Jealousy

[county]

Hey,

This doesn't really fit the discussion forum, but I didn't know where else to put it.

Lately I've noticed that I tend to get jealous over anyone elses success.. Things that shouldn't even bother me... I seem to be happy when people I know are struggling, and upset to hear that they are succeeding. Even if I am doing better than them, the fact that they are doing well causes me to get upset. I find myself trying to ask them questions to make them upset, subtley of course.

I know this is wrong. I know that I am doing this. When I realize that I am doing this, I tell myself, and though I feel guilty for feeling this way, it remains.

Does anyone have any suggestions, or ideas why, this happens? And what I can to do end it?

 

[FoxHound20]

I'm under the assumption that you are a fellow North American. The Western society that we live in is VERY competitive. Almost everything is a competition in this society (whether it be from getting the best parking spot, having the biggest muscles, or even in our case, having the best looking girl around our arm).

However, you must stop paying attention to what people do and focus your mind on your successes and failures. If you waste your precious time analyzing and comparing everyone's successes, then you as a person, will take a backseat. You only live once and spending your precious time worried and jealous over other people's successses will only lead to a miserable existence. Focus, Focus, Focus on yourself!

 

[sql]

i agree completely with foxhound. it stikes me that you're paying attention to whats going around you more(?) than whats going on inside you. maybe thats not the best way to put it. anyhow, it might be a healthy thing for you to instead of seeing things as personal, competative victories, as shared triumphs. if these people are your friends, you should be relishing in their personal successes.

you dont however descibe these others as close or dear to you though, and that can make a difference. theres a saying that goes something like philathropy is the most selfish act. i dunno, but it seems to me that if you are always looking in instead of looking to your side, you'll feel a bit more out of touch. why not lend a hand. try to help. make their successes your successes. even if they are strangers.

just a suggestion?

2 cents

 

[E-Z Rider]

internal locus of control-

The one good thing they teach in my bullsh!t Health & Wellness class.

Having an internal locus of control means that you believe that YOU control your own destiny. You control things independently of other people. Outside circumstances don't affect who you are.

The opposite- external locus- means you believe you are really floating helplessly through the world, everyone can shove you this way or that, and you don't really have the final say.

DJ= internal locus

The beauty of having an internal locus of control is that you are completely independent of others- if they have success, it doesn't mean negative consequences for you b/c your life isn't affected by their failures or successes.

Good lord I'm post wh0ring tonight- Im out -E-Z

 

[kyokon]

how old are you? i used to be kinda like that but i found it passed with the years

 

[Man2000]

It's natural to feel jealous once and a while. We all do.

But, you feel this way too often, and with too many people.

You asked why. I believe you are afraid of "not doing well". You said you even felt happy when someone is struggling. This makes you feel good, because you are comparing them to yourself. If they are struggling, you MUST be doing well. This is not a good way of thinking. Because you don't know "why" they are struggling. It might have nothing to do with your abilities at all.

Try not to care about anyone else. There is always someone bigger, better, and stronger. This doesn't mean you are not great. You can always do your best, and when you see positive results, you have done well. It has nothing to do with another person's failings, or successes.

Success can be measured in so many ways. Big ways or small ways. Be thankful for your abilities, and when you stuggle with something, keep trying to succeed. You'll feel better succeeding when you know it was "All You", and you won't care about other people.

 

[jbbrain]

you get jealous because you're not comfortable with yourself. It's no big secret. Find ways from this forum where you can work on that.

 

[hb]

its human nature, dont worry about it. What i do is analyze other people, see whats working and whats not, then I put my own little twist on that.

Instead of being jelous, take a look at whats workin for them and do it.

 

[DJ-Wladek]

I know that exact feeling. When I hear platonic-chick friends say how so-and-so is hot, I can't help but feel somewhat jealous. It used to bug me a lot more when I was more AFC, and I didn't realize that people say that about me. I think the key is to think of yourself as the sh!t, but that the world doesn't revolve around you.

 

[shyguy]

me to

Yo i am the same way, im almost 22. and i like want to make alot of money and **** have the biggest and best. i tend to think about it and focus to much. i have to set goals for myself and make myself happy when i reach the goals. Jut focus on urself.

 

[xblitz44x]

You're using another's success to guage your self-worth. The better they do, and the more they succeed....the more your flaws and fvck-ups become blatently obvious to you. Why can THEY accomplish such success and happiness and YOU can't? You're hit with reality. Your ego gets slapped and you 'don't like it'.

A constructive thing to do would be to try to consciously realize that those people and their success should be no threat to you. You are your own person and you do not need to compare yourself to another in order to judge 'where you stand'. It is all about your ego, and keeping it in check. It will get you in trouble all the time if you let it.