Lack of emotional attachment...

[Un-Aru]

During my time perusing this board I see a lot of guys struggling with what I would term an 'over-emotive state.' It's why a lot of guys are here in the first place, to try and correct the imbalance. But does anyone have a problem, or has anyone overcome a problem with the opposite end of the scale - where you actually have difficulty forming emotional attachments in the first place?

Now I'm not talking about committment-phobia. (where you push someone away because you 'feel' you're getting too close) I mean the kind of total detachment and objectivity special forces, federal agents, deep cover operatives etc. use in regards to human interaction to maintain a degree of sanity. The bonafide emotional wall that's erected usually because you've seen and been through so much s**t that you have to in order to survive.

Apologies if you believe this shouldn't be on the mature forum, but I think it's a serious question, and didn't want it polluted by a host of "I'm the man" comments from the children.

 

[IronFar]

Struggling w/ this myself. No immediate solution yet.

Being too "cool" and non-chalant has cost me.

 

[TheTrimReaper]

I'm concerned about this, too. I had to push myself to be detached in my last relationship. But it's strange because I didn't really feel like being that way all of the time. And yes, this may have cost me dearly.

But I will tell you this, my ex spent a lot of time with a friend from her high school days. A chump. And she told me that she could never be with a person like him who was up then down. She said she really appreciated me for my stability. Who knows if she really meant what she said. But she stayed with me for 3.5 years, while her longest relationship before that had been six months.

I held back a lot of pain and repressed a lot of joy in that time. I don't really know if that was the right thing to do now. On the one hand, you want to be a happy person. But on the other hand, you know a woman wants a "real man".

Keep in mind however, she would complain that she never really knew how I felt about things or where I was coming from. But then I would later find out she appreciated how I could be strong for her.

So is it a problem if a man becomes too emotionally detached? Maybe.
Is it a problem if a man is overly emotional?
I think we can all agree, definitely.

I'm still pretty confused though!

 

[WestCoaster]

Don't try to read or guess a woman's emotions. They say one thing and do another. How many times have you heard women say, "I want to marry my best friend."

No they don't, many want to marry (then divorce) the latest guy who slept with them. They live by the moment, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Most women I know really don't look down the road at the future ... thus the gravitation toward dirtbags. When women pick the "bad boy" I can predict in my mind that it will break up in less than a year and in the process it will be sh-tty and by chance they marry such a guy, the marriage will be worse. But most women are incapable of seeing the future, it's not in their thought patterns.

Be strong, but honest with your feelings and who you are. Trying to "arrange" your feelings around the illogical babblings of a woman will put you in a psych ward in no time.

* P.S. ... Quit hammering yourself guys, you broke up with these gals just because, not because you did anything wrong. Perhaps they screwed up, too? Ever think of that. Remember YOU are the prize, not them.

 

[Un-Aru]

Quote:

* P.S. ... Quit hammering yourself guys, you broke up with these gals just because, not because you did anything wrong. Perhaps they screwed up, too? Ever think of that. Remember YOU are the prize, not them.


You raise a valid point however, a guy truly afflicted with the problem in question never hammers himself over a woman, because he never TRULY cares. He doesn't 'feel' it, not because she's the wrong woman, but because he doesn't have the ability to form the emotional attachment in the first place. I think you can fake detachment to generate attraction, but it's much harder to fake warmth and sincerity.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Un-Aru
Quote:

I think you can fake detachment to generate attraction, but it's much harder to fake warmth and sincerity.

lol yeah tell me about it. This is how I feel in every single relationship once it gets towards a decent length of time (usually 6 months to a year). I just cant be bothered with all the kissy kissy things (of which woman seem to continually desire)!

Not to mention, it makes it harder when you have other real hot woman chasing you all the time, of which you know the initial stages will be fun and exciting again! I see now why celebrity relationships break down all the time!

 

[Ricky]

"But most women are incapable of seeing the future, it's not in their thought patterns."

Man isnt that the truth. In fact I just got criticized by a girl for being too goal oriented and plotting out the future.

I guess that's why I make twice as much money as her and will probably make 3-4 times as much in a few years. Goal setting is important.


But guess what she sure can predict it wont work out between us.

I actually get too involved emotionally with women. I'm not sure why. But after this latest breakup i truly don't give a **** about any one woman anymore. I feel bad about all of them LOL.

 

[Lost In Translation]

Quote : Un-Aru
I mean the kind of total detachment and objectivity special forces, federal agents, deep cover operatives etc. use in regards to human interaction to maintain a degree of sanity. The bonafide emotional wall that's erected usually because you've seen and been through so much s**t that you have to in order to survive.

that is exactly what i have become.

coming back is a very very very slow process

baby steps

you gotta learn to do simple things that normal people take for granted

like the Terminator in Terminator 2 and the boy teaches him to play

He is a killing machine and doesn't understand the point of useless activities or "fun"

having no emotions stops him from understanding "fun"


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

" stop being insecure " i hate that saying. it's a cop out for not having enough balls to confront a woman about what she is doing THAT IS WRONG or potentially damaging to a long term relationship. – Lost In Translation