Let's have a moment of honesty - what are your shortcomings?

[Jariel]

We all came to this board with our own faults and shortcomings, which stopped us from reaching our goals.

So let's drop the machismo and battle of egos and be honest for a moment. Since visiting this forum have you reached satisfaction with yourself or do you still have some shortcomings you would like to take care of?

I can proudly say I have come a very very long way from my old self and have no problems attracting women any more, but there are issues I would still like to improve....

1. I still suffer moments of fear and tension whenever I'm on the spot - i.e asking a girl out, making a move or during confrontations.

2. I'm not very independent or responsible. I still depend on my parents for various things and I'm clueless when it comes to financial matters.

3. I'm afraid of letting my guard down and showing my feelings in case I get hurt.

4. I still have some minor insecurities about my physical appearance and a few traits of narcissism..


These are issues I still need to examine and work on. I tried sweeping them under the carpet for a while and pretending like they didn't exist, but I realise it's important for us all to note our shortcomings or restrictions in order to overcome them.

If we're not honest with ourselves, we're cheating ourselves.

 

[frivolousz21]

I am pretty much what I want to be.

once I figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life or for a long time career wise..I will be set!




good luck

 

[Sart]

POINT 3

I dont think point 3 is a real issue. You dont state your age so its almost impossible to help you.

Men dont really mature until about 30, this is not an opinion, its a fairly wel known fact. If you are young, then really, the best you can do is just play it as a game. Thrust some resposibility on yourself....become less dependant, dont just pisss and moan about it.

Mate, you sound okay, but just nike it.

 

[nishbuk]

1. I still suffer moments of fear and tension whenever I'm on the spot - i.e asking a girl out, making a move or during confrontations.

Me too.

4. I still have some minor insecurities about my physical appearance and a few traits of narcissism..

Me too. Even though I have the body of an Underwear model (Elite Athlete, cept I'm 3-4 inches shorter), I am concerned about my face, and my hair. I need to stop caring about it, cause I still use it as a crutch and an excuse to NOT ask out an HB8.5+ I see in public.

-I need to get better at turning on my wit. There are times when I can alpha an entire room, or a dinner party, but there are then other times where I just can't seem to turn on my wit and humor.

-I need to learn how to stand up for myself better when it comes to dealing with girls. I've gotten better at not giving them extra slack, but I still don't think it's good enough.

-I need to learn to speak with more authority and fuller tone in my voice. Don't get me wrong, I can converse great when I'm "on", but there are times when people don't pay attention to me. That has to change.

-I need to learn how to exude an aura of approachability. I feel that sometimes I "zone out" when I'm walking down the street, instead of being "conscious" about what I'm looking at, or what I'm thinking about in relation to other people as I walk.

-I need to work on my sexual state. I think that I clam up a bit, when I feel that I have even a passing chance at getting a lay. This more than anything I believe, prevents me from getting it.

Well that's what I can think of off the top of my head. Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself more well-rounded, and more centered and goal oriented than 95% of the people out there, but these are the things that I can do to put myself in the 99%.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

1. I get angry easily still, but am aware of it and able to calm myself down.

2. My body is still rigid/awkward posture sometimes but also aware of this and able to correct it.

3. I think way too much about people and perfecting things, this I need help on.

Sart, your assertion on "men don't mature" till 30 is baloney. I've met men who are at the age of 38 who got problems taller than the eiffel tower. Do you even know what maturity is? It is questioning reasonable doubt instead of taking as it is. It is being able to own up to the problems that you created yourself instead of placing complete blame on someone/something else. It is being able to be respective to one another in accordance to keep everything as fair and balance as possible. Basically, it's the reverse of how people are before they hit their 20s and started having to learn new social rules instead of being fixated on high school cliques/status.

Maturity is not about:

1. Being able to hold a job.
2. Paying for rent/mortgage.
3. Paying bills.
4. Owning a car.
5. Being older

A very good example of what "not being mature" is everyone involved with the : Jerry Springer Talk Show.

 

[kk2004]

What I need to Improve On

Hi guys..

Ive been on this forum for about 5 months now and, Ive learnt a few things.. Ive learnt how to deal with women...and Ive learnt things about how to make myself a better person. Thanks

Right now, im 19 both my parents are from India, I'm in my second year of college, and going to a commuter school in NYC.

Slowly , one day at a time, Im learning more and more, or rather gaining experience which I missed out on during my high school years, by talking to girls.

Im confused and I really dont know what I want right now.

But here are a few things I want to improve on.

1) Physical Shape - better health, raises attraction with women.
-BY sticking to a rigouros workout plan. Maybe i can gain like 30 lbs or so in 6-7 months or maybe a year. From 150 to 180. Im 5'11 right now. Bigger guys tend to get more respect and it raises your self confidence.

2) Self Confidence/ Self Esteem - I need to start feeling better about myself. One of the main things that right now make me feel "inferior" to other guys is, 1) Physical Size, 2)Social Skills 3) Lack of Experience with women 4) Communication Abilites 5) Lack of Knowledge of the game 6) My race and ethnicity/culture..I feel inferior to whites simply bcuz im a diffrent color and I have a diffrent culture. 7)Personality - I feel inferior becasue Im a boring person, and Im not outgoing and have all the traits I would like to have 8) Learning to love myself.

Well the gym is a great place to build my physical body.. this website is a great place for insight into the game and teaching you the fundamentals of living a better life. The field is a place to learn and get experience from with women and dealing with people.

Its time I took what I read here and implement it into the diffrent facets of life. Im going to divide my life into diffrent sectors and work on each part seperatly.

Im just trying to organize and sort out my life to see where I need improvement and what I need to do to bring that improvement.

I want to be a better DJ and a better person who can get more out of life than a simple exsistance, almost like a Soilders stride, thats what I want.

BUt right now I feel disappointed and discouraged bcuz of a recent breakup. Probably the most important thing I need to change would be to start loving myself and feeling comfortable in my own skin to actually accept myself for who I am.

The only problem that discourages me is that I know I wont be able to make the friends that I want to, bcuz of my race. My dad tells me that whites hang out with whites and blacks hang out with blacks and spanish with spanish etc... Ive seen it and its true ppl dont let ppl of other races get close most of the time. my last gf introduced me to a life which I loved, a suburban lifestyle..I live in the city and i was very sheltered.

When Im around black people, I just dont get along, like I feel like i never fit in, like i am a world away from the way i was raised. When Im around my own people, my indian people, I dont have fun, they bore me most of the time, and indian/arab girls are absolutly no fun. The indian guys that do hang out or live adventerous lives are drunks or ppl who have diffrent values, they dont tend to value their education. Bums basically who are intrested in partying all the time. The indian guys I know also tend not to think like me, I just dont get along, my thinking is on a diffrent level. The friends who I do have, the indian friends they are not the usual type, they are diffrent, intellectual with a streak of party in them. Now i know having friends of all kinds is a plus. My gf introduced me to a life I didnt know before. I feel like white guys wont accpet me based on my race and ethnicity. Now white people also have those who are bums and party all the time, but The indian and black and spanish guys all act ghetto or talk and think diffrently. Im more of a suburban kid trapped inside the city. I know that bcuz of my race though that white people wont accept me and let me into their inner circle. ANd its true, non of that, oh its your low self esteem stuff, I see it all the time people of the same kind hang together and very rarely let ppl of other races join in. I dont know what to do. Im trying to make new friends who will show me new things but I cant get along with any race of people for one reason or another.

My goal is to make friends with guys who are good with women, and can also provide me with companionship. I cant find it anywhere. I want friends who can show me..how to chill and where to go and where the cool hangout spots are and where the people chill at 12:00 in the night. Like i want to break out i guess. The only reason I cant is that, I have to start making myself into a better person. Since Im looking for poeple who are more confident and more hurmorus and stronger and who are more fun loving, i have to become that first before I can find pl who accept me

 

[Docs]

1 - Sometimes I am, situation dependant, I'm not the kind that can walk up to a girl easy.

2 - VERY Independant, job, car, money, (still live at home, but hey, i'm 18)

3 - Complete opposite, I don't keep my guard up -_- >>FAIL<<

4 - Slight acne problem, don't let it get to me much, I love my hair and confident walk though, I fucckin move though halls, i'm a fast MOFO ^^

 

[kav_3]

Hey I remember your thread that was similar to this man, well anyways i'm in the exact same position, I know exactly how you feel because i'm in the same rut, except for the friends part.

Dude, don't let that bs get to you, i'm Indian too but anyways i've had lots of friends of different races be it white, asian, brown. Just find something you have in commen, sorry I couldn't be of more help but i'm lso sort of stuck on how to make new friends at community college, a good tip I got here was from the_shezzler who said during lunch time or something get some food and find a group of people and ask if you can sit with them because you hate eating alone and then just start saying stuff but in the convo if you have to. I did this once to a chick last week, it went nowhere becaus eI wait to long to say something but it's a helpful tip and i'm sure it will work better if you approach a group of people, I plan on using this technique more, infact I might just do it tomorrow.

Anyways man, I feel your pain but remember no pain no game, and that you've just got to do it and approach people, remember pretty much everyone you knew was a stranger at one point or another in your life and the only difference now is the setting dude.

 

[RaWBLooD]

Re: POINT 3

Originally posted by Sart
I dont think point 3 is a real issue. You dont state your age so its almost impossible to help you.

Men dont really mature until about 30, this is not an opinion, its a fairly wel known fact. If you are young, then really, the best you can do is just play it as a game. Thrust some resposibility on yourself....become less dependant, dont just pisss and moan about it.

Mate, you sound okay, but just nike it.

tahts a generalization
some people can be mature in their teens, some dont become mature until their later 40;s.........
and some are one or the other depending on how much crack they smoked that night:woo:

 

[RaWBLooD]

Originally posted by Docs
1 - Sometimes I am, situation dependant, I'm not the kind that can walk up to a girl easy.

2 - VERY Independant, job, car, money, (still live at home, but hey, i'm 18)

3 - Complete opposite, I don't keep my guard up -_- >>FAIL<<

4 - Slight acne problem, don't let it get to me much, I love my hair and confident walk though, I fucckin move though halls, i'm a fast MOFO ^^

you mean dependant

 

[Lost In Translation]

Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better loking each day.
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.
I used to have a girlfriend
but she just couldn't compete
with all of these love starved women
who keep clamoring at my feet.
Well I prob'ly could find me another
but I guess they're all in awe of me.
Who cares, I never get lonesome
cause I treasure my own company.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way,
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better looking each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.
I guess you could say I'm a loner,
a cowboy outlaw tough and proud.
I could have lots of friends if I want to
but then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd.
Some folks say that I'm egotistical.
Hell, I don't even know what that means.
I guess it has something to do with the way that I
fill out my skin tight blue jeans.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
when you're perfect in every way,
I can't wait to look in the mirror
cause I get better looking each day
To know me is to love me
I must be a hell of a man.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble
but I'm doing the best that I can.
We're doing the best that we can

lyrics : Mac Davis

 

[il_duce]

I can identify with #1 and #4...

I also hesitate a little too much, in all areas of life. Less thinking, more doing.

 

[spider_007]

no social life. This has been a REALL DRAG. after you get out fo highschool, it's kinda tough to find a guy to heng out with.....

 

[diplomatic_lies]

I pick my nose while I'm driving.

 

[diablo]

AE...

"What I need to Improve On" merged with "Let's have a moment of honesty - what are your shortcomings?".

 

[h2o]

I have procrastinated and slacked off so much in the past few weeks that it’s not even funny. I have set aside homework, skipped class, and even left classes early a few times.

In addition, I have been sleeping a lot less, eating poorly, and not exercising consistently. I have lost weight, been drinking too much, frequenting bars/clubs, and getting intimate with girls that should be on my no-no list (way too slutty).

After having put tons of pressure on myself these past few days, in an effort to cram for several deadlines that I must meet by the end of this week, I realized that had I spent the same amount of time and effort to steadily pace my studies, and work (freelance web designer) etc, I would never be in such last-minute predicaments.

Sure, I have conquered my fears, and I’m as social as can be and know tons of people, but these types of "crunch" habits reduced the amount of time I can be spending socializing and having a balanced life. My friends/acquaintances have invited me to hang out often, and I have either missed them due to oversleeping (until 3-5pm sometimes!) or because I could not make it.

As much as I know that being a man is about having my shit together, I have done nothing to accomplish that. I am not responsible. I must make changes very quickly. Basically, if I continue like this, my life will go nowhere, fast. I have to truly realize that if I continue living this way, I will never have time to build strong friendships or time to have a healthy sex life.

Well, I have managed to take more opportunities in day-to-day interactions, but as a result, I am faced with even more opportunities to “pick-up,” and I don’t take nearly as many of them as I should. Today, for example, I opened and briefly joked with several strangers (including two cute girls), but did not delve into more conversation with any of them…why? Because I have to spend more time cramming today.

This thread really struck a chord with me, and I thank you for posting it, Jariel. I needed the reminder to reflect on my progress.

Overall, since I found this site back in September of last year, I’ve made quite a bit of progress in terms of social/sex life, confidence, likeability, etc. and gaining some weight. Back then, I barely talked to anyone, and sat in my room all day, but my grades were very good…I’ve noticed, unfortunately, that since improving my social skills, I’ve had trouble balancing my social life with my academic career. My GPA used to be close to a 3.9, and now it's more like a 3.3, and I'm struggling to keep it from sliding more. It's almost as if my social life has become overwhelming, and I’m sure had I been more sociable in high school (or atleast the first year or two of college), it would not be so difficult for me to manage my time now…

…phew, that was long. Basically, in a nutshell, I have time management problems and issues with setting priorities.

Anyway, I’m working on it; if I can faithfully eschew from the things that cause me to waste my time, and become more productive on a daily basis, then several weeks of such efficiency will surely be enough motivation to keep me in stride.

-h2o

 

[thefonz]

My turn.....

1. I still get easily discouraged by things that really shouldn't cross my mind......I'm friendly with ALOT of people on campus but if I have a convo that goes a little badly or I cannot find enough things to say to people I'll beat myself up over that one thing and forget about my 20 other daily accomplishments. I'm too perfectionist, this stuff affects my ability to do cold approaches as I feel like crap the rest of the day.

2. Since I cut my hand in a freak accident I haven't been able to do any powerlifting so my weak narrow frame is coming back as I've lost about 15 lbs since last summer.........I HATE HATE HATE not working out, It was a crutch but a healthy crutch and I miss it.

3. I've stopped meditating this past week cus I'm taking 16 credits and working 25 hours a week so I'm way stressed out and tired all the time so it affects my mood. I'm starting to overthink things again, particulary past events with my onetitis that I thought I was finally over. I guess this goes back to number 1 but I'm not facing my fears like I used to.

I gues thats it.........

 

[penkitten]

rofl @ lost

i have to say i get tired of hearing the same things over and over again from people
thats my flaw
when i hear it , i just roll my eyes

 

[Pantera_man]

I still have self-esteem issues from years of always being tested, or excluded from the mainstream in some way, at least in my perception. My confidence is decent now, but I still have a lot of defenses. I used to have to fight these scum off physically....

My temper's been getting shorter and shorter, I'm becoming quick to anger....

Having people way uglier and genetically inferior to me try to act like they're superior makes me want to cause pain....

I keep getting revenge, but I'm always hungry for it.... I hope I don't generate bad karma.... Because it's only just started as far as I'm concerned.... One pathetic ugly weasel of a narcissist will soon be descending into a world of sh*t....

After crushing my knuckle pretty much, I wasn't able to work out for 2 months. I am now between 6'0 and 6'1 and only like 160-165 lbs....

I have a great deal of difficulty in reading body language, especially where it pertains to dating.... Therefore, it's harder to me and I have to work harder at it, always being alert.... There have actually been times in the past where girls (hot ones at that) were blatantly hitting on me and I had absolutely no idea....

Hey at least I have a good circle of good friends and apparently, looks and intelligence.... I just have a bunch of issues to resolve still....

Thanks for this thread, it was a good opportunity to vent.... I don't like to vent and ***** unless there's an outlet to do so....

All my respect goes out to the righteous....

Now I'll get back to what I love.... heavy metal.....

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

low self esteem issues due to being skinny