Long term gf going abroad: Worried about her cheating on me

[Duracell_Bunny]

We've been together for a very long time now and currently looking for somewhere to rent and live together.

This week she's on a girly holiday in Ibiza. Before she left she was showing a very healthy IL, increased more than usual. She only lightly hinted with a question about me being worried, I responded with a smile "well if that happens I won't be here when you get back".

You may be thinking if I trust her, the answer to that is I don't know and will just wait and see. I'm happy in the relationship and will be happy out of it.

Do you think it is likely she could do this? Clearly understanding that what women say, is not exactly what they do.

It doesn't bother me too much that she could be chatting to other men right now, but it concerns me if the drink gets the better of her and things slip too far. Especially if she becomes separated from the group + having no sex for several days, all a bit too easy.

This sounds really stupid, but I woke up early this morning after having a dream of being on holiday, walking into the hotel room and seeing her on the sofa being taken from behind while she looks straight at me - kinda got me thinking!

 

[6nemesis9]

Girls don't cheat if they are horny, mate, girls cheat if they find someone better than you. Are you a beta in your relationship? If yes, she could more likely cheat on you. I'm afraid I'm gonna tell you SHE WILL GET HIT ON 100+ times everyday. The only thing you can do is lay back, withdraw attention from her, wait for her to call you, be fun and relaxed while you think about your own stuff. That's all. DO NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT HER

If she had a high IL that shouldn't be a problem btw. Just don't f4ck it up these days. How long will she be staying btw?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

She's away for the week. So far she has been initiating all contact. I just don't want to go too cold that I'm not on her mind.

Waking up this morning with that image has really done my head in

 

[6nemesis9]

I've been in the exact situation. My gf while being on holiday with her desperate girlfriends (who hate me and tried to destroy my relationship with her (bonus points to the relationship)) had told me about a guy who hit heavily on her. I did not care at that time. When she came back she showed me the photos, the facebook of this guy who tried to contact her. I couldn't give less of a f4ck, although I love my gf. The guy was a well built surfer but there was something beta in his behavior. I on the other hand I was an alpha to her eyes, well built, dominant, adventurous and cunning. My gf told me how he was desperate on her pedestalizing her etc. She even told me he kept kissing her on her neck and tried to kiss her on the mouth. She obviously dodged the kiss but anyway she was obviously please by a guy pedestalizing her. That's just women, you know, they love to flirt for free attention.

 

[coochieman]

I've been in the exact situation. My gf while being on holiday with her desperate girlfriends (who hate me and tried to destroy my relationship with her (bonus points to the relationship)) had told me about a guy who hit heavily on her. I did not care at that time. When she came back she showed me the photos, the facebook of this guy who tried to contact her. I couldn't give less of a f4ck, although I love my gf. The guy was a well built surfer but there was something beta in his behavior. I on the other hand I was an alpha to her eyes, well built, dominant, adventurous and cunning. My gf told me how he was desperate on her pedestalizing her etc. She even told me he kept kissing her on her neck and tried to kiss her on the mouth. She obviously dodged the kiss but anyway she was obviously please by a guy pedestalizing her. That's just women, you know, they love to flirt for free attention.

My gf told me how he was desperate on her pedestalizing her etc. She even told me he kept kissing her on her neck and tried to kiss her on the mouth. She obviously dodged the kiss but.....

What did you think she was gonna tell ya if even more happened? Wake up, brothers. Can't hold a woman down, they are people with different circumstances & different choices.

Dear Mr. OP, just look at you oozing steamin' hot insecurity. It's okay that it is us putting up with this miserable stench of yours, please for your gonad's sake DON'T LET YOUR WOMAN GET EVEN A SNIFF OF THIS. Fucck, are you gonna travel with her?! Of course not! So all you can do is continue being the goddamn man that you are and hope. Or even better, do not give a fucck. Nothin' you can do now would change sh!t if she off on a first class seat to go hop on another brother's stick.

Your value and her respect for you, her integrity and fidelity factor, the relationship significance, the other guy's game (that's if there is) and destiny (Don't be mad if she meets and fuccks a celeb millionaire, you would too) are all elements that you can do nothing about now.

Solution: Be the best man you can be. In the end, you would only be held accountable for your OWN choices, not her's.

 

[seethehoop]

I don't know if this works but I read somewhere that in these situations reverse psychology works well .

You tell her she has free reign on her holiday but make sure you let her know you will be out on the town too. She will wonder what you are up to and why you ain't bothered bout her copping off in Ibiza and do her nut.

Like I say, never tried it. Sounds risky but it may work.

 

[st_99]

This thread shows grossly lacking confidence and worthiness on your part.

forget about your girlfriend cheating and look yourself in the mirror and ask why you feel the way you do and how you can get a healthier view on self, life and relationships.

 

[cordoncordon]

It is a proven fact that when having a very vivid dream like you did, it can make a person think a certain way after they wake up that they might not normally think. For example, have you ever had a dream about a girl or an ex and when you wake up, you are totally in love with her? I mean to the point where you would do anything to talk to her? But then as the day goes on, you slowly forget the dream and those feelings fade away?

To me that looks like what happened here. Can she cheat? Sure. Will she? Odds say no. IF you trust her and love her, then relax, enjoy her company when she gets home, and go on with your life together. There is nothing that can be gained by worrying about something you have no control of and that you will never really know what happened anyway.

Good luck.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

1. If she asks if you trust her, just say, "Trust is earned through actions."

2. Because you have 1 gf and are now worried sick, this shows the value of plate spinning. If you were doing so, you wouldn't give fvck if she banged another dude.

3. I'm spinning 4 at the moment. When we start dating, they know this up front. And, I tell them that unless told otherwise, I assume they are dating other guys as well. I lose no sleep at night. And if any of their behavior is unacceptable, well, I don't accept them any more and bring in another girl into the rotation if there's one I like. Over time, I sometimes I whittle the rotation down to 1 because I like her more than others and want exclusivity. But that's not my default approach and so if a plate travels, has girls night out, or whatever, I'm not bothered in the least.

 

[6nemesis9]

What did you think she was gonna tell ya if even more happened? Wake up, brothers. Can't hold a woman down, they are people with different circumstances & different choices.

I agree with you. I am simply sure that it didn't happened. Not gonna give details on why I think that cuz it's irrelevant.

I agree with the rest of your post but I don't agree that if even Brad Pitt stepped by, a girl with a high IL, with friends as witnesses, and with a lasting LTR would cheat on his guy. And that in virtue that, as you say, women are people too

 

[Mike32ct]

There is nothing that can be gained by worrying about something you have no control of and that you will never really know what happened anyway.

Good luck.

^This.

 

[ka_mate]

I think it's judgemental to say that she will "certainly cheat" without knowing the girl in any way shape or form (i.e. someone who posts online)

I like the "Trust is earnt through actions" line, kudos to the guy who posted that.

If you guys are exclusive (which I would imagine you are given that you're looking for a place to live together)

then the suggestions to "spin bulk plates bro" are irrelevant as it would be horrendously stupid to cheat on your girlfriend because of an irrational feeling that she 'might' cheat on you.

Here's the deal:

You can't stop her from cheating
This doesn't mean she is thinking about or will cheat
You have to have faith in that she won't cheat
Chill out, don't tell her constantly not to cheat or show overt insecurity

If and this is a big if...

If she comes back and is acting suspicious well...we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Otherwise, just enjoy yourself

 

[mikey2012]

Dude
The hard truth is she is going to Ibiza to screw as many guys as possible. By saying what she said she's just goading you because she knows she has power over you. Think about it . She's tempting fate and she wants you to know it. In a way it's sort of giving you a heads up coz if she screws other guys she will feel less guilty. Girls only go to Ibiza for one thing and that is to find other guys and have sex. My friend went to Ibiza with his gf and she still screwed other guys.
You should either accept it or if you cant , dump her.
Also your reply to her is beta. You wont be there when she gets back if she screws other guys ? That's what she expected you to say coz you care too much. If she really cared for you she wouldn't even go let alone goad you . You should've have said nothing and maybe smiled at her. I guess your relationship has staled and become boring. Get this , if she finds someone better she WILL leave you.

 

[DonJuan_DeRosco]

Duracell Bunny, my friend,

I've been in this situation and it didn't end well, BUT there were a lot of culminating factors in my relationship at that time. I eventually cheated on my gf whilst she was away because I was damn sure she was. I'm gonna ask a few questions and from that it might give a clearer answer:


1. What are her friends like that she's going with? Slutty, party girl etc?

2. How has your relationship been in the last year, any change in her behaviour? Going clubbing more with friends etc?

3. Has she said things like "I don't think I want to go any more" and you have told her something along the lines of "Don't be silly, you'll have fun"? Basically, is she showing more reluctance than you would expect?


Forget the dream, it'll only cloud your judgement. Hopefully it works out fine champ.

 

[d!ckmojo]

I have been in this situation. I even had that dream that you described. My gf was overseas, she had told me before she left that a friend of hers from uni would be in the same city on this particular weekend, but honestly it went in one ear and out the other I did not spend a single second thinking about it, I just shrugged.

But then, when that particular weekend came, without even consciously being aware that it was the weekend she had previously mentioned, I had that dream, you know, and I woke up in the morning and I just knew she'd been fvcked the night before. So I consulted the I Ching (yes, the I Ching. If it was good enough for Carl Jung, its good enough for me), and that precisely confirmed my gut feeling without a shadow of a doubt. (For anyone interested, I asked "what did my girlfriend do last night?" and the answer was hexagram 44 "Coupling", the symbol for sexual intercourse).

Anyway, afterwards, I always knew she cheated on me that night, and I let her know I knew too, but she always denied it till she was blue in the face. She'd get really really angry at me, but at a later date after we'd broken up I had it confirmed from another source that, yes, she had indeed cheated on me during that trip with that guy.

Seriously dude, Ibiza? You know she's getting fvcked by other dudes, you know it. All women, all of them, have sex with as many guys as they can, all the time, no matter what. The only ones that don't are religious prudes/uptight b1tches who are no fun anyway. She knows there's no possible way you can find out if she had sex with guys on this trip, which guarantees to her she can get away with it, which guarantees she has been doing it dude, no question.

This is why I think in the modern day and age NO man should submit to a monogamous "relationship". Because women aren't being monogamous these days, none of them are. I've banged so many chicks who've supposedly been in a "relationship"... everyone here has I bet.

Its beta to even be in a "relationship" at all in my opinion. You must NEVER be in a situation where you have no other immediate options. You're the MAN, aren't you? Yet women these days always surround themselves with immediate options for sex, and you're a fool if you're a MAN and you refuse to do likewise.

 

[mikey2012]

I have been in this situation. I even had that dream that you described. My gf was overseas, she had told me before she left that a friend of hers from uni would be in the same city on this particular weekend, but honestly it went in one ear and out the other I did not spend a single second thinking about it, I just shrugged.

But then, when that particular weekend came, without even consciously being aware that it was the weekend she had previously mentioned, I had that dream, you know, and I woke up in the morning and I just knew she'd been fvcked the night before. So I consulted the I Ching (yes, the I Ching. If it was good enough for Carl Jung, its good enough for me), and that precisely confirmed my gut feeling without a shadow of a doubt. (For anyone interested, I asked "what did my girlfriend do last night?" and the answer was hexagram 44 "Coupling", the symbol for sexual intercourse).

Anyway, afterwards, I always knew she cheated on me that night, and I let her know I knew too, but she always denied it till she was blue in the face. She'd get really really angry at me, but at a later date after we'd broken up I had it confirmed from another source that, yes, she had indeed cheated on me during that trip with that guy.

Seriously dude, Ibiza? You know she's getting fvcked by other dudes, you know it. All women, all of them, have sex with as many guys as they can, all the time, no matter what. The only ones that don't are religious prudes/uptight b1tches who are no fun anyway. There is no way you can possibly find out if she had sex with guys on this trip and she knows it, which guarantees she can get away with it, and she has been doing it dude, no question.

This is why I think in the modern day and age NO man should submit to a monogamous "relationship". Because women aren't being monogamous these days, none of them are. I've banged so many chicks who've supposedly been in a "relationship"... everyone here has I bet.

Its beta to even be in a "relationship" at all in my opinion. You must NEVER be in a situation where you have no other immediate options. You're the MAN, aren't you? Yet women these days always surround themselves with immediate options for sex, and you're a fool if you're a man and you refuse to do the same.

Yes totally agree . Even if the biatch is married she will still cheat. Food for thought.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

1. What are her friends like that she's going with? Slutty, party girl etc?

One of them I've not met before, she's engaged. The other I've only met briefly and is the slvt of the group (nice body though), single, slept with lots of guys - has packed condoms! Then the other friend is in a relationship and living with her bf, this one is not the typical woman you would meet in a club - works hard, both on good wage bf well spoken.

2. How has your relationship been in the last year, any change in her behaviour? Going clubbing more with friends etc?

She goes clubbing less but spent more time with her family (no family issues to be seen here), also inviting me along many times. When she sees her friends its usually in the week, going for coffee/lunch. When she does go out clubbing its work nights out, birthdays etc.

Issues have been she gets clingy when I go out, calling for no reason other than what it seems to check up on me. Starts complaining with things like "feels like we never spend any time together" if I have made lots of arrangements. Gets very moody and complains if I don't respond to text messages.

Disagreements are about finding a place to live - we have different opinions on the type of place we want, and she's very stubborn and seems to forget the actual reason for living together.

3. Has she said things like "I don't think I want to go any more" and you have told her something along the lines of "Don't be silly, you'll have fun"? Basically, is she showing more reluctance than you would expect?

I wouldn't say she is showing reluctance but comes across feeling very guilty.

The biggest thing is that she has no confidence in herself - she's been hitting the gym way before I first met her and is still loosing weight (even though when I met her she wasn't overweight anyway, just curvy). I've not yet been able to succeed in this without going all AFC on her - such as telling her she looks great in some new clothes she's just bought, but hasn't asked what I think or seeking a validation.

 

[6nemesis9]

Seriously, most of you are f4cking retarded.

Do you think it's HARD to understand if a woman WILL/HAS CHEATED? IT'S NOT

SEX IS NOT RELEVANT TO WOMEN, F4CKING PUT THIS IN YOUR MIND.

If you are her boyfriend and you are fine together with no problems and she has high IL then YOU CAN'T WORRY ABOUT HER CHEATING.
If she wants to fool around she will, and BE SURE that you'll notice that.

And no, this is not afc talk. This is real talk, it's not the g4yass narcissistic paranoid reasoning that you do with your fake "live your life" attitude. What you say comes from frustrated minds, not happy worryless minds.

IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR NEGATIVE INNER THOUGHTS, THEN DO IT, IT WILL ONLY HARM YOUR SELF-BEING. Even if one gets cheated on, F4CKING NOTHING IS GONNA HAPPEN, you will still keep your life, your limbs, your neurons, your experiences. If you die inside only because you got cheated on then you are a sissy. If you worry all the time and you do reasoning like: "DUUUUDE, YOUR GF IS GONNA CHEAT ON YOU, BECAUSE SHE IS GONE ON A TRIP WITH HER GFs!! YOU MUST F4CK OTHER GIRLS ASAP OTHERWISE YOU WILL LOSE YOUR HONOR!" then you are a f4ggot and don't deserve the beauties of life. Also you obviously give too much importance on women. THEY ARE NOT IMPORTANT. WOMEN ARE NOT IMPORTANT. WOMEN COME TO YOUR LIFE ALL THE TIME, IF YOU AREN'T A RETARDED BETA

 

[TRSX]

Okay nemesis9, settle down. Get off World of Warcraft and give him a legit answer.

OP: Obviously this is a legit concern seeing as she is your long-term girlfriend.

But st_99 has a great point.

This thread shows grossly lacking confidence and worthiness on your part.

forget about your girlfriend cheating and look yourself in the mirror and ask why you feel the way you do and how you can get a healthier view on self, life and relationships.

This is no longer a concern for wether your gf is going to cheat on you or not, that is out of your control. Instead, look in the mirror and think about how YOU are dealing with the situation. In my mind you can do one of two things:

1.) You can sit there and worry about it the entire time and create scenarios in your head like an italian dude ****ing your girlfriend, and get all worked up over something you can't control

OR

2.) You can just take this time to better yourself, maybe if you workout do a few extra reps, read a book, expand your mind - call up some friends and have a BBQ. Anything to keep your mind so busy that you don't have time to think about it.

Now there is always going to be a concern, especially when you get a call - but I'm telling you that you will do more damage worrying about it (especially if nothing has / will happen) than just letting her have fun. If she really feels the way you want her to feel, she's not stupid. She knows the consequences of her actions.

Spinning more plates as someone mentioned earlier is just another tool for your mind to be distracted by 1 person. If you have 5 things to worry about instead of 1, then the 1 thing doesn't seem as big of a deal.

 

[coochieman]

I agree with you. I am simply sure that it didn't happened. Not gonna give details on why I think that cuz it's irrelevant.

I agree with the rest of your post but I don't agree that if even Brad Pitt stepped by, a girl with a high IL, with friends as witnesses, and with a lasting LTR would cheat on his guy. And that in virtue that, as you say, women are people too

1. Please do not give details, I do not request that. Not any of my bidness, bro.

2. Chill on the ''celeb millionaire'' talk. Try developing a sense of humor, man. :box:

Do you think it's HARD to understand if a woman WILL/HAS CHEATED? IT'S NOT

SEX IS NOT RELEVANT TO WOMEN, F4CKING PUT THIS IN YOUR MIND.

If you are her boyfriend and you are fine together with no problems and she has high IL then YOU CAN'T WORRY ABOUT HER CHEATING.
If she wants to fool around she will, and BE SURE that you'll notice that.

Wrong.
Cheating doesn't equate "b!tching around". Women/Everybody cheats for various reasons depending on too many circumstances. Remember, her letting it go for a night... under masculino-pressure, alcohol and apt environment, then waking up the next day extremely sorry in an ocean of tears is painfully still cheating. Doesn't mean she'd necessarily penalize herself/you by ending a meaningful relationship she values ahead of that night's "mistake". Doesn't mean she won't still bungee jump straight in your arms when she returns.

The fact still remains: In the end, you would only be held accountable for your OWN choices, not her's. Stop worrying.

IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR NEGATIVE INNER THOUGHTS, THEN DO IT, IT WILL ONLY HARM YOUR SELF-BEING. Even if one gets cheated on, F4CKING NOTHING IS GONNA HAPPEN, you will still keep your life, your limbs, your neurons, your experiences. If you die inside only because you got cheated on then you are a sissy. If you worry all the time and you do reasoning like: "DUUUUDE, YOUR GF IS GONNA CHEAT ON YOU, BECAUSE SHE IS GONE ON A TRIP WITH HER GFs!! YOU MUST F4CK OTHER GIRLS ASAP OTHERWISE YOU WILL LOSE YOUR HONOR!" then you are a f4ggot and don't deserve the beauties of life. Also you obviously give too much importance on women. THEY ARE NOT IMPORTANT. WOMEN ARE NOT IMPORTANT. WOMEN COME TO YOUR LIFE ALL THE TIME, IF YOU AREN'T A RETARDED BETA

Absolutely correct. :rockon:
As CordonCordon put it: There is nothing that can be gained by worrying about something you have no control of and that you will never really know what happened anyway.

So Mr OP: No worries, pal.