Just be yourself.... riiiiight

[the don of dons]

First of all, greetings. I'm new. I'm a HS Senior, 17 years old. I'm sure I'll get to know you all later... so I won't tell you my life story of how my birth was painful, etc etc... lol (that came from somewhere on this site, i have no idea where... but whoever said it it was funnier than hell in the context)

Ok... onward

I've noticed that a lot of people on this site seem to have a huge problem of giving up their old ways of being and want to just "be themselves." In the extreme, some people refuse to change anything about themseleves b/c they think there's something fundamentally wrong with not being who you are (which there is... but changing yourself is not the same as not being who you are) In most cases, I believe many people will learn the techniques on this site, apply them, see success with women for the first time. Then, they'll get a serious relationship started, and part way through they'll drop the crap that they learned in favor of "being themselves" with their "soulmate" Not good...

Let me explain (I have a feeling this is going to be huge so thanks to anyone who gets through... it'll be worth your while) I'll start with a simple point of NLP. The Map is NOT the territory. In other words, your concept of who you are is not actually who you are. Your beliefs of who you are are just mental representations of who you are... they are not actually you. Most people fall into the trap of thinking they are their beliefs. They believe they can't get a girl, are incompetant, something's wrong with them... etc etc. Unfortunately, because they believe these things they get these results. That's all beliefs actually do... they are not YOU, they get results for you. If you believe you can... you can. Simple. Any belief brings an end result. So it's impractical to be emotionally attached to your beliefs and think they are actually who you are. The better way is to adopt the beliefs that give you the end results that you want. So, in terms of DJ-ism, the thing to do is to believe in things that are going to get you the end results you want (the girl) Big point here, the purpose is to get what YOU want... not to get other people's approval, or them to like you. If you go that route, you're screwed. Change your beliefs because you want to improve your results in an area of your life (women), hence enhancing your quality of life and happiness. DONT DO THIS IN A FUTILE ATTEMPT TO GET APPROVAL. So, as a DJ your job is not to adopt the beliefs actions and behaviors your parents taught you, what society says is right, or anyone else. Your job is to adopt what WORKS. People who say DJism is unethical are just conforming to society's ideas of what is "right" instead of seeing that they should change their map of reality (belief system) to get the results they want. People who decide to just "be themselves" accept the beliefs their parents gave them... which often don't produce good results. Tragically, they'll never get the results they want if they don't change their beliefs since the soul purpose of beliefs are to produce results. So, how do you use this practically? Quite simply, find out the beliefs of successful people in the area you want to change (women, this site) and model those beliefs. By modeling I mean to believe with conviction that you are the shyt, that you don't need a girl, that you can have anyone you want, that the world is your bytch and you're gonna go nut on it. Modeling isn't acting like a poser. And it's not becoming another person. It's getting the other person's results. Start out with a good model (this site) Find out what works in reality and what doesn't. Throw out the things that don't, keep the things that do. Be persistent, don't be afraid to fall down. Look forward to rejection. WHY?!? Because every failure (and every success, but moreso the failures) offers a huge opportunity for growth. Find it, and become better the next time. I'm a tired DJ-in-training, so I'm going to bed. Let me know if this helps, and I'll try to elaborate on it more later.

THE DON

 

[djakapua]

Heheheh! Lol... You sound like Anthony Robbins. Anyways, nice post but I think that you missed something.

It doesn't matter at all what you believe. What matters is what other people believe. To get what you want, you have to change the beliefs of others. If a person sees you as stupid, they will look for all the reasons to support it. That is why the first impression is important. It sets up everything that a person is expecting from you.

People do not like change. They will not tolerate something that contradicts their beliefs... so it is up to you to set the beliefs up right away. That is why all these afc's are getting ridiculed or what not from their peers, family, and people that they come in contact with.

They are changing. Everyone remembers the old afc and wants to keep them that way. Your beliefs only matter if you are setting up a goal that has nothing to do with interacting with people. With the dj system other people's beliefs count more. They have to believe that you are the man. If you are an afc and want to become a pua, change slowly. One step at a time.

 

[the don of dons]

SWEET! I sound like Tony Robbins rolleyes

lol... please save me from the emotional anguish of hearing that and never tell me that again. lol.
djakapua,
(btw, how do i quote so it goes in bold and says "quote"?)
" It doesn't matter at all what you believe. What matters is what other people believe. To get what you want, you have to change the beliefs of others."
The problem here is that you have no DIRECT control over what other people think of you. You have indirect control, yes. But you have direct control over what you believe. If you believe "I'm worthless, unlovable, and I need a girl so bad. I'd be so lucky to get a girl" You'll be a desparate AFC around girls. You can change that anytime you want (although it doesn't always seem that way... you can drop that and become the opposite this second if you want) As a DIRECT RESULT of this belief, girls will be totally turned off by you. You're right that if you want the girls you have to change what they think of you. But you can't just reach out and change what they think directly... you do it through how you act. And how you act is a direct result of YOUR beliefs. If you want to change what other people think of you, you have to change what you think of yourself. Keep the focus on yourself, not other people. No matter what happens there are going to be some girls that don't like you. You have no direct control over this. You have direct control over yourself... and you can change yourself so that MOST girls will like you. Doing it for other people is an attempt to get approval, and we do some stupid shyt when we want approval and we're needy. Keep the focus on YOU.
"If a person sees you as stupid, they will look for all the reasons to support it. That is why the first impression is important. It sets up everything that a person is expecting from you."
Exactly true, well said. Which is why you change YOURSELF. Because you TEACH other people how to treat you. You take on a different attitude about yourself, they'll take on a different attitude towards you.
"Your beliefs only matter if you are setting up a goal that has nothing to do with interacting with people"
No. Your beliefs matter in EVERYTHING. They directly create every result you get in your life (socially, professionally, etc) If you don't like your results, you HAVE to change your beliefs and how you think/act.
I totally agree with the part about people not liking change. It's as true of others as it is of yourself (which is the one you need to be focusing on) This is why you'll encounter resistance from within when you try to change yourself.

THE DON

 

[djakapua]

Anthony Robbins is a cheap bastard who makes money off weak women and people with no direction or low self esteem. Anyways, back to the subject…

I still think that what a person thinks has nothing to do with how they act. A person can be an atheist and go to church every Sunday just so he looks good in the community. Off coarse he's changing his behavior but not his beliefs. Action is all that matters. A person can think that they're the greatest catch on earth and act like a geek. People don't read minds, they read the body language. That is why people say fake it till you make it.

If a person is depressed, they probably have a reason to be depressed. They can still act like they're happy without changing their belief that they are depressed. Seriously, a person can change their behavior like that. (Snap, snap) No one knows what you believe unless you tell them. Actions speak louder than words.

The point of NLP patterns are to change a woman’s belief about you right? Anchoring good feelings to you is the entire point. Now what you are thinking has nothing to do with it. You probably just want to f*ck her on the spot, but you can’t… so you make it seem like she is the one who wants you.

Sure you can focus on yourself for a while, but if you want fast results work on the person that you want. This sounds harsh but yeah, you have to manipulate people like crazy if you want something. You have to be a smooth talker because people do not like force. You have to forget what you believe and become one with them. You have to be “soul mates.” They have to feel like they are the ones that want to do it.

 

[Inspector Clouseau]

Butting myself into this conversation...

Because every failure (and every success, but moreso the failures) offers a huge opportunity for growth... Keep the focus on yourself, not other people. No matter what happens there are going to be some girls that don't like you.

True. That is what experienced guys do and they are right, absolutely. However, that's them. Until once one gets up to that point, where you know 'you' work, always be analyzing yourself, analyzing your experiences. I've only recently achieved the level where I know that my 'me' works and that all future endeavors are to be chalked up to the numbers game and not take failures personally.

People who say DJism is unethical are just conforming to society's ideas of what is "right" instead of seeing that they should change their map of reality (belief system) to get the results they want.

If you tell yourself that a dirty spoon is worth $1 million, you'll eventually believe it. Re: The Matrix, there is no spoon.

It doesn't matter at all what you believe. What matters is what other people believe.

BOTH matter! You exude to others what you are inside. A man who keeps his thoughts kosher, his belief to not treat women sexually, that he should be thinking of "higher" things; will be perceived as boring, a wooden log. Yet a man whom embraces his sexuality, will be perceived as a sexy guy. Your thoughts, your beliefs, define you. A man who embraces his sexuality, will in time BECOME his sexuality. His thoughts will gradually change, his appearance will gradually change, his fashion will gradually change, his behaviors will gradually change; all towards sexual. You become what is inside you.

How others perceive you plays factor as well, in such it tells you how you are doing in pursuit of your desires. Eventually the two worlds, inner and outer, can unite.

Thoughts propel action.

People don't read minds, they read the body language.

We can. Body language is reflective of the mind. If you've spent enough time in the field, then you will have noticed a viscious cycle; that when we encounter a string of rejections, women pick up on lowered self-esteem and avoid you the ever more. Also, ever notice how if you're walking around somewhere, on the hunt, the times it's actively on your mind -- "I'm going to get eye contact and I'm going to smile. Look! There's a chick, let's try her..." -- is the time you get your least results, whereas seemingly the instant you turn your mind off and "just are", is the time you get your best?

You exude to others what you are inside.

A person can think that they're the greatest catch on earth and act like a geek.

But they eventually will become, eventually the self-image becomes reality.

You probably just want to f*ck her on the spot, but you can’t so you make it seem like she is the one who wants you.

I'm with Pook when he says that speed seduction only breaks down societal barriers for a woman to indulge in her sexual nature, that of the slut. By establishing that "incredible connection" with a woman, all you are really doing is making it okay for her to indulge in her sexuality, which society forbids her from doing on the spot without substance, by artificially qualifying your relations with her as more than ordinary, thereby making it okay for her to act like a slut. Women are sluts. When with their girlie friends, sex is what they talk about practically all the time. You may not hear it because like men keeping their locker room talk to fellow guys, women keep the real juice for fellow ladies.

Truth be told, seduction doesn't turn women on who weren't already predisposed to you. They already liked you, all you did was make it acceptable; the only difference between seduction and rape is salemanship. Being a sexy guy wearing, thinking, exuding sexuality produces about the same results without all the bullshyt. Not to say that seduction techniques don't work, because they do, but I find it unnecessary.

Sure you can focus on yourself for a while

But that's where is all the fun. I'm in a phase where I find great fun in not only pushing the envelope, seeing how far, how wild I can go with interested women without turning them off, but plowing through the boundaries! The focus is all on me. I do not wonder, "What would she like?" I only ask myself "What do I want to do?" It's wickedly fun gently thrusting and thrusting and thrusting my erect Dyck into a woman's ass, a woman I had just met, and shooting her interest off into space! Now that's speed seduction of speed seduction. Ultimately, a woman either likes you or doesn't, she will either accept your advances or she won't.

There used to be a time I'd have all the focus on the woman, of trying to get inside her head and finding ways to please her. All my thoughts were on her, her, her. "What does she like?" "Does she like me?" "What should I say/do to turn her on?" That's living for others and was little fun, outweight with anxiety. Now, after a transformation into a sexy guy, I couldn't care less if I turn a woman off. Who cares! The world of women are for my pleasure.

[This message has been edited by Inspector Clouseau (edited 11-20-2002).]

 

[djakapua]

If you tell yourself that a dirty spoon is worth $1 million, you'll eventually believe it.

Yeah, but the dirty spoon is still not worth $1 million. That is dillusion, a sign of mental illness.

BOTH matter! You exude to others what you are inside. A man who keeps his thoughts kosher, his belief to not treat women sexually, that he should be thinking of "higher" things; will be perceived as boring, a wooden log. Yet a man whom embraces his sexuality, will be perceived as a sexy guy. Your thoughts, your beliefs, define you. A man who embraces his sexuality, will in time BECOME his sexuality. His thoughts will gradually change, his appearance will gradually change, his fashion will gradually change, his behaviors will gradually change; all towards sexual. You become what is inside you.

How others perceive you plays factor as well, in such it tells you how you are doing in pursuit of your desires. Eventually the two worlds, inner and outer, can unite.

That is why I am saying that a person can just act as if they were confident and still be percieved as confident. Their belief has nothing to do with it. If a person is out in a club and wants a quick lay, they just act confident. Why waste all this time trying to change your beliefs, just start acting like your the **** with nothing to back it up. Unless a person knows you well, they will not be able to tell. If it's a quick lay that you want, forget about your beliefs and just be what you think a dj should be.

We can. Body language is reflective of the mind. If you've spent enough time in the field, then you will have noticed a viscious cycle; that when we encounter a string of rejections, women pick up on lowered self-esteem and avoid you the ever more. Also, ever notice how if you're walking around somewhere, on the hunt, the times it's actively on your mind -- "I'm going to get eye contact and I'm going to smile. Look! There's a chick, let's try her..." -- is the time you get your least results, whereas seemingly the instant you turn your mind off and "just are", is the time you get your best?.

Yup, just be. You are agreeing with me here. We can consciously control our body language so we don't have to believe we are confident. Just move like you are. You can exude to others whatever you want.

By establishing that "incredible connection" with a woman, all you are really doing is making it okay for her to indulge in her sexuality, which society forbids her from doing on the spot without substance, by artificially qualifying your relations with her as more than ordinary, thereby making it okay for her to act like a slut. Women are sluts. When with their girlie friends, sex is what they talk about practically all the time. You may not hear it because like men keeping their locker room talk to fellow guys, women keep the real juice for fellow ladies.

Truth be told, seduction doesn't turn women on who weren't already predisposed to you. They already liked you, all you did was make it acceptable; the only difference between seduction and rape is salemanship. Being a sexy guy wearing, thinking, exuding sexuality produces about the same results without all the bullshyt. Not to say that seduction techniques don't work, because they do, but I find it unnecessary.

Yeah off coarse they're unnecessary however they still need an excuse to f*ck you. So, they will play along with the ss. They are sluts who don't want to be seen as sluts. That is why they need an excuse. When she talks to her friends she will say, oh I f*ck him cause we really have a connection. If they play along with the patterns then they are telling you that you can do whatever you want with them.

But that's where is all the fun. I'm in a phase where I find great fun in not only pushing the envelope, seeing how far, how wild I can go with interested women without turning them off, but plowing through the boundaries! The focus is all on me. I do not wonder, "What would she like?" I only ask myself "What do I want to do?" It's wickedly fun gently thrusting and thrusting and thrusting my erect Dyck into a woman's ass, a woman I had just met, and shooting her interest off into space! Now that's speed seduction of speed seduction. Ultimately, a woman either likes you or doesn't, she will either accept your advances or she won't.

There used to be a time I'd have all the focus on the woman, of trying to get inside her head and finding ways to please her. All my thoughts were on her, her, her. "What does she like?" "Does she like me?" "What should I say/do to turn her on?" That's living for others and was little fun, outweight with anxiety. Now, after a transformation into a sexy guy, I couldn't care less if I turn a woman off. Who cares! The world of women are for my pleasure.

That is all advanced stuff, most of the guys here are rafc. That is beyond them. A baby must crawl before they walk. If they focus on the women, they can pick up a lot more and find patterns of behavior. If they focus only on themselves, they will be crashing and burning like meteors in the field.

[This message has been edited by djakapua (edited 11-20-2002).]

 

[Inspector Clouseau]

djakapua,

I agree entirely with your reply. In regards to your last segment, to elaborate, many rules/principles of this site are intentionally backwards. Everything told for beginners is exactly opposite for advanced guys.

If they focus only on themselves, they will be crashing and burning like meteors in the field.

[This message has been edited by Inspector Clouseau (edited 11-20-2002).]

 

[the don of dons]

You guys both made some great points. djakapua, I finally get where you’re coming from. You’re right in that you can act confidently but not actually be confident. You can act differently than what you believe in. The only way to do so, however is consciously. If you’re unconscious, running on auto pilot and not intentionally trying to act differently than what your automatic thoughts and beliefs tell you, you’ll get their results. Realize here what happens though. By acting confident (even though you don’t feel that way), b/c it gets you better results w/ girls, you’ll get better results, and eventually your self image and beliefs will change as a result of that. Basically what you’re doing is deciding what beliefs would get you the best results, acting as if you already had those beliefs, getting the results those beliefs bring and then you’ll eventually actually believe whatever beliefs you decided to act as if you had (but really didn’t at the time… confused yet? Lol) I think that’s an outstanding strategy for changing your beliefs. When you say that action and belief/thought are completely unrelated though, I totally disagree. One must drive the other. Either belief drives the action or your actions drive a change in your beliefs (which was what you were describing) They are as intertwined as two things can be. My point is this: do what gets results. You and I have been driving at more or less the same thing, just from a different angle. You do what I do in reverse. I change my beliefs/thoughts to produce a change in my actions. You change your actions to produce a change in your beliefs/thoughts. Earlier I said your beliefs produce your results. I should have said your beliefs produce your actions which produce your results. The action part actually produces the results, I agree with you. But don’t underestimate the power of the belief. If you don’t actually change your beliefs, you’ll be acting confident on the outside but have an outrageous knot in your stomach and feel like crap on the inside. Who wants that? If you change your beliefs, you’ll act confident, feel confident and get the results. You’re right though, changing your actions is a great way to change your beliefs. My original point was instead of being emotionally attached to what you believe in and thinking it’s you, be unattached and willing to change it at the drop of a hat if you can get closer to the results you want that way. If you can be willing to drop whatever your thinking/believing in favor of whatever strategies of thinking/believing will get what you want, you’ll always get what you want (be it girls, or whatever other goal) I’ve found this to be the simplest way to change in order to get what I want. If you like to go from an action perspective, rather than a thinking one, DO IT, so long as it’s effective for you. You’re still doing the same thing I’m doing, just differently. I think going from the belief/thought perspective is the best way b/c you nip your cycle of behavior at its original point (belief-action-result) For most people this is difficult to do b/c they are attached to their beliefs (because they think that’s what they are, and they associate them with security on some level) You can do it from the action persepective just as well, but your results won’t be as dramatic or as quick b/c you’ll still have that knot in your stomach (or whatever) until you change your beliefs. That will hold you back until you change what you think (there’s a big difference between a person who acts confident and doesn’t feel that way from one who both acts and feel that way) And since you’re not directly changing your beliefs, they’ll change slower. Nonetheless, it works and if you’d rather do it that way… great. Clouseau- you made a great point that I’d like to elaborate on, but I’ll wait till later since this thing’s about 1000 words long.

 

[Inspector Clouseau]

Clouseau- you made a great point that I’d like to elaborate on

Shoot.

 

[Drifter]

Hey I like tony.... hes tight.