Just a thought (ages 16-25 mainly)

[MM92]

I've always seemed to have a girlfriend growing up. Just turned 20 and I'm on my third LTR (all at least over a year). Why is this? Insecurity? Needing stability?

I've realised I don't actually see a future with my current girlfriend. Which got me thinking. All these girlfriends have actually held me back. Yes, it's given me stability but at what cost? All the other things I've been wanting to do but couldn't. For example I've decided I want to travel with a friend. Will I be able to do this having a girlfriend? No. Especially not mine. This is just one example. When I think of all the cool opportunities I've missed through having a girlfriend it makes me feel ill.

For most people that come here I assume the end product is to gain a quality girlfriend. Good. But at a young age is this really what you need? I can assure you girlfriends are overrated. Yes, they may make you feel better, like someone loves you. But really you lose out on so much more.

Choose life, not stability.

 

[Plutoman]

I don't see having a girlfriend as bad. Not having options is bad.

If you have options, the girlfriend you have will be with you not because you need the girlfriend, but because you enjoy being around her and want to be around her - if you didn't, you'd go to one of the other numerous options you have.

The choice you are saying to make doesn't mean not having a girlfriend. It just means choosing what you want to have in life.

 

[popsickle]

MM92, I'm turning 20 soon and everything you just wrote exactly echoes what I've been thinking and what I've observed over my years of dating (mostly LTRs like you). My last girlfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago and I've been feeling really good, getting a lot more done, living a much more exciting life with much more exciting projects. And it makes me sick inside when I realize the stuff I've given up for girls in the past. I've actually promised myself not to have anything serious during my studies. Totally agree with you.

 

[jay07]

Im like that too. And whenever i have a girlfriend it seems like thats when all these girls want to hang out and hook up. Im not the cheating type so it sucks.

 

[SpazzAttackk]

Im the opposite, im 20 and never bothered with a girlfriend. Last time I had one was in grade 6. Ive always enjoyed being single and being able to just hook up with different women.

Now I want a relationship and I lack those skills so its nearly impossible for me to maintain or even start one. This leads me to be an AFC some nights.

Lets fuse together and create the ultimate don juan.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

If you don't see a future with a girl why be with her? There's really no point unless you want to have your cake and eat it too. This is what I did this past summer. I still lived the single life and had 2 girlfriends at the same time. It really wasn't the most mature thing I've done but I must admit I had fun doing it. But at the same time these girls never held me back. I told them I was going to the club with my boys and I wouldn't here sh*t back from them.

Right now if I tell my current GF I'm going to the club with my boys then all hell would break lose. But I see a long future with this girl so I have no problem giving away the club and the drunk nights. I don't even miss going out like that.

If you honestly want to do your thing with your boys (stuff that conflict with your gf) rather then be with your gf go ahead and break up with this girl. Or just go and hear her nag about it all day while your screwing other girls.

 

[rhythmic]

To anyone who is doing this (serial monogamy):

STOP.

You are 99% certainly bouncing from relationship to relationship because you don't like to feel alone. You're not your best self in that state, not even close. You are putting your faith in a woman to keep you happy, and that my friends is BS.

Read this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=141177

I did this (serial monogamy) until a while ago, and it's hard to be single afterwards for maybe a couple of months, but once you get your interactions going and your options start to multiply, you'll wonder why you ever jumped into relationships with the first piece of ass that came along.

Sure, if you find a fcking EXCEPTIONAL example of a women, lock her down, but NOTHING less.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I just gotta ask: what's up with you dudes dating insecure women who won't let you go out and play??

No, real talk: if you're dating a chick who starts throwing hissy fits when you want to travel with a friend, or go out to the club, or do some kind of activity without her around... you are dating the WRONG kind of chick. These are the kinds of women who have a hard time trusting anyone due to previous experiences, and these women are HELL to date.

I once dated an Armenian chick who was fine as heck and was really into me... started talking future talk by the 3rd date... but she had been in abusive relationships in the past where her dudes ended up cheating on her. As a result, every time I told her I was going to do something, she's be asking me questions about who was going to be there, and what I should or should not do. My friend had a birthday party on a boat that summer, and when I told her I was going to go, she was like "don't be feeling up on other girl's @$$es." I was just going to celebrate with my friend, and she ends up making it about me not hitting on other girls!

Anyway... so yeah, these types of girls are usually damaged goods. I don't care how much two people love each other - at some point, they both need a break from one another to do other things without that person. Me and the girl I'm with now go out together quite often, but we also do our own thing, with our own sets of friends, and don't worry about the other person not being there. Why? Because we trust each other, and that's how it should be with any girl you date. It's too taxing and takes up too much time to be with someone you can't fully trust, who you have to constantly monitor or who feels the need to always keep tabs on you.

 

[pdx1138]

I'm the exact opposite and find that I get A LOT LESS DONE when I'm in a long term relationship.
Which is kind of annoying.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I just gotta ask: what's up with you dudes dating insecure women who won't let you go out and play??

No, real talk: if you're dating a chick who starts throwing hissy fits when you want to travel with a friend, or go out to the club, or do some kind of activity without her around... you are dating the WRONG kind of chick. These are the kinds of women who have a hard time trusting anyone due to previous experiences, and these women are HELL to date.

I once dated an Armenian chick who was fine as heck and was really into me... started talking future talk by the 3rd date... but she had been in abusive relationships in the past where her dudes ended up cheating on her. As a result, every time I told her I was going to do something, she's be asking me questions about who was going to be there, and what I should or should not do. My friend had a birthday party on a boat that summer, and when I told her I was going to go, she was like "don't be feeling up on other girl's @$$es." I was just going to celebrate with my friend, and she ends up making it about me not hitting on other girls!

Anyway... so yeah, these types of girls are usually damaged goods. I don't care how much two people love each other - at some point, they both need a break from one another to do other things without that person. Me and the girl I'm with now go out together quite often, but we also do our own thing, with our own sets of friends, and don't worry about the other person not being there. Why? Because we trust each other, and that's how it should be with any girl you date. It's too taxing and takes up too much time to be with someone you can't fully trust, who you have to constantly monitor or who feels the need to always keep tabs on you.

I'd be concerned if a girl I was dating wanted to take a trip with her friends somewhere. Say she wanted to go to spring break with her girls... You wouldn't have any problem with that. The main concern would be Why she feels the need to go..

and on the same token if I went to the club two things would happen.

1) I'd be miserable because I can't mack up on the ladies.
2.)I'd turn into the AJ from earlier this year and take a random girl to the bathroom.

I'm not a dancer. I don't go to the club to dance and I don't like window shopping. I don't want to go and see fine females I won't bang. Because I will get that impulse "buy".

Yea, Gotta play devils advocate but it's true.

This only happens if your in a serious long term commited relationship. If you been dating for a couple months then don't apply this.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I'd be concerned if a girl I was dating wanted to take a trip with her friends somewhere. Say she wanted to go to spring break with her girls... You wouldn't have any problem with that. The main concern would be Why she feels the need to go..

Honestly, I wouldn't be concerned with it. When we first started dating, she took a 3-week trip to Taiwan with her friends a month in. I don't have a problem with it because I'm indifferent to the outcome. If she goes out of town with friends and cheats on me, big deal: I'll just dump her and find someone else. Ironically, it's having this mindset (and letting her aware I have this mindset) that makes her LESS apt to cheat on me. She's aware I can get other options and am not relying on her as my end-all be-all, especially if she messes up.

To be fair, though, I didn't get this when I was 16-25, so I can see how it may be hard to grasp. But really, at the end of the day if a girl likes you, she only want to be with YOU. So, if a girl has high interest in me and only wants to be with me, it doesn't matter if she goes on vacation with her girlfriends for a girl's weekend - good for her, it means I got time to spend away from her and hang with my friends or do whatever I want by myself for a few days.

One of my aunts has been happily married for 42 years, and she goes on vacation by herself all the time. Her husband doesn't really like to travel all that much (plus he now has a few health problems), but doesn't feel the need to stop her from traveling solo if that's what she likes to do. Yet, lo and behold, she loves him to death and wouldn't dream of cheating on him. Again, this is the part you younger guys need to learn. If you're thinking your girl might cheat on you when you're not around, it means either (a) you're not dating a trustworthy girl, or (b) you're not confident enough in yourself to believe a girl would love you so much that she wouldn't cheat on you. And you won't be able to be happy in a relationship until you're able to realize this point.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

In a serious relationship if a girl went on vacation with her single friends, I'd go ahead and book me a trip to Brazil. and when she comes back her stuff will be gone. If a girl does that then that is a definite red flag. Especially if she didn't want you to come. She is going there to put herself in an environment she know she has no business being in. and the concern isn't letting her and not letting her go. The concern would be is WHY she wanted to go. and that reason is she wanted to be single for a couple days.

If you can tell me these girls will go on vacation with there girls and go to museums and get their nails done and crap then your crazy. These girls are going on the beach, going to the club, bringing guys back to the room. Especially with single friends! Don't be naive. Especially if the girl is under 25.

 

[MM92]

I just gotta ask: what's up with you dudes dating insecure women who won't let you go out and play??

No, real talk: if you're dating a chick who starts throwing hissy fits when you want to travel with a friend, or go out to the club, or do some kind of activity without her around... you are dating the WRONG kind of chick. These are the kinds of women who have a hard time trusting anyone due to previous experiences, and these women are HELL to date.

I once dated an Armenian chick who was fine as heck and was really into me... started talking future talk by the 3rd date... but she had been in abusive relationships in the past where her dudes ended up cheating on her. As a result, every time I told her I was going to do something, she's be asking me questions about who was going to be there, and what I should or should not do. My friend had a birthday party on a boat that summer, and when I told her I was going to go, she was like "don't be feeling up on other girl's @$$es." I was just going to celebrate with my friend, and she ends up making it about me not hitting on other girls!

Anyway... so yeah, these types of girls are usually damaged goods. I don't care how much two people love each other - at some point, they both need a break from one another to do other things without that person. Me and the girl I'm with now go out together quite often, but we also do our own thing, with our own sets of friends, and don't worry about the other person not being there. Why? Because we trust each other, and that's how it should be with any girl you date. It's too taxing and takes up too much time to be with someone you can't fully trust, who you have to constantly monitor or who feels the need to always keep tabs on you.

Yep, totally correct. My current girlfriend has only really recently become like this. It was easy to spot the signs as another girlfriend was a proper psycho, turning violent if I went anywhere without her and threatening to kill herself if I left her. Slowly my girlfriend is showing more and more of the same characteristics (albeit on a lesser scale) and I know I need to get out soon. Only problem is her reaction. She's absolutely obsessed with me and I feel if I left her she would be unbelievably upset to say the least.

SpazzAttackk - game on!

 

[floydb25]

Same... But with people in general. I was always most upbeat, motivated, happy, and successful when I was on my own. People just seem to hold you back. Whether through negative comments, bull**** drama, trying to control and define you, competing with you, talking ****, using you, etc. Not into all that, and didnt enjoy my time AT ALL as a very popular person. There's always going to be a jackass in every group or setting that doesn't like you - and won't shut the **** up about it. Plus all these "alpha" homos trying to be better than everyone else, and being very selfish / rude in general.

The more people you know - the more bull**** you have to deal with. Don't have time for other people's bull**** anymore. Even when I was dating alot of women - it was just bull**** after bull****.

I think I pushed for relationships back then because its what the women wanted (or so I thought); that it'd be easy, seamless, and head/heartache free (ha!); women were sweet and harmless and all into love (double ha!): and that it was the way to be. Same with being a nice guy who looks out for others, and puts them first - expecting for mutality and respect, and that everyone would be understanding, trustworthy, open-minded, and had your back (triple-quadruple ha!). Just how you think when you have an innocent mindset - before the world tears you apart, and kicks your ass with reality.

Much prefer being a loner, and was always that way by nature - before getting sucked into the BS - with a very naive, open-hearted, overly trusting mindset. Also had a lot of self-esteem and co-dependancy issues. Definitely learned, though. Albeit, much too late.