crackers444 said:
I am writing this thread in regards to my life situation. I am 24 year old male, quiet and have trouble in regards to interactions with people, especially females. I have never had a girlfriend and have only been on a couple "dates", if that's what they were with girls I met online. The only social aspect of my life is at my part-time job, interacting with co-workers(I don't have a social life outside of work). I am not into bars(I don't drink), smoke or do drugs like many young people partake in. I spend my time at home, chatting with friends online,watching movies, reading or listening to music( I still live at home with my parents). When out in public, I see girl's with their boyfriend's who are much younger than me ie: teens. I feel like I have really been missing out on developing relationships with girls/establishing a life for myself, due to my shyness. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Here is the catch 22. You want to feel social before you start approaching social situations, but you can't feel social without approaching social situations. Your fear of social situations will not go away without exposure. Cognitive approaches might make you feel better, but at the end of the day if you stll don't leave your house, you are still going to be stuck in a rut.
The more time you spend online reading post after the post, the more isolated from the real world you will become. The more you try to become the little puppet master who "knows exactly what to do in all situations", the worse your real world results will likely be.
Here is some advice that is going to make a real difference. Use the cognitive strategies to manage unrealistic expectations (such as knowing you cannot control what other people do, but what you can do is control what you do) while exposing yourself to social situations. The worst mistake is thinking you have to have the perfect thing to say to make it worth having a conversation. *Most* people are quite shy about starting conversations, just look around the room when a group of strangers meet for the first time. The funny thing is by you being talkative they will actually think you're outgoing and no one will even know you're shy but you.
A lot of people who believe they are shy are actually suffering from a neurotransmitter inbalance that causes looping circuits in their brain, therefore, it is postulated that they tend to obsess on certain situations unreasonably. You should talk to your family doctor about this especially if you feel a persistent lack of interest in most activities and such.
The sad thing is no one can make you get help. No one else can pick up that phone and make an appointment for you, and noone else can make you try conversations with new people. It does have to come from you. Unfortunately, your parents enabling you to stay at home has hurt you, for otherwise you would have been forced out into the world. There is an amazing world out there. You can volunteer in South or Central America where thousands of people will readily greet you and spend hours talking with you, you can work sales jobs even if they pay isn't great to gain exposure to social settings, you can decide to try conversating with one person in each class you take or something. Hope you make the right decision.
