Most of us have come to this board because somewhere in our lives we missed out on some of the basics when it comes to women. Maybe some of us had our confidence destroyed, haven't had enough social experience, lack a decent male role model or alike. Either we got hurt by a woman at some point or have felt inadequate when it comes to attracting women in general.
The problem is, a lot of people who come here start learning the error of their ways, which is usually that they've been too soft, scared or too "nice". Having discovered this, many of us (including myself) go to the opposite extreme of turning into a jerk, acting cold or defensive. We refuse to pay compliments to women, refuse to buy drinks or pay for dates, or do small favours, listen to women or sometimes even refuse to have conversations or spend time with a woman without some kind of ulterior motive (i.e sex). Worse still, we may start to focus too much on building our own value, bragging, overdoing the ****y + funny, trying too hard to be the alpha male and are generally very self-centred. This might make you look good, but it's not going to make a woman feel good about being with you.
The art of charisma is about making other people feel good in your presence. You don't have to praise them like they are above you, but show some interest in them, encourage them, show some respect for their ideals/goals and flatter them a little. Let them know that YOU enjoy THEIR company.
In another thread, Animalcrackers pointed out that paying a girl compliments often increases interest and on reflection I completely agree. I've been observing this and testing it a lot more, and have noticed that making a woman feel good about herself is the surest way to make her feel something for you. What's more, letting her know you are interested puts you in the potential date category in her mind and starts her thinking about you.
People here often associate flattery and being nice as a sign of low confidence and supplication, whereas the opposite is true. Think about it, if you can encourage someone to feel good, pay them genuine compliments without expecting any back, it shows confidence and security in yourself.
I started paying attention to guys who do this in a confident way. My sister's fiance is a good example. My sister is an attractive and smart girl (and can also be a b1tch too) and 8 years younger than he is, but on meeting her he charmed her with flattery and attention. He took her out, paid and acted like a gentleman. He constantly called her pet names like "babe", "gorgeous" and "darling" and would often tell her, with confidence, "you're my future". They have been in a solid and faithful relationship for 6 years and he still flatters her and tells her he loves her.
My friend's girlfriend of 1 year also told me she never fancied my friend to begin with, but she just found she loved spending time with him and he made her feel happy, and before she knew it she was falling for him. He did much the same thing (and paid for all their dates too).
Another female friend recently hooked up with a really low character. About a 4 in looks, a total jerk and quite sleazy. I asked her what the hell she was thinking and what she saw in him, and she told me "He said all the right things and made me feel good about myself". She never fancied him and when she discovered what he was really like, she was repulsed by him. Yes it is true that women often end up with jerks, BUT it's only because the jerks are NICE to them that they win them over. Same goes for a lot of guys who sweet talk women into sex...the emphasis being on the "sweet talk".
I've discovered similar things for myself. I've formed connections with women, made them feel good and they've fallen deeply for me. On the other hand, I've acted ****y, self-absorbed and focused too much on building my own value and put a lot of women off with it.
The key to complimenting is uniqueness. You need to compliment her in a way that shows that YOU appreciate her and makes her feel good about being with YOU, not in a way that turns her into an ego maniac wh0re.
Avoid generic compliments like "You're so hot/pretty/sexy etc" and "You have a great body/hair/eyes etc", and aim for more personal ones, like "I enjoy spending time with you" or even "I like your perfume, what is it?" and alike, that shows a personal interest in her.
But for God's sake, don't overdo the complimenting and pay them on your terms and definitely not when she's fishing for them or running herself down. For the most part, let your interest show in your actions, by giving her your time, asking her questions about herself and being close to her.
Don't misunderstand me. You should never swallow your pride, kiss her ass, play Mr Nice Guy etc and NEVER put up with any disrespect or let her whine about her problems etc. You want her to feel happy about being with you, not be someone she can depend on and turn to in times of need. There's a difference!
Also, you can use this attention as a reward/punishment scheme. If she's cold or disrespectful in any way, you can withdraw your attention and let her know you're turned off by that behaviour or having doubts about her. Trust me, women can become addicted to your attention and if you withdraw it, they'll soon come crawling back.
It may take practice to get all this right without slipping too far into ass kissing territory, but try it on some female friends just to see how they react.
The problem is, a lot of people who come here start learning the error of their ways, which is usually that they've been too soft, scared or too "nice". Having discovered this, many of us (including myself) go to the opposite extreme of turning into a jerk, acting cold or defensive. We refuse to pay compliments to women, refuse to buy drinks or pay for dates, or do small favours, listen to women or sometimes even refuse to have conversations or spend time with a woman without some kind of ulterior motive (i.e sex). Worse still, we may start to focus too much on building our own value, bragging, overdoing the ****y + funny, trying too hard to be the alpha male and are generally very self-centred. This might make you look good, but it's not going to make a woman feel good about being with you.
The art of charisma is about making other people feel good in your presence. You don't have to praise them like they are above you, but show some interest in them, encourage them, show some respect for their ideals/goals and flatter them a little. Let them know that YOU enjoy THEIR company.
In another thread, Animalcrackers pointed out that paying a girl compliments often increases interest and on reflection I completely agree. I've been observing this and testing it a lot more, and have noticed that making a woman feel good about herself is the surest way to make her feel something for you. What's more, letting her know you are interested puts you in the potential date category in her mind and starts her thinking about you.
People here often associate flattery and being nice as a sign of low confidence and supplication, whereas the opposite is true. Think about it, if you can encourage someone to feel good, pay them genuine compliments without expecting any back, it shows confidence and security in yourself.
I started paying attention to guys who do this in a confident way. My sister's fiance is a good example. My sister is an attractive and smart girl (and can also be a b1tch too) and 8 years younger than he is, but on meeting her he charmed her with flattery and attention. He took her out, paid and acted like a gentleman. He constantly called her pet names like "babe", "gorgeous" and "darling" and would often tell her, with confidence, "you're my future". They have been in a solid and faithful relationship for 6 years and he still flatters her and tells her he loves her.
My friend's girlfriend of 1 year also told me she never fancied my friend to begin with, but she just found she loved spending time with him and he made her feel happy, and before she knew it she was falling for him. He did much the same thing (and paid for all their dates too).
Another female friend recently hooked up with a really low character. About a 4 in looks, a total jerk and quite sleazy. I asked her what the hell she was thinking and what she saw in him, and she told me "He said all the right things and made me feel good about myself". She never fancied him and when she discovered what he was really like, she was repulsed by him. Yes it is true that women often end up with jerks, BUT it's only because the jerks are NICE to them that they win them over. Same goes for a lot of guys who sweet talk women into sex...the emphasis being on the "sweet talk".
I've discovered similar things for myself. I've formed connections with women, made them feel good and they've fallen deeply for me. On the other hand, I've acted ****y, self-absorbed and focused too much on building my own value and put a lot of women off with it.
The key to complimenting is uniqueness. You need to compliment her in a way that shows that YOU appreciate her and makes her feel good about being with YOU, not in a way that turns her into an ego maniac wh0re.
Avoid generic compliments like "You're so hot/pretty/sexy etc" and "You have a great body/hair/eyes etc", and aim for more personal ones, like "I enjoy spending time with you" or even "I like your perfume, what is it?" and alike, that shows a personal interest in her.
But for God's sake, don't overdo the complimenting and pay them on your terms and definitely not when she's fishing for them or running herself down. For the most part, let your interest show in your actions, by giving her your time, asking her questions about herself and being close to her.
Don't misunderstand me. You should never swallow your pride, kiss her ass, play Mr Nice Guy etc and NEVER put up with any disrespect or let her whine about her problems etc. You want her to feel happy about being with you, not be someone she can depend on and turn to in times of need. There's a difference!
Also, you can use this attention as a reward/punishment scheme. If she's cold or disrespectful in any way, you can withdraw your attention and let her know you're turned off by that behaviour or having doubts about her. Trust me, women can become addicted to your attention and if you withdraw it, they'll soon come crawling back.
It may take practice to get all this right without slipping too far into ass kissing territory, but try it on some female friends just to see how they react.
Even though you have a gf...