Keeping your relationship chick (advice from a friend)

[RangerMIke]

Just had coffee with a buddy of mine as we discuss a joint venture we were considering, we are both the same age, and the dude is married to the hottest best freaking woman I have ever met... really this chick is really the best. I'm not a relationship guy, but I would be really tempted with someone like her.

I asked him how the fvck he managed to keep her for 25 years. He told me something that I had never heard before. I honestly never gave this theory much thought, and will toss it out to the group for discussion. Full disclosure, I have not formulated an option yet, but there is some truth to what he said, and I will paraphrase:

"G gets hit on all the time.... ALL THE TIME... it's been like that all though our dating and marriage, and hasn't really dropped off that much even though she's in her late 40s. What I have always done if push her to be better, work out stay in shape support her in all her business ideas... Really, the truth is she's as great as she is because I'm the one driving her train and making her be an awesome woman. The way I figured it a long time ago, was the better she was, the fewer men would be able to compete for her."

Now this is interesting I always knew that a dude in a relationship is always in competition with other men, and just because you are in something supposedly exclusive, doesn't mean you can relax... actually you have to double down on effort. But I never actually thought that a good long term strategy for keeping a woman is to elevate her and make fewer men supposedly worthy of her. I don't know it sort of makes sense.

I think many guys will try and drag their chick down... so that she will see him as a good option and want to stay... but in a way... if you pull her down, all you are doing is making more, lessor men, available to her. I know the first question is what is the man like... well, he's pretty freaking awesome, good looking with money, owns several companies in the US, Mexico, and Canada. He is much more successful than I, but hires me frequently to help him with due diligence on investment proposals, and I'm made some good money with him. So it could be that "G" is just responding to the fact that SHE has to step up HER game to keep him. I run into him at events frequently and he has no trouble getting women to hit on him. I was at an event with him a few months ago, and this young hottie... early twenties... Took his hand and started touching his wedding ring and said "This is too bad..." He said, "Yep too bad for YOU." So the dude is smooth and has the right mindset, so this idea might just be all bvllsh!t.

Good thought experiment regardless. Thought I would toss something out new for discussion on the 'discussion' board. Any thoughts?

 

[Dash Riprock]

There are many moving parts to a successful relationship dynamic. It sounds like your friend understands this.

Most men would be overly jealous, possessive, and controlling if they were married to very attractive woman with a good personality. It sounds like the main common denominator in play here is mutual respect for one another. This is hard to arrive at because usually one party holds the power, there's usually resentment over something (product of low EQ) and people's personalities these days are generally unhealthy overall. A good chunk of your friend's good fortune with this woman may also have been to sheer, what I call in a non-derogatory manner, "dumb luck." We all experience it; being in the right place at the right time and having a huge chunk of good luck fall in your lap--and taking action on it. Happens to me all the time.

A few things I've noticed over the years of successful marriages among my friends:

1- Mutual Respect
2- Acknowledging different interests and making time for them
3- Healthy social circle of mutual and separate friends
4- GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS
5- Both people are active and keep in shape
6- They plan and take vacations together
7- Most DON'T have kids
8- But do have pets, mainly dogs
9- Both have fulfilling careers or own a business
10- When conflicts arise, they handle them in an adult manner, talking through issues, both have high EQ

Honestly, 98% of the general population lack the skills, motivation, or EQ to take on a marriage or even an LTR. This is why the divorce rate is so high and psychological issues like depression are so high. Throw in the new generations of Millennials and Gen Z'ers who lack any semblance of communication skills unless they're posting on social media or texting and it's no wonder people cannot stick together.

Just my take.

 

[Georgepithyou]

Interesting post, I'm looking forward to trying this out in the field actually.

Goes against all PUA teachings

 

[zekko]

Sounds like the guy is firing on all cylinders, has looks, money, power, and status. It might not work out so well for a guy with lesser SMV.
But they say girls like a guy for the way they make them feel about themselves. So being a positive, encouraging, supportive aspect of her life sounds like great advice. Or you could follow PUA theory and just neg her, I guess.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

We all gravitate to people who encourage us and who elevate us. If each of us as an individual takes a moment to truly step back from the myopic view that we all naturally have in our lives and appreciate and encourage someone around us a wonderful thing happens. The person who we encourage receives the gift of attention and recognition, and the person giving the attention and recognition is making a positive investment in another, which creates positive uplifting energy for both parties.

Mutual respect does this. Bear in mind to that jealousy boomerangs back to the jealous person. Weak people are jealous. Secure people are rarely jealous people. Battery about to die. More later.

The OP has noted a healthy relationship dynamic. It's good to see that perspective around here.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

This reminds me of one of those ‘power couples’ that you see. He still has to be high value, or else she’s cheating on him. She also knows that she’s replaceable so she can’t just disrespect him either.

I’m of a different mindset. It’s not ‘making her better’ in the way that he said, it’s more so exposing her to things she couldn't do before, almost as a way of giving her freedom that she never had prior to you. They will appreciate you for it. And because you yourself WERE exposed to said things, you have a greater skill for it and thus are seen as higher value. However, this is only for feminine women, of which none really exist anymore. Feminine women will appreciate this. The average woman will not, and there’s a reason for it: most women already have full reign to do whatever they want whenever they want. So when they get into a relationship, they don’t want to lose any of that freedom that they had before and feel constricted or like they’re ‘missing out’. The feminine chick who would basically be considered as ‘oppressed’ in today’s time? She’d adore you for letting her do things she couldn’t previously do. This woman would feel more ‘in the know’, and she’ll appreciate you more for it. In other words, you have to be the source of a woman’s self-esteem. All chicks have low self-esteem, it’s just that the feminine women don’t have a big ego either (unlike your average American hoe lol). So when you are the sole source of their self-worth, they’ll be grateful toward you like no other.

Granted, it really does depend on the woman as @LARaiders85 stated, because some of these women will end up becoming one of those ‘independent woman’ types, and as such will think they don’t need you anymore and that they can do better. And truthfully, that’s the problem with the whole ‘independent woman’ ideology. It makes women constantly think they can do better.

The one thing I can say, and this applies to pretty much all relationships, is that you cannot be insecure or jealous. That will kill everything. You can lay down the law when you have to in order to set boundaries, but you don’t do it out of jealousy or insecurity—you do it because, **** man, you’re in a relationship for goodness’ sake. Your ***** shouldn’t be flirting with the idea of sucking another dude’s **** while she’s with you, and it ain’t even about being controlling or whatever, it’s about having some common ****ing decency.

But I digress. Like I said before, it’s really just being high value af and being the sole source of a woman’s self-esteem/self-worth. Not so much that no guy can compete with her. If your friend was just a standard rich guy, he wouldn’t do nearly as well with her as you’d think, even if he did push her to be better. My mom wouldn’t be nearly as successful if it weren’t for my dad, he ALWAYS pushed her to do better and do more, and even now encourages her to workout. But despite all that, even she was still about to cheat on him at one point (only reason she didn’t was because the guy rejected her). That dude was an ugly mofo too. My dad in his younger years used to be so fkn goodlooking that women would LITERALLY grab his clothes to rip them off. He used to be devoutly religious to the point where he wouldn’t even look at women in the eye though, but all that ended up doing was just drive them even more insane. He had tons of women literally grab him in ‘sexual places’ lol and want to **** him. Even some gay men too lmao. Not to mention, he’s more financially successful than her too.

So yeah, my parents are essentially the same as your friend and his wife, but with a completely different story. My dad has let himself go since then, but man if he worked out and had a good physique, he could literally grab a woman by the pussy Donald Trump style without even knowing her, and she would just let him once she sees him lol.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Honestly, 98% of the general population lack the skills, motivation, or EQ to take on a marriage or even an LTR. This is why the divorce rate is so high and psychological issues like depression are so high. Throw in the new generations of Millennials and Gen Z'ers who lack any semblance of communication skills unless they're posting on social media or texting and it's no wonder people cannot stick together.

This is 100% true. But it’s only become that way because society has become a lot more individualistic now. During collectivistic times, you wouldn’t need nearly the level of skill that you need now in order to properly maintain a relationship.

Sounds like the guy is firing on all cylinders, has looks, money, power, and status. It might not work out so well for a guy with lesser SMV.

Was thinking the same thing. You gotta be a beast because she still has to compete for him to some degree.

 

[RangerMIke]

Sounds like the guy is firing on all cylinders, has looks, money, power, and status. It might not work out so well for a guy with lesser SMV.
But they say girls like a guy for the way they make them feel about themselves. So being a positive, encouraging, supportive aspect of her life sounds like great advice. Or you could follow PUA theory and just neg her, I guess.

First time I heard of 'negging' as a strategy, sometime in the mid-90s I thought that was the silliest thing. BUT I saw it work, but it only works short term because it's emotional manipulation. But I'm pretty sure it's played out... women aren't stupid, if you try that now she'll smell it, and if by some chance it works, it's only going to be with a woman with very low self-esteem. Negging as a means to maintain a LTR is really just emotional abuse.

I think most women will see an effort by their man to drag her down as laziness, by tearing her down rather than building himself up.... Chicks will tolerate a lazy man for a time, but that sh!t gets old really fast.

 

[RangerMIke]

Mutual respect does this. Bear in mind to that jealousy boomerangs back to the jealous person. Weak people are jealous. Secure people are rarely jealous people. Battery about to die. More later.

Nothing will kill a relationship faster than jealousy. You can't help feeling jealous... heck it happens to all of us all the time... But what you do with that negative emotion is what makes the person. Jealousy used as a motivation for self-improvement is powerful: jealousy used as motivation to tear someone down is weak.

 

[Alvafe]

so pretty much he leads her and she follows, huh?

 

[JohnChops]

Most guys do not do this because they are insecure themselves and either drag women down below them or keep them down because that would mean "a woman is above me." Those guys are lazy and will always go no where.

Guys who have high self esteem,do not bring others down, especially the people you date. Why wouldn't you want to build your partner up,she represents you, like a buisness partner,you wouldn't kick down a buisness partner.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

This reminds me of one of those ‘power couples’ that you see. He still has to be high value, or else she’s cheating on him. She also knows that she’s replaceable so she can’t just disrespect him either.

I’m of a different mindset. It’s not ‘making her better’ in the way that he said, it’s more so exposing her to things she couldn't do before, almost as a way of giving her freedom that she never had prior to you. They will appreciate you for it. And because you yourself WERE exposed to said things, you have a greater skill for it and thus are seen as higher value. However, this is only for feminine women, of which none really exist anymore. Feminine women will appreciate this. The average woman will not, and there’s a reason for it: most women already have full reign to do whatever they want whenever they want. So when they get into a relationship, they don’t want to lose any of that freedom that they had before and feel constricted or like they’re ‘missing out’. The feminine chick who would basically be considered as ‘oppressed’ in today’s time? She’d adore you for letting her do things she couldn’t previously do. This woman would feel more ‘in the know’, and she’ll appreciate you more for it. In other words, you have to be the source of a woman’s self-esteem. All chicks have low self-esteem, it’s just that the feminine women don’t have a big ego either (unlike your average American hoe lol). So when you are the sole source of their self-worth, they’ll be grateful toward you like no other.

Granted, it really does depend on the woman as @LARaiders85 stated, because some of these women will end up becoming one of those ‘independent woman’ types, and as such will think they don’t need you anymore and that they can do better. And truthfully, that’s the problem with the whole ‘independent woman’ ideology. It makes women constantly think they can do better.

The one thing I can say, and this applies to pretty much all relationships, is that you cannot be insecure or jealous. That will kill everything. You can lay down the law when you have to in order to set boundaries, but you don’t do it out of jealousy or insecurity—you do it because, **** man, you’re in a relationship for goodness’ sake. Your ***** shouldn’t be flirting with the idea of sucking another dude’s **** while she’s with you, and it ain’t even about being controlling or whatever, it’s about having some common ****ing decency.

But I digress. Like I said before, it’s really just being high value af and being the sole source of a woman’s self-esteem/self-worth. Not so much that no guy can compete with her. If your friend was just a standard rich guy, he wouldn’t do nearly as well with her as you’d think, even if he did push her to be better. My mom wouldn’t be nearly as successful if it weren’t for my dad, he ALWAYS pushed her to do better and do more, and even now encourages her to workout. But despite all that, even she was still about to cheat on him at one point (only reason she didn’t was because the guy rejected her). That dude was an ugly mofo too. My dad in his younger years used to be so fkn goodlooking that women would LITERALLY grab his clothes to rip them off. He used to be devoutly religious to the point where he wouldn’t even look at women in the eye though, but all that ended up doing was just drive them even more insane. He had tons of women literally grab him in ‘sexual places’ lol and want to **** him. Even some gay men too lmao. Not to mention, he’s more financially successful than her too.

So yeah, my parents are essentially the same as your friend and his wife, but with a completely different story. My dad has let himself go since then, but man if he worked out and had a good physique, he could literally grab a woman by the pussy Donald Trump style without even knowing her, and she would just let him once she sees him lol.

Got a noti that Lynx liked this comment so I’d just like to update it.

It’s not so much that you expose her to things she couldn’t do before as it is you do things with her that she’s never done before, which gives rise to spontaneity. And when you really think about it, it’s basically just going out on cool dates lol. You still have to be the most socially dominant person in each situation though or else you risk getting AMOGed and then another dude can take your girl away from you. She also has to actually like you a lot beforehand so that she doesn’t get wandering eyes in these situations too.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Regarding negs, they really are necessary for lower tier women (aka most women in today’s climate). Negs are all about covertly demonstrating dominance to a woman who is challenging your dominance.

Negs are not insults. They are carefully crafted hints to her that you possess social intelligence and are not afraid of her. They contain a subtle message that you are evaluating her. Most men, however, simplistically think that negs are nothing more than humbling insults.

The higher quality the woman, the less need for negs, until you get to the upper 2%, who require no negs.

Regarding jealousy, there is warranted and unwarranted jealousy. Most women try to make a man jealous, and that is the kind that frankly enrages me. To me, this is the highest of insults.

Now my fiancé has that “lights up the room” beauty and charisma. She walks into a room and most heads turn. Yet I literally never feel jealous, even though I’ve previously had to battle this all my life. This is because of how she comports herself. She gives me absolutely no reason to feel jealous. When you find an upper-tier woman, all these petty games go away. Go for the upper 2%, but make yourself one of the upper 2%. Everything a man needs to do that is found within the pages of this forum.