Killing Desire?

[willtmail]

Hi all. I was reading the Bible and thinking about Pook's post about killing desire. I think a lot of the responses to his post asked questions that were circling the question I have: When you walk up to a girl and start talking to her, isn't that showing (and more importantly, having) desire? And how can guys who have killed desire kiss/sleep with girls they do not desire? Maybe it's a matter of degrees? In other words, the way I'm interpreting it is that too much desire is definitely bad - that's desperation. But Pook's posts suggest eliminating desire altogether. I understand and have experienced Pook's point that wanting her messes up everything. Sorry about the rambling, I'm just confused as to how I can be a man about my sexuality and not be ashamed of it (You're hot - I want to have sex with you) vs. not having desire because that messes everything up. Now, obviously, I don't mean that by being a man about my sexuality, I'm coming off like a dog in heat. But more as an internal conflict, how can I acknowledge that I want her, but I don't... because I'm supposed to have eliminated desire...?

Also, I'm at the point where I can talk to a girl I am attracted to and know that I'm acting like a chump. I hate this. Is anyone else at this point... where you know you're not supposed to agree with her, and laugh at her stupid jokes, but you can't help it and the more you try to do c&f (get into c&f mode), the more elusive it becomes? Maybe it's just me... What's really frustrating is that I know that I can do c&f - when the girl doesn't matter (ah, desire....), but I just can't seem to get into the c&f mode when I'm with a chick I like...

Anyway, sorry if this is confusing, but it's confusing to me. Thoughts?

 

[willtmail]

Oh yeah, just something else. I can do c&f when I'm surprised by the person. In other words, when I'm not "preparing" or thinking about it... but just thinking about it messes it up, and then hellooooo AFC.

 

[Phoebus]

Sort answer, no.

Long answer, no.

OK, seriously, just like everything in life, it depends on your mindset. Forget women for now, they are for the most part unimportant (and that mindset will turn them on). Instead, think of a job interview and two possible situations going into it.

1) You currently have a decent job. You make enough to pay your bills and even some left over to invest (Damn, it, you guys ARE investing, right?!?) You are fairly statisfied with your current job (but not comfortable, that is a sin) and only want to explore other opritunites... Thus, going into the interview you are cool, calm, and collected. If the job isn't your's, no big deal.

2) You are currently homeless. You need this job more than anything else in life. Everything depends on it. You smell. You are qualified, but you are desperate and it shows. Because you "need" the job, not just want it, you rest everyting on the outcome of the interview. Thus, you are nervous. You come off as "needy" which makes the employer think, "What is wrong with him? If he needs this job this bad, it must mean no one else will give him a job. He must be a bad hire."

It is the same with women. Even if you don't have a girl, pretend that you do and that nothing she says will faze you. In the end it shouldn't. After all, who the f*ck is she? She doesn't know you, and thus isn't rejecting you, but her own preconcieved image of you.

Other than that, "have no desire" simply means to engage the person, not her breasts or pvssy. Take interest in her as a person, not as a set of organs... Will this make you less s3xual? Not if you come off as "manly" (whatever that means to her). That's where "Be a Man" comes into play.

Oh, and how do you acknowledge that you like her? Look beyond Pook... Go to Anti-Dump. Ask her for her number. She will know what you want.

 

[NewMan]

Desirless?

I have a huge issues with this.

Men are sexual beings - and thus we need to exude sexuality. We have desire and should not be afraid to show this to women.

What we need to do though, is not be desperate to gain women. i.e. not to be AFC.

Not to make our life revolve around women - so that if we don't have a woman we are not going out there with desperation - practically begging for a piece of a##......

Though when we interact with women, we need to be sexual - for that is who we are as men - real men.

 

[So pimp its scary]

willtmail - You seem to be confusing DESIRE with interest.

When you go up to a woman and start getting needy with her, then you are expressing your desire to ƒuck her. If, on the other hand, you just go up to a woman and have a conversation with her, then you are simply expressing INTEREST in her.

Interest leads to sex.
Desire does not.

 

[willtmail]

pimp, doesn't interest stem from desire?

 

[PlayerinTraining]

Kill your desire to make her attracted to you

I interpret the phrase "Kill your desire" as "Kill your desire (to make her attracted to you)."

A few things:
It is possible to go up to a woman and have a simple conversation with no ulterior motives.

Most of the time, we are going up to a woman because we DO find her sexually attractive.

Whether we are simply talking to her as a potential friend or a potential fling, the woman invariably and inevitably--interprets your initial moves as indicating sexual interest until proven otherwise.

As we know, making interest known right away makes you less of a challenge, and therefore, less attractive--in most cases.

A lot of the newbie questions are related to this issue--how to approach without looking like you are a chump who would do anything to have sex with her.

From the most fundamental level, there is NOTHING you can do about this. You cannot control her initial reactons to your attempts at conversation. You can't control her stereotypes of men, and what she thinks men want.

You can only decide if she makes you feel good, and is someone you would like to spend your time with.

If you have a sense of pride, in that you WON'T hang around someone who doesn't seem to reciprocate your interest, or doesn't meet your standards, that will come through.

The only thing you can really do is remain detatched from the outcome entirely, and not care whether you impress her or not.

So, the REAL answer is--do what makes YOU feel comfortable, and don't focus too much on what the woman wants. You don't have any control over her anyway.

When you truly DON'T CARE whether you score with any particular chick, or whether you score with any at all--THAT is when you have the 'secret' of attraction.

 

[Matlm]

I have interperated Pooks teachings as the following...

The "desire" we feel for women in our current state is an illusion. If we were to take a deep psychological look at ourselves we would realize that we are simply trying to fill an emptiness in ourselves, by having women in our lives.

If one is feeling true sexual desire, then they should have no trouble walking up to a woman and talking to her. If you aren't able to do this, chances are you are living in an illusion.

Pook teaches us that in order for man to be successful with women, he must find hapiness within himself. Pook stresses that one dedicate themselves to something which they enjoy and something which will contribute to inner growth.

It is my own belief that nervousness about women is a sign from our unconcious that we are making a mistake, and on some level we are trying to find happiness outside of ourselves.

Pook says that a real man is a provider, not a taker. When one is under the illusion that they are sexually attracted to a girl, they are in a position where they want to recieve pleasure from another person. A man is his own source of pleasure.

Again, I would like to interject here and say that it is my belief that unless you are feeling raw sexual energy, you are not truely sexually attracted to someone.

 

[becker]

Re: Kill your desire to make her attracted to you

Originally posted by PlayerinTraining

Most of the time, we are going up to a woman because we DO find her sexually attractive.

This statement actually should have been elaborated. It contains more substance than the rest of this post (no offense intended).

See, the main problem is that you are rarely going to get to know a girl that well who you are not that attracted to. At the same time, the problem is that if you're attracted to her, you'll end up finding ways to be around her more. Why not? It's reasonable that if you enjoy being around a girl, you should be able to just hang out with her more. It feels good to be around a girl that you like, right?

Well, the problem arises when you start to need to be around the girl in order for your day to be complete. If you try to hang out with her every second, you'd better make sure that she likes to hang around you just as much, otherwise, it can get pretty pathetic. If she's interested in you too, then most likely things will turn out pretty well. If not, then you'll be like her puppy dog while she tells you how much she likes this other guy. That must be avoided at all costs.

To me, the best way to avoid this is to be around the girl, but don't get too absorbed in getting her to go out with you. Instead, be the mystery man, who says hello, chit-chats for a while, then leaves. Sometimes, if you see her, say hi, but don't always stop what you're doing. I just did this with this girl at my office who I'm pursuing. She's a 10, hands down. When I first met her, I was floored at how gorgeous this girl was. However, for at least a month, I'd see her, wave with good eye contact while I walked by, and didn't stop to say much. Many times, I would be walking by her, and just sort of say hello in passing, and that's it. Gradually, I started to run into her and talk more. This built up over the course of a month or so. I didn't see her everyday, and actually, I made sure I didn't. I'd see her hanging out with other guys in the office outside, and I'd walk by, wave hello, and keep walking. Usually I'd lock eyes with her with a little smirk when I walked by, in front of all these other guys, who usually stuck onto her like glue. I even stared her down one time while walking by.

Finally, one day I told her I was going to do something on the weekend, and found out she wanted to do it too. She gave me her cell phone number without me even asking. After that, we've been talking more. I'm supposed to have lunch with her Monday (see my post below). We'll see what happens.

I guess the point is, this stuff takes time. You can't rush too much, or else you seem desperate. At the same time, know when to make your move. That's probably the hardest part, and it is not something that you can teach someone very easily. It's a product of experience.

 

[DonJohn83]

To me (in this context), desire = neediness.

Thats what you should be killing.