"Just Be Yourself" (?)

[Deviant_DeWilde]

Okay, well I see all of you other Don Juans constantly putting down this ancient dating advice... But here's the thing, most guys are naturally ****y & funny in some respect, all naturally dig at each other a little bit, and isn't this just what "just be yourself" TRULY means? It seems that most guys, when they are totally comfortable with the people around them, and feel dominant, they will NATURALLY do this sort of thing. So maybe this DOES have some truth behind it after all...

Just be yourself, let your MASCULINITY shine, as you let it with all fo your friends, I know that my group of mates, we are always digging at each other for a laugh. In fact we seem to be ****y & funny to just about every girl that comes our way. We seem to have it in us, it doesn't take loads of easing out, it seems to just be, natural. It's like, we do it to make each other laugh, and the more my friends laugh at my jokes about whatever girl it is, the more of a positive response I seem to get.

I remember last term, me and one of my closest friends used to just naturally dig at this girl in our class called Stephanie, neither of us had ANY intentions what-so-ever of picking her up so to speak, but after a while she was TOTALLY into us. Same story for a different girl called Jess, we did the same thing, had a little dig at her, and in the end she was completely into us. We didn't even try, it is NATURALLY the way we were, we were truly "ourselves," and it worked.

So before you go flaming this line, you have to realise that for some guys it really does ring true.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...So before you go flaming this line, you have to realise that for some guys it really does ring true.

It makes no sense to give a person the advice "just be yourself" when being themselves isn't working. Would the guys who are naturally ****y and funny be asking these particular questions?

 

[Interceptor]

I think he's right.
It seems you're advocating C+F , then saying it really is JBY.
I think that ultimately, in a serious, healthy, and monogamous romantic relationship with a good woman, you must maintain JBY. Along with Challenge, control, and confidence. But JBY is earned through hard work. And the hard work isn't necessarily only once you "open"on a woman.
Nay, my friends, real men have their A Game on ALL the time. It has become them. They ARE it.

It's true, for a lot of guys, JBY does NOT work. (They may be nerdy, too timid, too shy, too awkward, have few friends, goofy habits, and child like interests) This is something that needs to be adressed, and changed for the better.
So, yeah, JBY is great for men who are masculine, charming, decently good looking, can start and maintain good conversations, and have a good worrking knowledge of women, physicall, emotionally, and mentally.

But what about the socially awkward dude? They don't even know how to talk to a woman, and sadly don't have the confidence to even say "Hi".

This is because they haven't gotten to a level where they are comfortable with women.
How do you get comfortable with women?

Well, silly......find out!!!!
Read, study, examine, put into practice. Get out there and do it.
Truth is all the reverse, inverse, techno mumbo jumbo will not get you very far once a woman starts her Tests with you. You will be discovered, The truth will be revealed eventually.
That's why you have to JBY.

BUT....what KIND of Yourself are we talking about here??

A fictional,programmed, packaged, canned one liner superficial guy who will sh*t his pants once she starts Testing him?
Is that what we want?

Who do YOU want to be?

What kiind of LIFE do you want to LIVE?

What kinds of THINGS do you want to DO?

What is you true perspective on LIFE?

Think about some of these things first.....

 

[Deviant_DeWilde]

nerdy, too timid, too shy, too awkward, have few friends, goofy habits, and child like interests

Some guys who are naturally C+F seem to "hide" it from hot women... If a normal/ugly girl came up to them and said something, some times they would reply with something along the lines of C+F... However if a hot women approached them, and said the very same thing (something which left them open to witty remarks), they would just kiss their ass like every other guy who has tried and failed...

 

[ConantheLibertarian]

Good post interceptor, the general idea of your post cannot be overstressed, that it's about being your best self. Meaning maxing yourself out in every possible way, or at least making the effort to and raising yourself up.

 

[Falcon]

Okay, well I see all of you other Don Juans constantly putting down this ancient dating advice... But here's the thing, most guys are naturally ****y & funny in some respect, all naturally dig at each other a little bit, and isn't this just what "just be yourself" TRULY means? It seems that most guys, when they are totally comfortable with the people around them, and feel dominant, they will NATURALLY do this sort of thing. So maybe this DOES have some truth behind it after all...

Just be yourself, let your MASCULINITY shine, as you let it with all fo your friends, I know that my group of mates, we are always digging at each other for a laugh. In fact we seem to be ****y & funny to just about every girl that comes our way. We seem to have it in us, it doesn't take loads of easing out, it seems to just be, natural. It's like, we do it to make each other laugh, and the more my friends laugh at my jokes about whatever girl it is, the more of a positive response I seem to get.

I remember last term, me and one of my closest friends used to just naturally dig at this girl in our class called Stephanie, neither of us had ANY intentions what-so-ever of picking her up so to speak, but after a while she was TOTALLY into us. Same story for a different girl called Jess, we did the same thing, had a little dig at her, and in the end she was completely into us. We didn't even try, it is NATURALLY the way we were, we were truly "ourselves," and it worked.

So before you go flaming this line, you have to realise that for some guys it really does ring true.

This is one thing that I have had problems with. I too have noticed that guys like to dig at each other all the time. For some reason I don't get the point of it. The thing is you mention that guys do it to get a laugh and such but I don't really respond well to that kind of humor. I even try to but it feels fake. You mention that it's a masculinity/dominance jabbing kind of thing but I feel secure enough in my masculinity, so what's the point in doing it? I'm not criticizing you or anything, I just don't understand it.

 

[GaryUranga]

Ive though of this one, and it depends, depends on what "being yourself is" we arent born with crap insecure beliefs and without all of those limiting beliefs is where your true core self lies, if you tell someone "be yourself" they'll act based on insecurity and not based on just displaying their personality, obviously theres types of personalities that work better.

 

[Cleric]

Being yourself all depends on being able to control fear and anxiety. And that my friend is much much easier said than done.

 

[Aprenti$playa&pimp]

OK, I guess we can all agree that "Just Be Yourself" is bad "in general" advice. Instead I believe we should all say "Just IMPROVE Yourself". It's pretty much a 3 step process

(1) Improve Yourself

(2) Be Yourself

(3) When your improved self fails, improve again


But really it should be TWO Step Process:

(1)Improve Yourself

(2)Repeat

Really I think that's pretty much the biggest message of this site. Focus on you, be you. IMPROVE YOURSELF FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU WANT TO

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

OK, I guess we can all agree that "Just Be Yourself" is bad "in general" advice. Instead I believe we should all say "Just IMPROVE Yourself". It's pretty much a 3 step process

(1) Improve Yourself

(2) Be Yourself

(3) When your improved self fails, improve again


But really it should be TWO Step Process:

(1)Improve Yourself

(2)Repeat

Really I think that's pretty much the biggest message of this site. Focus on you, be you. IMPROVE YOURSELF FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU WANT TO

I can even simplify that. How about

Just be your best self.​

 

[COD]

BEING YOURSELF DOES NOT WORK-if it did this web-site would not exist.

C & F-is extremely difficult to master and takes years to perfect and a lot of women are immune to it. It's not good with all women...you have to guage it accordingly. Keep in mind its a start to the next level.......NEG Hitting all the time turns into annoyance.

BE YOURSELF SUX FOR SHY PEOPLE, ****Y PEOPLE, ETC........re-invent yourself, improve yourself but be true to yourself. Japenese KAIZEN-incremental constant improvements.

 

[Venusian Artist]

I must admit there are the TRULY naturally C+F guys, but this kind of seems irrelevant advice, look:

1. Guys who pretend to be nice and are actually C+F will not ever see this advice.
2. If they did see this advice, chances are they would already be tangled up in the seduction community and know about being C+F.
3. Guys who aren't naturally C+F can't "be themselves" as it won't work for them.

 

[squirrels]

It makes no sense to give a person the advice "just be yourself" when being themselves isn't working. Would the guys who are naturally ****y and funny be asking these particular questions?

The thing is, most people aren't HONEST with themselves about who "yourself" really is. They're being someone else and have convinced themselves that's who they really are, even though it's out of harmony with who they REALLY are and makes them miserable and ineffective every day.

It's ridiculous to think that something as basically genetic as mating isn't a capacity coded into just about everyone whose genes have survived to this point in human evolution. It's just a matter of breaking down the social constructs and finding who you REALLY are, then being that person.

I agree, "Just Be Yourself" is an oversimplification. But only because all conflicting advice and ideas is an overCOMPLICATION. Life is really very simple. We as conscious human beings choose how complicated to make it. Who we WANT to be is just another facet of who we ARE, as it's an ideal created in our OWN MINDS. When someone says, "Just be yourself", what they MEAN is, "take that ideal self you've constructed in your head and put it into execution. Instead of sitting there wishing you could be that person, just be him."

I posted about this a while back. It's one of the few things I've written on here that I really like.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=106526

"Be your best self" is one way to say it, but I believe even that overcomplicates it. Part of every person is their desire to be the best self possible, to grow and to exceed his/her limitations. If you're being true to yourself, being your BEST self is the only option in the first place. Anything less and you're not really "being yourself" at all.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...C & F-is extremely difficult to master and takes years to perfect and a lot of women are immune to it. It's not good with all women...you have to guage it accordingly. Keep in mind its a start to the next level.......NEG Hitting all the time turns into annoyance...

Not being able to differentiate between C/F and Negging is what causes problems like this.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The thing is, most people aren't HONEST with themselves about who "yourself" really is. They're being someone else and have convinced themselves that's who they really are, even though it's out of harmony with who they REALLY are and makes them miserable and ineffective every day.

Agreed, this is why "fake it 'till you make it" doesn't usually work; lack of authenticity. Remember what Yoda said, "Do or do not, there is no try."

It's ridiculous to think that something as basically genetic as mating isn't a capacity coded into just about everyone whose genes have survived to this point in human evolution. It's just a matter of breaking down the social constructs and finding who you REALLY are, then being that person.

The problem with social contructs is that they are easier to live up to than defining yourself by your own terms.

...When someone says, "Just be yourself", what they MEAN is, "take that ideal self you've constructed in your head and put it into execution. Instead of sitting there wishing you could be that person, just be him."

Are you sure? If they meant that they would not use that worn out cliche. I doubt if those people have yet to define themselves individually.

"Be your best self" is one way to say it, but I believe even that overcomplicates it. Part of every person is their desire to be the best self possible, to grow and to exceed his/her limitations. If you're being true to yourself, being your BEST self is the only option in the first place. Anything less and you're not really "being yourself" at all.

This is true if you are a complicated person. Always fighting to exceed limitations isn't truly defining yourself, it's just overcoming challenges. Is that truly what life is about? If a person believes so, they are definitely living a complicated life.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Oops, DP.

 

[Alphamale1821]

Yeah for an AFC "be yourself" is a call for help me be my best self. So I would advice guys who want to be themselves incorporate the information they learn here and let it naturally flow into who they are. Being a Alpha male isn't a act it's a mindset and is who you naturally are.

I used to be an AFC for the longest but I always wanted to be the guy who could effortlessly pick up girls. I wanted to know why I came off as a goofy guy though I was cool why wasn’t I getting girls. What was it that I was missing that all my friends had. I used to think it was the fact that I was skinny but that was the least thing. My problem was that all my desirable traits such as my smile, arrogance, humor and leadership traits were being used the wrong way not to mention my lack of confidence. I needed to become my best self and I did.

Before I would always constantly smile because I didn't know what to say, now I smile to show that chick I’m interested in her and that I’m just generally a happy person. My arrogance was something my mother said I took from my father, yet I only used it situations I was really comfortable with. As for my humor I’ve always been told I was funny however I used to use my humor to entertain people in the sense that I would do off the wall crazy ****, such as random falls, choking and general aloof things. Now I use my sarcastic ****iness in conjunction with my humor to break the ice, make girls feel comfortable around me and cause them to be attracted to me before they even know they are. Once I was the guy who was being led for fear of not fitting in, however now I’m the leader and people come to me asking me about parties and ****.

So with that being said for the guys who be themselves and aren't getting laid in simple words needs to be their best self. Me and my friends always dig on each other too, and for my closet niche of friends we are a remarkable trio. There’s me the black preppy guy who acts white, there's the Mexican guy who doesn't act anything like a Mexican to some degree, then there's the white guy who acts real cautious. But it's cool because we dig on each other all the time and we never get offended because we are all just naturally Alpha males, all bringing our own unique personality to the table. I'm the most sarcastic and bring ****y and funny, rob(white) brings his intellect and his degree of niceness and Thomas(Mexican) brings his X personality .

When girls are around us they can't help but be attracted because we are "just being ourselves" which most would say is uniqueness because we are all very different but we all click so well.

 

[rakinishu]

..it's already been said.

Be your BEST Self.

..but how does one do that? Make an actual list or make a list in your mind or when faced with any situation just ask yourself "What would the BEST ME do in this situation?"

..If you haven't done so yet, start defining and refining yourself everyday. Have a set of values/rules/principles to abide by which is aligned to your desire to be the best person you can be.