Last Night

[Yo'Mama]

I met up with an ex. We got together when it seemed like she was at the tail end of a long relationship. Turns out that wasn't the case. I really did like this girl though, at times at least. As is my wont, when it seemed that she was all mine I couldn't help but feel mild disdain for her and my interest waned quickly. I didn't say anything but I guess my diminishing affection and lust was reflected in my behaviour towards her.

Eventually her ex got word back to her that he was leaving the country, she freaked out and went back to him. No big surprise really. They'd been together for 7 years. I couldn't compete with that.

I hadn't thought about this girl for a while but last night the feelings all came flooding back and the more I drank (which was a lot), the worse I felt about how things had turned out and the more I 'missed' her.

At the end of the night she went home to her apartment that she shares with her boyfriend. I didn't want to go home so I went to a club I go to often (and normally enjoy) and just kept drinking. Ebullience deserted me and all I could do was sit on a bar stool for maybe an hour, numbed and not enlivened by the alchohol, just watching the people around me go about their nightly rituals to the pounding soundtrack of Lady GaGa and Beyonce. The preening attention *****s, the girls taking photos on their smart phones to post on Facebook there and then, the women marching around the club with stone serious faces, on some secret mission I couldn't comprehend, the douchebags, the vultures lining the dance floors, the hook ups, the posturing and posing. For that hour I didn't feel like I was really there and felt even less like I wanted any part of it. Far from being joyful the whole scene took on a borderline sinister quality.

Too old? Confidence too low? Too affected by spending the evening with my beautiful and inscrutable ex? I don't know. I didn't want to go back there though and now, the morning after and badly hungover, I still don't.

What I do know is that I don't want to get hurt by a woman again. Even if that means shutting down all feelings and idiotic romantic notions, I would rather do that. Time not to protect my heart but to harden it. A new dawn beckons.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Ah man I know I've been there...bars can really be depressing sometimes, a lot of people are there scoping one another and the vultures looking to make feast of their prey...I understand where you are coming from.

It definitely sounds like you were having a case of the blues, or perhaps some relapse in regards to your ex. If you cared about her, that's normal stuff man, I don't see how some of those feelings ever really disappear -- once you care about someone, it seems, you will always to some extent, still have some of that care (unless they really fvcked you). Just remind yourself why the relationship didn't workout -- if some chick runs back to some old bf, you know right there this isn't going to be the behavior you need.

Alcohol can sometimes help pick up the spirits...other times it just exaggerates the negative.

I know we've all felt pain in the heart, never wanting to open it again -- the notions we carry about love are probably false in their ideals. Sometimes it seems "love" is more of a romantic notion of thought than the reality. Perhaps part of growing older is growing wiser in that understanding of "love" (not being that AFC sort of release we've believed love to be).

But look, there's a difference between "wising up" and hardening yourself. If you harden yourself, you won't let yourself give a sh!t about anyone (or some woman) ever again. Do you really think that is the right perspective? What about better protecting yourself? IE -- being more aware of the dynamics you are entrained in with another woman...or being more aware of your emotional responses to things like women (the feelings of AFC-love, etc). Being more aware of the subtle things that are occurring are likely to give you more success with women -- hardening your heart is just going to create bitterness and pain around you and within you -- and in fact, you may repel good women because of this. We can't get angry and vindictive over this sh!t. I know it is easy to. But there are good people out there. As fvcked as women can be, I know a lot of them want good relationships too -- they aren't always aware of what they are doing wrong either -- and plenty of them have been fvcked over by @sshole dudes. Stay up man -- life will pickup again there will be something good out of left field -- keep working on yourself your skills your business your female-awareness and see what comes your way.

ps, and at some point when you meet another woman that takes your focus, your ex's won't seem as important anymore...hang in there man!

Also -- meeting up or talking to an ex for some degree of closure is one thing...going complete no contact I think can be somewhat cold and unrealistic...there's nothing wrong with both parties finding some closure on the end of what was a relationship they both cared about [I'm assuming here she's not some crazy vindictive BPD woman] -- but I definitely think "hanging" out with exes are going to arise those emotions -- you're just going to replay a lot of what you experienced, and maybe even the same pain that destroyed your relationship. It probably isn't good at all to hang out with an ex unless your emotions are completely detached, unless you had some completely mutual break apart with no hard feelings [this is probably rare when it happens]. But really, keeping ex's in our lives regularly, or meeting up with them, can just be a line of self-emotional-torture...we can fall back into those lovey emotions again, and then feel the pain when our reality is not confirmed with our whimsical thoughts...this is painful man...stay up.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Thanks for the excellent reply Buddha Mind, it's much appreciated.

It's funny, I've been on this board for a few years and should be past this but yeah, this was a real lapse back into AFC-dom.

She caught me at the worst possible time, when things don't seem to be going that well and I was feeling lonely and down.

Genuinely I do want to believe there are good unattached women out there but all my recent experiences have been negative. I can't say that this girl screwed me over, was psycho, etc but ultimately she ended up cheating on her boyfriend for a good while with me, so I can hardly say she's a 'good girl either'.

Yeah I just really need to meet some attractive girls who aren't basket cases and aren't already planning a wedding in their minds on the second date.

Thanks again man.

 

[romangod]

My thoughts.

I hadn't thought about this girl for a while but last night the feelings all came flooding back and the more I drank (which was a lot), the worse I felt about how things had turned out and the more I 'missed' her.

......... so I went to a club I go to often (and normally enjoy) and just kept drinking. Ebullience deserted me and all I could do was sit on a bar stool for maybe an hour, numbed and not enlivened by the alchohol,

Too old? Confidence too low? Too affected by spending the evening with my beautiful and inscrutable ex? I don't know. I didn't want to go back there though and now, the morning after and badly hungover, I still don't.

What I do know is that I don't want to get hurt by a woman again. Even if that means shutting down all feelings and idiotic romantic notions, I would rather do that. Time not to protect my heart but to harden it. A new dawn beckons.

Alcohol is a depressant and distorts reality. It's a mask for underlying fears and insecurities and is temporary courage in a bottle.


Is your confidence too low? I would say "yes". To be more specific, your self-confidence is too low.

To not get hurt by a woman again has nothing to do with the woman. You can only be hurt if you are vulnerable. It doesn't mean shutting down all feelings and pretending they don't exist. That'll just hide the problem like alcohol is a temporary escape from the present.


Too many men define themselves by their woman. To me that is slavery. Especially with the quality of today's women.


Two points that are stressed on this site are they keys.

1) You are the prize. Until you firmly believe it you will be the victim. There's nothing more liberating than being able to say to yourself, "Fvck 'em!" and moving on knowing that better things lie ahead.


2) Putting woman on a pedestal. Never do this no matter how cool she is or how great she is in bed. Firstly, they don't deserve it and secondly, you've just put her needs higher than your own.


Master these two things and the world is yours.


Cheers!

 

[Mike32ct]

Great post as always Romangod. I'm printing this one out.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Yeah thanks roman god.

I know what the problem is at the moment though. It's depression. Really hard to game when suffering with this. The alcohol definitely made it worse. I'm not going to drink for a while.

 

[Rubirosa]

I went through a divorce at age 33, and when it was over, I felt old, unattractive and washed up.
No magic advice, you just keep going........
I'm now getting more women than I ever did before. I'm better looking now than I was at 33, and I'm in better shape. I have more money now and am much happier.
I also don't drink
So there...........

 

[Rubirosa]

Yeah thanks roman god.

I know what the problem is at the moment though. It's depression. Really hard to game when suffering with this. The alcohol definitely made it worse. I'm not going to drink for a while.

NOBODY loved catching a buzz more than me. NOBODY !!!
Erase the sh@t from your life. I don't mean to be preachy, but when you say "for a while" I feel you're subconciously keeping it as a crutch for when you need it again.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Thanks Rubirosa, it's really encouraging. Confidence is so low at the moment. Just a bad few months. It's great that you managed to turn a corner and are doing so well now.

I really don't want to be married or settled down. I want to be a bachelor when I'm 45 and getting loads of women like you are.

 

[romangod]

Yeah thanks roman god.

I know what the problem is at the moment though. It's depression. Really hard to game when suffering with this..

You're welcome.

If you are depressed I would make treating that a priority over gaming. I think that could only add to your depression. Heal thyself first and the gaming will take care of itself.


Depression is very real and most experience it at some time in their life. It's something you have to tackle from inside yourself and external stimulants like the "game" and alcohol abuse only make things worse.


Our biggest enemy is ourselves. Everyone has personal demons hiding in their soul. Slaying those demons is one of life's greatest challenges.


Cheers!

 

[wait_out]

You know, not all bars and clubs have a terribly depersonalized vibe like those megaclub places. Its all very insincere sometimes, but it's not the alcohol, it's the people, the place and even the music. If I hear a song I love, it turns my night around and that makes me more friendly and outgoing. If the whole crowd feels that way, it's a unifying experience. Most places though are full of poseurs who seem like they're there to work on their social CV. That's why documenting it is so important -- they're not actually out to have fun and enjoy themselves.

Environment always has a certain effect as well, and if you're not happy, it makes it hard to to make a good impression on a girl as well. BTW I can't stand either Lady Gaga or Beyonce. I love nightlife, going out, doing shots, dancing etc... but I can't have fun at those bigger places. Girls often tend to be passive-aggressive rather than friendly in those places. At the end of the day, my life has enough stress already, and friendly cute girls do exist -- no need to chase b!tchy ones, right?

I think about my ex too when I'm down (AKA brooding), I've learned its mostly just a barometric warning that I need to be having more fun. Don't be too hard on yourself OP -- anyone can have a bad night, overanalyzing that might actually delay you from just bouncing back. Just my 2 cents

 

[Zunder]

Alcohol is a depressant and distorts reality. It's a mask for underlying fears and insecurities and is temporary courage in a bottle.


Is your confidence too low? I would say "yes". To be more specific, your self-confidence is too low.

To not get hurt by a woman again has nothing to do with the woman. You can only be hurt if you are vulnerable. It doesn't mean shutting down all feelings and pretending they don't exist. That'll just hide the problem like alcohol is a temporary escape from the present.


Too many men define themselves by their woman. To me that is slavery. Especially with the quality of today's women.


Two points that are stressed on this site are they keys.

1) You are the prize. Until you firmly believe it you will be the victim. There's nothing more liberating than being able to say to yourself, "Fvck 'em!" and moving on knowing that better things lie ahead.


2) Putting woman on a pedestal. Never do this no matter how cool she is or how great she is in bed. Firstly, they don't deserve it and secondly, you've just put her needs higher than your own.


Master these two things and the world is yours.


Cheers!

Roman God - this
Repped.

 

[Zunder]

Depression. I've had it. Severe, crippling, and any other adjective you can think of.
Here is how I got out of it - and very simple too, perhaps some people will say too simplistic - nevertheless. My depression was just a symptom, a symptom of self soubt and worrying what other people, (women especially) thought of me. I did some INCREDIBLY AFC things. I also had MASSIVE insecurity about a bunch of scars all over my head from a botched hair transplant many years ago - covered up by a hairpiece. ( I now have a shaved head).

Anyway - I got out of my depression when I realised that "most" people in this world are IDIOTS. They are also SHEEP. They also live their life with their head in the sand - and all they worry about is THEMSELVES, cant think for themselves, dont question things - and they just go thru life with blinkers on.

Once you realise this - that the world is made up of a majority of idiots who really dont care what a fool you may "think" that you have made of yourself, because they are so wrapped up in their own insecure reality - then you finally wake up one day and you just don't give a fvck anymore - and you literally just "snap" out of your depression.
I mean just think about this as an example": The American people voted a thick Texan redneck with as much tact and worldy intellgience as a toad - into their highest office for EIGHT looong years (George Dubbya if you are wondering). Stuff like this makes you realise that the world really is just one big joke, full of idiots, and not to take others seriously at all.

This was my key to snapping out of my crippling depression.

 

[sodbuster]

IF you really want to be depressed, think about this...the President is always the taller,better looking man in the race. Think about it,when was the last time the short ugly guy won? They are voting for the most powerful man in the world like it's for senior class president. McDonald's wouldn't let a rookie with 2 years experience run a store....much less the company. BUT Obama was elected President?

 

[Zunder]

IF you really want to be depressed, think about this...the President is always the taller,better looking man in the race. Think about it,when was the last time the short ugly guy won?

Uh you serious bro? Dubbya would be what....well under 6 feet anyway. And hardly a movie star in the looks dept.

 

[sodbuster]

Kennedy/Nixon,Carter[shorter,but prettier]/Ford, Reagan-2 terms,Bush/Dukakis{sp?},Bush/Clinton,Clinton/Dole,Bush/Gore[tossup as to who was better looking and elected],Bush/Kerry,Obama/McCain[way more qualified,even if I didn't like him]

Goldwater/Johnson-both mutts,Nixon/Humphrey or Nixon/McGovern-both mutts only exceptions since 1960.
Bush was 6'0" 190 or 5'11 1/2",while Gore was 6'1" according to what I could find online. 1" difference in height....looks,IDK

Look up their pictures and heights
The effects of letting women vote? Are you depressed yet?

 

[Buddha_Mind]

You're welcome.

If you are depressed I would make treating that a priority over gaming. I think that could only add to your depression. Heal thyself first and the gaming will take care of itself.


Depression is very real and most experience it at some time in their life. It's something you have to tackle from inside yourself and external stimulants like the "game" and alcohol abuse only make things worse.


Our biggest enemy is ourselves. Everyone has personal demons hiding in their soul. Slaying those demons is one of life's greatest challenges.


Cheers!

Great post Roman -- I know we all get depressed! Especially after breakups or life rearrangements! To never be depressed would be not being human! Just as life brings us windows of good, so too can be rough patches, I don't always consider depression a disease unless you are spiraling yourself out of control -- being depressed and sad is a normal thing but the advice here is sage and stated, we can't let it keep us down! We've got to engage in all those things that pick us up! [I'm telling this to myself just as much to this forum].

I've been depressed too man -- I'm in the middle of the Midwest because I moved to be with a woman...who I didn't qualify as I should have...and I did care about her..."love", whatever, I genuinely cared about her...when that sh!t goes away, it hurts man, and I can imagine in a divorce with children it's got to hurt 100x more. Depression is a normal thing in response to life trauma. But it is just a window and the end-game is what you make it. We can't accept defeat in ourselves! If you're still breathing and alive there's time to change and still get that victory!

To all those who have suffered because of life and women and the thousand things in between -- STAY UP -- life is too short, we'll all be dust soon enough, hold nothing back from your dreams, good sh!t can be yours!