Lingering feelings

[betablaster]

We broke up just about 2 months ago. ill try to keep this short but she took me for granted and disrespected me by pushing my boundaries. so it had to end. after about 2 weeks i caved and talked to her. we decided to remain friends and had breakup secks (BIG MISTAKE) (something really odd happend when we were having sex she started crying) it stir up all those emotions in me and after a few days i couldn't handle it and i told her "i cant be your friend, i care to much about you to be your friend, its one thing is you want to work on it but i cant do it" she said all we can do is be friends. i told her i respect her decision and started to say goodbye and she hung up on me(awesome more disrespect) then text me 10 mins later saying "thanks for being honest" and that's the last i never herd from her.

1 month sense the breakup she showed up at a bar i was at on purpose to rub her date in my face. sense then nothing from either side. (its now been 1 month of pure no contact) i never begged her back. and never cried or chased her or anything like that either.

i took the breakup really hard this was a girl i really cared for, i wanted to have a future with her and a family. and now its gone.(im okay with this now) i lost 20 pounds in a month. i went from 155 to 135. but now i'm rebuilding myself im going to gym 5 days a week. i got a new job, i got a new lexus. i picked up 2 new books mastery and the power of now. and i'm slowly feeling better and better every day. HOWEVER i cannot get her out of my head! that stupid saying that ab sense makes the heart grow fonder... UGH a part of me wants to get in contact with her VIA email and just say what i need to say to get it off my chest. Basicly goodbye. and im fighting myself from doing this. is it the inner AFC? or the beta in me who wants to contact her? it feels like there is a war going on inside me. is this normal? oneitis? why the hell do i still have feelings for her? i cant seem to shake them! Even while i'm trying to spinning plates.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Betablaster,


The amount of time and effort it takes to get over a woman is usually measured by the amount of EMOTIONAL investment that you have placed in the relationship.

In different circumstances and definitely with a different woman---emotional investment is not a bad thing. However, in the future, always be watchful of whenever the passion that a woman has for you starts to drop. And pay just as close attention to how her commitment towards keeping the relationship healthy starts to drop as well. A pretty good rule to live by is to always take note whenever a woman's words and actions towards you are in contrast. In scenarios like that---ALWAYS believe how she "acts" over what she "says".

Having said all that, the emotional withdrawal process that you're experiencing is normal. Over time, you'll feel less and less connected to her (you know, kinda like she feels about YOU already...).

But if you want to hasten your recovery, make a conscious effort to interrupt your pattern of thinking of her positive traits, and instead----start DWELLING ON HER NEGATIVE TRAITS constantly.

Whenever you're really INTO a woman and the relationship goes bad, one of the worst tricks that your mind plays on you is that most of the time that you spent with her were "the good ole days". However, when we stop and think about it rationally and OBJECTIVELY, we will quickly realize (and REMEMBER) that we are only yearning for "parts" of a past relationship----not the whole.

So one of the best ways to stop missing the good parts is to start meditating, dwelling on, and remembering the BAD PARTS too. Once you go through the stages of grieving over the death of that relationship, and you hit the stage of ANGER (or as I call it, "righteous indignation"), then you'll be able to do the SECOND best thing to get over that past girl-----which is, to GENUINELY open yourself up to the possibility of meeting a new girl---and hopefully a BETTER girl.


Much Respect to you.


V.U.

 

[goundra]

It basically took me 10 years, 8 of it with no contact, 2 years of just phone contact. One day I just happened to notice that I had not thought of her at all for several days. Before, I thought of her scores of times per day. This separation was after 5 years of an affair.

 

[betablaster]

and guess what i just got a text from her.

 

[Crissco]

and guess what i just got a text from her.

Dont respond. Go ghost.

 

[betablaster]

Dont respond. Go ghost.

for sure!

 

[rearea]

"disrespected me by pushing my boundaries" equals "she didnt accept my selfish behavior and didnt tolerate being treated like ****"

Men disrespect me and push my boundaries all the time. There is no man who is respectful and genuinely cares for a woman. That is because men think women only exist for their selfish purposes and anything they do that isnt congruent with the man's agenda makes us women *****, ***** or a bad person in general.

 

[betablaster]

"disrespected me by pushing my boundaries" equals "she didnt accept my selfish behavior and didnt tolerate being treated like ****"

Men disrespect me and push my boundaries all the time. There is no man who is respectful and genuinely cares for a woman. That is because men think women only exist for their selfish purposes and anything they do that isnt congruent with the man's agenda makes us women *****, ***** or a bad person in general.

Really? Why dont you take 10 mins to read my past posts about this relationship. Then come back and tell me how it really is.

 

[Sik]

Betablaster,

Your feelings are normal, my friend. My first true love took me a long time to get over, and it's even harder when she's local. Best thing to do is be busy. Hit the gym even longer, read even more. See a few movies or paint your fireplace mantle - anything useful.

Stay productive and thoughts of this person will be further and further away as time goes on. Don't let this person occupy any space inside your head - you have much more important things to think about.

Also, don't respond to 'rearea', she, or he, is a troll. Don't feed trolls, otherwise they keep coming back.

Godspeed, man!

 

[betablaster]

Thank you

 

[plate's_empty]

Betablaster,


The amount of time and effort it takes to get over a woman is usually measured by the amount of EMOTIONAL investment that you have placed in the relationship.

In different circumstances and definitely with a different woman---emotional investment is not a bad thing. However, in the future, always be watchful of whenever the passion that a woman has for you starts to drop. And pay just as close attention to how her commitment towards keeping the relationship healthy starts to drop as well. A pretty good rule to live by is to always take note whenever a woman's words and actions towards you are in contrast. In scenarios like that---ALWAYS believe how she "acts" over what she "says".

Having said all that, the emotional withdrawal process that you're experiencing is normal. Over time, you'll feel less and less connected to her (you know, kinda like she feels about YOU already...).

But if you want to hasten your recovery, make a conscious effort to interrupt your pattern of thinking of her positive traits, and instead----start DWELLING ON HER NEGATIVE TRAITS constantly.

Whenever you're really INTO a woman and the relationship goes bad, one of the worst tricks that your mind plays on you is that most of the time that you spent with her were "the good ole days". However, when we stop and think about it rationally and OBJECTIVELY, we will quickly realize (and REMEMBER) that we are only yearning for "parts" of a past relationship----not the whole.

So one of the best ways to stop missing the good parts is to start meditating, dwelling on, and remembering the BAD PARTS too. Once you go through the stages of grieving over the death of that relationship, and you hit the stage of ANGER (or as I call it, "righteous indignation"), then you'll be able to do the SECOND best thing to get over that past girl-----which is, to GENUINELY open yourself up to the possibility of meeting a new girl---and hopefully a BETTER girl.


Much Respect to you.


V.U.

Absolute gold. I, my friend, am going through the same ****. Hang in there.