hi all, long time lurker, 1st time poster. couldn't find this by searching for "ljbf". i just got ljbf'ed & politely said "thx but no thx." a friend who's a pretty good pua said i should have been more diplomatic (small town, everybody knows everybody). he says i should have said "ok" then never called her again. i like my approach better b/c its more direct & masculine, but what do i know? so when you say no to ljbf proposal, do you prefer the "active" or "passive" approach?
ljbf: "active" or "passive" response
- Thread starter booga
- Start date
NewMan
Master Don Juan
active - let em know you've got a pair of b#lls.
I'd have to agree with your friend. By telling her "no, it's all or nothing", you seem a bit like a spoilt brat who didn't get his way and it shows you can't be cool about rejection. So in my opinion, it's more masculine to accept it cooly and indifferently.
The only times I'd suggest being direct and sharp is if she is impolite in her rejection or if she has been leading you on. Only then do you have a right to be uptight with her.
The only times I'd suggest being direct and sharp is if she is impolite in her rejection or if she has been leading you on. Only then do you have a right to be uptight with her.
hey jariel, i see yr point. note: i wasn't rude, i said (this was via email) "i have a rich assortment of male friends & having platonic female friends is not a priority right now." i also thanked her 4 being direct & wished her luck in the future. or maybe this could be construed as rude, i don't know. i thought if i showed some spine she might call in the future when the other guy(s) she's seeing go afc as most guys will do, but what i said could have come off harsh.
Hound_of_Love
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 16, 2005
- Messages
- 144
- Reaction score
- 1
I've also seen it suggested hereabouts that you should say, "yeah, that's a great idea - we'll make great friends" and then carry on gaming her regardless...
...but I've no idea how well that would work 'cos I've never had a reason to try it.
...but I've no idea how well that would work 'cos I've never had a reason to try it.
mr ruckus: good god, yr right i do sound like an employer. ugh. ok, in the future i'll just say "of course we are friends" & just not call. i'm beginning to think that what i just did was like tipping yr hand in a poker game. ok, well, live & learn.
DonJuanMonk
Master Don Juan
The girl expects you to go away if you don't have much pride. But again I say in another thread, assess the situation before nexting her. If she seems like a valuable resource (ie. she has other hot friends) then keep her around as a friend, in fact cherish her existance. Other than that, there's no reason to keep her as a friend.
hey 007, i have thought about this extensively. since i only had 1 weeknight coffee date w/her, i think she was never attracted to me in the 1st place b/c i did almost everything right & her interest level still did not rise. that happens. she could have been a professional dater & i flushed her out by only asking for cheap weeknight dates. who knows. point is, if i'd been seeing her 4 a while i'd say i lowered her interest level & caused her 2 dump me, but since i'd only just met her, i'd say her initial interest level was in the 40% zone.
another note: actually i lied to her a little bit. i do have female friends, but i chose them, they did not ljbf me. i thought that was an important distinction at the time but i may be wrong.
p.s. sorry about terse style but i hurt right hand & am typing w/left
another note: actually i lied to her a little bit. i do have female friends, but i chose them, they did not ljbf me. i thought that was an important distinction at the time but i may be wrong.
p.s. sorry about terse style but i hurt right hand & am typing w/left
in my experience, half of 1st dates are a waste of time b/c girl has low interest level in first place, even if you do everything right. i made a few mistakes, but they would be excuseable if she liked me to begin with.
here's what i think i did right:
1. didn't talk about self too much
2. asked a lot about her
3. we laughed about stuff
4. went for motorcycle ride (this is usually gold)
5. i ended date 1st
6. waited 4 days to call, contact limited to once/wk, no lengthy phone convos
7. no weekend contact, no big spending
here's what i did wrong:
1. didn't use her name enough
2. didn't do enough kino
3. overestimated her IL & didn't go 4 the kiss (to create expectation 4 next date)
@ end of date, she gave me an awkward hug, not quite a church hug, but close. i had a bad feeling then.
if my game were perfect i maybe could have salvaged it, but her initial IL was low enough that i was really hanging by fingernails. ok, i am still learning.
i get the feeling she has a lot of guy "friends" that she keeps around 4 her entertainment, & she wanted me to be one more (possibly b/c of motorcycle rides). i will never know 4 sure.
next time i'll try to do better & hopefully post a lay report. i freely admit i'm not a pua yet.
here's what i think i did right:
1. didn't talk about self too much
2. asked a lot about her
3. we laughed about stuff
4. went for motorcycle ride (this is usually gold)
5. i ended date 1st
6. waited 4 days to call, contact limited to once/wk, no lengthy phone convos
7. no weekend contact, no big spending
here's what i did wrong:
1. didn't use her name enough
2. didn't do enough kino
3. overestimated her IL & didn't go 4 the kiss (to create expectation 4 next date)
@ end of date, she gave me an awkward hug, not quite a church hug, but close. i had a bad feeling then.
if my game were perfect i maybe could have salvaged it, but her initial IL was low enough that i was really hanging by fingernails. ok, i am still learning.
i get the feeling she has a lot of guy "friends" that she keeps around 4 her entertainment, & she wanted me to be one more (possibly b/c of motorcycle rides). i will never know 4 sure.
next time i'll try to do better & hopefully post a lay report. i freely admit i'm not a pua yet.
addendum, sorry 007 i didn't really answer your question. the coffee part: we met at cafe & only stayed long enough to drink 1 cappucino ea. proximity: at opposide sides of small table. for the bike ride, she was of course plastered to my back w/thighs clamped around me from adrenalin. afterwards we went to see a (free) outdoor concert but got there too late. sat outside a bit (again @ a small table), then i ended date, walked her 2 car & got the semi-lame hug. i didn't touch b/c doc love said let her touch first (i'm beginning to think this is wrong).