TLDR:
Been friends with girl for long time. Thought she was sending me signals (at the least, mixed). Asked her out, she said no, let's just stay friends, thank you though. Haven't talked since asking her out. Where to go from here to win her over in the future?
Howdy all,
This forum is great, first off. I'm mostly an AFC, working on fixing that. My goal for the next few months is to read the DJB and get it down-pat! I found this site more than 7 years ago, and it's been helpful to me on and off. It's amazing how much I've grown since then, but I wish I would have worked a little harder.
Anyways, my predicament. Haha. A few years ago (3+), I met this girl, let's call her Mary. She's pretty cute, good, well-rounded individual, a bit of a (self-described) attention *****, but authentically nice and overall great. I initially had a thing for her when we first met, but she was just starting to date another guy (my friend) and I was like "oh, well, ok then." Over the past few years, I've done some dumb things to express interest, but through it all we've remained pretty solid friends. We both went to the same school, I'm still there, she's in her hometown working (a few hours away).
Well, let's go to a few months ago. I broke up with my (now-ex-) girlfriend. Things weren't good (or healthy) between us, and it's very good we ended. Over the past year and a half, I'd say, Mary and I have gotten to be a bit closer than normal. She had a potential guy move away, and she's been single for a long while.
So, Mary ends up coming to town for a weekend. We hang out (in a group, with a few mutual friends), and we're drinking and having a good time. Well, she seems to get a bit more flirty with me, and then she brings up (a few times) how she really wants a boyfriend and all that other jazz. So, I think to myself "hey, cool, let's keep an eye out."
Well, a few weeks pass, we exchange some flirty texts and other messages that seem to express some interest/desire on her part.
Then, she comes back into town and I'm like "woot!" So, we spend the weekend together, her and a bunch of my friends (a whole lot of people came back that weekend). She says, when not-drinking, that she's fine being single, but takes seemingly-offense at when I compliment another girl for being cute (compliment fishing, most likely), but I try to save it by saying I like girls more like her anyways, and not the other one (she brushes it off as brown-nosing, haha). But, when she does drink, she expresses her desire to date someone and have someone there. And, she also described how her first few dates should go, what she expects in a relationship, that she'll never make the first move for a guy, and that if a few people asked her out right now, she would probably say yes.
Well, the following day, her and I spend a few hours together, some alone, some with others, and when alone she tells me how she can't end relationships, she's glad her previous flame ended things for her, and that everyone teases her about still being single. She also said she had some interest in a guy, but he's a vegetarian and a liberal so she wouldn't go for it.
Then, that evening, we go out with her bestest girlfriend and two guys (husband and guy friend) (I've only met them once or twice before). I'm a great host (eliciting comments from her friends both to me in public and to her in private), and we temporarily part ways to get to the bar.
As we pull up to the bar, she texts asking where we are. I responded that we're right outside and will be inside in a few minutes. She responds "OK." Then after that text is sent she sends a text "can't wait to see you." Me, being the dumb clueless oaf I am, am like "???" but decide to not respond since I'll see her in less than 2 minutes.
After an hour of some light drinking (I'm still sober, she's less than sober), everyone else starts to text (we're all rather attached to our phones, haha). I decide to reply in a language we both know (that isn't English) something like:
"Hey girl, really? We had just seen each other no more than 30 mins before you sent that" (Yes, I am that dense.)
So, I see her read the text and she sends back "you are very special." However, when I read that, I mis-translated, and responded "You just sent me "you are very especially?" Hrm, ok. Well, your prior comment was kinda funny." (Oh so dense).
So, we hit the next bar, and it's just her and my friends. At one point, the topic of weddings and engagements and other such things come up (some bachelorette was at the bar), and she starts giving me pointed looks when she's talking about those things.
Then another one of my friends asks the story of my previous relationship. I relay it, and mention how she had parental issues, and I wasn't getting near that again. Well, this girl Mary has issues with her mom, but none with her dad. So she's like "well, what do you think about girls with mom issues but great relationships with dad?" And I'm like "Well, Freud would say the father-daughter matters more" and she responds "I don't care what Freud thinks." So I reply "I agree heavily with Freud."
We eventually leave the bar and head back to the house we're crashing at. Then we sleep. Then she leaves (she seems kinda cold when she leaves).
Well, the following day, I convince myself to ask her out, even though she's back at home and I'd have to do it on the phone. I ask if she wants to catch dinner and activity over a week I am off, and she says no, but I am still welcome to visit her and my other friend where they live.
So, that brings me to now. If you've stuck through this, awesome. If not, you suck!
haha, not like you read that anyways.
Some of my friends think she may like me/be into me, but she has a higher interest level in someone else, and is "waiting" for that situation to pan out (ie, she's keeping me as a backup). One friend says I need to just forget it.
I'm inclined to do stupid things. We only see each other once every few weeks, as a note.
So, my questions for the forum:
1) Do you think my friends are right that she might be into me but is waiting on someone else?
2) I haven't talked to her since asking her out, whereas we normally talked every other few days. What should I do? I thought about contacting her and being like "Hey, don't worry about Monday night, everything's all good. Figured you were worth a shot anyways. I'll see ya around." Then I was thinking of slowly pulling away, focusing on myself a sh!tton more (working out, getting more work done, taking care of a few things), and then when I see her next, be a bit more flirty/flirtatious with her and see what happens (oh, did I mention hit the DJB hard?). (something like the "Gangi game" from here?)
3) Any other advice or thoughts, aside from "NEXT!" (which is the obvious, and far less-fun choice... ). Maybe anything I can learn from this situation? Things to do/not do? Did I ask out too early? Should I have waited? Let's use this, at the very least, as a learning experience.
Thanks in advance all!
h1v0t4g3 (hivoltage, lol)
Been friends with girl for long time. Thought she was sending me signals (at the least, mixed). Asked her out, she said no, let's just stay friends, thank you though. Haven't talked since asking her out. Where to go from here to win her over in the future?
Howdy all,
This forum is great, first off. I'm mostly an AFC, working on fixing that. My goal for the next few months is to read the DJB and get it down-pat! I found this site more than 7 years ago, and it's been helpful to me on and off. It's amazing how much I've grown since then, but I wish I would have worked a little harder.
Anyways, my predicament. Haha. A few years ago (3+), I met this girl, let's call her Mary. She's pretty cute, good, well-rounded individual, a bit of a (self-described) attention *****, but authentically nice and overall great. I initially had a thing for her when we first met, but she was just starting to date another guy (my friend) and I was like "oh, well, ok then." Over the past few years, I've done some dumb things to express interest, but through it all we've remained pretty solid friends. We both went to the same school, I'm still there, she's in her hometown working (a few hours away).
Well, let's go to a few months ago. I broke up with my (now-ex-) girlfriend. Things weren't good (or healthy) between us, and it's very good we ended. Over the past year and a half, I'd say, Mary and I have gotten to be a bit closer than normal. She had a potential guy move away, and she's been single for a long while.
So, Mary ends up coming to town for a weekend. We hang out (in a group, with a few mutual friends), and we're drinking and having a good time. Well, she seems to get a bit more flirty with me, and then she brings up (a few times) how she really wants a boyfriend and all that other jazz. So, I think to myself "hey, cool, let's keep an eye out."
Well, a few weeks pass, we exchange some flirty texts and other messages that seem to express some interest/desire on her part.
Then, she comes back into town and I'm like "woot!" So, we spend the weekend together, her and a bunch of my friends (a whole lot of people came back that weekend). She says, when not-drinking, that she's fine being single, but takes seemingly-offense at when I compliment another girl for being cute (compliment fishing, most likely), but I try to save it by saying I like girls more like her anyways, and not the other one (she brushes it off as brown-nosing, haha). But, when she does drink, she expresses her desire to date someone and have someone there. And, she also described how her first few dates should go, what she expects in a relationship, that she'll never make the first move for a guy, and that if a few people asked her out right now, she would probably say yes.
Well, the following day, her and I spend a few hours together, some alone, some with others, and when alone she tells me how she can't end relationships, she's glad her previous flame ended things for her, and that everyone teases her about still being single. She also said she had some interest in a guy, but he's a vegetarian and a liberal so she wouldn't go for it.
Then, that evening, we go out with her bestest girlfriend and two guys (husband and guy friend) (I've only met them once or twice before). I'm a great host (eliciting comments from her friends both to me in public and to her in private), and we temporarily part ways to get to the bar.
As we pull up to the bar, she texts asking where we are. I responded that we're right outside and will be inside in a few minutes. She responds "OK." Then after that text is sent she sends a text "can't wait to see you." Me, being the dumb clueless oaf I am, am like "???" but decide to not respond since I'll see her in less than 2 minutes.
After an hour of some light drinking (I'm still sober, she's less than sober), everyone else starts to text (we're all rather attached to our phones, haha). I decide to reply in a language we both know (that isn't English) something like:
"Hey girl, really? We had just seen each other no more than 30 mins before you sent that" (Yes, I am that dense.)
So, I see her read the text and she sends back "you are very special." However, when I read that, I mis-translated, and responded "You just sent me "you are very especially?" Hrm, ok. Well, your prior comment was kinda funny." (Oh so dense).
So, we hit the next bar, and it's just her and my friends. At one point, the topic of weddings and engagements and other such things come up (some bachelorette was at the bar), and she starts giving me pointed looks when she's talking about those things.
Then another one of my friends asks the story of my previous relationship. I relay it, and mention how she had parental issues, and I wasn't getting near that again. Well, this girl Mary has issues with her mom, but none with her dad. So she's like "well, what do you think about girls with mom issues but great relationships with dad?" And I'm like "Well, Freud would say the father-daughter matters more" and she responds "I don't care what Freud thinks." So I reply "I agree heavily with Freud."
We eventually leave the bar and head back to the house we're crashing at. Then we sleep. Then she leaves (she seems kinda cold when she leaves).
Well, the following day, I convince myself to ask her out, even though she's back at home and I'd have to do it on the phone. I ask if she wants to catch dinner and activity over a week I am off, and she says no, but I am still welcome to visit her and my other friend where they live.
So, that brings me to now. If you've stuck through this, awesome. If not, you suck!
haha, not like you read that anyways.Some of my friends think she may like me/be into me, but she has a higher interest level in someone else, and is "waiting" for that situation to pan out (ie, she's keeping me as a backup). One friend says I need to just forget it.
I'm inclined to do stupid things. We only see each other once every few weeks, as a note.
So, my questions for the forum:
1) Do you think my friends are right that she might be into me but is waiting on someone else?
2) I haven't talked to her since asking her out, whereas we normally talked every other few days. What should I do? I thought about contacting her and being like "Hey, don't worry about Monday night, everything's all good. Figured you were worth a shot anyways. I'll see ya around.
" Then I was thinking of slowly pulling away, focusing on myself a sh!tton more (working out, getting more work done, taking care of a few things), and then when I see her next, be a bit more flirty/flirtatious with her and see what happens (oh, did I mention hit the DJB hard?). (something like the "Gangi game" from here?)3) Any other advice or thoughts, aside from "NEXT!" (which is the obvious, and far less-fun choice...
). Maybe anything I can learn from this situation? Things to do/not do? Did I ask out too early? Should I have waited? Let's use this, at the very least, as a learning experience. Thanks in advance all!
h1v0t4g3 (hivoltage, lol)
