Living with unhappy people

[Bungo Pony]

Lately I haven't been my positive happy self. A few days ago, I had a minor car accident. My car is still very driveable, but it's all the stuff afterward that I hate dealing with. Usually, things like this bother me for maybe a day, but it's been dragging on. However I know why.

About 8 months ago, I moved back in with my parents. I had developed a plan to spend enough time there to get my ass out of debt. I knew it would be a bit of a sacrifice, but I figured I could deal with it. However, I'd forgotten that my parents were unhappy, miserable, negative people to be around. They're never happy about anything. They critisize and complain about everything. I have to live with these people for the next little while.

It's so damn difficult fighting off all these negative thoughts flying through the air. It's hard not to let them get to me. I have noticed that I'm not as happy as when I was living on my own, but in due time, I'll get my ass out of there. I have lots of great things going for me: a good job, a great new girl I'm dating, I just recently got asked to sing in a band, and there's much more. However, living with negative people has made it very difficult to remain the naturally happy person that I am. All I can do right now is grit my teeth and make it though this time period that I'm going through. I'm planning on buying MY OWN house in the next couple of years. This is one of the goals that keeps me going.

Just needed to rant about this. Comments are welcome!

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"I'm a finder, I'm a keeper
I'm not a loser and I ain't no weeper" - Quiet Riot

 

[xblitz44x]

Bungo,

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I live with my mom and my step-father. Those people have to be the most negative people on this planet. My step-father is a miserable a$$hole on a powertrip. Since I am over 18 and living there for free, he thinks he owns ME. My house is one story, and I live in the basement. If I come up to get something to eat in the kitchen and it's later at night I get BYTCHED at big time. He complains that I'm being too loud, waking my brothers up, yada yada. He's so miserable. We MIGHT exchange 10 words in a given week. My mother is married to the a-hole so her mind is polluted now too. She bytches about every little thing. She has nothing to look forward to in her life, so she takes pride in building drama with the litle things in MY life.

I have been in the greatest mood, singing at the top of my lungs on the way home from work. But as soon as I get into the house my state changes IMMEDIATELY. Their negativity carries over. It's contagious. I have found the best thing to do is simply avoid them. It's ashame it has to be that way but those people LOOK for reasons and ways to bring me down to their level. Hang in there dude.

-Blitz

 

[Roadrunner]

Get a job, find some roommates and get the fvck out! Life is too short.

 

[Roadrunner]

Oops, didn't mean to assume you have no job. Just an expression.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Roadrunner - I've been that route (with a roomate) and it's one of the reasons that caused me to move back in with my parents.

xblitz44x - You're absolutely right about avoiding them as much as possible. I'm rarely ever at home, and if I am, I'm sleeping.

I also have to deal with other BS - my dad opened a personal piece of mail yesterday "by mistake". After I moved out, he began obtaining printouts of my bank account and rubbing it into my face that I had no money since I moved out. If I had a choice, I wouldn't associate with my parents.

On a plus note, I phoned public insurance about my car accident, and I may be able to get out of paying out extra bucks and damaging my driving record. I'll see how things go.

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"I'm a finder, I'm a keeper
I'm not a loser and I ain't no weeper" - Quiet Riot

 

[Ricardo]

Damn I'm sorry to hear the bad family deal. My parents are great, but they can get on me about a few things as well. It's the nature of parenthood.

They definitely can cramp your style if you are significantly more of an optimist than them.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by Ricardo:

They definitely can cramp your style if you are significantly more of an optimist than them.

Definately! There are a few things I've noticed about myself since I moved back in. My room is one hell of a mess (I'm normally quite clean) and my plant is being neglected. However, knowing myself quite well, I can clearly see that I'm not happy living here.

Here's today's event. My mother insists on doing my laundry, however I've started doing it myself regardless. I went to get one of my work shirts (which is completely black) and the thing looked tye-died, brown and black. Turns out she put bleach in the wash. I pay $35 a piece for these fvcking shirts. I brought it to the attention of my mother in a calm manner (as I do with any situation).

My mother tries to turn it around on me. Apparently, I have demanded that this situation be dealt with immediately. She starts telling me how I don't fix anything of hers when it's broken.

I point out that I wasn't the one who broke it. She starts telling me how children are suppose to honor their parents, and she wants honor.

Don't get me wrong, I do things for my parents, just not all the time. Gifts are best recieved when they're done sparingly, and unexpectedly. Unfortunately, it seems that gifts are given to me by my parents in hope for recieving 10 times more than what they gave. I hate this mindset, and I refuse to adopt it.

If it was me personally, I'd offer to pay for the damage done to the shirt, or at a minimum offer an apology. I recieved neither. To me, this indicates a lack of respect for the person in question. It's difficult to live with people who don't respect you.

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"Feelin' sleazy dirty,
Feelin' kinda mean,
Feelin' up, down & in-between,
Feelin' kinda ****y
Feel I'm on the rise,
Feel myself a-coming between your thighs" - Jackyl

 

[happy gilmore]

Dang. Why would parents do that to their kids? They treat us like pets. They just give up food and shelter, and we don't need any attention, love, or positive compliments. I even treat my dog better than any of my relatives treated me. Anyone seen The Joy Luck Club? Thats how its like for me! I would never treat my kids like that in the future. It just doesn't make sense.

 

[Nosferatu]

BP, if you have a good job, why can't you get out of there? Is something else holding you back?

Nosferatu

 

[Bungo Pony]

I'll descibe what's holding me back from moving out. When my Ex-fiance left me, I was also left with some large debts. I have a good job, and I'm getting them paid off. In the past 4 years, I've experienced dealing with a common-law wife, lanlords, caretakers, and roomates, and personally I'm fed up with the bull5hit I've had to put up with the people I've listed. I've set myself a goal - to buy myself a house. However, I cannot pay off my debts and save for a house when I'm paying rent.

Living with my parents is cheap, and is a good opportunity to reach my goal of purchasing a house quite quickly. However, I have a lot of sacrifices to make to reach this goal I have, and I realize that. It's quite difficult to grit my teeth and bear with it, but I've dealt with a great deal of 5hit in the past year or so. I'm still alive, and a bit more 5hit to deal with is not going to kill me. It's a price to pay, but it will be worth it all in the end. I've always wanted my own house.

 

[Ricardo]

Well I'm out of a job and back with the parents also. It's tough. Fortunately the girl I'm dating also lives with her sick mom. She understands. We ***** about our "roommates" from time to time.

One very positive thing it does for you is to keep you on the go constantly. It's not like you want to hang out at home much. So you can always be going cool places to meet new people, the gym, universities, sporting events, etc.

But it does suck to come home after a long day of work and have a laundry list of items to do at home . As I said I'm recently out of a job but the grad school thing keeps me pretty busy.

 

[Ralph Bellamy]

Just the fact that you recognize their unhappiness and oppose it puts you in a good place already, Bungo. I know people (my ex, for instance) who never could seem to cut the emotional cord with their similar negative parents but for some reason, couldn't see the actual negativity. Grinning and bearing it is only part of it, just surround the rest of your life with happiness for now. Your dreams are a good start.

If she bellyaches after doing that to one of your shirts, call her on it. ("Is that what this is? Deliberate punishment for not fixing such and such? Honoring my parents means you destroy things and I like it?") Feel free to point out that you do your own clothes already (parents love to hold stuff like this over your head, so if you are doing this yourself you rob them of that).

And for God's sakes, hide any laundry items that need special care. ;-) My mother always had a weak talent for that too.

 

[Bungo Pony]

And for God's sakes, hide any laundry items that need special care.

In other words, hide all of it.

 

[alboh]

My parents aren't so bad, but nevertheless I notice than when I'm out living on my own I go out a lot and am more social. When I go back home for holidays I just sit in my room using the internet all day and night. My parents are the types who frown on optimistic plans. Their opinion is "get through college and THEN you can start living." F*** that!

My mom also does things I don't want her to, like buy me ugly-ass furniture that SHE likes, and then when I have a legitimate grievance she says "how could you say that after I [did something that I never wanted her to do in the first place]".

However my dad's a famous broadcaster (makes lots of $$$) so as long as I can convince them to pay my rent and give me an allowance for food I'm not going to jeaproadize (sic) that by blowing up at them.

[This message has been edited by alboh (edited 11-22-2002).]

 

[Kwah]

I moved out from my parents place when I turned 18. My dad is an ******* and if I spend more than 2 days around him I want to kill him.

Im not going back for any reason.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Originally posted by alboh:
My parents are the types who frown on optimistic plans. Their opinion is "get through college and THEN you can start living." F*** that!

This is something I never agreed on. I have friends who have college as their main focus. They never go out and have fun. There's nothing wrong with schooling, but if you don't go out and have fun while your young, you're wasting years away. Then when you're 50 years old, you look back and say "You know, I should've had more fun when I was younger".

 

[HollowHorizon]

Yeah man i know ,my mom is very negitive..she worries alot and when she worries she gets worked up in a stress fit..When she gets going i get very irretatied and eventuly pissed off so i sit and my room and put my music up..It brings be down when she goes into a hyper conversation about whats going on what she cant afford who is ****ing her over..Why her job sucks..i try to tell her thats all i talk and think about and its not good...Nither for me becuse that feeds me negitive energy that i dont need

 

[WaterTiger]

Yep, that's why my folks live in Florida & I live in California.

 

[CLOONEY]

Dude, I live with my dad, he is so depressed he cries to me every day, is the most negative person you can EVER meet. Even tried to kill himself a couple of times. He has even told me he wants to chop himself up into little bits, like self harm. My bro couldnt handle it and moved out, but all my family agrees, if i leave him alone in that house he will kill himself.

Even when I go out sometimes he goes really quiet, like he wants me to stay and really gets sad when I go just to a friends house.

So stop complaining man, you wouldnt know what it was like to live with some REAL NEGATIVE PEOPLE!

You will eventually adapt, and decensatise yourself from it.

 

[HollowHorizon]

So stop complaining man, you wouldnt know what it was like to live with some REAL NEGATIVE PEOPLE!

You will eventually adapt, and decensatise yourself from itQUOTE]

Yes, but when you do that you will perposly blind their feelings leading to lack of communication on your behalf becuse u are so annoyed or irritated by this,Dont ignore personal negitivity, Solve it however you seem fit