I've become AFC, and she's losing interest....can I save it?

[Stfoley23]

Like soo many before me, me and my gf have been dating for a year now. We've had a rocky past month or two and she's definitely losing interest. I'll admit I've been pretty hardcore AFC. Tonight she told me things like "I still love you and care about you a lot......I just don't know if I'm IN love anymore" and "I just never feel lovey anymore" and "I just feel blah about the relationship anymore".

I realize I've been way too needy and made her my world and put a lot of pressure on her by wanting to see her everyday and stuff and being upset when she does things other than hangout with me.

Do you think I can save this if I make myself less available and change the playing field? Take longer to respond to her texts, not hangout as much...ect and she'll drop the image of me being AFC?

And also, should I bring it up to her that I realize I've been too needy and tell her I'm going to give her more space and not depend on her so much? Or should I just slowly do it on my own and not tell her I'm gonna give her space?

 

[beatjunkie]

If you do that then she will have her excuse to breakup with u (referring to becoming less available and so forth). I would personally tell her we need a break and see how she reacts. In the meantime you need to start finding another girl because those statements above that she said are the first indicators that she is gonna break up with you. heads up.

 

[Stfoley23]

If you do that then she will have her excuse to breakup with u (referring to becoming less available and so forth). I would personally tell her we need a break and see how she reacts. In the meantime you need to start finding another girl because those statements above that she said are the first indicators that she is gonna break up with you. heads up.

I'm not saying completely shut her out, but more so just giving her more space. Showing her that my world doesn't revolve around her, and playing a little harder to get instead of making getting me really easy for her

 

[jay07]

For starters, you understandthe problem so thats always a good thing.

But do not make that clear to her."oh hey babe i know ive been needy but go do your thing" blaa blaa eff that. Tomorrow you make sure she inititiates. If she calls you ignore. If she texts you wait until she texts you again then wait more.

The problem is you want it more than she does. So what you do for the next 4 days is make plans with your boys. And when she becomes a conniving kunt and makes threats cause youre not responding, you text her slvt ass back after bar time and tell her if shes gonna be clingy with trust issues youre gonna need a break to rethink the relationship.

 

[El Payaso]

For starters, you understandthe problem so thats always a good thing.

But do not make that clear to her."oh hey babe i know ive been needy but go do your thing" blaa blaa eff that. Tomorrow you make sure she inititiates. If she calls you ignore. If she texts you wait until she texts you again then wait more.

The problem is you want it more than she does. So what you do for the next 4 days is make plans with your boys. And when she becomes a conniving kunt and makes threats cause youre not responding, you text her slvt ass back after bar time and tell her if shes gonna be clingy with trust issues youre gonna need a break to rethink the relationship.

What Jay said. Occupy your life with other things besides her. If she calls or texts, ignore it. Let get cask or text you three times before responding nonchalantly. I'd also recommend you start looking into other women.

She has verbalized that she is doing the same.

 

[Stfoley23]

What Jay said. Occupy your life with other things besides her. If she calls or texts, ignore it. Let get cask or text you three times before responding nonchalantly. I'd also recommend you start looking into other women.

She has verbalized that she is doing the same.

She still tells me she loves me everynight before bed, and I know she's not interested in anyone else right now. We also still text all day everyday, and she initiates the contact 85% of the time still. She'll still cuddle with me and what not, just not make moves to be loving on her own very much anymore. I don't think she's at the point where she's for sure gonna break up with me yet.

I just wanna hear opinions on if I start being harder for her to get if I can possibly get her back to the beginning of the relationship where she showed a great deal of desire for me

 

[Echoes]

As always, take my advice and any advice you read here with a huge grain of salt...

I know she's not interested in anyone else right now.

I don't mean to sound harsh here....but there's no way you could know that. She's not going to tell you. There very well could be another "shiny object" in her vicinity. That doesn't mean it's a forgone conclusion, just saying....you don't know and you can't at the moment.

We also still text all day everyday...

This is part of the problem, in my opinion of course

Do what the other guys said....be a bit less available, go out with the boys, at least be meeting and flirting with other girls.

It doesn't matter if she initiates 85% of the time (and, no offense, but I think you're overestimating that percentage), she's used to the attention and you're available. You're the go-to ear and she's used to it. Girls constantly need someone to talk to....especially younger girls (not that I know her age).

Next time you're driving, observe the female drivers on the road...9 out of 10 of them will be on their phones. I'm not joking. Then watch the men....the percentage is MUCH lower. Girls can't stand to be alone with their own thoughts for too long....and with the drama rolling around up there much of the time, I can't blame them!

She'll still cuddle with me and what not, just not make moves to be loving on her own very much anymore.

This will be harsh. She loves the security and comfort you bring, but she's not feeling sexual about you at the moment. I personally think you can get the sexual spark back, but it will take some work. Make her question your feelings for her....I think subconsciously it's a turn on for women. I'm not talking about being mean...just make her wonder if she's losing your attention the same way you feel like you may be losing hers.

I just wanna hear opinions on if I start being harder for her to get if I can possibly get her back to the beginning of the relationship where she showed a great deal of desire for me

Don't be drastic about it. Honestly, I think it's tough for ANY relationship to reset itself to the state it was in for the first few months. But you're not clueless about what's going on and I think if you play your cards right you could reignite some of the sexual spark.

Best of luck to you.

Now go out and start meeting some other girls.

 

[sylvester the cat]

holdy sh1T. you weren't lying about going hardcore AFC.

DOESN'T MATTER what tactic you play here the fact is sooner or later you're gonna f*ck it up because you're just treating the symptom rather than treating the cause. and that cause is NEEDINESS.

you NEED that woman. an if it wasn't this woman it would be ANY other WOman. treat the cause - your NEEDINESS and you'll be sweet.

 

[asa_don]

never admit your faults or weaknesses to women, they will use it against you. she said she isn't "in love" with you anymore. you want her to be in love, she fell out of love. she isn't going to fall "in love" with you again. she's saying you're about to be dumped. she has you now for a security blanket. my neighbor had the same thing happen, he lasted a little over a month after his gf said that. she doesn't love you so dump her, no need to go through her dumping you..

 

[Poop1337]

You probably can't save it. Try to be carefree. Start looking for other girls to date. Also realize that this girl has bought into BS and probably isn't a keeper. Saying things like she's not in love with you hahah. Personally been through the exact same **** and you really just have to be ready to dump the girl. You really might not be able to save it. Don't be afc, at the same time no need to selectively take time to respond but yes have a life outside of her.

If a gf says something like do you want to be my bf, or I'm not in love with you I attack. I say something like maybe i'll never say I love you again. Say it in a carefree way. Almost like you're joking a mean joke. Call her out say what BS you say to me I'm losing respect for you.

Really the writing is on the wall she will most likely dump you and trying to save it is AFC. Be carefree yet sure express how you'd like to keep dating her if she ends this Oprah I'm not in love with you anymore BS. You need to start spinning plates which doesn't necessarily mean cheating but certainly involves getting some viable options going.

 

[Partizan]

holdy sh1T. you weren't lying about going hardcore AFC.

DOESN'T MATTER what tactic you play here the fact is sooner or later you're gonna f*ck it up because you're just treating the symptom rather than treating the cause. and that cause is NEEDINESS.

you NEED that woman. an if it wasn't this woman it would be ANY other WOman. treat the cause - your NEEDINESS and you'll be sweet.

Nothing really more needs to be said. If I was a doctor diagnosing your illness, I would say the ultimate root cause is your neediness. Go out and get some hobbies and do other things.

 

[Stfoley23]

Thanks for the advice guys, keep it coming.

I guess you'll just have to trust I know she's not gaining interest for anyone else. She's ready told me before when she gained the slightest interest in a guy and I know she has enough respect for me to tell me again, she's very much into honesty. and I know she's not cheating on me because, well we haven't even had sex yet! She's very big into waiting til she's completely comfortable and I'm fine with that. She doesn't believe in sex just for the hell of it.

I'm sure you guys are right, it very well could be winding down. Obviously she is losing interest as she flat out told me. And I know the problem as she's said before "you put a lot of pressure on me by me being your one source of happiness and always relying on me to be your entertainment and sometimes I can't even have fun with my friends because I feel guilty that you're sitting at home bored"


It's my first real relationship, I fell into the AFC trap. I've read a lot of posts on here about guys making themselves harder to get again and somegow it always seems to attract the girl again, like she slowly starts trying to get more and more of your attention back. I figure if I start going with the boys and other people more, maybe it'll take that pressure off her and it'll attract her more again? Worth a shot eh?

 

[Stfoley23]

UPDATE: last night at 2:30 or so I tweeted "good time out" after being with the guys after leaving her house at like 10. Usually I just go home and go to bed after being with her so she wouldn't expect this at all. and sure enough this morning I got a text saying "why were you tweeting at 2:30am?"

I plan to wait til she texts me again a few times, think it would be cool to say something like "I went out with my buddies, time to start doing other things in life than just hanging around you". Show her that I'm starting to become less dependent on her.

 

[Greasy Pig]

OP, let me get this straight. You live with your girlfriend of a year and you're not fvcking her??????
No offence but this is ridiculous unless you're Amish.
Are you both virgins? And what the hell are you doing with a girl who doesn't believe in sex just for the hell of it?
Once again, other men's life choices aren't for me to judge but what is your goal in life? To marry a virgin or get laid?

 

[Stfoley23]

OP, let me get this straight. You live with your girlfriend of a year and you're not fvcking her??????
No offence but this is ridiculous unless you're Amish.
Are you both virgins? And what the hell are you doing with a girl who doesn't believe in sex just for the hell of it?
Once again, other men's life choices aren't for me to judge but what is your goal in life? To marry a virgin or get laid?

No no man. I'm 20, she's 18. We live with our parents at our own houses. I'm not a virgin, she is. I've been there and done that with the whole just hooking up with girls for the hell of it. This is the stage where I'm finding an actual relationship now. I've been on her case about taking so long to have sex, but it's whatever. I care more about the relationship now than sex. My goal here is to just see if it can be saved, by training myself to become less independent of her and making her be the one wanting more than me again.


I've been giving her soo much supply of me, that the demand has gone way down. I'm hoping that by decreasing the supply, the demand will go back up and I'll give her that reason to miss me again and appreciate the fun she has had with me thus far

 

[El Payaso]

She still tells me she loves me everynight before bed, and I know she's not interested in anyone else right now. We also still text all day everyday, and she initiates the contact 85% of the time still. She'll still cuddle with me and what not, just not make moves to be loving on her own very much anymore. I don't think she's at the point where she's for sure gonna break up with me yet.

I just wanna hear opinions on if I start being harder for her to get if I can possibly get her back to the beginning of the relationship where she showed a great deal of desire for me

What a woman says and what she does are two totally different things. Read her actions not her words.

Also, why are you texting her "All day everyday"? That's part of the problem. You shouldn't be doing that. You should be off doing your own thing. Cuddling with you doesn't really mean anything. Women will cuddle with their best friend who got friendzoned. It doesn't mean they're attracted to them.

 

[Stfoley23]

Bull$hit.

Anytime a man (especially a YOUNG man), tells you he cares more about the relationship than the sex, he is lying.

What you really care about here is the investment you have put into this girl thinking it would end up with sex at some point, yet still has not done so.

So losing the relationship to you means losing all of that investment for sexing her up.

I know this sounds harsh, but my money is on the two of you breaking up and her fvking another guy fairly quickly afterwards. Ultimately, you need to change your mindset and behavior because as Sylvester said, you are treating the symptoms and not the root cause.

Get out there and meet new women, start a life, just depend on her less. If you have been together a year with no sex, than any sex at this point is going to be negotiated and not from a standpoint of desire. Honestly you are better off finding better prospects and letting this one die.

Maybe if I were a virgin that would be the case. But now I honestly wouldn't care if I didn't have sex with her til we're married. If I just wanted to have sex I would just go back to hooking up with sluts for a night. Trust me, if a guy has only sex in mind, who's gonna go after a girl that believes in waiting it out for a year? F**k that! I'm in this for the aspect of this is the most I've ever loved a girl, and I want the relationship aspect of it

 

[El Payaso]

UPDATE: last night at 2:30 or so I tweeted "good time out" after being with the guys after leaving her house at like 10. Usually I just go home and go to bed after being with her so she wouldn't expect this at all. and sure enough this morning I got a text saying "why were you tweeting at 2:30am?"

I plan to wait til she texts me again a few times, think it would be cool to say something like "I went out with my buddies, time to start doing other things in life than just hanging around you". Show her that I'm starting to become less dependent on her.

Don't respond. If she texts again, say because I wanted to. If she gets upset or whatever bull$hit, don't give a fvck or start begging her. Let her get mad then she will come around. Why would she ask you such a stupid question? Age sees you as a big time AFC because you've been giving in easily to get past requests. Now is the opportunity to change that.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

No no man. I'm 20, she's 18. We live with our parents at our own houses. I'm not a virgin, she is. I've been there and done that with the whole just hooking up with girls for the hell of it. This is the stage where I'm finding an actual relationship now. I've been on her case about taking so long to have sex, but it's whatever. I care more about the relationship now than sex. My goal here is to just see if it can be saved, by training myself to become less independent of her and making her be the one wanting more than me again.


I've been giving her soo much supply of me, that the demand has gone way down. I'm hoping that by decreasing the supply, the demand will go back up and I'll give her that reason to miss me again and appreciate the fun she has had with me thus far

Oh man you remind me of myself a year ago.

Brother, I am you, a year from now.
Let me tell you this, I too became AFC after 3 years and on top of that I was so sure she'll never look at anyone else it actually made me look a bit less AFC than what I become. She used to tell me how guys hit on her all the time and I'd laugh it off.

Man, I was 100% sure she's NOT that type of a person to exchange me with someone - after all I was her first true love, her fcking deflowerer! She's smart, she knows what I am worth!


Boy was I wrong. She used me as a security-comfort blanket while talking and fantasizing about her fagg0t doctor friend. She even stopped having sex with me (women can't have sex with someone when they are strongly attracted to someone else).

Luckily I got out of it only with some deep ugly scars and most importantly, my dignity.

You asked for our advice, now listen to it.
"I know this sounds harsh, but my money is on the two of you breaking up and her fvking another guy fairly quickly afterwards."

This is so true man. Women do that, especially young girls - all the time.

 

[Stfoley23]

Oh man you remind me of myself a year ago.

Brother, I am you, a year from now.
Let me tell you this, I too became AFC after 3 years and on top of that I was so sure she'll never look at anyone else it actually made me look a bit less AFC than what I become. She used to tell me how guys hit on her all the time and I'd laugh it off.

Man, I was 100% sure she's NOT that type of a person to exchange me with someone - after all I was her first true love, her fcking deflowerer! She's smart, she knows what I am worth!


Boy was I wrong. She used me as a security-comfort blanket while talking and fantasizing about her fagg0t doctor friend. She even stopped having sex with me (women can't have sex with someone when they are strongly attracted to someone else).

Luckily I got out of it only with some deep ugly scars and most importantly, my dignity.

You asked for our advice, now listen to it.
"I know this sounds harsh, but my money is on the two of you breaking up and her fvking another guy fairly quickly afterwards."

This is so true man. Women do that, especially young girls - all the time.

The whole her having sex with another guy, non factor. She's too uncomfortable in her own skin. She doesn't even like being half-naked let alone complete clothes off. 100%, any guy she's with is gonna be looking at while til they get in her pants. She still let's me finger her though, find that kinda strange. If at all possible I'd like to save it and get myself back to how I was in the beginning of the relationship, less dependent on her and her doing most the chasing