Jokes

[Starman]

This past week..while in a drunken stupor..I was sitting at a table with 4 women..when it kinda got quiet..So I said

"you guys wanna hear the BEST joke?"

SO I told a joke..they all laughed..and suddenly..ALL of them had a joke to tell..trying to prove to each other who is the funniest

I usually have 10-20 jokes memorized(the good ones)..but I couldnt remember any more than 2 when drunk..

SO use jokes in moments of silence..and memorize a few proven jokes that everyone you told has laughed at

 

[Ronin I]

Why don't you give us some examples of your jokes?

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Ronin I
Why don't you give us some examples of your jokes?

Jokes are good ice breakers....

I've told a lot of dirty jokes, but none had the laughs like this one...

"How deep is a frog pond?"
"KNEE-DEEP....KNEE-DEEP.....KNEE-DEEP!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*takes deep breathe*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ok, one more...

"A guy is going to his shrink. He gets undressed, and wraps himself up with Saran Wrap, from top to bottom... he goes into the office.. the shrink looks at him and says, 'I can clearly see you're nuts.'

 

[Ronin I]

"A guy is going to his shrink. He gets undressed, and wraps himself up with Saran Wrap, from top to bottom... he goes into the office.. the shrink looks at him and says, 'I can clearly see you're nuts.'

That's horrible. (but funny)

How about this one.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

 

[Starman]

The one I get a lot of laughs from I got from here

"So A Guy and a girl are fighting ..the girl says "Im Leaving you!"

Guy: "Why?"

Girl: Because you're a Pedophile!

Guy: Thats a Pretty Big word for a 10 year old!

another

In A psychiatry office..the Nurse barges in to the docs office

"Doctor , there is a man here who says he is the invisible man and demands to see you"

Doc: "Tell him sorry, I cant see him "

 

[dontmindme]

i guess they'd be funny if everyone was drunk

 

[Leporello]

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says "Sorry, buddy. We don't serve food here."

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
To get to the other side.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Ronin I
[B
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"

CLASSIC!!!

 

[tamales]

Must be your winning personality or looks guys. Or the fifth round And you were kidding about the frog joke I hope..Something my grandpa would tell. And has every holiday.

 

[Slickster]

A guy comes home and his wife is sick.
He takes her to the doctor for some tests.
The doctor comes to him and says we did some tests and there's definately something wrong with her.
However we mixed up the lab results and we're not sure if she has herpes or a heart condition.

So the guy says what should I do Doc?

The Doctor says send her out jogging.....if she makes it back don't fukk her.

 

[Shadow Dancer]

And you were kidding about the frog joke I hope..Something my grandpa would tell.And has every holiday.

hahahha good shiet.

 

[Trickster_guy_2001]

A seal walks into a club...

heh heh.

The Ping Pong ball joke has always been good to me. Except if told the wrong way, people get pissed off. And if it's told right, they will go crazy.

 

[Hemilaya_Playa]

What do you call a FISH with no eyes?

A fshhhh.

 

[Hemilaya_Playa]

For me, the best thing to talk about during silence is... dumb thing that you have done... like halloween costumes or when you were young and got in trouble for something dumb. people love that s-hit.

 

[flava]

what do you cal a black guy with a lot of pimples?

nestle crunch
--------------------------------
theres 3 guys on a plane shipping goods, a american, mexican, and a german. in order for their plane to reach a altitude high enough to get over the mountain, the plane has to lose some wieght. so each man decides to throw away something that they have alot of in their country since it wont be a big loss. so first the german guy says "um well i guess i can throw my beer away since i have alot of that in my country" so the german grabs his beer and tosses it off the plane. but thats not enough, still the planes too heavy. so the mexican decides he'll throw something off. so he says "aye aye aye i guess i throw away my beaaaanss since we have lots in mexico". well thats still not enough and theyre getting close to the mountain. so the german and mexican guy look at the american guy and tell him to quickly throw something off. so the american guy thinks for a minute what america has too much of. so the american guy goes to the mexican guy, grabs his ass and tosses him off the plane and says "well we gotta alot of those in my country". the plane makes it over just fine

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

This one has mixed results in mixed company, so use it at your discretion...

3 blondes are trapped on an island when they find a magic lamp...

"I am the mighty Poobah!" Says the genie who appeared after one blonde decides to give it a good buffing.

'I can only give three wishes, so you will each only get one! Now Speak!"

First blonde steps up and says:

"Well, I wish I was a hundred times smarter so I could find a way off this island."

*Poof*

She turns into a red-head and swims away.

Second blonde takes her turn and says: "Wow! I wish I was a thousand times smarter than her so I could find a way off this island."

*Poof*

She turns into a brunette, builts a raft and floats away.

Third blonde comes forward and says:

" I wish I was a million billion trillion bazillion times smarter than both of them!"

*Poof*

She turns into a man and takes the bridge.