junior DJ still in bit distress, HELP!

[Flying Dutchman]

Dear Forum members,

Two years ago I was for the last time on this forum. At the time read many articles and this helped me to get the DJ feel...

But recently I have experienced the following in Germany which made me see now I am by far not a DJ and have to learn more:

1. Met girl on street, gave her my number (to not come across pushy)
2. She asked me for coffee, first date done on a sunday. She came late on first date for more than 5 minutes
3. Second date on a sunday she was late for some mins;
At the start of the date I said wow feel a bit excited for this second date. She replied; 'this is how women feel' I didn't liked it but kept frame and didn't respond to it.
Than we walked and I put arm around her. She forcefully took arm away and replied: 'I still have a BF plus my dad died when i was 2 in a car accident'.
I absorbed the info and replied to this information as following:
BF:
What is than going on between you guys? she said im not happy with him bla bla. I said let me now before Christmas what the status is. I do not date or invest time in women with a bf.
Dad:
I feel sorry for that I really like cars (im a stunt driver) so felt really bad for her. Danger what could happen to me to.

Than I was home alone that eve and decided to message here on WA the day after that I need some time to think over this information as it touched me.
Also I said i call you the week after on a tuesday after 9

4. That tuesday... I called she was in a convo. So I had no problem calling back 30 mins later. She did not pick up, I was quite surprised. So I decided to call one more time; again she not picked up.
Than she called back and we spoke. She said i call you back next friday

5. That friday... no call came from her. I kept my frame and decided not to ***** about this. So I called her once saturday, she not immediately answered.
But called back, i kept convo short as i was about to eat and meet friends later.

6. That Sunday I was back from friends felt a bit down and a need to see, talk to her. I called her and asked her out for a quick coffee. She said she only had time for 1 hour. The date lasted 3 hours. During the date she touched my leg with hers, looked me in eyes a lot etc.
She put me through a ****test by saying my neighbour is 35 intelligent and successful bla bla. I replied calmly with why is he than succesfull? Than no clear hard facts came, after all he lived upstairs with her in a appartment far from expensive etc.
She decided to pay the bill in the end. I invited her to my upcoming B-day

7. Between the third and fourth date i decided to ask her where this contact was going as I wanted to know how the status with her BF was. She told me on phone that the relationship with him was stopped.

8. My B-day she said she would bring some food. She came with a bag of chips and some candy. So I had to order a pizza. She had some b-day presents with her. We had sex. I did not really enjoy the sex as on the dates before there had not been proper kissing or any signs of phsyical contact.
I brought her home for some distance and felt irritated as it was not a really relax eve for me. I said to her if you have questions ask me i answer them honestly, this to make her open up more. She replied im just out a relationship and can't move so quick.

9. Impulsive action from me I tested negative on HIV and decided to surprise her with the quick and good result in combo i gave her 2 flowers.
Later that day she thanked me for that. We agreed on whats a to meet friday and sunday <- important point to come.

10. We met that friday after. First time i visited her home. When there i was a bit surprised it was tiny, old furniture, clean but a lot of stuff standing. Clearly a person who could not throw things away easily. There she told me she had been in a bad relationship with a guy for 4 years. When he was sleeping at her place she couldn't sleep. When it was late after we had sex, i ****ed her super hard btw, hardest ever. She said lets have breakfast saturday afternoon. She said I will call you at 12am or 1 pm.

11. That saturday.. 12 or 1 no call. Than 1.30 pm came call. Lets go to this breakfast cafe. I was there and there i got irritated because she started conversation like this:

'After this i go shopping and after that I go home and after that i go into town' I wondered where I am in this story as we quickly decided that friday that after the breakfast we would go to her place and watch a movie. Than i asked what about sunday; she said i changed sunday with friday. Than i got more irritated and said: why can't you communicate well with me about these things we agreed on something different. She also said instead of going to her she wanted to go to me.

She replied with you try to talk me into guilt. Than I was disappointed and said no this is not my intention. She than cried a bit.

Than I walked her home helped with groceries. At her home we had sex.
She told me:
I hope you are not an egoist
I have wasted time on stupid relationships, i could have done more for myself
I had breast cancer and almost died some years ago

I comforted her and apologised for my irritated behaviour earlier that day where i did not scream or whatever really kept framed when saying just some criticism.

12. that sunday after i called her to see how she was doing. She picked up and said; 'you hurted me' than i lost my frame and said i thought we have decided yesterday to leave it behind and i apologised etc.
I said can i come over to you; when there i noticed she was not feeling comfortable; there she lied about the next meeting which not happened

That week after she said she didn't feel well and canceled all plans with me.
She said i call you between xmas and new year.

Than i knew it was wrong big time.

Than i applied some pressure by visiting her once more after that visit she said; i was still in touch with my bf. So she actually was not honest to me when i asked her how that contact was. She said yeah i wanted to see how it developed between us and she was so cold. SH it SH it

She hurted me! I m now after some almost 2 weeks feeling better and get a hard on from other girls but she was really influencing and manipulating or whatever on me i had the feel!

Advise advise please, please be mild i know i screwed up at some points

 

[hithard]

I got as far as 3.
You should be able to spot all the flags.
Know what women go where in your life, this was at most a pump and dump. Do not invest emotion till you get a good read on a girl or you will be baited and hooked into an emotional mess.

 

[Die Hard]

Dear Forum members,

1. Met girl on street, gave her my number (to not come across pushy) Not a mistake per se, but you should usually ask for her number instead of giving your own.
2. She asked me for coffee, first date done on a sunday. She came late on first date for more than 5 minutes No problem, I only consider it disrespectful if she's more than 10 minutes late (without good reason)
3. Second date on a sunday she was late for some mins; again, no problem
At the start of the date I said wow feel a bit excited for this second date. Telling her you're excited for the date is like saying: "I think you're special and I'm very lucky to be here with you!" This behavior LOWERS a woman's interest level! we walked and I put arm around her. She forcefully took arm away and replied: 'I still have a BF plus my dad died when i was 2 in a car accident'. Her having a BF while going out with you means she's a hoe which you should only use for a pump&dump, and you should never catch any feelings for her. The story about her dad is a huge red flag, it's the stuff BPD's say. Doesn't matter if it's true or not, if she's using this as a reason why you can't touch her, than you're dealing with a psycho bytch and you can rest assured that SHE IS TROUBLE.

Than I was home alone that eve and decided to message here on WA the day after that I need some time to think over this information as it touched me. It TOUCHED you? Saying this makes you seem like an emotional , sentimental guy. In other words, a pvssy. Acting like a pvssy LOWERS INTEREST LEVEL with women
Also I said i call you the week after on a tuesday after 9 You were chasing her tooooooooo much! First you message her, than you already tell her you're gonna call her and you even give the exact date and time. Ever heard about being a mystery and putting a little doubt in a woman's mind about whether you like her or not? Your behavior communicates NEEDINESS and acting needy LOWERS INTEREST LEVEL with women. Make her work for your attention, don't give her your attention for free

4. That tuesday... I called she was in a convo. So I had no problem calling back 30 mins later. She did not pick up, I was quite surprised. Why you surprised? Of course she's not gonna pick up, you've acted like a needy pvssy and LOWERED her interest level with your behavior.So I decided to call one more time Ugh... Calling her again after she doesn't pick up, communicates neediness. Her head goes "look at this chump, he's really DESPERATE to talk to me, haha!"; again she not picked up.
Than she called back and we spoke. She said i call you back next friday

5. That friday... no call came from her. I kept my frame and decided not to ***** about this. So I called her once saturday, she not immediately answered. Jesus Christ man! You called her AGAIN after she didn't keep her promise? This bytch just keeps acting disrespectful to you and you simply REWARD HER BAD BEHAVIOR by giving her more attention and chasing after her with your endless attempts to call her!

6. That Sunday I was back from friends felt a bit down and a need to see, talk to her. I called her and asked her out for a quick coffee. She said she only had time for 1 hour. The date lasted 3 hours. During the date she touched my leg with hers, looked me in eyes a lot etc.

Under normal circumstances her behavior should be interpreted as very positive (staying longer than she "could", touching you and making eye contact, paying the bill) but looking at the bigger picture, her behavior is very contradictory. Her behavior was direspectful and showing low interest up before but now she's suddenly doing the opposite. This has the smell of Cluster B/BPD all over it!!

7. Between the third and fourth date i decided to ask her where this contact was going as I wanted to know how the status with her BF was. She told me on phone that the relationship with him was stopped. You haven't read much on SoSuave two years ago, or maybe you just forgot everything you read... Guys don't ask women "where is this going?", it makes you seem needy and lowers interest level with her... BESIDES, a while back you had already told her you don't date women who have a BF so you wanted her to give you an answer before Christmas. But you didn't keep your word, you went on a date with her anyway! You have any idea how much WEAKNESS your behavior communicates to her? It's like a kid in school telling a bully he will fight back if the bully tries to take his lunch money. Then when the bully tries to take his money, the kid does NOTHING. So now the bully knows he can walk all over the boy and will simply take his money EVERYDAY coz the boy showed that he is FVCKING WEAK!!

8. I did not really enjoy the sex as on the dates before there had not been proper kissing or any signs of phsyical contact.
Your gut is telling you that this isn't right. She's been acting uninterested and disrespectful to you and you've been taking all her sh!t bevahior. Sure, you kept telling yourself you should not make a big deal out of it, but deep inside her behavior has created feelings of frustration in you. Feelings that you never let out and it just didn't feel right to have sex with her because of this. It's like a bytch kicks you in the nuts and spits in your, then 5 minutes later she wants to have sex with you, lol. Of course it doesn't feel right to you...

9. Impulsive action from me I tested negative on HIV and decided to surprise her with the quick and good result in combo i gave her 2 flowers. More submissive behavior from you, more pedestalizing from you...

10. There she told me she had been in a bad relationship with a guy for 4 years. When he was sleeping at her place she couldn't sleep.More signs that she's mentally fvcked up, you need to learn that sick bytches like this are only good for a pump&dump. After you fvck them, RUN AWAY before she damages your mental health, coz that's what these bytches do and you can only stop it by STAYING THE FVCK AWAY FROM THEM

11. she said i changed sunday with friday. Than i got more irritated and said: why can't you communicate well with me about these things we agreed on something different.
She replied with you try to talk me into guilt. Than I was disappointed and said no this is not my intention. She than cried a bit. BPD to the max... Acting totally disrespectful to you, then when you hold her accountable on her behavior, she turns it around and acts like YOU are not being nice to HER, hahaha! The crying makes it complete, this bytch measures 100 out of 100 points on the BPD scale.

She told me:
I hope you are not an egoist
I have wasted time on stupid relationships, i could have done more for myself
I had breast cancer and almost died some years ago Hahahaha! Once you learn to see the signs and meet more BPD's, you'll be able to laugh about these stories too. They all have the same stories and it's total bullshyt, they love to play the victim role and these stories are a way to do that.

First they convince you that they are so fragile and sad, everyone has hurt them all their life, everyone has been unfair to them all their life. Once you really believe that, you will think twice before acting harsh on her and you'll feel guilty when you hold her accountable for her actions. Whenever she acts like a bytch and disrespects you, you'll want to get mad at her. But hey, she is so fragile and sad, it's unfair to get angry at her, right? That's the dynamic they are trying to set up... Once they achieved that dynamic, they can treat you like sh!t all the time and when you try to stand up for yourself, they'll just tell you you are being so mean to her, the poor little girl...

She succeeded, you played right into her game. You did feel guilty at those moments, right? You didn't want to make her feel sad and that's why you gave up on your attempt to hold her accountable for the negative way she communicates in. She can get away with all that negative behavior if you play into her "sad, little girl" act. It's just an act that she has learned from when she was a little child. She has been doing it all her life to people around her and she is veeeeeeeeeery good at it (practice makes perfect)

I comforted her and apologised for my irritated behaviour earlier that day where i did not scream or whatever really kept framed when saying just some criticism.

Aha, that's what I mean. You comfort her and apologise for your irritated behavior... In fact, you had all the right in the world to get angry at her when you said "why can't you communicate well with me about these things we agreed on something different." She was the one being disrespectful, she was the one mistreating you. But when you stood up for yourself and held her accountable for her behavior, she turned it around and acted like YOU were mistreating her.

You must learn to see through this, she was manipulating you and you will meet many more women in your life who try this. Don't make the same mistake twice...

12. She picked up and said; 'you hurted me' than i lost my frame and said i thought we have decided yesterday to leave it behind and i apologised etc.
I said can i come over to you; when there i noticed she was not feeling comfortable; there she lied about the next meeting which not happened

More dirty BPD manipulating behavior from her...

 

[Die Hard]

She hurted me! I m now after some almost 2 weeks feeling better and get a hard on from other girls but she was really influencing and manipulating or whatever on me i had the feel!

You're right, she was manipulating the sh!t out of you and has damaged your mental health, just like I spoke of earlier. It's a very unpleasant experience and creates an emotional wound which doesn't heal quickly.

Advise advise please, please be mild i know i screwed up at some points[/QUOTE]

I hope you take the comments about acting like a pvssy well. I don't say that to make you feel bad, I say it because it's just how things work. If you act weak, a woman's interest level will drop and she will often treat you disrespectful.
I know it's not nice to hear someone tell you you've acted like a pvssy etc. but you can only learn from your mistakes if you REALIZE your mistakes, that's why I'm pointing them out.

Try to heal from this negative experience with this bytch. Give yourself time for that, don't neglect it. You've been shook up emotionally and you need to pay attention to the healing process.
After that, you must make a promise to yourself that you will never ever allow a bytch to do this to you again! Learn to see the signs of psycho bytches and walk away from them once you recognize the signs. You can't win the game with them, you can only win by NOT PLAYING THE GAME AT ALL, which means you stay away from them.

You should also realize that most women apply these tactics, even the women who are "normal". They too play head games, just not as extreme as the BPD's. All women try to manipulate you, try to play the victim, try to get away with direspectful behavior. You must be a strong man and deal with that behavior. Don't accept sh!t from women, don't act needy, don't put them on a pedestal... This will do two things for you:

1. It will keep their interest level high.
2. It will prevent you from getting hurt.

 

[Die Hard]

Triple post, lol.

 

[Flying Dutchman]

Triple post, lol.

Thank you Die Hard.

I really appreciate your advise. The problem is I thought a lot with my ****.
I really need too toughen up.

I just can't understand persons are so 'Evil'. I really lost trust in future relationships with women because of this event.

It is indeed a deep emotional wound.

 

[Die Hard]

She does not represent all women, keep the faith. Good women are out there, they're just hard to find.

It may take a while but you'll eventually recover from this, then you'll focus on improving yourself as a man so that when you finally find a good woman, you are a great man and can make her crazy about you