal skill. If you accept me, appreciate me and love me I will faun for you and vice versa. We always like people who like us; it's a fundamental sociological fact and those who find it easy to admire other people are those who find it easy to make friends.

That's an interesting idea, but I'd have to disagree. Whilst I agree that charisma is based on empathy, you can still be open, emphatic and understanding of a person without necessarily connecting them.
For example I'm making it a goal that every time I ask 'how are you doing' I say it in a way that shows I sincerely mean it, it's not just something to say, I want to genuinely know the other person. I think doing something like that creates charisma, because you have empathy. It doesn't necessarily mean that I connect with the person - I may still think they're a prat but I at least can open myself up.

It's strange because it seems that this opening up exposes a weakness, but on the other hand when I've done it previously people are thrown back and go on the defensive, because it is unfortunately so unusual for a person to genuinely care about you.

There is a certain aspect of 'like me or **** off', but certainly in an initial opening, if you think of someone alpha, they can be charismatic even with people they don't like.

Great point though, thanks.

 

[shane002]

Hi, I'm aged 16 and I started daygame mid summer of this year, probably approached 21-24 girls/groups by now.

 

[LearningSlowly]

That's an interesting idea, but I'd have to disagree.

It seems like you aren't disagreeing, you're just missing a step.

In order to connect with people, there are two factors. Love for yourself (confidence) and love for everyone else (compassion, empathy).

If you exclude certain people and insist on hating them, you fail to recognize the part of them that is special, intelligent and caring. Everyone has positives, so love them for being the same mix of good and bad that every human is. Don't think yourself better than anyone, you too are a mix of good and bad.

You're well on your way. But consider developing love and acceptance over developing charisma, which is superficial and not related to your true character.

 

[Huffman]

I'm also going to try and raise testosterone levels by eating more raw broccoli/cauliflower.

Stop focusing on the Broccoli man, as if that's gonna solve your problems!

The natural approach would be to take your brief periods of confidence and
a) prolong them
b) increase the frequency.

These "periods of confidence" are nothing more than feel-good moments. When you feel great then you're instantly confident and people are immediately attracted.

So, in order to make it happen, find out what are the CAUSES. What sparks the confidence in you? What makes you feel good?

For me it's:
- After achieving something I truly care about, I feel like a god.
- Similarly, even when I haven't achieved it but I'm progressing, I'm feeling great all day.
- When I feel there's awesome stuff happening in my life.
- When I honestly believe the future holds great things in store for me.

Or also short fixes of happiness:
- Have a beer with old friends
- Play computer games with your pal (key: have fun!)
- Play a sport you really enjoy (and notice how you improve all the time)
- Overcoming fears. Really any ridiculous challenge will do for me, I like adventure

Finally:
- Successfully picking up girls. Although this will likely only happen if you were feeling good about yourself to begin with, so it's a circle

So think about your day: Have you done anything great TODAY?

Basically the idea is to improve your life until you can honestly say "I got a great life", and then simply be yourself. Lots of gurus call this concept "inner game".

But if your life truly sucks, being yourself won't help!