Jealous of her ex

[PeterCrouch]

Ok, first things first. I am not posting this so some unfunny **** can come on and say "Long distance, wont work" or "She dumped her bf for you, why wont she do the same to you"

Please bear that in mind. Although I do appreciate they do both have there parts to play in what I'm about to explain.

Basically, a girl I met during the summer and I got on so well and liked each other so much, that she dumped her 2yr bf for me. Its a long distance relationship, which obviously makes things hard but things between us are good. Were both pretty non serious and jokey, so we can joke about the problems that come with it, aswell as sort them out. Were good together.

However the other day I get a text message from her saying she needs cheering up. I get on the phone to her, she doesnt want to talk about what upset her, so i dont bother going on. Later I ask her again what the problem was (when she was feeling more chatty and upbeat) she said she couldnt tell me. I later guessed, and she confirmed, she was jealous of the fact her ex bf was going on a date with another girl in her class. She agreed it was bad, and she felt selfish, I said I kind of understood, but was obviously not best pleased.

Is this something that should be considered a problem here? Ta for any help.

 

[sav]

i think its natural....

my ex got jealous when i started dating again a couple months after our breakup... she didnt try to get back with me though which is a good sign for you.. perhaps she knew i wouldnt take her back...


but all ina ll i think its only natural..

 

[Bible_Belt]

Do you think everyone is wrong about LDRs not working, or do you just think that you are special?

She obviously still has feelings for the ex. You are either a jealous wuss or you are not. Showing any jealousy will make you a wuss in her eyes. Hell, the best thing you could do would be to tell her that she obviously still likes him, and that the two of them should go out. To use the David D line, tell her "you two make a cute couple." If you can honestly say that without caring, then she will likely still remain yours. Maybe she will go have sex with him again a time or two before she realizes why she left, but if you go bang another girl or two during that time, then it will see like no big deal.

But since you got into a LDR in the first place, you obviously don't listen to anything you don't want to hear, which will include everything here. You are already showing jealousy, which is the kiss of death, so I would bet that she has another guy within about a month or so. After this happens a few times, you will start to listen to the advice on SS and avoid LDRs. Good luck, though!

 

[sav]

Do you think everyone is wrong about LDRs not working, or do you just think that you are special?

She obviously still has feelings for the ex. You are either a jealous wuss or you are not. Showing any jealousy will make you a wuss in her eyes. Hell, the best thing you could do would be to tell her that she obviously still likes him, and that the two of them should go out. To use the David D line, tell her "you two make a cute couple." If you can honestly say that without caring, then she will likely still remain yours. Maybe she will go have sex with him again a time or two before she realizes why she left, but if you go bang another girl or two during that time, then it will see like no big deal.

But since you got into a LDR in the first place, you obviously don't listen to anything you don't want to hear, which will include everything here. You are already showing jealousy, which is the kiss of death, so I would bet that she has another guy within about a month or so. After this happens a few times, you will start to listen to the advice on SS and avoid LDRs. Good luck, though!

LDR's do work on rare occasions believe it or not.... my sister was in an LDR for 5 years... never once strayed... it all depends on the commitment level of the people..

 

[PeterCrouch]

What I would say is that she said the main thing she was jealous about was "They will get to see each other all the time, and we dont have that. it sucks."

 

[Maxtro]

Why are you in a LDR? I can't see a reason why somebody would do that to themselves.

I'm actually currently chasing a girl that I know is in a LDR. She is in California and he is in Hawaii.

I just do not see the point of a LDR. One has to think to themselves why did you want a relationship in the first place? Closeness, companionship, sex? Neither partner is getting any of those things. It's the same thing as forcing oneself to be single but with a pen-pal.

 

[PeterCrouch]

Like I said at the start. I dont want people telling me about LDR's and whether they work or not and all that stuff thanks very much.

 

[Maxtro]

If you actually read my post you can see that I'm not telling you whether they work or not or if it's a bad idea anything. I was asking questions.

What do you want out of the LDR? Why are you in a LDR when there plenty of girls around?

These are questions that I am currently pondering. I do not understand the mindset of those who are in LDRs.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Like I said at the start. I dont want people telling me about LDR's and whether they work or not and all that stuff thanks very much.

Then go to http://www.loveshack.org/ and you can get some ignorant AFCs to tell you what you want to hear. Why are you on a Don Juan site asking for advice on how to be AFC?

 

[PeterCrouch]

If you actually read my post, i dont want to discuss the fact its a LDR or anything about it. However, to answer your question.

I'm in it because I like her more than I have liked any other girl I have known. I know how AFC or gay that might make me sound, but its a fact. I have never had a GF before, I have never been the GF type, so the fact I have actually found someone who I like enough to want to know more about, enjoy talking to and being with is a pretty good sign for me. My friends were all as shocked as anyone, because they know I have never wanted a GF before, and they know i'm not stupid enough to jump into something without pondering it before. (If you really want to know, I worked at a American Camp with her over the summer and refused to do anything with her because I wasn't entirely sure I was going to want to see her after the camp had finished and therefore didnt want to **** things up with her 2yr bf at the time because strangely, I actually cared about her instead of just wanting to **** her for two months and never talk again).

As for what I want out of it, who knows. I dont go into anything expecting anything. Just one of those things about myself. I'm happy to go wherever it takes me, because I enjoy being with her more than I do any other girl around here.

Happy now!? Oh and just so you know, I couldnt give 2 hoots whether you think what I'm doing is right. All I wanted to discuss was whether it was natural to be jealous of your ex, even though your with someone else.

 

[Maxtro]

Thank you for taking the time to respond Peter. You may not realize it but the whole point of your thread is that it is a LDR. Your GF is feeling that way because she is in a LDR. Yes it is natural for her to be "jealous" she wants to go out on dates and have fun but she can't because she is in a LDR she isn't really with someone else..

As for you, you are holding on to her because she is your first and only GF. You can't stand the thought of letting go. Even though it seems that you haven't has sex with her. You're probably afraid that you won't be able to get another GF.

I don't want to bee a total ass but it sounds like she might cheat on you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Pete, you're doing everything wrong. The girl is on a pedestal and your needs are being ignored with this LDR setup, and now you're showing jealousy.

To paraphrase the Book of Pook, she's not the girl of your dreams, it's the dream making the girl.

A lot of us have been there and made these mistakes ourselves, myself included. But some people have to learn for themselves. If this is your first gf, you will make all kinds of mistakes. It is a learning experience.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Do you think everyone is wrong about LDRs not working, or do you just think that you are special? ...

Long distance and he's the rebound guy, there's going to be a ton of good stories out of this one!