keep in touch w/ex-gfs
- Thread starter Jason#4
- Start date
TesuqueRed
Master Don Juan
The question is time.
Ditch 'em for 3+ years (everyone's figure is different...)
And if they were good friends, check in after that and see if it's possible.
Ditch 'em for 3+ years (everyone's figure is different...)
And if they were good friends, check in after that and see if it's possible.
K56Connect
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2002
- Messages
- 135
- Reaction score
- 0
Forget about them forever. Don't even open your mouth to say hi when you see that b*tch in public. Don't even look at her. I'm dead serious about this. Any attention you give to these girls will be percieved as wanting another chance. Sure, she'll be hurt or confused the first time you gloss your eyes right over her and keep walking, but she'll soon get the idea that you're a better man who doesn't need someone to make him complete.
Gee K56, bitter much. Jk.. but it seems like you are coming only from a girl dumped you angle. What if it was reversed. If nothing else maybe a good f-buddy... or perhaps, they have some cute friends. Depends on the scenario, who ended it and how it ended. I mean if she caught you in bed with her best friend. Then NO..LOL. But if were simply just a matter of timing then perhaps.
Currently, in a similar situation and not sure how it will pan out but. Usually, the second time around doesn't work as the same old issues that ended it before usually creep up again. But if no major issues ensued, you had a great time.. then why not.
Too general of a topic to say. Depends. More info. would help? if it's about you...
Currently, in a similar situation and not sure how it will pan out but. Usually, the second time around doesn't work as the same old issues that ended it before usually creep up again. But if no major issues ensued, you had a great time.. then why not.
Too general of a topic to say. Depends. More info. would help? if it's about you...
sustainable007
Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2002
- Messages
- 197
- Reaction score
- 1
Next her
I just had a situation like this which i ended the first week of May...Let me share my experience...
1. I was in a 5yr LTR...we met in college
2. We lived together
3. One day i went back to her pad and she told me she needed time and space
4. I was phucked up for 6mths...
5. I got admitted into grad school, and learned about this site
6. I became a Dj and have collected 5 phone #'s in addition to peaking the IL of 4 other girls who came by work when i wasnt there to ask about me
7. I got a graduate fellowship, where i make some $$$ in addition to my job as a Computer tech support guy
8. After 6 months of silence my X calls me
9. We talk for a week cause i felt sympathetic
10. I tell her im living the dream
11. She tells me she really messed up (she took off with a loser who is a construction worker and has two kids)
12. She wants me to bail her out and get married
13. She then says "I dont have any regrets about what I did"
14. I tell her its too late....
15. The i end our IM chat by telling her "I guess its a good thing i have 5 gf's"
What I learned:
1. If you are a patient & confident DJ, and you believe that you never deserved to get sold out your X will come back.
2. Always end relationships first...but if a girl drops the bomb on you then end it right then and there tell her to phuck off..
3. Always mack on other women even if you are in a LTR...you are a fool not to take advantage of whats out there
4. Women are more unpredicatable then the weather....One must always understand that you are in a game of chess
5. Once the breakup occurs dont ever communicate with X...No matter what...It will pi$$ you off and distract you and it will get in the way of your DJ activites...
6. A Dj can pick up atleast one woman every day if you chose to do so
7. Don't ever pursue friendship either...the friendship thing with X's is total bull$hit...its kinda like being friends with some one who shot you in the face and phucked another man in front of you.
8. If a girl you date tells you she likes country music...Next her..
9. Dont ever compromise family relationships for a woman.
10. X's are indecisive and confused frequently...dont get caught in their downward spiral...
11. Make-up sex is not worth it, especially when you see beautiful women every day...
12. If you decide to have ballz and be a man and take a risk and move on...the rewards will far outweigh the temporary lonliness
***A spade is a spade...go out and live the dream....Next her!
I just had a situation like this which i ended the first week of May...Let me share my experience...
1. I was in a 5yr LTR...we met in college
2. We lived together
3. One day i went back to her pad and she told me she needed time and space
4. I was phucked up for 6mths...
5. I got admitted into grad school, and learned about this site
6. I became a Dj and have collected 5 phone #'s in addition to peaking the IL of 4 other girls who came by work when i wasnt there to ask about me
7. I got a graduate fellowship, where i make some $$$ in addition to my job as a Computer tech support guy
8. After 6 months of silence my X calls me
9. We talk for a week cause i felt sympathetic
10. I tell her im living the dream
11. She tells me she really messed up (she took off with a loser who is a construction worker and has two kids)
12. She wants me to bail her out and get married
13. She then says "I dont have any regrets about what I did"
14. I tell her its too late....
15. The i end our IM chat by telling her "I guess its a good thing i have 5 gf's"
What I learned:
1. If you are a patient & confident DJ, and you believe that you never deserved to get sold out your X will come back.
2. Always end relationships first...but if a girl drops the bomb on you then end it right then and there tell her to phuck off..
3. Always mack on other women even if you are in a LTR...you are a fool not to take advantage of whats out there
4. Women are more unpredicatable then the weather....One must always understand that you are in a game of chess
5. Once the breakup occurs dont ever communicate with X...No matter what...It will pi$$ you off and distract you and it will get in the way of your DJ activites...
6. A Dj can pick up atleast one woman every day if you chose to do so
7. Don't ever pursue friendship either...the friendship thing with X's is total bull$hit...its kinda like being friends with some one who shot you in the face and phucked another man in front of you.
8. If a girl you date tells you she likes country music...Next her..
9. Dont ever compromise family relationships for a woman.
10. X's are indecisive and confused frequently...dont get caught in their downward spiral...
11. Make-up sex is not worth it, especially when you see beautiful women every day...
12. If you decide to have ballz and be a man and take a risk and move on...the rewards will far outweigh the temporary lonliness
***A spade is a spade...go out and live the dream....Next her!
I'm not really sure who ended it in our relationship. It was a LTR-LDR, yeah I know. Well at one point she stopped answering my calls and messages. WTF right? That went on for a month so I decided to fvck it. So did she or I end it?
5. Once the breakup occurs dont ever communicate with X...No matter what...It will pi$$ you off and distract you and it will get in the way of your DJ activites... Yeah I found that out too.
7. Don't ever pursue friendship either...the friendship thing with X's is total bull$hit...its kinda like being friends with some one who shot you in the face and phucked another man in front of you. Thanks I'll keep that in mind.
I've thought it out and I don't think I'll be keeping in touch with this particular girl. Yeah I saw her at the store the other day for the first time. As she was walking toward me I ask her "how's it going?" as if she was any other person and continued walking. It was great.
5. Once the breakup occurs dont ever communicate with X...No matter what...It will pi$$ you off and distract you and it will get in the way of your DJ activites... Yeah I found that out too.
7. Don't ever pursue friendship either...the friendship thing with X's is total bull$hit...its kinda like being friends with some one who shot you in the face and phucked another man in front of you. Thanks I'll keep that in mind.
I've thought it out and I don't think I'll be keeping in touch with this particular girl. Yeah I saw her at the store the other day for the first time. As she was walking toward me I ask her "how's it going?" as if she was any other person and continued walking. It was great.
Lmao...so true
I agree with a lot of responses here. Why would you want to keep your X in your life? F that....i bumped into my X the other day and she comes up to me and starts to talk. I basically just gave her the cold smile and walked away. I have no feelings for her anymore, i cant see why anyone would want to have someone in there life that hurt them so badly.
Oscar Wilde
Master Don Juan
Wow, some bitter responses alright - I guess you guys have been tempered by the fire...
Ok, lemme tell you about my story then. I haven't been through an experience as rough as some of you guys.
I'm currently dealing with "closure" after a 1 yr LDR/LTR. It ended "mutually" - we were having arguments about stupid things when it was obviously the distance that was causing the real problems. She blanked me for 2 days when she was over here & I snapped, ended it. The last night together we talked about it & realised that if there was no distance involved we could still try & make it work, but at that stage I had made up my mind (I had known for previous 2 months that the chemistry wasn't there).
So here I am with a girl who loves me (I never said it), who wants to get it back together, and who hates herself for blanking me that final weekend. She was gonna move up here earlier in the relationship, I told her that if she wanted, to go ahead, but make sure that I was not the only reason she was moving (500 miles) - because I'd feel like she was putting me under pressure if it was the only reason. She didn't move, and the relationship suffered because at the end of the day, Long Distance Relationships do NOT work (a truism; speaking from painful experiences).
So I feel (a little) like the shit in this situation, and I certainly won't dis her if I meet her somewhere.
Oh yeah, I mentioned I need closure - she wrote me saying apologising for the fact that she couldn't accept it being over. I have not yet replied (3 weeks), but I owe her a proper reply. I just haven't written yet, I keep putting it off, cos I don't know what to say, and I don't want to hurt her any more than she does already. (PS: Any suggestions are greatly welcomed - PM or post here).
So, every situation is different, don't forget that.
Oscar.
Ok, lemme tell you about my story then. I haven't been through an experience as rough as some of you guys.
I'm currently dealing with "closure" after a 1 yr LDR/LTR. It ended "mutually" - we were having arguments about stupid things when it was obviously the distance that was causing the real problems. She blanked me for 2 days when she was over here & I snapped, ended it. The last night together we talked about it & realised that if there was no distance involved we could still try & make it work, but at that stage I had made up my mind (I had known for previous 2 months that the chemistry wasn't there).
So here I am with a girl who loves me (I never said it), who wants to get it back together, and who hates herself for blanking me that final weekend. She was gonna move up here earlier in the relationship, I told her that if she wanted, to go ahead, but make sure that I was not the only reason she was moving (500 miles) - because I'd feel like she was putting me under pressure if it was the only reason. She didn't move, and the relationship suffered because at the end of the day, Long Distance Relationships do NOT work (a truism; speaking from painful experiences).
So I feel (a little) like the shit in this situation, and I certainly won't dis her if I meet her somewhere.
Oh yeah, I mentioned I need closure - she wrote me saying apologising for the fact that she couldn't accept it being over. I have not yet replied (3 weeks), but I owe her a proper reply. I just haven't written yet, I keep putting it off, cos I don't know what to say, and I don't want to hurt her any more than she does already. (PS: Any suggestions are greatly welcomed - PM or post here).
So, every situation is different, don't forget that.
Oscar.
Umbra
Master Don Juan
Forget they exist.
Well, I truly believe that she does deserve at least closure and why end it having her think you are a coward or ****head and cruel. She was a flake that is clear. But I bet she won't make the same mistake again. I once dated a guy I really really liked. I flaked out on him some and he abruptly ended it. I tried and tried to get him back. I was sooooo pathetic calling, crying on the phone and sent him letters. ICK ICK ICK!!!! Makes me cringe when I think about it. Well, the worse was because he was actually nice about it when he ended it. Not a jerk. I found myself even more depressed and wished I had not acted the way I did.
He told me in simple terms that he had some great times and wished me only the very best but that it was clear this wouldn't work. He was calm, cool and sincere. I felt relieved but lived to regret it to this day. I still think about him some. Now we live in the same town. At least I could never go around dissing him to others about what a jerk he was. He wasn't. And I think that any DJ would have done what he did. ANy real DJ that is. I mean we are all human.
I have also been on the other side. Where a man wants me back. And I find that ending it nicely. Not mushy or some long drawm out relationship talk. Just keep it simple but try and end it on good terms. How you end a LTR does effect your next. If you don't end it bitterly but can really move on then you are golden and ripe and honestly, more attractive to the next woman or man that may come along.
JMO tho.. Bottom line end it, sure. Go back. Never. Well in rare instances but whatever you do be a gentleman about it. Not a jerk. Sound like you already know what to do. Just say "listen, sorry I haven't gotten back to. Real busy. Look X I don't want to hurt you but this isn't going to work. We both know that and I am going to move on and hope you do to. GOod luck. Bye."
????Dunno but she might have some really hot friends and why have her go around town saying what a jerk you are. Be nice but straightforward and to the point.
No talking over dinner. NO WAY.. Just a simple phone call or email if you must.
He told me in simple terms that he had some great times and wished me only the very best but that it was clear this wouldn't work. He was calm, cool and sincere. I felt relieved but lived to regret it to this day. I still think about him some. Now we live in the same town. At least I could never go around dissing him to others about what a jerk he was. He wasn't. And I think that any DJ would have done what he did. ANy real DJ that is. I mean we are all human.
I have also been on the other side. Where a man wants me back. And I find that ending it nicely. Not mushy or some long drawm out relationship talk. Just keep it simple but try and end it on good terms. How you end a LTR does effect your next. If you don't end it bitterly but can really move on then you are golden and ripe and honestly, more attractive to the next woman or man that may come along.
JMO tho.. Bottom line end it, sure. Go back. Never. Well in rare instances but whatever you do be a gentleman about it. Not a jerk. Sound like you already know what to do. Just say "listen, sorry I haven't gotten back to. Real busy. Look X I don't want to hurt you but this isn't going to work. We both know that and I am going to move on and hope you do to. GOod luck. Bye."
????Dunno but she might have some really hot friends and why have her go around town saying what a jerk you are. Be nice but straightforward and to the point.
No talking over dinner. NO WAY.. Just a simple phone call or email if you must.
Umbra
Master Don Juan
*groan... and a woman pipes up* 
He wasn't asking about how to end a relationship. Tamales is correct about it being healthy to end a relationship well because it affects the next one. But the question is about maintaining communication after the end. And the answer to that is "Don't".
He wasn't asking about how to end a relationship. Tamales is correct about it being healthy to end a relationship well because it affects the next one. But the question is about maintaining communication after the end. And the answer to that is "Don't".
Mr. Fingers
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- May 26, 2003
- Messages
- 230
- Reaction score
- 52
Man, you guys really need to lighten up here. We have all been burned before but it is just bad energy to be holding onto this attitude of "Yeah, fu©k that stupid, traitorous whøre!" I don't know what's worse, the supressed rage or the cold ignorance! I used to feel this way about my ex's in high school.
Now I know we all handle $hit differently and I can't say my way works for everyone...but personally, I think it's much better to find some cathartic method of dealing with past regrets and unclosed chapters. I like writing poetry, but hell, even a punching bag can be therapeutic!
Perfect example: I wrote the following poem and read it to one of my Devil X's..the one that cheated on me. It felt good to read it to her and her reaction surprised me:
"Revenge in Rhymes"
Can this be it?
After all I've done for you,
I am repayed with bull$hit?
YOU EVIL, MANIPULATIVE FU©KING WHØRE!!!
I should have left your trifling ass behind
at the first sign of your wicked ways!
Which would have taken only days
had I not been blinded by a haze
of expectation
or some kind of reciprocation
for the love I gave so freely..
Now my only consolation is that
you could search a thousand nations
and never find a catch like me!
Hearts may forgive
but minds don't forget
I hope all your tomorrows
are plagued by yesterday's regret!
May all your days be filled with sorrow
as your inner turmoils rage.
The very image of your face
makes me vomit chunks of rage.
May you go into convulsions,
till you die with a lonely twitch.
I woulda done things different,
had I known you were such a bit©h!!!
***fin***
Man, it felt good to get that out of my system!
She was shocked for a minute but then started laughing. This is the reaction I usually get when I perform this piece, I guess my rage comes across as comedy at times....go figure. We made peace and went our seperate ways. We still email every now and then but, gee I am starting to ramble here (gotta work on that!)
Anyways the point is that I have dealt with the past demons and am friends with all of my ex's. We don't hang out everyday, nor do I give them any false hope of old flames rekindling....but it feels good knowing that I don't have any unsettled business with anyone.
Ultimately, as much as some of you would rather groan than listen to someone with a vagina, our Don Juanita happens to be spot on here. From a DJ's perspective, you should NEVER burn bridges like this..ya never know how many cute friends your ex will end up introducing you to!
Sheeit, in the past year I hooked up with two of my ex's friends and they were HOT!
Of course if she is a total psycho bit©h who is out to destroy you and all you hold dear, then yeah, I'd have to agree that NEXTING her would be wise move!
Now I know we all handle $hit differently and I can't say my way works for everyone...but personally, I think it's much better to find some cathartic method of dealing with past regrets and unclosed chapters. I like writing poetry, but hell, even a punching bag can be therapeutic!
Perfect example: I wrote the following poem and read it to one of my Devil X's..the one that cheated on me. It felt good to read it to her and her reaction surprised me:
"Revenge in Rhymes"
Can this be it?
After all I've done for you,
I am repayed with bull$hit?
YOU EVIL, MANIPULATIVE FU©KING WHØRE!!!
I should have left your trifling ass behind
at the first sign of your wicked ways!
Which would have taken only days
had I not been blinded by a haze
of expectation
or some kind of reciprocation
for the love I gave so freely..
Now my only consolation is that
you could search a thousand nations
and never find a catch like me!
Hearts may forgive
but minds don't forget
I hope all your tomorrows
are plagued by yesterday's regret!
May all your days be filled with sorrow
as your inner turmoils rage.
The very image of your face
makes me vomit chunks of rage.
May you go into convulsions,
till you die with a lonely twitch.
I woulda done things different,
had I known you were such a bit©h!!!
***fin***
Man, it felt good to get that out of my system!
She was shocked for a minute but then started laughing. This is the reaction I usually get when I perform this piece, I guess my rage comes across as comedy at times....go figure. We made peace and went our seperate ways. We still email every now and then but, gee I am starting to ramble here (gotta work on that!)
Anyways the point is that I have dealt with the past demons and am friends with all of my ex's. We don't hang out everyday, nor do I give them any false hope of old flames rekindling....but it feels good knowing that I don't have any unsettled business with anyone.
Ultimately, as much as some of you would rather groan than listen to someone with a vagina, our Don Juanita happens to be spot on here. From a DJ's perspective, you should NEVER burn bridges like this..ya never know how many cute friends your ex will end up introducing you to!
Sheeit, in the past year I hooked up with two of my ex's friends and they were HOT!
Of course if she is a total psycho bit©h who is out to destroy you and all you hold dear, then yeah, I'd have to agree that NEXTING her would be wise move!
Bonhomme
Master Don Juan
I like to keep in touch with exes
But often, we just lose touch.
And sometimes they don't want to keep in touch. One recent ex who was the most sexually satsfied of all (she said it was "over the edge") doesn't want to keep in touch. And she was the one who pulled away first over a trifling matter: she wanted to go out one Sunday morning, and I was a bit slow getting going because I needed some rest after our late night on Saturday with her. I was so thrown by her pettiness, given how fantastically well I treated her overall, that I pulled back even further than she did. I would not be brow-beaten. Though we kept in touch for a while, the relationship never recovered.
By the time I came to terms with the situation, and realized it was simply her pride that prevented her from making an out-and-out apology, she had sent a goodbye email that didn't explicitly say much else, but had a lot of hurt between the lines. She was evidently too heartbroken to have another go, though she did her best to hide it. I quite frankly had no idea she cared so much until it was too late. I thought she was still holding the petty sh1t over my head. I wrote her a letter telling her I wish her the best, and would like to keep in touch as a friend, but got no response. I called her a few times since -- very upbeat, and when she answered, she gasped, and didn't say very much, but was friendly nonetheless.
It was sad. I hope she's doing well.
But often, we just lose touch.
And sometimes they don't want to keep in touch. One recent ex who was the most sexually satsfied of all (she said it was "over the edge") doesn't want to keep in touch. And she was the one who pulled away first over a trifling matter: she wanted to go out one Sunday morning, and I was a bit slow getting going because I needed some rest after our late night on Saturday with her. I was so thrown by her pettiness, given how fantastically well I treated her overall, that I pulled back even further than she did. I would not be brow-beaten. Though we kept in touch for a while, the relationship never recovered.
By the time I came to terms with the situation, and realized it was simply her pride that prevented her from making an out-and-out apology, she had sent a goodbye email that didn't explicitly say much else, but had a lot of hurt between the lines. She was evidently too heartbroken to have another go, though she did her best to hide it. I quite frankly had no idea she cared so much until it was too late. I thought she was still holding the petty sh1t over my head. I wrote her a letter telling her I wish her the best, and would like to keep in touch as a friend, but got no response. I called her a few times since -- very upbeat, and when she answered, she gasped, and didn't say very much, but was friendly nonetheless.
It was sad. I hope she's doing well.