Lessons from Laura: the importance of keeping your cool

[Matt Rogers]

I maintain the best way is learning is from your mistakes. Here is a detailed discussion of how NOT to DJ discussing my mistakes and what I should have done. The essence of this post is that beautiful girls can be infuriating and it is your role as a DJ to stay cool and keep your composure and self-control.

Background: Met this gorgeous Finnish girl in a bar and chatted her up and got her number and made my excuses and rejoined my friends (Note I did well not to hang around and make a nuisance of myself and buy her lots of drinks). Waited three days to call and her answermachine was permanantly on

MISTAKE 1: Calling too many times when I was unable to get through to her. Some girls are impossible to reach and with these girls the best thing to do is to arrange things face to face with them. If pushed, leave a brief message saying "are you free for lunch on friday.When is a good time to phone you to arrange it" If she is interested she will get back to you, so you can set up a date

Got a lunch date with her and charmed her by taking an interest in her, teasing her and using a few sincere compliments. Could see her interest rising by the minute. Agreed to meet up at a disco we were both going to.

MISTAKE 2: Trying to "confirm" things with her. I rang up and left a message checking whether she was still going. This gives the impression that I am overeager to see her there. I needed to give the impression-hey it would be cool to see you there but if you aren't there i will have fun, and spoken to her at the disco.

MISTAKE 3: Drinking at the disco and getting pissed off with her for not returning my call. Bad move. Don't let girls see they are getting to you. Beautiful girls are like butterflies, they could fly away at any moment, so you have to be careful and casual before you cast your net.

MISTAKE 4
Getting incredibly drunk and pouring out my heart saying how attracted i was to her and wanted to get to know her better. Any beautiful girl will know this already, so play it cool and show rather than tell your interest via kino, deep eye contact and teasing.

MISTAKE 5: Calling the next morning and going over the top with an apology, to the extent I was almost begging. If you are in the wrong apologise briefly and forget about it. Apologising is not a sign of weakness when you are in the wrong, but begging is as is saying "you will make it up to her"

MISTAKE 6: Getting pissed off when she cancelled a date. When she got mad I then made another wimpy apology. It is not a bad thing to tell her you are not impressed by flakiness, but be polite saying something like "I am a bit disappointed by the short notice please let me know earlier in advance if you can't make a date so i can make other arrangements". Also as I was not completely in the wrong I did not need to make a grovelling apology.

As u can guess i am no longer going out with this girl, but i have to say i learnt more about dating from my relationship with her than any other girl. Specifically I learnt that beautiful girls can be inflexible and annoying and test men a lot. You have to keep your cool and be charming and when she disrespects you tell her politely without getting pissed off and don't apologise if you are in the right.

 

[Julian]

ouch dude, that hurt just reading that.

 

[Hot Ice]

Originally posted by Julian
ouch dude, that hurt just reading that.

Ya, you were being an ass..


Finnish girls are hard you know...

 

[Jippii]

Originally posted by Hot Ice
Ya, you were being an ass..


Finnish girls are hard you know...

Haha just get a couple of drinks going...


You say she, or really hot girls in general, can be annoying. But when you think about it, why was she annoying? I'm sure you already know the answer, it was mostly due to your actions I'd bet. When you were teasing her and 'in', I get the impression she wasn't annoying to you.

Good points here. Basically all success you will encounter will come after failure.

 

[Matt Rogers]

yup, i basically put this up so others can learn from my mistakes.

I think it is a good idea for DJ's to look at each relationship and look at where they went wrong and where they did well and learn the lessons and discard the painful memories from your mind.

You will find that your personality is such that you will make similar mistakes throughout your relationships unless you really start being hard at yourself and analysing what you did wrong rather than drowning yourself in self-pity.

Hopefully this will encourage other DJ's to do similar exercises so that everyone else can learn from their mistakes and see if they can see why they are mistakes.

 

[skeeloo]

as for number 1 after 3 calls and it gets to the answering machine- i next them(even though i block my call id) .

 

[Bonhomme]

Ouch indeed

Yeah, that first post was virtually a list of everything wrong to do when dating.

As for messages, I generally leave one message, and then I might call back in a week or so if they don't call me back, but by then I've already mentally written them off.

BTW, I don't block caller ID unless I have a very good reason that applies to anyone (e.g., calling from a phone I don't want them to call back on, such as a cell phone with limited minutes). Most people don't block calls, so they'll often recognize your calls as the blocked ones, and it will just expose you as the wussy you're being.

 

[DeathDealer]

Mistake1:

Do not arrange meetings through voicemail.

Mistake2:

What mistake? But I don't know the whole story though. If you were calling an hour and asked "So you're still going" then that's lame. But if you're calling and saying "Alright, I'm just getting dressed so I'll be picking you up at this time" that's okay.

Mistake3:

Being mad at the girl and drinking for what what what? You're not making any sense.

Mistake4:

Eye contact, Teasing, oh and Kino. I think you've been reading the DJ manual too much. How about just having fun instead of taking it seriously?

Mistake5:

Well this certainly was a big mistake - I'd only call if I had a super duper time or escaped death. Coming back from a night of dancing/drinks is DUMB.

Mistake6:

Well I'd tell her I was disappointed but wouldn't be overly pissed off at it. It's okay to be mad but play it off.

I agree that girls will test you but it's just not only the pretty girls.. even average or ugly girls do it. They all want to see how desperate you can be cause whether you are an open book AFC who is friendly or a stealthy james bond type, they want to see your breaking point. Girls are not inflexible, dude you gotta realize that people have lives too. Girls *love* a flexible guy who is not barking off "YOU GO DATE THIS WEDNESDAY OR ELSE I NEXT YOU" The girl's not your wife, she's not your girlfriend, at best she's just an acquaintance who finds you attractive.

 

[captn caveman]

You want to have stories of Finnish girls?

finndistan.net

You will enjoy this site!!