Lay Report: Too tight ass

Vanilla

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 21, 2003
Messages
254
Reaction score
3
Age
39
Location
California
Long story short, we went to my place and she pretty much layed on my bed, waitin for my moves. (which I hadn't had to many experience in..)

I know you guys will hate me, but I really didn't know where to start, I mean during the mall outing, I would try to hold her hand and wrap my arm around her shoulder (she had this "wtf" look) so I'm all confused about where I stand and how to get this goin.

After undressing, I started to nibble her neck lightly but she stopped and said she bruises easily, she got a hikie from the last guy that did that. She was just laying there watching me :rolleyes:

After, we assumed position. Now I'm askin, is there such a thing as having an ass TOO TIGHT? Sh1t I tried until I got limp to get it in there, how fxcking embarassing.. well she agreed I could start vaginally, so it was much easier, slipped in and started, but soon she was in pain and we had to stop. Ugh. Well she was a virgin like I was, so it wasn't all bad.

Every other possibility was pretty much out. She complained that her jaw was aching so she didn't give head. She just had a tummy piercing so a boob job was out also. She is now guarding her pxssy, and her ass is too tight. DAMN

But she had an idea for me to finger her while I jerk off. She came real quick. I figured it was faked since I didn't see anything nor did she quiver, just moaned alot, but whatever.

The next part just scared the bejesus out of me. She told me before we went to my place she faints a lot, and just then, she fell head first off my bed. She didn't respond for a while, I didn't know what the fxck to do. She had the look like she was just gonna puke all over the floor right after she came to. God how frightening. So then I took her home.

Hug closed, then tried for a kiss, but she denied. She said I could the next time we go out. :confused: Putting out but no kiss? wtf? She's a slut for sure.

Comments guys?
 

NINJA PIMP

Banned
Joined
Aug 17, 2003
Messages
262
Reaction score
0
Age
45
Location
Da World
Okay so you really are a virgin whose first attempt is anal sex?

Dude your supposed to hit a HomeRun BEFORE you hit the Grand Slam.

And this girl is also a virgin who guards her vagina? How do you get up in there? Kung Fu?

Then to top it off she´s a narcoleptic.

Nice Lay Report! :p
 

Kodiac

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 2, 2003
Messages
536
Reaction score
1
Age
43
Location
Australia
KY Jelly
 

Omega

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 16, 2003
Messages
1,138
Reaction score
1
Age
36
Originally posted by NINJA PIMP
Okay so you really are a virgin whose first attempt is anal sex?

Dude your supposed to hit a HomeRun BEFORE you hit the Grand Slam.

And this girl is also a virgin who guards her vagina? How do you get up in there? Kung Fu?

Then to top it off she´s a narcoleptic.

Nice Lay Report! :p

lolol
 

Knicknack

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 3, 2003
Messages
602
Reaction score
0
this is one of the funniest posts ever... so many things against the norm... LOLLLLLL
 

Ice Cold

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 27, 2002
Messages
2,319
Reaction score
2
Location
Moscow
I am still laghing about it. :D

Didn't you even watch porn before.

She hurt cause she wasn't excited and/or lubed up. Should've fingered her before you fukked her.

As for the ass, get some gloves, put a condom safe lube and insert your little finger first. Sloooooooowly. Massage it around.

Then inder finger. massage that, then 2 fingers and maybe 3.

By that time you'll have no trouble inserting your wang in there.


And read a book or two about sex.
 

OpenMind

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 8, 2003
Messages
250
Reaction score
1
Age
50
Location
NJ
That was some funny ****! Hopefully if there is a next time the b@tch wont have a siezure and go into a coma while giving you head. If i were you i would stay the f*ck away from this one. You never know what kind of crazy **** could happen ......if there is a next time i would suggest parental supervision, this way you wont get blamed for her orgasm induced coma..
 
Joined
Jun 19, 2003
Messages
327
Reaction score
0
Age
44
Location
NYC
I was laughing the whole time until I realized you were serious!

damn, thats fuct up!

NEXT!!!
 

Kineti[C]harm

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 16, 2003
Messages
1,520
Reaction score
2
AHhahahahah omfg this is hilarious. I actually thought it was serious from the first line so it made it even MORE hilarious....

Ok dude, ANALSEX THE FIRST TIME? WTF are you? Pornstar NUMBERO UNO?...

SEcond of all, heard of getting the girl wet? Using lubricant? You need to warm her up dude =) Play those erogenous zones like babe ruth played the field or the harlem globbetrotters did the hoops. WIth finesse, precission and lots of time =) Get it flowing, finger her up some..... Seliva works good as a lube actually (IMO atleast) so use that.
 

Vanilla

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Oct 21, 2003
Messages
254
Reaction score
3
Age
39
Location
California
Haha **** you guys are cruel

Damn it's not my fault when she faints when she sees me. :D but I'm damn sure that was the last meeting. My sex drive for her is ..NONE

'hehe you said hug close' as opposed to number close :rolleyes:
 

Kineti[C]harm

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 16, 2003
Messages
1,520
Reaction score
2
Dude if she's hot you can't stop. WTF is wrong with you =) I have a sexdrive for ANY attractive girl aslong as her face is gorgeous, her body is fatfree and nice and she has no STD or **** like that and she is between 18 and 28.
 

TesuqueRed

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 30, 2001
Messages
1,852
Reaction score
7
Location
SF, US
Hug close

Gotta love that one.

"I bye-bye closed the chick"


Ice Cold--you ****!--I just spewed beer on the computer reading that...!

Ouch.
 

THA REALNESS

Banned
Joined
Aug 14, 2003
Messages
849
Reaction score
0
Location
Yo Momma 's Snatch
Originally posted by Ice Cold
Hug close :D

Gotta love that one.

"I bye-bye closed the chick" :D

lol.:p
 

Mr. Delicious

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 24, 2003
Messages
499
Reaction score
0
Age
42
Location
OK
Originally posted by Ice Cold
Hug close :D

Gotta love that one.

"I bye-bye closed the chick" :D
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

hey Ice cold can use that in a signature
 
Top