leading me on?

[soverign]

I met this girl a couple of weeks ago at a party. We flirted and danced. I got the number. We saw each other about a week later at a music show. She made a point to come and sit and talk with me. Giggling and twisting her hair. She said later she would be at a bar. I showed up, after giving her some time to be there for a while. When I got there I talked to some friends then moved over to her and her group, some of whom I know. We chatted a bit and laughed. I had my hand on her leg and a few times she laughed and put her head on my sholder. All seems to be going well.

Since then it seems like she doesn't want anything to do with me. We send each other message over myspace. I called to setup dates, she agrees to them when we are talking, but then says she is too tired when the time comes. This is because she agreeded to do something at times when she was getting off of work. This has happened twice. The third time I said lets meet at a coffe shop during an art fair. It wasn't a hard and fast meeting, but she still didn't show.

Is this girl just jerking me around? I think i'm getting oneitis with her and we haven't even had a date or a long conversation.

Soverign

 

[sapphire]

This is a good example of low IL.

Next her and move on.

 

[Easy Tiger]

Dude, she wanted you to make a move at the bar. You can see this right? It seems that you may have come across a little afraid and missed the opportunity. Head on the shoulder is a killer indication of interest. You always have to sieze these chances.

And oneitis...pffft. You say yourself that you haven't even had a conversation with her. How can you have oneitis over a chick you don't even know. CALM DOWN.

That being said, what do you do from here? Reading the post-bar night actions that she has displayed, it seems like you may have missed the boat. It won't be easy but the best thing you can do from here, if you are still keen, is to make sure you interact with your shared friends a little more and do interesting things. Joke around with women that she is friends with. She will notcie, trust me, and this will tickle her interest. The you just might end up tickling hers...


Don't invite her out again directly. She had her chance...

 

[sapphire]

He was dissed three times. What more signs does he need to know that this chick is not interested regardless of what she felt at the bar?

The point is well taken that she may have been interested in him at the party and somewhere down the line he made some mistakes that killed the deal. But as far as I am concerned the damage, if any, has been done and the situation is unsalvageable.

Better for him to cut his losses and move on. If she is interested she will contact him in due time.

 

[joekerr31]

I don't know if i agree with the missing the boat thing. I don't think there was a boat to catch in the first place.

when a woman likes you her IL doesn't go from high to low over night.

here's my take on things. bars are a HORRIBLE place to pick up chics, at least for a relationship.

when people go to bars they feel free to act in all kinds of ways they wouldn't because of hte booze and the general acceptance that hey, everyones drinking let's have fun.

my money says that when her inhibition levels were low, not necessarily because of the booze, but rather because of the environment of the bar, she was happy to have a guy paying her all kinds of attention and making the night more memorable. She probably liked people seeing a guy paying her attention as well.

that said, back in the real world, she returns to her normal self. In a way you didn't really meet HER, you met the "bar" version of her. She knows this, even though you don't. She's probably just to uncomfortable reconciling the difference between the two in your mind and figures she'll avoid the situation all together.

But thats just 1 of a million possibilities.

you can't ever know why someone is doing x,y or z, all you can know is whether x,y or z is acceptable to you. who knows, maybe a relative died and she doesnt feel like dating. maybe she slept with some guy and got herpes and doesn't feel like dating. Maybe she's flirting with 3 or 4 guys and was interested in you but now one of the others has peaked her IL. How knows?

the one thing you do know though is that she IS NOT treating you with respect.

Stop calling her. Stop showing her attention. The next time you talk to her DO NOT flirt - frame everything in a friendship context.

you don't have oneitis, you just want this chic because she's being a tease. You figure because she's so hard to get through to that there must be some great reward on the other side. guess what, odds are there isn't. One thing ive learned, if a woman treats you like crap in the beginning, she will treat you like utter dog sh*t once you start getting serious with her.

Move on dude. Let this b*tch jerk around some other guy - but don't let it be you.

J

 

[Easy Tiger]

Sapphire: we basically agree about how screwed the situation is...don't know why your panties are bunched.

His question related to what to do about this chick.

This situation, like most that crop up on this board, is one that could be turned around with the right actions and by the right person. Whether or not he can execute is a different question.

Sure, nexting works too, and is generally easier. But it doesn't really help this situation, does it...

 

[soverign]

Easy Tiger: I got too attached to someone I don't really know. I did it because I haven't dated anyone in two years and this was the best prospect I've had. I got too excited about getting with her. It is also the reason I'm having a hard time nexting her.

sapphire: I see know that I did miss my chance at the bar. I need to learn when my chances are, and grab them as soon as I see them.

Thanks guys.

Soverign

 

[Easy Tiger]

Originally posted by joekerr31
I don't know if i agree with the missing the boat thing. I don't think there was a boat to catch in the first place.

Sure there was a boat...she was giving a few indications of interest...she invited him for post match drinks...she was loose with her personal space.

when a woman likes you her IL doesn't go from high to low over night.

I take it you have never accidently slept with somebody's sister.<j/k> I take your point, but I think especially in the early stages of dating this can happen, especially if things don't move to the next level at a proper speed. She was all over him, he did nothing about it. She reconsiders her position, and focuses on his worse points...

 

[sapphire]

It is OK sovereign. We all make mistakes and I, in particular have made many including failing to grasp at opportunities when they presented themselves.

Here is some food for thought which should be obvious:

Never try to date chicks you meet at bars/clubs. They, as the previous poster said, are not good for relationships. Dating these types of girls is in most cases a waste of time and money.

One night I met this fabulous MILF with incredible DD's at a club and by the end of the night I had her all over me. I could of fycked that same night but instead I was stuck with the old routine of getting her number and calling several days later to set up a date. Well, when I did call I was essentially blown off. I repeated this mistake until I realized that most girls you meet at clubs are only good for ONS and nothing more. When I changed my strategy, my sex life improved dramatically.

Next time you find yourself with a girl at a bar and she is showing interest, forget about getting the number. Isolate her and take her to your house or hers.

 

[soverign]

sapphire, I am not so much worried about this as a failure, granted it hurts now. The real failure would be to not learn from the situation.

I keep saying to myself that I want someone for a relationship, but I am not so sure that I am ready for that yet. I had a bad breakup with my ex-wife two years ago. Not only am I not sure if I am over that, but think my view of relationships and male/female interaction is totally fvcked. I grew up in a single mother home, she was constantly pushing me in an AFC direction. I never had any positive relationship around me to model my life after. I have only dated 2-3 women my whole life. I am too attached to the idea of meeting someone and having it just work. I have yet to learn that you might meet one good girl in the 50 or so you hit on.

I feel like I need to destroy my outlook on life and rebuild it from scratch.

 

[Easy Tiger]

Originally posted by soverign
Easy Tiger: I got too attached to someone I don't really know. I did it because I haven't dated anyone in two years and this was the best prospect I've had. I got too excited about getting with her. It is also the reason I'm having a hard time nexting her.

Hey man, I understand completely, and I am sure you will find that a lot of guys around here have had experiences like you describe - in one form or another - before landing on this site. I know I was a complete chump early in the game.

Just be wary about letting your past experience dictate your present reality. We are always confronted with a choice about who we are. Good luck