Just out of relationship = LJBF?

[Die Hard]

This has happened to me with three girls in the last 6 weeks now...

At the first meeting, these girls show very high attraction, I don't need to put in much effort. THEY walk up to ME and say hello, THEY ask ME to exchange numbers, THEY initiate the kiss when we say goodbye etc.

After that, they either flake on me when I try to set up the first real date or after the first date. And their excuse is the same everytime:

"Sorry, I just got out of a long relationship, I'm not ready yet. Let's leave it at this"

I'm clueless what I should do differently, but it must be ME coz this exact same situation is happening a lot to me lately.

Here are some of my own suggestions as to what's going on:

1. They just want sex, no emotions. But maybe I am being too nice and likeable, making too much conversation, being too sweet to them. Which triggers emotions in them and they don't want those at the moment coz they're trying to heal from their recent breakup?

2. The recent breakup story is bullsh!t. It's just a variation of "Let's just be friends". But even if this is the case, it also means I'm acting too "nice", coz their interest level turns from high to low...

3. I'm not acting too nice at all. Maybe I'm acting too much as a player and they feel like I want to use them just for sex, which causes them to cut things off.

I dunno guys, I'm not even sure whether I'm acting too nice or whether I'm acting too cold. Which could be the problem in itself... I notice lately I don't know what I want myself. On the one hand I want to fvck them like sluts, on the other hand I feel a need for some deeper connection with a girl. It's like I'm jumping from one preference to the other from day to day... Maybe this causes me to act inconsistent with girls and they notice that I'm not being authentic, they sense something's off or whatever.

I feel a need to perform, meaning I either get a girl in bed fast and fvck her silly then kick her away, or having a real connection with a girl and falling in love with each other. Those are two opposites but either of them will make me feel better... I feel like I am currently living my life to achieve one of these two as soon as possible and I won't feel good about myself or about my life until I achieve one of these two things soon....

So what do you guys think is going on? Why are these girls showing huge interest initially and breaking things off the other moment, always with that same excuse? Am I just running into the wrong girls? Are their stories about just coming out of a LTR true? Or is that just the new way of saying LJBF?

 

[Alvafe]

3 girls in the last 6 weeks... try 3 in a week then you can start to guess what is it.

my guess is you did take too long to do a move

 

[amazingswayze]

I feel a need to perform, meaning I either get a girl in bed fast and fvck her silly then kick her away, or having a real connection with a girl and falling in love with each other. Those are two opposites but either of them will make me feel better... I feel like I am currently living my life to achieve one of these two as soon as possible and I won't feel good about myself or about my life until I achieve one of these two things soon....

This is probably your issue. NEED.

 

[Die Hard]

I know it's an issue, Swayze. DJ 101: be happy with yourself and your life, girls are an add-on, not the main focus...

The question I'm asking myself is, is that issue also the reason why these girls acted the same way and used the same line? Or is that unrelated to this particular issue I'm dealing with at the moment?

It could be that I just ran into the wrong girls at these occasions, I have a habit to attract emotionally unstable women so... But my main goal is to find out if I did something wrong and if so, what I should do differently in the future. It just sucks to have really great attraction from a woman, have a great time together, end up kissing when we say goodbye and then next day BAM she ejects.
The follow up should be easy after such a good and positive night where I have them eating out of the palm of my hand, but instead they just eject..

I can already see the irony coming up. Because of this stuff, next time I meet a girl who shows attraction, I'm gonna act like a complete azzhole to her because I'm afraid she'll eject because of me being too nice. But I bet you, when I'll act like a complete azzhole the next girl will eject and tell me I wasn't nice enough lol.

I always try to adjust my game you know? If she seems like a cheap slut I will be more of an azzhole, if she seems like a decent girl, I'll be nicer. But because of these experiences lately, I'm beginning to doubt my own game...

 

[LiveYourDream]

On the one hand I want to fvck them like sluts, on the other hand I feel a need for some deeper connection with a girl. It's like I'm jumping from one preference to the other from day to day... Maybe this causes me to act inconsistent with girls and they notice that I'm not being authentic, they sense something's off or whatever.

Are you forcing yourself to choose between either fvcking or connecting more deeply? Maybe your truth is that you really want both? If so, let go of the belief that you have to choose one or the other and instead choose to have both and live accordingly.

 

[Huffman]

Just out of relationship = LJBF?

Yes, 100%.