Just friends - classic AFC- or not!

[Magnanimus]

Hi everybody, here is my quandary:

Young, single -for 3 years ‘apparently’- HB9 insists she’s not interested but ‘friends is cool’.

Now, we’ve had a bit of a chat and I know the reasons for this (she is damaged goods from a previous heart-rending relationship involving a child + intends moving out of the country for career. She claims to be a closed-book – but the very statement is an oxymoron.

My looks and skills are way above average… so I take this one a little to heart!
She didn’t respond favourably to the initial sexually aggressive ‘no-strings’ approach –which I thought was the obvious way to go.

The DJ in me says ‘Horses for courses.. I need to adapt my style a bit here! she knows she is vulnerable to a player, but *****-shield is WAY up.

Now, Am I truly DJ in considering to trying to win her trust as a ‘friend’ in order to seduce or am I deluded and falling into the classic AFC trap…it’s a fine line to tread.

I intend to go with ‘friends’ route –if only for the challenge and to work out how to press her buttons- I mean that in the nicest possible way.

I imagine many a DJ here has pulled this off. Any advice fellas ?

 

[Jaun_Don]

Be friends with her if that's what you really want but if you don't then forget her and move on...I find this is the best thing to do...

What's the point in being friends with girls you are attracted? that is always going to be there and get in the way of how you act and ****.

Always remember it's her loss NOT yours...

 

[Wyldfire]

My guess would be that she genuinely loved the guy she was last with and is taking a long time to heal and move on. Although most women don't take that long, some of us do. I was engaged to a man I loved very much and he died. We were very, very happy and it took me a long time to move on. I essentially hibernated for about 8 months. Then I started seeing a much younger man I worked closely with at work. We were friends and I ended up dating him for 6 months. After that brief relationship I have remained abstinent. I broke it off with him almost 5 years ago. I've gone out with a few different men but didn't want to see any of them a second time. Over this time I was building a friendship with someone I met online. At this point, I have no interest in dating anyone or getting involved. However, if that friend lived closer and the situation were right, I would definitely get involved with him.

So...I think that as long as this woman thinks you are physically attractive and likes you as a person, the friendship thing will be your best bet. A word of caution, though...if you are going to try to build a friendship with her ONLY to try to get in her pants and have no interest in a real friendship with her...don't bother. The worst thing you can do to someone who has been hurt that badly is to have a fraudulent friendship with them. Only do this IF you intend to be a true friend even if you never get in her pants. If you are genuine about the friendship you'll stand a good chance of winning her over...but it would have to be something more than a meaningless fling. Tread wisely if you intend to go this route.

 

[Magnanimus]

Thanks Wyldfire,

In truth, I wouldn’t want to take time to be her friend if she were hideously ugly - so, if I claim otherwise that would really be a giant self-deception. Having said that, I don’t only want to get into her knickers - although the idea is not unappealing

Sounds like your situation is similar. So, what would it take to persuade you? Or is that impossible and a waste of any man’s time?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Magnanimus
Thanks Wyldfire,

In truth, I wouldn’t want to take time to be her friend if she were hideously ugly - so, if I claim otherwise that would really be a giant self-deception. Having said that, I don’t only want to get into her knickers - although the idea is not unappealing

Sounds like your situation is similar. So, what would it take to persuade you? Or is that impossible and a waste of any man’s time?

My friend and I already have feelings for each other. Our friendship is going on 6 years now. What would it take for him to persuade me? He'd have to settle down a bit by outgrowing the partying and move his ass to where I am. We live on opposite sides of the country and his hobbies include far too many substances than I can live with. He and I are both exceedingly stubborn despite sharing an utterly phenomenal friendship and strong, genuine feelings for each other. There are just currently some barriers that would need to be overcome...mainly substances and distance. We're both commitment phobes and freedom loving types, too. If we lived near each other we'd end up together and I really think we'd still be together in the end. Who knows...that might happen and it might not. Only time will tell. One thing is for certain, though...no matter what happens we will always be dear friends.