Yam_Naem_Kluk
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 1, 2022
- Messages
- 23
- Reaction score
- 6
- Age
- 34
My partner and I had an unplanned daughter four years ago. Our relationship was already going south at the time but I thought it was worth staying together and trying to make it work. I'm 33 and she's 37.
Fast forward four years and the only positive thing in both of our lives is our daughter. We barely communicate with each other except out of necessity. There is no love, just misery. She's less educated so we have zero to talk about culturally, philosophically, etc. English is not even her first language, and she still struggles with it after 3 years in my country. We still have sex once every week or two, but it more happens out of a mutual need for a release than any real emotional desire.
It's long been impractical to break up though because a rental crisis in my country would leave my partner (and daughter) homeless. The cost of a place for them would be too much. And I didn't want to risk her bringing my daughter back on the first flight to her own country if I did end it.
This leads me to my truly awful behaviour. I met someone while on a work business trip and kind of fell for her. We started an affair but neither my partner or the woman I've had an affair with knows of the other's existence. This has been going on for nine months (I travel often, say twice a year, to the same location for work for up to 4 or 5 weeks at a time)
The guilt and shame are getting too much to deal with. In my darkest moments, I have increasingly turned to the thought that my child is better off without me alive. I already know I don't deserve either of the women in my life.
Would my daughter really regret losing a parent who has behaved so abhorrently? What the **** do I do to get out of this situation? Aside from feeling bad for my kid, the guilt about lying to the woman I've had an affair with is eating away at me.
Fast forward four years and the only positive thing in both of our lives is our daughter. We barely communicate with each other except out of necessity. There is no love, just misery. She's less educated so we have zero to talk about culturally, philosophically, etc. English is not even her first language, and she still struggles with it after 3 years in my country. We still have sex once every week or two, but it more happens out of a mutual need for a release than any real emotional desire.
It's long been impractical to break up though because a rental crisis in my country would leave my partner (and daughter) homeless. The cost of a place for them would be too much. And I didn't want to risk her bringing my daughter back on the first flight to her own country if I did end it.
This leads me to my truly awful behaviour. I met someone while on a work business trip and kind of fell for her. We started an affair but neither my partner or the woman I've had an affair with knows of the other's existence. This has been going on for nine months (I travel often, say twice a year, to the same location for work for up to 4 or 5 weeks at a time)
The guilt and shame are getting too much to deal with. In my darkest moments, I have increasingly turned to the thought that my child is better off without me alive. I already know I don't deserve either of the women in my life.
Would my daughter really regret losing a parent who has behaved so abhorrently? What the **** do I do to get out of this situation? Aside from feeling bad for my kid, the guilt about lying to the woman I've had an affair with is eating away at me.
