Keeping your voice neutral - not getting emotional/excitable

[Heisenberg]

I advocate for this a lot, and definitely not just in relationships. If you can keep your voice at the same level no matter how happy or angry you are, you'll be regarded as a strong and steady man.

The best way to win an argument is to never be the one to get emotional. If the other person starts shouting and getting dramatic while you maintain your cool, they look ridiculous and you've taken (or maintained) your frame.

This isn't always easy. Particularly for me. I'd love to hear how you guys keep your cool regardless of the situation and any emotions that are present.

As a result of growing up beta, I am instinctually quick to emotion. As a result of watching a lot of movies and TV while growing up, my default is to think that a change in voice must accompany a change in emotion (i.e. you're supposed to be dramatic)... When really, what we should strive for is to be like those guys in the classic Westerns. Do you guys use any tricks?

 

[Poon King]

Not giving a sh!t and understanding your superiority is the best and only "trick". Men are not supposed to care too much what women think anyway.

If you read "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene there is one law that states: "Win Through Action, Never Through Argument". I highly recommend this book.

But what does the law mean? To me, it means.. don't argue with people.. just let them find out they are wrong on their own by staying the course YOU know is the right one.

In discussions, make your point and move on. Don't commit to women who don't respect a man's role in a relationship (as someone above her). If she thinks she is above you, don't hesitate to sleep with other women just to prove how unimportant and unessential she really is.

 

[Stugots26]

Sure, James Bond always appears calm and his voice, facial expressions, and posture are always relatively even.

But if you watch A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, Han Solo is pretty excitable and emotional around Leia at times, even though he's ****y and sure of himself at other times.

 

[Starwolf]

I advocate for this a lot, and definitely not just in relationships. If you can keep your voice at the same level no matter how happy or angry you are, you'll be regarded as a strong and steady man.

The best way to win an argument is to never be the one to get emotional. If the other person starts shouting and getting dramatic while you maintain your cool, they look ridiculous and you've taken (or maintained) your frame.

This isn't always easy. Particularly for me. I'd love to hear how you guys keep your cool regardless of the situation and any emotions that are present.

As a result of growing up beta, I am instinctually quick to emotion. As a result of watching a lot of movies and TV while growing up, my default is to think that a change in voice must accompany a change in emotion (i.e. you're supposed to be dramatic)... When really, what we should strive for is to be like those guys in the classic Westerns. Do you guys use any tricks?

one problem that always comes up when taking this approach.. If a female disrespects/insults or does something you don't like. And because of your calmness when telling her you do not appreciate the behavior she does not seem to take it serious and does it again and again.

I already know what a Classic Western guy would do.. Slap the Sh!t out of her!:crackup:

but we live in modern times.. so any modern approaches to this dilemma?

 

[BraddH]

Laughing at her stupid things is the best thing. All those acting uninterested is just bullshvt hiding behind a shvt.

 

[Heisenberg]

And because of your calmness when telling her you do not appreciate the behavior she does not seem to take it serious and does it again and again.

That would imply you would actually stick around and allow her do the same thing again and again.

 

[Vulpine]

Instead of focusing on your thoughts/feelings, switch your focus to your breathing, if even only temporarily. Control your breathing and you'll control your voice.

Taking a slow, deep breath gives you a moment to gather your wits before you speak.

 

[Starwolf]

That would imply you would actually stick around and allow her do the same thing again and again.

of course if you have a choice, removing this person from your life is the best option. but sometimes it can't be helped..

example:
a colleague at work/school

 

[Atom Smasher]

Heisenberg, great post. And your level of awareness shows you are on the road to mastery of this issue.

I've always had the same issue of immediately becoming angry at the stupid statements and behaviors of women. I stumbled upon this idea one day a couple years ago and it has helped me immensely:

Imagine a metal ruler floating in the air, vertically. It is glowing red hot with your anger level. Now see the level start to settle down to about 30% and turning a cool blue. Imagine it just like an audio VU meter, kind of bouncing a little as it finds its level of 30% or so.

Now it is in a place where it is manageable by you. It gives you that extra little breather, that opportunity to compose yourself and realize that you can take stock and handle the situation rationally. You still have some anger, but you are managing it instead of it managing you.

When you use my imaginary ruler (or VU meter) you will have the power to react instead of respond. You will be able to punish and correct from a position of power. The beauty of it is that it doesn't deny the anger (that would be a false pretense) but rather it puts you in a place where you can channel your response in a way that is going to serve you.

 

[RangerMIke]

Never argue with a woman, period. It's pointless. You can't win because she is likely coming from an emotional frame. It's like an atheist trying to convince a Catholic priest there is no God. The priest is coming from a framework of faith... which has no meaning to rational argument.

If a woman is making emotional based decisions... then the man trying to make a rational argument will get you no where. True story... there is a woman that works for me that is planning to sue me and the company. Trust me when I tell you that she has no basis for a lawsuit... she is angry and emotional. She came into my office to tell me her intentions and I just gave her the card of my lawyer. Have your blood suckling lawyer call mine... gave her some work to do and asked her to leave and close the door because I was busy.

She could not believe I wasn't going to argue with her or try and talk her out of it.... What's the point? She's going to do what she wants. When she calms down and is no longer angry she'll likely change her mind.