kiss close perfect moment?

[zigzagzoom]

I am a recovering AFC. One of my biggest flaws that I have had to deal with in my life is overthinking situations. In my limited experience with girls, most of them have had to basically fall into my lap and then beat me over the head with all sorts of verbal and nonverbal clues before I even considered making a move. I knew from their verbal hints, flirtations and body language that they liked me. But I did not do anything about it because I would overthink the situation. I basically denied her attraction and come up with all sorts of excuses why she is "just being nice" or question why she would be into me in the first place. Later I would kick myself for letting an opportunity pass. For me, what held me back was fear of rejection, low self esteem and waiting for the perfect moment.

There are plenty of posts on this forum that discuss how to get over fear of rejection and increase self esteem. I would like some people to make suggestions on this idea I have of the perfect moment to make a move.

My regular kiss close has almost always went like this. When we are on a date and I can tell that she is absolutely into me, I have always waited to the end of the night when we are about to part ways. I normally say something like "I had a great time tonight. We should do it again sometime." She would then say she had a great time too, we would hug and then I would finally make my move. As I write it out, the close definitely does not sound as cool as the other kiss closes that appear on this site, but I did not know any better. Most of the time, unless I was drunk, I never was assertive enough to try to f-close and I would never get a chance on future dates because over the next week I would go total AFC on her and call all the time and act really desperate. The most dates I've ever had with the same girl is about five.

I'm tired of these old AFC rules that I have opposed upon myself. I'm tired of procrastinating the date away until the final seconds of the night. It's time to start making more of those windows of opportunities throughout the date. Is there a certain moment on your dates that you move in for the kiss? What do you normally do to create this moment? Do you always use a kiss close technique? or Do you go by feel and as soon as she looks ready, you go in? What is the shortest amount of time into a first date that you kiss closed? I appreciate any suggestions.

 

[blinkwatt]

Why does it have to be a kiss close? I kiss during the date. Find a way to get her on your lap and your golden from there.

 

[Amigu]

Basicaly girls like kissing just as much as you do, if it feels right go in. I've only been rejected once when going for a kiss and I'm not even much of a player. It's that moment where you're both talking but then there's suddenly silence and you both have eye contact and there's a positive vibe. If you aren't sure then run your hand through her hair and see how she responds.

 

[Vampire]

Like anything, don't force it. If you both seem to be having a great time together, then it should just sort of happen. There's nothing wrong with waiting until the end of the date to kiss her. The part you should worry about more is being a fun and cool date. The kissing is just a foregone conclusion pretty much after that. So maybe you should shift your inquiry a little bit and work on being more fun, confident, and interesting (not that you aren't these things... but we can always improve).

By the way, I don't think that seeing it as a "kiss close" is a good way to look at it. This is a date, not a business deal. Being too overly concerned with the outcome of an event is detrimental, in my opinion. Just like in competition: strive to do your best. Let the rest sort itself out. Don't place added pressure on yourself to perform up to a certain level. There will always be a number of variables outside of your control that may prevent you from achieving a certain outcome.

Hope that helps, and good luck. Don't get too absorbed into this "alpha-male" bull****.

 

[PumpingIron13]

whats a 3 major IOIs you guys look for before you go in for a kiss

 

[blinkwatt]

whats a 3 major IOIs you guys look for before you go in for a kiss

Eye contact,some kino not much from her, her asking questions,all show she is interested on some level. Now the combination of those is golden,at this point you have it made.

 

[zigzagzoom]

Thanks for the responses

Thanks for all the suggestions. Basically it boils down to this.

Be a cool, confident guy. Give her eye contact. Listen to what she says. Lightly touch her to see how she responds. If she likes me, she will like to be touched by me. If she doesn't like me, then she will tell me to stop touching her either verbally or through her body language. Eye contact, kino, verbal responses and a positive demeanor are all IOIs. Get enough IOIs and I can gauge her interest in me. Don't wait for a perfect moment and don't force it. My idea of the "perfect" moment may never come. If I force it, it will feel contrived. Make a move when it feels right. The worst that can happen is that I learn how she feels about me and that is better than constantly guessing, doing nothing and ending up in the friend zone. If she likes me, she is waiting for me to somehow increase the intimacy.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Gauge her interest level(I don't have to because every girl loves me) and then lean in for the kiss. Sometimes at the end of the date I'll say "Ok, fine you can give me a kiss" and then we'll make-out (but most of the time the girl will be all over me because I'm amazing).

 

[jonwon]

A few things to try.

Just chill with it really, when you sat next to her in a bar or whatever, when there is a pause in the conversation just give her a smile and move your head towards her, she knows whats coming, only do it when you feel comfortable.
If she rejects the advance, just laugh and say ‘moving too fast for you I see’, see what she says.
Most likely if she rejects you from the kiss she is not that much into you anyway.

Has for the closure, when you leaving just hold her hand, gently pull her towards you and move in she knows whats coming, don’t do it in an aggressive or weak manner, just do it in a way that’s says its totally natural.

Hold her hand and pull her close to you, or should I say coax her to you by giving a slight pull towards you, but in a way where she can let go of your hand or pull back, after all you want to feel wanted by this girl too right!

Stop making it out to be such a big deal, this is your problem, it will happen, making an issue out of it will make the situation feel uncomfortable and that is counter-productive, got to make it comfortable for her, you do that by your attitude.

 

[realsmoothie]

Waiting until the end seems like putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

Sounds like you're not putting in enough of the old "kino"... if you do enough of that you can progress... i.e. touching her arm, to later holding a hand, touching her back, then neck, maybe her hair... if you can touch her face she'll be almost sure you're going to kiss her.