Let's talk about Haters

[backbreaker]

When I was in high school, I was a pretty popular dude. Played ball, somewhat of a class clown, could hang out with everyone, I got along with everyone. I went out of my way to get along with everyone.

I don't know if it's just me, but, it's like, some dudes, you, just being the person that you are lol, pisses them the hell off. I call it Joseph syndrome (off Joseph in the bible). Joseph had it all and his brothers didn't like him, for the simple fact that he was so pimp. He didn't even have to try, just him being there, pissed people off. Guys who go around looking, waiting for your downfall, waiting for you to have a mis que of some type, basically spend their entire time trying to pick you apart.

I got over the retaliate phase a long time ago. I mean there are a few guy I know that can't talk to any of our mutual friends, without bringing up my name in a negative manners, and make no bones about the fact that they ****ing hate me lol.


I tend to simply try to pay no attention. The more you feed a problem the bigger it gets, by ignoring it you give it no credence. But at the same time, you know, like there are certain guys that i know if they are there, i know I'm to going to be able to say anything without some type of wise crack or some smart ass remark. How do you guys handle guys like this? just freaking haters to the core.

 

[jtlancer]

In public speaking I learned an important lesson long ago.
When someone puts you down in front of others then the
'sympathy' is with you. If you retaliate you lose all sympathy and
people tend to believe the first remark made about you.
I'm not sure this is always true, but when other people neg me
I assume its because there is an attraction there. IOW hating is
just a shvt test from someone who secretly wishes they were you, or
were with you. You can't fix other people's low self esteem.

All bets are off if someone is a bully though. They deserve to be despised.

 

[Colossus]

Let me offer a different perspective: Life is not fair. Most of us have experienced this numerous times, in big ways and little ways. But some people have never truly been dealt a sh!t hand.

There is a guy in my class, we'll call him Owen. Owen is the type of guy who ostensibly has it all, and good things are just present in his life. He studies probably less than anyone else in class, and he get's A's and B's. We are in a difficult program. His undergrad GPA was like 3.8 in environmental science, which is a tough major. He was offered to apply for a Rhode's Scholarship. Owen also parties more than anyone else, and never really seems to get a hangover. His family is rather wealthy, parents still together and apparently happy. He has a longtime girlfriend, yet he still hooks up with one of the hotter girls in our class. Owen is not player. He drives a nice car, is the class captain, is great at golf, etc etc. Recently there was an inappropriate conversation on facebook regarding a professor and Owen was one of the people who were disciplined for it. Despite a direct insult, He got off with a warning, while another guy, who had a very minor role in the whole debacle, got put on probation. LSS there was some clear favoritism going on. Owen goes to Atlantic city and parties, gambles, wins; then comes in monday and smokes the big exam. Everyone loves him, especially the girls, and frankly you cant really hate the guy because he's so nice. Anyways, you get the point. Most of us have known a guy like him.

What I'm getting at here is that life doesnt treat people fairly. When you see this and you are the one getting the shaft, it fills you with a sense of injustice. Naturally, people will direct their ire towards the recipient of all the spoils. When someone's life is apparently glorious and you are getting kicked in the d!ck, it's hard to like the guy.

Now these are just perceptions, but perceptions are someone's reality. There is certainly more to people's lives than meets the eye, and even guys like Owen have their problems. I'm not saying being a hater is healthy or completely mature, but when you're on the other side of the fence, it's a very human reaction.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

BB I know exactly where you're coming from.

A hater always comes from the position of weakness, never strength. The hater, in all his insecurity, must compare himself to you. You, from the position of strength, are outgoing, affable, and feel no need to compare yourself to anybody.

A hater is someone with an external locus of control. What a waste of effort, to concentrate on others instead of improving yourself.

 

[st_99]

I've been the subject of haters at times and when I didn't know any better I would struggle to find out why I was being treated the way I was. I thought, "damn, what is wrong with me? what did I do to offend them?" "I must not be a likable person and need to figure out why."

Not to sound conceited but especially around others girlfriends is
when I felt it the most.

Now I know better, there are just some people... and f them.

 

[Zunder]

When I was in school, I was pretty good at Rugby, well I was good at all sport. I was also in the top classes. I can tell you I was pretty much hated on by the guys and a quite a few girls.
Up until a couple years before I left school I dressed like a nerd, wore spectacles. But frankly - I was a pretty tough little fella physically when it came to sports, especially a hard sport like rugby, and I think this is what upset people - I dressed like a nerd, word specs, was brainy AND good at sport.
However - despite everything my treatment at school really did affect my life. I couldn't understand why (it seemed) everyone hated me.
Being of eastern european descent I am a hirsute guy, I was shaving at 12. So at highschool I was the "Ape" man. Even people I thought were friends started mimicking the "Ape" thing.
I would come home from school and there would be a little toy ape in an envelope addresses to me - some clown from school had gone out of their way to do something like that.

Now - with hindsight - I realise that most people are insecure, and taking it out on someone else is a way to make them feel better at their own inadequacies.
I wish I had this foresight now, because typing this has reminded of some very dark memories from that period in my life.

I guess the best thing I can say is that when people have a crack at you take it as a compliment - because there is something they see in you that they wish they had.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Look man, most people hate because they aren't happy with their own lives. A lot of people live in either (a) fear, (b) apprehension, or (c) excuses. When they see someone genuinely living life and doing what they want, this breeds a lot of emotions within them. Sometimes jealousy or envy.

All in all, hatred is a very easy emotion. It takes much more effort to evaluate why we feel a certain way, rather than to be swept up by a feeling. Most people are lazy. They perceive something, they feel, they do not stop to re-evaluate why their judgements are so.

I would say if people are hating on you, than you are likely in some ways on the right path for yourself.

I don't want to add too much clutter to my response -- but two things regarding this Owen character and much more. (1) I believe a lot of life is based in our perceptions. When I believe myself to be a success, I become one. When vice-versa, well the sh!t begins to manifest -- the mind is powerful never underestimate the power of your own thoughts. (2) Yes, life is not equal for everyone, but learn from those you can in the ways that you can, and understand that a person living on easy street doesn't really understand some of the things that they perhaps take for granted. Some dogs get good homes. Others get abused. Some people get better genes than others. There are matters of circumstance. But in the end, your fate is your own to create.

 

[Razor Sharp]

There are basically 3 levels of response to haters

Level 1 - Reciprocated hate
The fact that hey hate you really gets under your skin. Sometimes you will lash right back because you feel like you're being punked. This secretly makes them happy.

Level 2 - Ignorance
Even if it does bother you never let it show. To you the haters are just invisible, you keep it moving and ignore them completely. This annoys them

Level 3 - Love
That's right. When your frame and game are at it's pinnacle you learn that the best way to f*ck a hater up is to kill em with kindness. When you love an enemy it really pisses them off!

What is interesting about the 3rd approach is that in many cases you can turn a hater into a fan, which is far more powerful and beneficial to everyone involved. It also makes a big impression on anyone observing the situation.

Caveat: There is hating and there is blatant disrespect. Example: If someone tries to get physical or touches my face/head, all bets are off. Anything short of physical altercation you should be able to nip in the bud with a bit of diplomacy, quick thinking and charm.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Yes, forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

 

[st_99]

There are basically 3 levels of response to haters

Level 1 - Reciprocated hate
The fact that hey hate you really gets under your skin. Sometimes you will lash right back because you feel like you're being punked. This secretly makes them happy.

Level 2 - Ignorance
Even if it does bother you never let it show. To you the haters are just invisible, you keep it moving and ignore them completely. This annoys them

Level 3 - Love
That's right. When your frame and game are at it's pinnacle you learn that the best way to f*ck a hater up is to kill em with kindness. When you love an enemy it really pisses them off!

What is interesting about the 3rd approach is that in many cases you can turn a hater into a fan, which is far more powerful and beneficial to everyone involved. It also makes a big impression on anyone observing the situation.

Caveat: There is hating and there is blatant disrespect. Example: If someone tries to get physical or touches my face/head, all bets are off. Anything short of physical altercation you should be able to nip in the bud with a bit of diplomacy, quick thinking and charm.

That's a nice write up and can't disagree with any of it. It goes back to
controlling your emotions and making logical decisions that benefit you
the greatest.