Just A Rant

[Konada]

I've always suffered from an inferiority complex since I was young. Though I must admit that Sosuave has helped me improve my life alot, I can't help but feel that I'm not good enough for any girl. (probably due to having no luck all my life), my confidence has greatly improved in other areas but then looking at my pisspoor success with women it dampens me alot. Honestly now I don't know where to go from here, I'm lost.

Things I'm doing in my life right now:
1. Working out
2. Fencing
3. Preparing for the military
4. Hanging out with friends

Things I want to do with my life right now:
1. Sign up for rockclimbing classes.
2. Making my own money via investments
3. Get a better social life, I have crappy people who don't invite me out to anything or willing to meet up when I organize.

Things I can't do nothing about:
1. My small skeletal frame, small shoulder width. I look very small even though I have been working out.

You might be wondering why I didn't include women in my things to do list. It all boils down to the fact that I don't feel that I'm the PRIZE but I'm working to be that prize. This mindset has been continually reinforced by my failures with women, yes by this I means I never had a proper date, never kissed, never had a GF.

I'm seeing that I will need to re-evaluate my motivations for being the guy that attracts women. Is it solely for them or is it because how I want to live my life? I'm thinking the former because I feel that I'm not good enough to do what I want in life, solely because I fail with women.

This is just a rant, but feel free to voice your opinions on how I can overcome this stumbling block in my life.

 

[Scars]

I'm 6'2 and a 150 lbs. Being huge isn't everything. I'm assuming that's partially the reason why you chose to join the military. It won't make you bulk, it will make you lean if anything. Confidence comes from within. You can spend 15 years in the army and still not feel great about yourself, in fact, you might come out even worse having several commanders spitting and pissing on you. I'm not saying it's a bad decision, but don't do it for that reason. I'm also a small guy, I'm 22 and have 40+ different woman I've laid under my belt. You don't have to be huge, just have confidence. I know it's easier said than done, but you seem like the kind of a guy who gained 200 lbs of pure muscle that would still be insecure. You need to work on your inner game bro, appearance is only half the battle. Not all women want a hunk of meat. I'm not trying to discourage you from working out, that's great. You probably have a build like mine, I also work out, but it seems no matter what for the life of me I will never be "body builder" status. I've accepted that. Some girls just like lean guys. Look at Brad Pitt in fight club, he's not huge, but he's hard as rock all over. Just don't let it get you down too much. I hope the best for you.

-Scars

 

[Konada]

i'm going into the military because its compulsory for me to do so. I don't know man, they say looks aren't everything but I beg to differ. With such a small stature how can I be physically dominant?

I admit its been affecting me pretty much because I'm naturally a laid back kind of guy and great at one on one conversations if I get a good vibe from her. I don't really have any intentions of gaming women whom I don't find attractive, its the ones I find attractive that I fail at making a first good impression based solely on looks.

 

[Newton]

This is actually a great thread. I started a similar thread on another forum. I'm a strong believer of building up confidence. I use to be extremely introverted and awkward with people all the time. The small changes you make in your life has drastic measures on your boost in confidence. I believe it's different for most people. Confidence isn't something you can fake easily. You can literally FEEL the boost in confidence when you get it.

For me, I started to dress better. I changed my wardrobe completely and suddenly. At first, it was a little awkward and weird because my friends and family know how I use to dress. Now I'm always the person they come to for fashion advice. That was the first big step in my confidence. The next biggest thing for me was finally getting a job. I didn't have a job since I was 16 and when I was 21, I finally got one. My social skills and confidence all just shot through the roof.

This is just my own personal experience.

 

[perseverance]

i'm going into the military because its compulsory for me to do so. I don't know man, they say looks aren't everything but I beg to differ.

Looks aren't everything, but they are important. Your appearance is the first thing anybody will notice about you.

I find attractive that I fail at making a first good impression based solely on looks.

It might not necessarily be your looks at play here. It sounds like you put too much emphasis on creating a good first impression and as such put far too much pressure on yourself. If a person feels pressured, they come across as awkward and women can pick up on such vibes, so you make her feel equally uncomfortable.

 

[Eternal_water]

3. Get a better social life, I have crappy people who don't invite me out to anything or willing to meet up when I organize.
_______________________________________________________________

That right there is the current bane of my existance. On the thread about going to bars/clubs alone I started by saying I have no friends.

Not strictly true.

I am friends with enough people in Uni, I go in to lectures and start chatting to them happily enough.

The problem is they never invite me out to anything ever and when ever I try and organise a night out they either don't reply, mysteriously suddenly don't have money, are busy etc. Even when they agree to go out they either don't turn up and don't even tell me or they will send a text 5 minutes late saying they can't make it.

 

[zekko]

Things I can't do nothing about:
1. My small skeletal frame, small shoulder width. I look very small even though I have been working out.

Have you tried isolating your deltoids, and hitting them hard?
I used to have a very small shoulder width, and I couldn't imagine anything making them bigger. But you'd be surprised at how much bigger your shoulders look when you build up your delts.

Also, I used to be very skinny when I was 18. Don't despair though, as you get older you will naturally add some bulk, especially if you get into a full body weightlifting program. That helped me bulk up more than anything. Today I'm a pretty muscular, husky looking dude. So keep working at it, and will eventually pay dividends.

 

[Pathgen]

To offer a different perspective. I have a very wide and strong frame, I do Karate, and am pretty strong for my size (6ft, 204 lbs). It is one of the first things girls notice about me, however.....

Trust me in this day and age being "physically" dominant hardly ever gets you girls. In fact you get bad vibes when you start being physically dominant because you intimidate. Nobody likes someone who intimidates them.

That being said, there have been times when being physically dominant has worked for me, but that's after the girl is interested and I take on the role of the guy who is protecting his "interest". haha also it helps if the person is much larger than you. You still have to have the confidence though. That is the key point.

I guess what I am trying to say is that looks and being physically dominant will help with girls, but it won't get you girls. Girls really want a confident guy, who can dress well, and buy them ****. They want an experience and they want you to create it. While being physically dominant may help with that experience from time to time, you can't go around intimidating everyone so you have to develop other ways to keep her engaged.

Now, maybe 1000 years ago you could intimidate anyone you wanted as long as you didn't get killed.... but im pretty sure that rape was also a lot more common and if you were physically dominant, you didn't have to be good with girls.

Don't sweat your size, work out, and develop the other more effective skills tog get girls

 

[Konada]

Have you tried isolating your deltoids, and hitting them hard?
I used to have a very small shoulder width, and I couldn't imagine anything making them bigger. But you'd be surprised at how much bigger your shoulders look when you build up your delts.

Also, I used to be very skinny when I was 18. Don't despair though, as you get older you will naturally add some bulk, especially if you get into a full body weightlifting program. That helped me bulk up more than anything. Today I'm a pretty muscular, husky looking dude. So keep working at it, and will eventually pay dividends.

I never really hit my delts hard I supposed, I do standing military presses, and the big 3.I used to be bigger but has lost weight since then. Right now I'm primarily focused on prepping my body for military training. That means loads of cardio for an ectomorph like me. I'm intending to get back into bulking once my compulsory 2 years of service are over.

Social_leper: I think you hit the nail on the head with my underlying problem of 'procrastination'. I never really thought about it until you pointed it out. But then comes the problem of meeting women. I'm 19 and people who are into the club/bar scene are like 20+ and it isn't really my kind of thing. Fencing is totally a sausagefest, working out is a sausagefest. My social circle of girls think I am a AFC because I acted like one before I come onto this site. I'm thinking of taking salsa classes but then comes the stigma of being the youngest one there and money.

 

[bigneil]

When I was 18 I was 6'5" 175 (34 inch waist) - had slept with 0 women.
When I was 28 I was 6'5" 200 (34 inch waist) - had slept with 10 women.
When I was 38 I was 6'5" 225 (34 inch waist) - had slept with 20 women.

 

[5string]

Konada

Really. Just be confident in yourself. Its everything in life. Bow to no person.

I would like to hear more about the military.

 

[Konada]

bigneil: sorry I don't catch your point.

5string: It's hard to be confident when I've been ridden with multiple failures with women from the past (yes not a single one did I succeed). I do realize that it's something I have to overcome in the coming years. I just feel I am way behind most of the people here in this aspect.

In my country it's compulsory for 18 yo males to serve 2 years in the military. 3 months of basic military training followed by 21 months being posted into a unit.