Jealousy Eating Me, Need Help.

[stuartSan]

Since my ex of 1 1/2 years left (romantically interested in other guys while still with me), I have been kinda paranoid that things like these can happen anytime and all the time, even with those girls whom you thought were so into you. It was like BAM.

Now everytime I'm planning to go out with somebody.. I have this slight insecurity that the same thing would happen again. That results in me being easily jealous and suspicious everytime my gf wants to hangout with her guy friends alone.. which I don't want to be.. but I've lost control of my emotions of late.

Hope you guys could give me some advice that you found out works to cope with jealousy. Thanks.

 

[Escalade]

If your girlfriends wants to hang out with guy friends ALONE then you need to make sure that you trust the guys she's hanging out with, and if you don't then she shouldn't go.

If she wants to go hang out with a guy you've known for a few years and you know they're just friends then sure, but if it's some guy that you know tries to pick up on all the women then she shouldn't.

Relationships are about respect more than anything and if she doesn't respect your wishes then you need to dump her.

 

[Mr. Latte]

I think my high school Bible teacher said it best...

"I was a really jealous person, whenever anyone would talk to my girlfriend, I'd automatically get jealous. But then I realized that the jealousy wasn't about her, it was about ME, because I was insecure."

You can't forbid your girlfriend to see anyone or talk to anyone. Face it, when push comes to shove, she'll do what she wants, with or without your "premission". You can't control the way she acts, you can only control the way you react. This isn't about her talking to other guys, this is about how you choose to react to it. When you're truly secure, it won't matter much that she talks to other guys.

 

[THA REALNESS]

Yeah that happens .The only thing you can do is treat girls on a case by case basis and not generalize because if i you do yo would be lonley or paranoid and unhappy all your life.

 

[prosemont]

Some of you guys crack me up. I agree completely that jealousy is all about your insecurities. But I will say this:

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE INSECURE, DOESN'T MEAN SHE'S NOT FVCKING SOME OTHER GUY.

I'll give you a personal example. I was going out "steady" with this girl for a couple of years and would fvck many women on the side. A couple of these women were regular fvck buddies and had been for years, even before I met my girlfriend.

My gf would get jealous that I was "hanging out" with my girl "friends" who I was actually fvcking. My response to my gf: "don't be so insecure." That statement is like the bomb they dropped in Afghanistan, the "cutting daisy" I think they called it, because it just cuts everything down to knee level. That statement prevents her from bringing up the subject again because, well, she doesn't want to appear to be insecure.

It also allowed me to continue to fvck my FBs (fvck buddies) unhindered by my gf.

Now, my own personal opinion is that if a GF wants to consistently hang out with guy friends on her own and whom I don't know, then she may just be getting fvcked by them. Would I be "insecure" in thinking that? WHATEVER. I'm a realist.

Does my acting or even BEING secure make me a DJ? Perhaps, BUT IT ALSO WON'T PREVENT HER FROM FVCKING OTHER GUYS. And, in fact, you can go ahead and be as SECURE as you'd like and if your girl is out there fvcking other guys while you're being so damn secure, then you are A FVCKING CHUMP. A FVCKING CHUMP!

What to do: simple, really. You don't like something, you tell her. She calls you insecure, she continues to do whatever it is you don't like, you DUMP her because she's not into you enough to make you happy, she's self-centered, she's a player, she's just not that interested in you, and she's disrespectful. Then go get yourself a woman who makes you happy.

Peace.

 

[dionysius_d]

Yeah, unfortunately its your baby.. you will need to find a way around it.

some people suffer from other emotional shyt.. you have the insecurity complex thing... and fear of abandonment.

don't worry, i feel twinges of it too sometimes.. some people are unaffected.. it goes back to childhood experiences.

when it comes up, just accept it, and tell yourself 'Even though I'm afraid of being abandoned, I deeply and completely accept myself'

Accept yourself first, and love yourself, then you will not be afraid if outside love or company is there or not.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by stuartSan
Since my ex of 1 1/2 years left (romantically interested in other guys while still with me), I have been kinda paranoid that things like these can happen anytime and all the time, even with those girls whom you thought were so into you. It was like BAM.

Now everytime I'm planning to go out with somebody.. I have this slight insecurity that the same thing would happen again. That results in me being easily jealous and suspicious everytime my gf wants to hangout with her guy friends alone.. which I don't want to be.. but I've lost control of my emotions of late.

Hope you guys could give me some advice that you found out works to cope with jealousy. Thanks.

Your feelings aren't a bad thing necessarily because they are somewhat justified. There are some evil witches out there who will rip your heart out and sh!t all over it. You should be very cautious.

Don't be insecure and don't lose control of your emotions. Use your past experiences wisely. They make you a better man. In any case you should always be extremely protective of your heart and who you develop feelings for.

The idea of meeting someone and immediately connecting and falling in love no longer exists for me. I used to be a romantic but since have become more of a realist. It was hard at first. I felt like I had become cold and callous with a big wall around me.
I refused to give in to any strong feelings I had toward any woman. I didn't like it though. I felt like I had been cheated out of the joy of falling in love.

However I learned that now I am in control of my emotions. I no longer get pushed and pulled around emotionally by feelings of jealousy or worries of losing her.

In the beginning of any relationship you should never be so emotionally involved that you would be feeling jealous of who she spends time with. Take things slowly. If I started seeing a chick who insisted on spending lots of time with other guys I would have a wall up immediately. Not because of jealousy or fear of being hurt. She's not even going to get the chance to hurt me.

No one gets on the inside of my wall unless they prove they are worthy. And that takes a long time.

So dealing with jealousy is all about not letting it exist by removing your feelings to an extent. Being able to walk away at anytime painlessly.

If after a long time someone proves worthy of my feelings. Great. If they then go on to do something that would makes me feel jealous I take them aside. I tell her "What you are doing isn't making me feel very good." I tell her ONCE!. She gets one chance to fix it. If not she's OUT.